gash

i want to go for a walk but i don’t want to get dressed or get ready and it wouldn’t help anything anyway. literally anything that i want to do cannot be done because of my fucked up foggy brain depression. everything i do is the same. i fuck shit up for myself but have no fucking idea how to have gone about it differently. i would endure torture to feel your sleeve brush against my wrist. lol i think of you and lose my entire train of thought. “something that’s right in front of everyone. that’ll make their lives better.” you are right in front of me. you make my life better. i just want to wrap myself in fluffy blankets and lie down. i would cross the earth to watch you laugh. if we were sitting in front of the universe being created my eyes would still be on your face. as always, i feel as though i cannot tell anyone anything. i feel at home in the overcast but i need the sun to come out. I HAVE OVERCOME THINGS SO MUCH FUCKING HARDER THAN THIS WHY IS THIS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH. do something meaningful! DO SOMETHING FUCKING MEANINGFUL

i am in love with a person whose name is also a word just with an extra letter at the end and i live in constant fear that i’ll make a post somewhere saying “i love [that word]!!” and genuinely be talking about the word but that i’ll accidentally spell it like their name and everyone will be like i fucking knew it