@fadewolf || Continued
“Nothing to apologize for!?” A bark of laughter, harsh and bitter, left ZJ as he stared at Solas.
With a slight flourish, he jabbed the stump where his right arm once was in Solas’ direction while the other was thrown into the air.
“Oh sure! Nothing at all! Yes totally and absolutely nothing at all for you to apologize for! Clearly accidentally blowing up the conclave and Divine Justinia and ruining my life and y arm in the process because you decided to be impatient asshole and give a powerful elven relic to a fucking tveinter magister surely wasn’t your fault in the least. Obviously all the people who will die when the Veil gets torn down- after you put it up and let the ancient elves die in terror and agony and allowed Tveinter to enslave them- is something that can happen to anybody.”
ZJ bared his teeth in a macabre smile, advancing slowly as his words grew in volume.
“And of course you owe no apologies what so ever to the two women who begged for your affections and you gave them. Only to leave them both behind so you wouldn’t have to face them or your own flesh and blood and say ‘sorry for being the cause of our race being reduced to nearly nothing of it’s former self, and sorry again because now I’m going to do the exact same thing to every other race in Thedas and the consequences of my actions might get you killed’.”
“You left them alone! You left everyone! Do you even care about them- did you ever? You do not get to fucking stand there and tell me you don’t need to at least apologize.”
ZJ’s voice broke. He hated himself for it.
Hated Solas and the perfect memories of his fantastical stories. The looks they shared when the shems acted like Shems. The heartbreak on Solas’ face when the Spirit of Wisdom died.
He hated Solas for allowing him to think of him as a friend, and hated him for how much he wished for that friend to return.
ZJ gritted his teeth against the memories and straightened his back.
“If you think for even a second that I will not tear you apart right now Fen’Harel,” Fen’Harel, the trickster who ruined the world and stole their gods. ZJ needed to remember him as such. Not as Solas. “After all that you have done? You. Are. Wrong.”
The emphasis and sheer amount of emotion in ZJ's well warranted rant made Solas turn his head for a moment. It was enough that he could take it from someone who was telling the truth but for it to have been a friend that he betrayed, yet again, burned through his heart.
"When I gave my orb to Corypheus, I did not believe he had the power to use it. Yes, I claim responsibility for that part of my involvement but I could not predict what he wanted it for. That was a grave mistake on my part." A huge mistake that he would not be repeating.
Yet the reminder of Thalla and Saelihn's gentle love made Solas steel his spine and clench his teeth together. Oh, he hadn't forgotten them. Thalla's shy but joyous smiles and Saelihn's encouragement of Thalla to join them in various activities around Skyhold. They had been a bright spot in the darkness that had been the Inquisition's mission.
He was about to speak when that old moniker cut through him. It sounded so hateful coming from ZJ's mouth, of all the people in Thedas. Solas's eyes grew hard.
"I am Fen'Harel and that is why I will not apologize for what I have and will do. When you drank from the well, did you not have the desire to restore what was lost? At Haven, I told you I would stay as long as it took for the Breach to be closed and I stuck by my word. I never said that I did not have my own ideas and desires."









