wl diary

my sister visited us for a week and she had a huge itinerary of different food and restaurants she wanted to try while here

i ate like a monster the entire time , just fat and happy to be stuffing my face

the guilt and shame is so overwhelming, i’ve barely been able to maintain positive or even neutral thoughts. my fall college semester is starting soon and my usual pre semester excitement is gone, im dreading going back, i hate my schedule, and i hate my body

i’m hoping that if i spend these next couple weeks restricting and distracting myself with chores, i can drop a couple pounds and begin the semester feeling at least a little pretty

every couple months i get so triggered by my own body and how disgusting i look that i avoid weighing myself, avoid looking in mirrors, avoid being intimate with my partner

it feels so frustrating that i deny myself pleasure and self care because of the hatred i have for my self