your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways

the longer you avoid it the louder it gets

realizing nothing can fill my void other than doing everything i said i would do for myself

plausible deniability remains highly erotic

let's convince ourselves that this is okay. let's rely on technicalities to exonerate ourselves. let's avoid looking what we're doing in the eye. let's live under its shadow, both aware of what this is but unwilling to say it out loud, since that will shatter the careful illusion we've built

You have to let people love you. You have to let people get to know you. You have to let people help you. Being so completely selfless that you try to erase yourself off the face of the planet and never ask for anything and reject everybody's offers of support makes you very hard to love! Unfortunately. Emptying yourself out of everything that makes you, you is not actually what your loved ones want from you, generally. They want to make you happy! They will be so so sad if you don't give them the chance. It's not all selfish. I promise.

[text: When I think of everything I've wanted I feel sick.]