Scraping the Surface: Path of Destruction

Damian: Grayson, why does Pennyworth leave food on the counter every night?

Dick, on his phone, not even paying attention: Oh, that's for Jason.

Damian: For 'Jason'?

Dick: Yeah. Sometimes he sneaks into the kitchen at night, so Alfred started leaving food out for him.

Damian, confused: I've never seen anyone here.

Dick: Well he doesn't always come. And last time, Bruce caught him crawling through the window and scared him away so, who knows when he'll show up again.

Damian, definitely thinking of a raccoon: So then Pennyworth is feeding a random stray that crawled out of God knows where?

Dick, annoyed: He's not a 'random stray', Damian, he's family, and he has been living in this house for way longer than you have.

Damian, trying to remember how long do raccoons live for:

Damian: I hope he doesn't die soon.

Dick: ????!!

*Later that night in the Bat-cave*

Tim, typing away in the computer:

Damian: Drake. Have you ever met Jason?

Tim: Uh. Stupid, annoying and looks like a skunk? Yes, why?

Damian, picturing a mix between a racoon and a skunk:

Damian: Is he friendly?

Tim: Well, the first time I met him, he attacked me, so...

Damian: Hmm... What did you do to provoke him?

Tim: What did I do to– Bitch–

Tim: Nothing! He just didn't like me taking 'what was his', or something.

Damian, nodding: You invaded his territory.

*The next day*

Damian: Father, when do you think Jason will visit again? I want to meet him.

Bruce: Um. I don't know, Damian. He doesn't come here often.

Damian: Why?

Bruce: Because he lives somewhere else.

Damian: Why doesn't he just live here with us instead? He would be safer.

Bruce, wincing: I don't think he would like that, Damian. He's not confortable here.

Damian: But, maybe if I befriend him I could convince him to stay.

Bruce, sighing: I don't thinks so, Damian. You have have to respect his wishes.

Damian: Oh...

Damian: I hope he doesn't get rabies

jason, in the middle of the night, hunched beside the open fridge in the manor's kitchen, locking eyes with tired deadly looking kid in pajamas: ...hi

jason, slowly moving his hands where the kid can see them, taking a second glass: ...want some orange juice?

damian, frowning: speak your name and intentions, intruder.

jason: ...i thought you, you know. knew already.

damian, frowning even more, now slightly confused: knew what?

jason, slightly ashamed: that i sometimes visit manor's kitchen at night because alfred's cooking is godsend and i don't have time for grocery shopping?

damian, going through ten stages of confusion, grief, disappointment and other emotions: you're jason?

jason, slightly indignant now, but still a little ashamed: yes? who else?

damian: i thought you were a raccoon! not some adult-wanna-be.

jason: first of all, what the fuck, second of all, how dare you.

bruce, walking in, haven't yet realised who is swearing and what is happening: language.

bruce: ...wait

jason:

jason: did you tell him i'm a raccoon?

bruce: wha- what are you talking about-

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

Gosh.

Sequel to this post

I distinctly remember coming back from college to find that they’d converted the two of the bathrooms into all-gender restrooms. Among the changes were doors that went all the way up and down, a locking mechanism within the door, and actual door handles. Even the single-occupancy bathroom got a wall for extra privacy.

In contrast, I remember the women’s bathrooms in my old school. They were broken as shit. Some doors needed to be held by a friend, some doors you held with your foot from inside. The wheelchair-accessible bathroom straight up did not have a door at all. And yet we all pretended this was okay because hey, the womanly honor code. You think that shit would have flown if there were two gender-neutral restrooms?

bruce: I am batman––

baby-dick: *appearing out of nowhere* and I am hungry.

bruce: ...

villain: ...

Damian: "I'm leaving on an important mission to atone for my sins. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Goodbye."

Dick: "That sounds serious. Should I bring our Batmobile?"

Damian: "No, you are not coming. This is something I have to do alone."

Dick: "Agreed, this should stay between us. I won't even tell Alfred."

Damian, frowning: "No, you are not listening to me. Only I am going."

Dick, nodding: "Mhm, just you and me, like the good ol' days."

Damian, seething: "You are being obtuse on purpose."

Dick: "Yes, yes I am. Because you are twelve and as important as it is, you are definitely not allowed to go on this trip. So either you let me come along or you're grounded."

Damian, bewildered: "What? You cannot ground me! We do not even live in the same house anymore!"

Dick: "You want to test that theory? :)"

Damian, sensing danger: ".........On second thought, I will let you tag along."