I am leaving the rpc. ( skip to the last paragraph if you don’t wanna know the whole why of it lolol )
I wanted to just take a little hiatus and sort myself out and come back when I felt a bit better. But the fact is that I feel very violated right now. And that is a feeling I just can’t shake, and I realize that I’m sticking myself into this complete and utter paranoia because of it. Which is not healthy in the slightest.
This all started because on Sunday I made the choice not to talk to someone who had cut off our friendship. Quite frankly I wouldn’t have know this group of people were there if they hadn’t approached me. I did not try to cut them off from standing with their friends, I literally was standing where I’d been standing when they approached me. I’d been at the festival all day and had even said the fam and I were heading out. It was just a bit of small talk for maybe a minute. There were no bitchy smiles, that’s all in this persons head. If I happened to smile their way at all it was an accident. Yes, when I got home I suppose I did a mild vague, but honestly it was one throw away sentence and another that was just saying I was still kinda down. Which I was. This person made a multi paragraph vague about what a terrible person I am.
And I couldn’t even defend myself without sinking to their level. Without it being a thing. Honestly I’m not a huge fan of airing dirty laundry on the internet, unlike them. But what I could do was unfollow a couple of people they were close friends with because I barely talked to these people anyway. And because I was triggered when I saw this specific person on my dash. It is my right to unfollow whoever the hell I want. It is my right to keep my safe space safe. But that triggered another long vague from this person.
This person felt it was okay to share personal information about me. About my home life. They felt it was okay to insinuate that I need help, and that I don’t have a support system. But it’s not okay. And the simple fact is that yes, I’ve had it rough, but I never forget how lucky I am to have the loving family and friends that I do. The absolute support system that I need.
This person made claims that invitations were extended towards me “to get me out of the house and have a few laughs”. First of all, not a single invitation ever came forward. Secondly, I don’t want to hang out with someone who cut off our friendship and compared me to their abusive ex. That’s purposefully putting someone ( me ) into an uncomfortable situation to make yourself look good. And sure, maybe this persons intention were pure, but I’ve seen their behavior with other people so really it’s up in the air.
I’m not perfect. I know that. I know have a lot going on with my mental health, and quite frankly I’m just human and I’m bound to mess up. We all are. But I’m always willing to grow and try to correct the behaviors that make someone uncomfortable. This person apparently was uncomfortable for a long time, and never once did they say anything. Supposedly they cared so much about me and talked about it all the time with a mutual friend of ours, but there are no signs that either of them apparently cared as deeply as they claim. And quite frankly it makes me uncomfortable that they would talk about me at all after cutting off our friendship.
I did not turn this person into some “devil” in my head. My hate for them did not grow in the months we stopped being friends. My disdain for them remained at about the same level. Sometimes I ranted a little, when a situation arose that reminded me of them or something like that. But beyond that I just didn’t care. I absolutely never talked to our mutual friends about them either because that’s a disgusting thing to do. I also have not become “increasingly depressed” in the time since we’ve stopped being friends. There are certain times that are way more difficult for me because things that have nothing to do with this person.
If all of your friendships end like disaster zone garbage fires, maybe it’s time to really examine yourself.
At the end of the day, I now just don’t feel comfortable or safe here anymore. Maybe after a good long hunk of time I’ll come back to a new blog. But as of right now I simply can’t. It doesn’t feel good and the second something that’s meant to be a hobby stops being fun it means it’s time to call it quits. I’ll still be pursuing writing, just on a more secluded and personal avenue.I truly do wish you all the best, and I’m gonna miss a lot of you so much. If anyone wants to stay in touch with me I’m on discord ( vodkaforbambi#9994 ). So long and goodnight ❤
yousharknotpass
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
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prguitarman
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