advice/support for a musician factive whose source is a Gen-AI user/supporter when they themselves hate it?
context: he (my source) has mentioned liking AI, and his graphic designer uses it too IIRC, but being very source-connected I projected a lot of my own beliefs onto him ("maybe it's just a sponsorship and he doesn't mean it") + was therefore willing to look past it. his newest music video is AI-generated. the comments spoke out against it; there's no sign he's listening to the criticism yet.
I was introjected back when we didn't know about him liking AI (and potentially Trump?? he mentioned wanting to meet him in an interview...), so I'm based off of the idealised view we had of him.
seeing myself do this hurts.
What to Do When Your (Fact-)Source's Morals are Different from Yours and It Causes You Hurt
[Plain text: What to Do When Your (Fact-)Source's Morals are Different from Yours and It Causes You Hurt]
by Mod Reaper [Plain text: Mod Reaper]
Hello, Anon. Thank you so much for your patience - we hope things have improved for you, whichever way it comes, whether it's your source changing his mind, or your taking care of yourself/yourselves.
I want to say that your feelings are understandable. To think that your source, someone whose identity is so connected to yours, has done things and expressed views that really conflict with your morality... it's okay to feel hurt by this. Especially after you've projected your views on him.
I don't have any foolproof advice - whatever I share may work, or may not. Take whatever works. Discard the rest. Hell, discard them all if the advice isn't applicable to you. But I hope you are gentle with yourself regardless.
The advice below is quite long, so take your time reading and applying (or discarding) them.
(Disclaimer: linking posts do not equal endorsement of the poster, website, etc..)
Now I won't tell you "stop projecting on strangers" or "stop liking their works immediately" because, well, that's far easier said than done. If your source is a famous person, it's almost bound to happen. Not because of any flaws on your morality or maturity, but because many public figures try to be relatable, or at least approachable. Which is way easier now in the age of social media. And because you're both alive and existing and have experiences, some of their (or his, specifically) works may resonate with their audiences.
You do not have to beat yourself/yourselves up for liking his work, idolizing him, introjecting him, or being him. It's something that commonly happens in the era where mass and new media is so easy to access.
You do not have to immediately disavow every single thing about him, particularly his artwork, or say "he was always a bad person/his art was always bad anyway". You don't have to justify your existence, or your enjoyment of his art.
Here is a post by sirkaid:
Being incapable of admitting that bad people can make good art is both cowardly and dangerous - if only Good People make Good Art, then it's impossible for a Good Artist to be a predator or a bigot, and that's how people like [Neil] Gaiman and [J.K.] Rowling get you.
Also, on a more selfish level, you're going to live such a boring life if you immediately discard art from artists who do shitty things. Like, obviously don't continue giving them money - yo ho ho - but Sandman didn't stop being brilliant because Gaiman's a rapist.
Another post I will quote is this post by problematic-faves-appreciation:
Is liking Harry Potter considered problematic behavior, you mean? Personally, I consider it so if the person in question…
• Financially supports the Harry Potter franchise, thereby putting money directly into J.K. Rowling’s pockets.
• Defends J.K. Rowling.
• Is a radfem/TERF or some other flavor of right-wing reactionary. Yes, radfems are right-wing reactionaries.
• Doesn’t acknowledge the series’ harmful elements, such as the racism, antisemitism, transphobia (e.g., Rita Skeeter and her “mannish” features), the fat-shaming, and so on.
If they’re doing none of the above, then I’m cool with them. A transgender person writing, say, trans!Harry fics is most likely not a J.K. Rowling supporter.
Being a factive of him is a thought crime. Thought crimes basically only hurt you (and your system) with spiraling thoughts and stress... your existence is not a commentary or advertisement of your source. Your existence is yours, and no other person should control it - not your source, not your systemmates, just you.
Liking his work is something that's usually a sincere thing. A hobby or interest. Maybe even means a lot to you in a sentimental way. So please don't force yourself to hate it with conversion tactics, like associating his art with shame and suffering. You can move on from it at your own pace. Listening to other musicians in a similar genre, for example.
The important thing is to not put money where his mouth is. As in, the important thing is to not do actions that concretely support him financially or politically, e.g. buying his albums, retweeting his bigoted tweets, verbally justifying his harmful actions and views, etc.
Now of course mentally you might still feel like justifying his actions and views can happen, but you can work through that like you can work through other thoughts that aren't useful/healthy/fulfilling to you.
This thread from r/kpophelp has people discussing how to cope with an idol that did something problematic. It may help you, even if this is not entirely the same as your problems. Some of the highlights include:
Something to keep in mind is most of idols like them are controlled by their companies (...) so the lack of apology doesn't necessarily mean the lack of remorse (could be, but it might not be the case). They sure are aware of what happened because it was a big topic back then but we will never know what do [sic] they think about.
Idols will do whatever they want to do - they're their own person, and you can't control them. They don't know you, so nothing they do is personal to you or intended to attack you individually. The only thing you can control is your relationship with them as a fan, and you should do whatever you makes you happy. (...) So I just think, "how am I happy? If spending time listening to their songs and watching their performances makes me happy, I'll do that. If buying their stuff and collecting the merch makes me happy, I'll do that." And if they don't make me happy, I just walk away.
To stop projecting on people you look up to, especially your source whose identity is integral to your life, is not an easy task, and it's okay to take a while, and to backslide. Progress is not linear and it never will be. Especially if you have other problems (friends, family, partners, work, school, poverty, disability, and so on).
"Stop Putting People on Pedestals: You're Just as Worthy" is a post from a Christian website, but it has secular and relevant parts...
Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel?
Remind yourself that everyone you admire has quirks, failures, and insecurities—they just don’t broadcast them.
This part is important to me, because it's related to something I'll talk about below: life experience. Idealization often comes from ignorance. We don't know a public figure's 100% Objective Truths (TM) and what they do when the cameras are off, nor do you know him. And it's also related to the kpop post above: we don't know how much of your source's persona is controlled by a PR team. We don't know if Trump himself has paid him to promote his government, if he's been sponsored by a generative AI company, etc.
And that's perfectly okay. We can't know everything. It's not a flaw on your part.
Some people have the view that "all fictionfolk and factfolk come from specific interpretations of the source". It doesn't mean that canon compliance is impossible, or that their identity and experiences are less worthy of respect than sourceless alterhumans. It also doesn't mean that your existence only ever happens because your sourceless systemmates like the source/support its creators/etc.. (If people insists that it means that, I disagree with them.) To me, it means that life experiences, whether your own, your systemmates', and/or the new body you are living in, can affect how you/your systemmates see you/yourself/yourselves and your source.
You're allowed to not know things about your source, it doesn't cancel out your factive identity and experience, plus it doesn't make you less of [his name].
And this reddit post "How to stop putting people on a pedestal?"
We do that because we see them as an authority figure who can give us validation about our self-worth. Like others said, fundamentally you need to realize the real authority comes from within yourself, not from others, but it takes time to sincerely accept it.
What you can do practically in the meantime is each time it happens, ask yourself on what ground you're giving them that authority. Is it their look, specific personal trait, or particular achievement they seem to have? Try to be as specific as possible by inquiring yourself thoroughly. The reason why you find authority from those things will be because you also want to have it, but don't think you have it.
Then what you can do is ask yourself again if it's something you really want to have or achieve in your life - if not, you know that it's not reasonable to give authority to that person who has it. If yes, you need to figure out how to create it for yourself instead of blindly giving the other person authority. You can actually learn from those people who you think have what you want by having them around.
From a factfolk sense... you can ask yourself, why do you consider him an authority on your self-worth, identity, experience, etc.? Of course, one could argue "because he's my source", but there are other things, specific factors why one's source is an "authority". Like u/Lidiakwon says, it could be looks, traits, achievements, and so on.
It's okay to not find the answers immediately. You don't have a deadline.
Lastly, here is a post I made to answer another anon asker, about doing a thought exercise about "what if you and he are from different timelines from each other?".
It's basically encouraging the reader to think about what experiences got someone to be the way they are. What experiences did you have that differs from his, which results in who you are now, your anti-gen AI views, etc.? Is it upbringing? Is it economy? Is it ethnicity? Is it disability? I'm not telling you that you or your systemmates must be equal to the body at all times. You can simply think of your experiences, individual and/or collective, since you got introjected, for example.
I'm modifying the above post for your experiences (which of course you can 1) modify further to fit you better or 2) not use this exercise at all).
If you like to imagine multiple timelines, imagine one branching… one self stayed in his body and his usual source life. The other self became you, moved to a new body and new set of experiences. Due to your experience in this new body, they/you change into someone who is against Trump, against generative AI, and so on. He, on the other hand, isn't experiencing what your system experiences, so he stays that way.
One life doesn’t undo the other. Judgment does not undo the other’s existence. Both are still happening. Even if he's keeping up his harmful behaviour, you’d still exist, and you're not automatically changing to share his views and actions.
I hope this can help somewhat. Take care.
~ Mod Reaper [Plain text: Mod Reaper]
