get me out of my mind

Lips tightened and Luke let out a slow breath, wetting his bottom lip before slipping one of the pins into the lock. He forced his thoughts to the back of his mind as he concentrated, lithe fingers twisting the second part of the lockpick in as well as he leaned his ear closer to listen for the familiar gratifying click that would let him in. Luke’s brows furrowed and he paused when he heard something sliding across the ground on the other side but Ezra’s words stole his focus. “God fucking damn it” the young hunter swore under his breath, fingers touching the wood of the door. He fought to keep his voice steady. “What? Not real—? Yes I am, Ezra, just let me in. It’s okay.” Why would Ezra say that? The dark haired boy bit down on his bottom lip and went back to working the lock, searching for the right angle to pull at to unlock it. He must be hallucinating… his father or his sister or…. Luke didn’t want to think about that anymore, instead focusing on how he could help. The hunters palms were sweaty and he tried to stay patient and careful as best as he could. He had to get in there and help Ezra— he had to pull him out of it. Luke could do that, couldn’t he? No matter what it took he was the only one who could. “Just hold on— I’m coming,” he said, more to himself than to Ezra. In the next second Luke finally heard the click and dropped the picks carelessly to the floor before springing to his feet, his heart jumping too. This time the knob easily twisted easily in his hand but when Luke pushed…. the door stayed stuck. “No— No, no, Ezra—” The vampire had moved something heavy behind it and Luke couldn’t keep the touch of panic from his voice. Feet slipped as he pushed as hard as he could against it but he only managed to get it open a fraction of an inch. Stepping back from the door, Luke ran a hand back through his dark hair again clinging to his determination. Everything was fine. He could get it open. He was going to do this. Suddenly heaving forward with all of his might, Luke threw himself at the door, right shoulder first after calculating the best place to hit. He felt the breath get knocked out of him and hard pain shoot up his arm but Luke stomached it after hissing in exasperation and trying again. “I’m just— I’m just trying to fucking help!” Luke cried out, tackling the door again. This time he heard the wood of the bookshelf slipping and the gap opened but still wasn’t wide enough for him to fit through. Shrugging off the soreness throbbing at his shoulder and arm, Luke mustered up the rest of his courage, breathing a little hard at the effort. He could feel Ezra right there… and he needed him. He focused on that fact. Growling, Luke kicked the door and it jolted inwards. Following that the sound of the whatever was blocking it toppling over to the floor filled his earsbut the young hunter was already pushing into the room, bright eyes scanning for his best friend. “Ezra—” he breathed, a brief look of sadness crossing Luke’s pale features at the sight of the taller boy huddled and terrified and so very upset. Stepping over strewn loose books that had scattered out from the fallen bookshelf, Luke approached carefully, his stomach twisting. “Ezra, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m… real.” The hunter tried to calm himself down and crouched slowly in front of his friend, unsure if he was hallucinating or not. “I’m here.”  

Ezra tried to calm himself down, but every little sound that came from behind the door put him more and more on edge. He knew Luke was capable of picking locks, so of course the hallucination of him could. That's why he moved the bookshelf in front of the door in the first place.  He'd had to do it once before, except it wasn't just a hallucination he was hiding from. It was a real, living, breathing person--his father. He hoped that this time it worked out better, seeing that his father easily knocked the bookshelf over. Ezra jumped when he heard Luke hit the door the first time, but he was prepared for the second. He watched as the book shelf began to give way, and the progress was unsettling. He'd be in the room any minute, and that fact made him feel uneasy. He tried not to let the fear get the best of him, but before long he was huddling in the corner with his hands over his ears. "It's not real, it's not real," He repeated to himself in a small mumble, trying to block out every other sound in the room. No matter how tightly he clasped his hands over his ears, nothing could block out the loud thud the book shelf made as it fell to the floor. Ezra couldn't stop shaking long enough to look at the door, or more specifically who came through it.  It's not real. He could hear Luke's calm, careful approach and it almost made him want to look at him. He wanted to believe him when he said that he was real, but everything in his gut was telling him otherwise. "N-no, my mind is playing tricks on me. You're not real. You're not real." He shook his head furiously, trying to shake off the hallucination, but that never worked. He pressed himself up against the wall, trying to get further away from him, but there was no escaping his own mind. Even if he ran, he'd never get away from him. The more he looked at the boy crouching in front of him, the more he second guessed himself--maybe he was real. No, no--that's exactly what his mind wanted him to think--he shook away the thought and took a deep breath, studying Luke closely for anything that might give him answers. He looked real, but then again--so did his sister. His mind was scattered into a million different thoughts, and he couldn't focus on any of them. He looked at Luke through blurred vision, blinking away the tear that was building up in his eye to make it clear again. He couldn't get rid of the crippling fear that riddled his body with an uncontrollable tremble, even though he knew he wasn't in any real danger. "You can't...you're not-- real. Please, just--just go." 

Luke’s jaw tightened when Ezra shrugged off his offering hand and he took it back, shoving it into the pocket of his jacket, clenching tightly. Eyes searched Ezra’s for an explanation as to why he didn’t believe him. Maybe he shouldn’t have touched him— maybe not say anything at all. Maybe he shouldn’t have done a lot of things, but there was no way Luke was going to leave Ezra alone. The hunter blinked— maybe the vampire did believe Luke when he said he wasn’t going to leave. That would explain why Ezra was stumbling to get away from him. “Wait—” Luke took steps forwards, careful not to reach out again in case the taller boy didn’t like it. This was all wrong, and all his fault— and fuck, Luke was so bad at this. “Ezra!” He cried out, frustrated when the vampire sped away. Suddenly he was overcome with exasperation. The young hunter stood alone for a moment in the mess, nearly shaking as he tried not to go off and make the mess worse. Don’t get angry. Pacing for a moment, Luke ran his fingers back through his dark hair and took a deep breath. Ezra probably didn’t want to hurt him but Luke barely cared. Ezra could never hurt him, not really. He didn’t understand that and now he was shutting Luke out when he just needed to fix this. Cursing under his breath the young hunter found himself leaping up the stairs, skipping steps as he went, light on his feet. Fingers twisted around the doorknob to Ezra’s room once he’d approached and he wasn’t surprised to find that it was locked. Luke bit down on his bottom lip, already crouching to get the lockpick hidden in the sole of his boot. “…Ezra…?” The hunter’s voice was soft, like silk and gentle and quiet enough to even surprise himself. “…Open the door.” 

Ezra took in a slow, deep breath as the room fell completely silent. The pounding in his ears had finally faded away, and he had his mind all to himself--which could be a very good thing, or a very bad thing. He let out the breath just as slowly as he'd taken it in, a feeling of relief overwhelming his senses. With him cooped up in his room, and Luke somewhere else, there was no risk of hurting him. His mind hadn't been this clear for weeks, he wouldn't let it--but now that he had, he wondered why he hadn't stopped drinking on his own. It wasn't so bad. He hadn't seen his sister yet, and that was the only reason he drank--so that he wouldn't see her. The fear he felt when he even thought of her now was crippling. It used to be different, it used to be nice to see her. Before he got turned into a vampire, she never said the horrible things she did now. He missed seeing her the way she was before, the way he always remembered her. He couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't popped up yet, since she usually had by now. He drew in another breath, releasing just as soon as he'd taken it in, bracing himself for the worst. His eyelids flitted open, and his stomach dropped as he took in the sight in front of him. "Luke, I told you to--" Ezra started, but Luke was quick to cut him off. "Look at you. So pathetic. You're sitting here like a coward because of what? Your little sister? Unbelievable." He scoffed, uncrossing his arms and advancing toward Ezra. His eyes widened with confusion, barely registering what he'd just said. He'd never thought he'd hear those words coming out of Luke's mouth, and there was a tight pain in his chest that he'd never felt before that made him want to claw at it. As Luke came toward him, a feeling of fear crept into his stomach and he couldn't help the trembling that came with it. His breath caught in his throat as Luke opened his mouth to speak again, and this time he knew it'd be worse. He could see it in his face. "Aren't you supposed to be a vicious, ruthless killer? That's what bloodsuckers are, right? You're a monster, Ezra--why don't you start acting like one? Or maybe you could make it easier for us both and just stake yourself." Ezra couldn't say anything, so he just looked at him. He didn't understand--where was all of this coming from? He couldn't help but wonder if maybe these were his true feelings, and that he was just too afraid to admit them until now. That had to be it. Ezra shook his head slowly, taking his eyes away from Luke's face. "L-Luke, please..." He croaked, not bothering to catch the tear that was rolling down his cheek. He was used to crying, but he didn't usually have company when he did. Not real company, anyway. "Or maybe you should." Ezra spoke again, returning his gaze to his face when Luke didn't reply. If he really felt that way, there was no point in putting off the inevitable. The other boy tilted his head curiously, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. The look on his face scared him, and he hadn't felt this much genuine fear since the night his sister died, when he thought his father was going to kill him too. He watched as Luke pulled a stake out from behind him, locking his eyes onto the piece of wood as the boy gripped it in his hand. Every instinct was telling him to run, to get out of there, but he couldn't move--aside from the uncontrollable shaking. Luke raised the wooden stake confidently, his hard gaze not faltering even for a second. This was it, this was the end. He was going to die by the hand of his best friend. It felt so wrong, like he'd been betrayed--but it was what he deserved. As Luke brought the stake down, Ezra squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for the strike--but there was no strike. There wasn't a stake getting pierced through his heart, there was nothing. When he opened his eyes, Luke was no where in sight. He looked around the empty room frantically, trying to find any traces that Luke had even been there in the first place. That's when he realized it wasn't real. It was a hallucination, just like his sister. And if that were the case, than he'd be back--and it'd be worse. The sound of Luke's voice behind the door made him jump, despite it being surprisingly soft. He crawled off his bed as fast as he could, scrambling for anything he could put in front of the door. He made quick work of sliding his bookshelf over to the door, which would have been a lot harder if he weren't a vampire. Once that was done, he backed himself into the corner of his room and slid to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest again. He was trying to put as much space between him and that door as possible. His mind was playing with him, he could feel it. Luke wasn't really behind that door, but he felt like he had to respond anyway--maybe he'd listen to himself. "Please, just--just leave me alone!" Ezra whimpered, tightening his arms around his legs. "You're not real!" 

He locked his curses behind clenched teeth, determined not to say anything else that might make the situation worse— and Luke knew swearing in desperation wouldn’t help anything. Did it really take Ezra looking at him like that to shut him up? He could feel the vampires deadly gaze to his very core, making his fingertips tingle with an anticipation he’d been trained to react to his entire life. Luke resisted the impulse to curl his fingers around the stake tucked into the back his belt, his eyes wide eyes locked onto Ezra’s ocean hues. He held his breath, but his heartbeat only grew louder and faster, pounding in his ears and he clenched his fists in frustration at the inability to control it— because he knew Ezra could hear it, too. He let out his breath when the taller boy looked away and stepped aside a little, carefully holding back another apology as Ezra lowered to the ground. Luke felt a pang in his chest at the way the other looked up at him and the dark haired boy was overwhelmed with a need to do whatever Ezra needed— whatever he wanted, whatever he could do to make it better. However, Luke blinked when he heard the words, sucking in a sharp breath. “Leave you… alone?” The way that Luke repeated them almost made him sound a little hurt. He’d do anything— but he wouldn’t do that. Not again. Not to Ezra who needed him. “Ezra, no," Luke said, his voice soft but strong. "You’ll never be alone again. I won’t." He looked at the vampire with  conviction, but he was still weary about the others hallucinations and other… dangers. That didn’t stop Luke from reaching out to touch Ezra’s shoulder. "I fucking won’t.”

His own heart jumped as Luke repeated his words back to him, a twinge of guilt rising in his stomach at the way he said it. It felt wrong to ask that of him now, after all they'd been through, but he was afraid that if they were in the same room for much longer, that he would inevitably hurt him--he couldn't do that. He wouldn't. It was clear now that he was only trying to help, but he definitely wasn't very good at it. Luke had never been good at that kind of stuff, even in the beginning--like when he had told him about his sister, and he gave him coupons. His intentions were good, but he didn't really know what to do with them. Ezra's throat went dry as he felt Luke's hand on his shoulder, immediately feeling worse for what he was about to do. If Luke wasn't going to leave him alone, then he had no other choice--he had to get away from him. He scrambled to his feet, shrugging Luke's hand off as he did. He couldn't bear to look him in the eyes, afraid that if he focused too much on the boy that he'd lose control of his thirst. He kept his head low, not bothering to look anywhere but the floor. He tried to gather up the courage to apologize, but the words fell out of his mouth in a clumsy mess. "I'm--can't, I--sorry, please--" He stumbled backwards, nearly tripping on the things he'd thrown on the floor earlier, before turning around and disappearing upstairs. It was times like these where he was actually glad that he was a vampire--superhuman speed was definitely an advantage. He slipped into his room and locked the door behind him, praying that Luke would take the hint and leave him alone. He took in a deep breath and climbed onto his bed, pulling his legs to his chest tightly. The room around him began to spin, faster and faster, until he had to clasp his eyelids shut to make it stop. Chills ran up his spine as he thought about what he might see if he opened his eyes.

"E-Ezra, I—-" Recoiling back against the wall when Ezra advanced, he did his best not to falter at his friend yelling at him but still flinched— distinctly remembering the circumstances of the last time this happened. Luke knew that Ezra drank to get rid of the hallucinations— but he didn’t think that the other would depend on it this much. That he’d refuse to see a different solution, one that Luke could help him find. Finally, the regret flooded through the hunters veins. Not towards trying to help Ezra, but towards how he’d tried to help. Throwing it all out, all at once when his best friend wasn’t ready… that hadn’t been the best idea. He’ hadn’t thought this through. Fuck— he never thought things through enough. Helping? He didn’t know the first thing about trying to help, either. Luke swallowed hard at the threat to his throat, his heart skipping a beat when it was painfully obvious of how human he really was—  and how much Ezra wasn’t. His gut twisted at the sight of the vampire more distressed than he’d never seen him before. Furious, throwing things, was this what he looked like? Luke couldn’t help but wonder about Ezra’s father as well, staying painfully still and biting down into his own tongue to keep quiet though frantic words of worry spilled out before he could stop them. ”I’m sorry— I’m sorry, I fucked up! It’s okay, just calm… fuck, just calm down. I can fix this, please—" 

Ezra froze, looking first at the things strewn all over the floor and then up at his friend. The skip in the young hunter's heartbeat was enough to make his stomach drop. He couldn't help but think that maybe he was overreacting, and that maybe he should try to cool off, but then the thought of seeing his sister crept back into his head again and all hope of calming down was lost. He barely even registered the rushed, worried apologies that were flooding from Luke's mouth, but then he was telling him to calm down. He stared at him for a while, like a predator would look at their prey, trying to decide whether or not to pounce. Calm down. Every time the words crossed his mind again, he just found himself growing more upset. He took in a sharp breath and rubbed his temples, moving to lean against the wall next to Luke. He slowly slid down to the ground, trying to keep his thoughts from wondering to the dark corners of his mind. The sound of his friend's loud, beating heart echoed in his ears like a drum, driving the animal inside of him crazy. Although there wasn't a drop of alcohol left in the house, if Luke wasn't careful, the warm liquid pumping through his veins could easily quench Ezra's thirst. He lifted his head cautiously to look at Luke with pleading eyes, barely able to get any words out. "Please, just--can you just leave me alone?" 

I can get you a drink to take the edge off? I’m assuming you prefer warm, human blood— considering nobody is really too fond of the furry animals. Can you not handle it? No alcohol there to take the edge off? You know, funny you say— the person who ruined your life and killed you also gave you life forever. You’re supposed to see the light of things. You said you liked to kill and now you can do so easier. You could start with thank you, for selecting you. The teeth, oh yeah, I can’t say I’m particularly a hands on person. Massacre, unless you heard differently— that’s what I said. Are the heightened senses kicking in? Lets not give me ideas, blue eyes. You of all people should know I’m not one to take lightly when it comes to commitments. Is there something else you’d like me to tell you?

I'm fine, thanks. I'll pass. I don't need anything from you. Just shut the fuck up--you don't know a god damn thing. Oh, what, so I should be thanking you for this, really? I never fucking asked for this. I didn't want this--how is it that everyone thinks living forever is such a fucking blessing? Most of the people I fucking care about are human--I'm going to have to sit there and watch them die right before my eyes. You think I want that? You're fucking delusional. I heard what you said, you prick--shut up. Oh, I'm sure you can think of plenty of ideas on your own. I don't think you'd let me give you ideas--your head is too far up your own ass to take shit from anyone else but yourself. Me of all people, huh? Why's that? I barely fucking know you. There's plenty of things I'd like you to tell me. Like maybe what you plan on doing next to fuck up my life even more. Because I know it's coming--I know you've probably been dying to get your hands--or teeth--dirty again. So what'll it be this time?

Don’t… worry about it. Seeing things? Oh, like… oh. I’m sure there are other ways besides getting yourself wasted. Maybe… supernatural ways? 

Have I never told you about my sister? I see her a lot--I know it's not real, most of the time. I haven't found any other ways, and I haven't tried any either. I found one that worked and stuck to it. Supernatural ways? Like what? Magic? I don't know about that.

Luke stilled with his back near the wall as Ezra grew apparently angrier, watching the other very carefully. His heartbeat was loud in his ears but still held a steady pace, so the hunter was certain it wouldn’t betray him in that moment. Luke fought his mind even harder to not regret his decision to throw out all of Ezra’s drinks, he’d had good intentions, didn’t he? The vampire was simply overreacting. He didn’t need any of it— he just thought he did. Luke blinked at Ezra’s question, his mouth going a little dry. He felt like he was back home, a handful of years younger and about to get carefully told off for doing something bad. No— Luke shoved those thoughts from his mind crushing the unease seeping into the pit of his stomach along with them. Ezra was pissed and Luke struggled to keep his own temper on a leash, too. “I said no. You can’t have any.” Luke’s voice was strong and a little challenging, not that he could help it. “I dumped it all out.” 

Ezra's whole body was shaking with anger now, trying to make sense of the words that spilled out of the other boy's mouth. I dumped it all out. Who the fuck did he think he was? "You--what? What the fuck did you just say?" He hissed, taking a step closer to him. The feeling of fear crept into his stomach as he registered the words, and he struggled to form any himself. His head was far too muddled with the thoughts of the looming threat of his own mind playing tricks on itself--his hallucinations. He quickly brought himself back to reality--it was easier to do with his mind not shrouded from alcohol."I really fucking hope you're lying to me right now, or you're playing some kind of sick joke on me, for your sake--I swear to God, I'm going to rip your little human throat out!" Ezra growled, finding the nearest table and sweeping his arms across it violently, sending everything that once occupied it crashing to the floor. Even through his blind anger, he didn't want to go straight for Luke--no matter how furious he was, he couldn't really hurt him. He wouldn't. 

Who would want to do that? No, wait— I mean, who would talk a vampire out of drinking alcohol? I’m going to take a guess and say it’s that dumb, asshole of a hunter friend. You’re quite brave, talking to someone who could compel you to kill yourself. Honestly— why the hell wouldn’t you? Honestly. You keep looking at me like I just touched you wrongly. It seems as though you haven’t learned how to talk to me yet, so. Tell him, screw his family— next massacre is going to be Peterson’s. Should I make sure you remember that, though? You okay? 

There wasn't talking involved, it was just taken from me. It doesn't fucking matter who did it--just shut the fuck up about it. Would you really, though? I feel like if you wanted to, you would have by now, so I'm not really worried. Why the hell wouldn't I--maybe because you fucking killed me? Touched me wrongly is a fucking understatement--remember when you ripped my throat out? With your teeth? Oh, and how else am I supposed to talk to the one who ruined my life, mm? You--what? Massacre, what the-- No, no--I think I'll remember it just fine. Anything else you'd like me to pass along? 

Alright, alright… Jesus Christ, that’s what you’re mad about? I didn’t touch it, don’t give me that look. You don’t need alcohol anyway.

I know you didn't, I--fuck, I'm sorry for snapping at you. Yes I do, I... y-you don't understand. It's the only thing that keeps me from... seeing things. 

You look pissed. Where is what?

Oh, do I? Fuck--I had no idea. Oh wait, yes I did--I am fucking pissed. My alcohol. It's all gone. 

No alcohol? I take it, you don’t like my smile? What’s third? You don’t want to replace off with me? 

No, unfortunately, I'm not drunk right now--sorry for the disappointment. Someone decided to take all of my alcohol. You want me to tell you to fuck off a third time? Alright--fuck off. Why the fuck would I want to do that? 

Good joke. It’s in your head, or did I actually break that along with your neck?

Alright, first of all--fuck off. I'm really glad that ruining my life is a joke to you. Secondly, fuck off. 

Where’s what? 

I... someone took all of my alcohol. 

For a creeper, and a vampire, that’s rather compassionate? I thought murder was your thing? No fresh meals at home? Curious. Oh, so there is a human, this is brilliant. Well, I mean that you are literally covered. The usual stench was masked so much by human scent that I didn’t even pick up the fact that you’re, well, dead. 

Well, I don't just murder anyone and everyone. I mean, sure, the urge to kill is pretty fucking unbearable now that I'm a vampire, but I can control myself. I'm not an animal--uh--not that you-- -I'm... anyway, yeah there's.. there's a human and there's nothing brilliant about it, I mean--nothing weird about it. I wasn't a vampire when I met him. Wow, that's--um, I mean, you've got a strong nose so it doesn't mean anything, I... I just spend a lot of time, you know, around him since we live together and all that. And since he's my best friend--that's what best friends do, right? Hang around each other a lot?

"I mean, it’s not without its perks," Luke answered, eyeing Ezra precariously. The vampire was being more of an asshole as usual, it seemed, but Luke was well equipped to deal with that. Besides, he didn’t throw out all of Ezra’s alcohol for fun. Mostly. Luke rolled his eyes a little, sensing the high tension in the air very easily. Clenched fists, tight jaw, a dangerous look in his eyes— Luke looked Ezra over meticulously and bit back another snarky comment as the other went on, sounding rather pissed. The hunter held out his hands a little and shot Ezra a casual look, keeping a level head because his friend seemed on the verge of losing his. Luke couldn’t give anything to him if he tried. It was all gone. "….No." 

"Jesus Christ," Ezra spat, rubbing his temples. The young hunter was testing his patience, and he was afraid that he'd snap at any moment. Ezra rattled his mind searching for answers to his own questions, like why the fuck would Luke do this and is this some kind of sick fucking joke, but he couldn't come up with any that he was satisfied with. The alcohol he had consumed the previous night was all but drained from his system, leaving him with a mostly clear mind, and that terrified him. For most people, thinking clearly was a necessity, but for him it was a burden. He thought Luke understood that, but it was obvious now that he didn't. The word that rolled off his tongue next was not something that Ezra wanted to hear, especially not at that moment. Not when he was already so fucking angry. A pang of rage swelled up in his stomach, and it took everything he had not to rip his fucking throat out. "I'm sorry--would you like to rephrase that?" 

"Thank you." Luke remarked finally closing the front door behind him and stepping past Ezra. He could see that the other boy was clearly upset about not finding any alcohol, and Luke wasn’t surprised. "Rude. I give a shit about them.” Peering around, the hunters eyes quickly noticed that various furniture items and objects has been overturned as if Ezra had been searching for something to drink everywhere— in all of his little hiding places. Biting down on his lower lip, Luke shrugged as if it were no big deal. He wasn’t going to deny finding and dumping all of the liquor down the kitchen drain earlier while Ezra was out, but he didn’t feel like admitting to it either. “Why would you make such a fucking mess?” 

Ezra balled his hands into fists as Luke continued to carry on like nothing had happened, and he couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to get him to punch him. He looked around the room, remembering how he basically turned the whole house upside down looking for the smallest drop of alcohol--but there was nothing. "Do you get a kick out of being a pain in my ass, Luke?" He clenched his jaw, resisting the urge to knock some sense into him. "I don't know, Luke--why would I make such a fucking mess? Maybe because I was looking for something that you've apparently fucking hidden from me. Honestly, I don't--just fucking tell me where it is. I don't care that you took it anymore, just--just fucking give it to me." 

Woah there, buddy. I was expecting something nicer to come out of your mouth when I got back. You know, like hey, Luke, how was hunting? Stake any vampires? Have lots of fun? …I did, you know. I did have fun.

Fucking hilarious. I don't give a shit about your kills, Luke--just tell me where you put it. And before you try to deny it, I know it was you because you're the only other person that knows where it all is.