eyiris

PART I of III

Ad Astra Per Aspera - To The Stars Through Difficulties

Monday, 8pm sharp. Like clockwork, the door to Hannibal Lecter’s office opens gently, he escorts his final patient of the day out of his room. You open a blank google document swiftly, typing gibberish not wanting to look bored even though you've spent the last two, almost three hours eagerly awaiting the day's end with no more work to be done.

“Please have a pleasant evening, Mr. Kennedy, and remember, the world will not wait up for your lack of movement” Hannibal reassures his patient.

He gestures towards his office for you to enter, holding the door open for you with his left arm outstretched politely. You swallow, sensing frustration from the day he’s had, and stand up from your desk to move into his office.

It's always so dim, the moon shines through the two floor-to-ceiling windows, rain gently falling. The late autumn season is your favourite, but the gloomy weather sets the scene in a less than gracious way.

“Is something unorthodox?” Hannibal asks, easily noticing your wandering eyes.

“Of course not, Dr. Lecter, I've always found your office pleasant” You reply softly. He’s always been an intimidating boss, even without trying. It hasn't been very long since you've begun working for the psychiatrist but you've noticed his interesting methodology and mannerisms.

It's stressful, trying to keep up with his perfectionism. Your desk is a lame attempt at capturing the design of his atmosphere. You’ve mastered avoiding his eyes, but he always finds a way around you. It's been a week since the ‘incident’ and your relationship with Dr. Lecter has changed in an interesting way.

“Please get into the habit of sending me my patient list for the day in advance, I will need to accommodate for absences on my behalf”

“Sorry?”

“I will be stepping out of the office from noon to three tomorrow to accompany a.. friend if you will, in his work for a few hours”

Shit. You totally forgot to add this excursion onto his schedule, as a result you’ve filled that time with appointments already days ago. “I knew I shouldn't have taken this job I'm so fucked” You think to yourself. You’re not really all that interested in finding out how Hannibal will react to a major mistake like this one.

“My apologies Dr. Lecter I must have missed that request, if my memory serves me right you have a few appointments within those hours” You take a deep breath, maybe he’ll understand? You just started this position four weeks ago, you’ll learn….right?

Hannibal takes a deep breath, he moves over behind his desk and begins packing things into a briefcase without saying a word.

“I must admit, I am terribly disappointed in your work ethic” Hannibal calmly yet sternly replies.

“I expect my secretary to be mindful of such reminders, even when the day is estranged”

Instantly your stomach sinks. You could hear a pin drop. You nod your head as your brows furrow. Tears forming in your eyes. You feel your face heating up in embarrassment, dear god when will this moment end.

You avert his gaze before awkwardly speaking through a small cry- “Absolutely, my deepest apologies sir”

Hannibal closes his bag and picks it up off the brown desk.

“I am unsure how to prevent this mistake from reoccurring, but after today I am in no mood to scold someone so harshly. Please stay as late as needed to fix your mistake” Hannibal takes a few steps towards the door as a tear drops down your face, you take a step towards him out of desperation to make things right and win back his approval. “Please” you stutter.

In an instant, Hannibal whips around, his bag hitting your torso, accidentally opening to spill books and papers onto the grey floors.

You gasp, stepping back and looking at Dr. Lecter in his eyes. The look on his face suggests he didn't mean to hit you, but this mess didn't improve his mood either. “I am so sorry I’ll clean this up right away” You spurt out quickly, partly out of fear but you gotta earn some brownie points here for your job’s sake.

Hannibal drops his bag and reaches out to grab your jaw, in an instant he whirls you around and presses you against the door with ease. You don't move, you don't even breathe, you’re just forced to look him in the eye longer than a moment for the first time in days. You notice the shift in energy, his breathing is erratic and deep. Your heart beats so strong you can feel it in your head. His cologne, still strong, coats your senses, rich mahogany, woody undertones with faint hints of orchids and blood.

Hannibal leans into the side of your neck, just above the collarbone, he's so close you can feel his breath lingering. You swallow, attempting to come back to earth, down from this high. This cannot happen…again.

“Now do as you are told, and clean this up”

Yeah it's over.

The tears built up in your eyes fall but they aren't replaced. The tension in your face melts away, you aren't nervous anymore. You know you're the one who will pull the strings tonight, and maybe his hair but who knows. Your eyes locked onto his. The floodgates have opened and there's no closing them. You slowly sink to the floor beneath him, keeping your eyes on his. He raises his chin, takes a deep, subtly shaky breath and ever so slightly tilts his head. He needs to see all of you. This man never falters, he’s always in complete control, yet, you bring out something in him he’s buried so long ago.

On the floor now, you turn on your knees to face away from the man, hands on the cold floor picking up the papers and books neatly, being careful not to dirty them further. You can feel his eyes burning into your backside, you could feel embarrassed but you both crave this. Ever since the incident last week there's been tension, you've been counting down the days until you could feel him inside of you again.

“Stand” he continued. His voice deeper and more dominant than before. You stand, without second thought, books left in a neat pile on the floor under you. Hannibal places a gentle hand on the side of your face, cupping your jaw and slowly sliding his thumb over your lips. He leans in, standing much taller than you. “You said you would refrain from enticing me like this again”

“I couldn't help myself”

Immediately, Hannibal makes quick work of your blouse, actually ripping the bottom button out of frustration. Meanwhile, you grab his belt, yanking his lower half forward. He smirks. “Does anyone know about this side of you but me?”

“Of course not” You say through heavy breathing, trying to stay focused on the task at hand, you can't stay in your head too long.

“For someone so young I wouldn't have imagined you'd have it in you to get up to something like this” He’s provoking you, he wants to see how far you’ll go. Are you his secretary or his patient?

“Stop talking and fuck me” You shoot back. Enough is enough. Hannibal listens, after removing your blouse and sliding the zipper of your pencil skirt down your lips meet his. It's a passionate dance, you both want the control of the other. His hands reach your hair, gently pulling. You moan into his mouth before he moves with you to stand over his desk. Your back hits the table, he lifts you up in a swift motion, both hands on the small of your back.

Sitting on the table now Hannibal gathers your skirt at the top of your thighs and rips down your stockings. Almost completely exposed now, your lips are still pressed together. The initial excitement ends, the appetizer has concluded, and a second course is presented.

Hannibal steps away, reaches down to the pile of papers and books on the floor and grabs the first paper. He gestures for you to stand, you do. He places the paper on the desk and returns to his position behind you.

“If you would be so kind, please write the hours I will be absent from my office tomorrow”

You’re a little confused, but without much hesitation you grab a pen from a cup sitting on his desk and write; 12-3.

“Now I want you to bend over the desk so you’re looking directly at it, get your face very close to the numbers, and read the numbers aloud”

“Um, I don't understand” You reply, shyly.

This is more than unusual considering your previous encounter lasted barely five minutes in total and was a very heated moment sure, but this much foreplay was torture.

“There's nothing to understand, put your elbows on the desk, put your face close to the numbers, and read it aloud.”

You get it now. You place your hands & forearms on the desk, palms down. You try to hide a small smile creeping its way across your face as you say, “twelve to th-” Hannibal cuts you off, smacks you hard across your ass. Surprised, you turn your head to look him in the eye. “Continue” He says quietly. You turn your head back to the page and repeat your words.

“Twelve to three” you say. Anxiously awaiting another slap. But it doesn't come. Hannibal falls over you, and places his hands on either side of yours. His breathing heavy and hitched. You can feel his body against yours, his breath on the side of your neck. A moment passes.

The final course is here.

“Let me take care of you, Mon amour” Hannibal whispered close to your left ear. Arousal building in your core, you press your hips into his, provoking a small grunt from the psychologist. Hannibal stands upright to remove your panties, he curls his fingers around each side of the pantyline to ever so slowly pull them down. Your heartbeat picks up, you swear this is heaven.

Hannibal presses two fingers barely inside of you, a moan escaping your lips, you fully lay down on the desk.

He presses deeper, then pulling them out. The rhythm is evil, but he knows your excitement is peaking. He removes his hand, allowing you to take a deep breath, and wrangles with his belt to free himself.

“You want more doll?”

“Please” you could barely speak.

Hannibal reaches his right hand in front of your mouth, “spit”. You oblige. He coats his cock with your saliva and lines himself up with your soaked entrance. After a moment, slowly entering you, allowing you to adjust to the feeling of him inside of you as he plants his hands on either side of your hips.

“Fuck” you say through a shaky breath, head still flat to the side on the desk. Your eyes press shut, unable to focus on seeing and breathing at the same time anymore.

“You’re doing so well darling, tell me if I should stop”

You nod your head still squinting your eyes shut, realizing now he’s a lot bigger than you'd pictured.

Hannibal sets a painfully slow pace, in and out then in again.

As he quickens he places his hands on either side of yours on the desk.

You can feel yourself getting closer and closer to releasing alongside him. You can hear him breathing heavier now, the air getting hotter around you both.

“Don’t stop” you say to him, louder than before. It’s almost too much to handle. His pace becomes relentless, every thrust he reaches deeper inside your soul, releasing pure pleasure from you.

Hannibal throws his arms out on the desk to slide everything off of both sides of you. He stops thrusting to turn you around in a swift motion. You notice his complexion, his face red and his hair messy. Jesus you thought.

Hannibal reinserts himself but only to slow down, locking his eyes onto yours.

“Look at me” he says sternly. “Be a good girl and come for me” your eyes shoot open to watch his, face scrunched and flushed, but you don’t care, and he smiles. His thrusts go deeper than before, he’s more passionate while gazing into your eyes.

He supports your back with one hand while planting his other hand on the desk for support. You feel yourself reaching your limit. He wished he could consume all of you, keep you forever in this room. He can’t get enough of hearing you whine, seeing the way your breasts move in your bra as he fucks you in your workplace. “Come on now deerling” Hannibal reassures you. With only hearing his voice again, your climax reaches you. Pleasure spills out from every orifice of your body. Your mouth opens slightly, head rolls back and your hands grip his hair. A grin on his face, Hannibal removes his supporting hand to hold you against him. Your faces up against each other, he kisses you softly on your forehead. Then his lips meet yours as his pace quickens. Now out of energy all together you whine into his mouth, he grunts as he releases into you.

He feels you, taking him in with warmth, your soft walls contracting against his length.

Hannibal pulls himself out of you, the moonlight gently enlightening your face as he moves to the side. You lay on the desk, staring into the ceiling. The sensation between your legs burning with pleasure.

This is euphoria. This is what you’ve been dreaming about.

“You’re too good to me, Mon amour” Hannibal says through breaths. He retrieves your skirt from the ground and begins to dress you, carefully, like he’s dressing a porcelain doll. His touch feels gentle on your tender skin. You sit up, smiling, your hair messy, but yourself satisfied.

“Does this mean my mistake is forgiven, doctor?”

“I suppose so,” he smiles back.

You both laugh.

Maybe this job isn’t so boring after all.

Part II - Komorebi (Illuminations)

The pastel dawn filters through your thin curtains, cascading a delicate orange ray across your face as you remain still and untouched, peacefully asleep. As you awaken, you gently stretch and your eyes flutter open, immediately squinting as the sun pierces them. The air is getting dryer as the colder months approach, the static on your hair buzzes as you sit up, taking a moment to bask in the silent morning, all yours.

Your phone alarm blares. In an instant that peaceful morning evaporates. Your heart and brain kickstart in response to the familiar noise, and you turn it off as fast as you can. 

It’s nice to wake up before your alarm but it always jumpscares you when it’s only a moment before.

You yawn, and decide to get out of bed before preparing for work. It’s Friday, and it’s been a steady week. 

You were worried, for sure, after the unspeakable happened last week with Hannibal. But it’s been surprisingly pleasant with him. The office curtains have been open, the bright autumn sun illuminating the otherwise unwary room. Hannibal smiles at you more than before, gives you longer lunches and welcomes you into his office easier than before. You must admit you love the attention, it’s nice to be noticed. He can’t help but study you, you’ve been a mystery to him all this time but now the walls have fallen on both sides, you can see each other in a new light. Neither of you have admitted learning more about each other has been a top priority for the both of you. Not yet.

You step out of the shower after rinsing off. Your bathroom smelling of vanilla and honey shower gel. 

You put on some natural makeup, grey business casual pants with a thick black belt & a silver buckle and a well fitted grey turtleneck. 

Before heading out of the door to your ground story brownstone-style apartment, you fill your coffee mug with a fresh brew, extra strong, to get you through the long day ahead. You grab your coat and embark upon the day. 

You’ve settled into work, logged into your computer on your desk sitting just outside Hannibal’s office doors. The day has surprisingly flown by. A light workload has graced you with plenty of time to day dream again. But you have a better work ethic now, thanks to Hannibal’s methods of punishment. 

Speaking of, you’ve barely seen him all day, your day may have been easy going but Hannibal’s office has seen patients coming and going all morning and afternoon. You decide to bring him an espresso as a mid day pick me up. 

After pulling a double shot in the small ‘break room’ you knock on his office doors. Hannibal opens them, his expression relaxed.

“Ah, what a lovely surprise. Please, come in” Hannibal greets.

You smile back, holding the small espresso cup and saucer with both hands. Looking like a puppy having just learnt to fetch.

As you walk in, you notice the open curtains again, offering warmth from the sun showing into the room. “I thought you could use a pick me up” you say smiling, holding the cup out towards him. Hannibal thanks you and takes the cup and saucer from your hands. 

He thinks it’s cute, the little gestures. He always notices, even if few words mention it. Hannibal lifts the cup to his lips, taking a small sip of the hot coffee. He gestures to the two chairs across the room. You move over to them, sitting in the assigned ‘patient’ chair instinctively. Hannibal sits opposite to you. He places the cup next to him on the small table. “I had just remembered, I have been meaning to invite you for dinner. It would be my pleasure” Hannibal says. 

You instinctively get excited, of course you’d love that are you kidding, you’d hoped he’d ask one of these days. But calm down, you can’t come across too eager. 

“That- that would be lovely, any day in particular?” You say, accidentally blinking a few times too many, making sure this isn’t a dream. Perfect response you think to yourself whilst simultaneously screaming in joy. 

“Perfect, would tonight work for you? 8pm?” Hannibal continues. 

“Absolutely” 

7pm.

Work concluded hours ago. The only thing on your mind being the night ahead. It’s definitely stressed you out. You’ve already taken an everything shower, eaten a pre-dinner meal to calm your nerves and consumed a few ounces of red wine…just to get into the mood of course. You decide after almost an hour or staring at your closet to wear a black dress, classic. Can’t go wrong. It fits tight, but it’s flattering while not being too slutty. A square neckline with long sleeves to combat the cooler weather perfectly compliments the gentle silver neckline you’ve paired it with. Black heels with red undersoles and a black coat to throw over. You’re ready. Hannibal sent a car to retrieve you for your 8pm arrival. You anxiously stand at the front door. Accidentally ready a little too early. 

The car finally pulls up, you exit your apartment, lock the door and claim the night as yours. 

Hannibal’s house, 8pm sharp. 

The car rolls to a stop. You step onto the ground beneath you. Clutching your bag for any sense of stability you definitely do not have in these shoes. 

The door to his home opens just before you knock, Hannibal greeting you with a different tuxedo than at work. “Perfect timing, please do come in” Hannibal welcomes you. You offer a thankful smile and step into his home. It's the first time you've been here, although it feels vaguely familiar, the art hanging on the walls and exquisite decor similar to what you see at the office.

You haven't brought anything other than your handbag with you, as requested by Dr. Lecter.

“I must thank you for having me, It's nice to see you again.” You say, hands folded neatly over your bag at your chest. He helps you with your coat and leads you into the dining room, candles illuminating the dim room. You take your designated seat at the table and your eyes wander. The room is captivating, from the blue ribbed walls and dark beige fireplace catering a small fire.

Your nose fills with the smell of hearty food, the ambiance electric but so calming. 

Hannibal returns to the room with a bottle of red wine and two thin stemmed glasses. 

“My pick of the evening, a 2005 Argentine malbec, one of my favourites. I figured you might be fond of it as well.” Hannibal says, gently leaning over your side to pour the beverage into the glass he's set in front of you. The close proximity of his body sends a shiver down your spine, the familiar feeling of him being close.. “I will return with dinner in just a moment, please make yourself feel at home” Hannibal’s voice snaps you out of your fantasy. You nod and thank him for the wine.

A moment passes with him out of the room before he returns with a platter of food, you're unsure exactly of what you’re eating. “Tonight I have prepared for us a Peruvian stir-fry Lomo Saltado. I love cooking classic dishes with a twist” Hannibal explains, smiling as he sets the plate down and begins dishing it out to both of your plates. You notice his expression, something you haven't seen before. He must be truly happy you’re here. 

“Wow, this looks incredible, you really are quite the chef” You compliment him, excited to spend the evening with his presence.

The meal is unreal, perfectly cooked while a deliciously unique flavour dances on your palette. You both enjoy the meal, chatting about work and life. 

You notice his attention so focused on you, his gaze following your mouth as you chew the food presented to you. You blush, face a pale red after indulging in another glass of the vintage wine. You wonder where his mind is, how he sees you, who he wants you to be in his life. It's a little strange being lovers with your boss but at least his practice is private.

Dinner has concluded, and the alcohol is definitely hitting. 

“How would you feel about migrating to the balcony? It would be nice to get some fresh air after this meal.” Hannibal asks you, placing his wine glass down after taking a sip.

“I’d like that” you respond. You both stand as he leads you out of the room. You take this opportunity to poke around the rest of his house with your eyes, noticing his decor including many antlers and animal horns, dark blues and warm lighting. You feel safe here with him. 

Hannibal reaches the balcony and opens the Victorian style doors, the cool air engulfs you, your hair flows behind you. “I designed this place for reading specifically, but I love watching the moon here as well.” Hannibal says, his eyes looking up towards the bright moon, uncovered by thin clouds. The wind gently moves the few trees in the distance, the city doesn't leave much room for greenery you notice.

 “It's beautiful out here” You say mesmerized, but not at the moon, instead transfixed on him standing just a pace ahead of you. He turns to you, his smile radiates. “Am I distracting you?” Hannibal laughs gently, feeling exposed by your eyes. “Not in the way you’d imagine” You advised. Your eyes provoke him flirtatiously.

 Music from inside the house is audible, and along with the liquid courage, you take a step towards him. Wine glasses still held by both of you, he reaches out with his free hand to caress your back, gently pulling you closer. You rest your head on his shoulder and stare out into the dark sky. Hannibal sneaks a glance down to your face, surveying your emotions. “You know I used to think you were uninteresting” you say, still focused on the sky, unaware he’s instead watching you.

“And why would that be?” He responds in an almost whisper-like voice. It's vaguely seductive in a way. Your stomach flips, you overthink your next words.

 “I- Im not sure, I guess I just thought this job would be easier, emotionally” 

“Life imitates the art surrounding us, we all long for a little fantasy” He’s right. You do want the fantasy, but you know he knows, and that can be dangerous.

“You know,” he continues, “I don’t think what happened between us was a mistake” his voice is reassuring, genuinely kind. He seems to really care.

You hesitate, still resting your head on his chest, you relax and lean in. “I’m glad, because I don’t think so either” you whisper. Happy tears gathering in your eyes. Hannibal turns to face you, placing his wine glass on the balcony railing. His arms raise to grab your face on either side, holding it still while a tear drops down your face.

“Thank you for taking care of me, for showing me who you really are” you say sniffling and trying to seem stronger than you currently are. The wine and anxiety left you in a fragile state. Hannibal doesn’t need to say anything else. He leans in to place a delicate kiss on your lips, his hands slowly drifting to the back of your head, holding you against him. 

This time the passion has bloomed into love. This is no longer lust, no longer punishment. Both of you in this moment need each other more than you need air. 

You kiss him back passionately, you’ve craved the taste of him since the last event. Your heartbeat pounds as your whole body aches in a yearning way. 

Hannibal wants to delve deep into your mind, fully understand your psyche, but he can’t help but get distracted at the foreign, gentle kind of love you offer him. It’s been a long time since someone has been there for him. And even though you aren't aware of the darker parts of his life he loves you as a distraction. You’re his escape from the twisted world. You’re his balance. For now. 

Your wine glass crashes to the ground beneath you, your hand previously cratering the glass open palmed now. The kiss intensifies, your bodies pressing closer to each other now, a fire igniting in both of you once again. Hannibal leads you to his room, back inside the house. His hands exploring your body, digging under your clothes to your bare skin. You moan into his mouth, and let him take complete control of all of you.

In his bedroom now, lips still connected, both of you eager for more. Your dress is pulled up to your thighs, your mind flashes back to the last time this sensation hit you. Heat rushes to your face, your eyes close, body numb by his touch. 

But he doesn’t want to use you, in his mind you’re not something to claim, you’re something to behold. For awe is meant to be held in silence, not seized by hands. 

Hannibal gently lays you down, his bed plush and clean. His room smells of sage and rosemary. He positions himself over you, leaning down so your foreheads touch. You match his breathing, inhaling and exhaling together. 

Hannibal places small kisses over your face, then down your neck, you whine and paw at him, the alcohol betraying you through your brain. 

He makes his way down your body, occasionally glancing upwards to your face, which he notices with your closed eyes, you in your own world. 

“Tell me what to do” he whispers to you, his head settled on your stomach, his beautiful eyes looking upwards towards you submissively. You take the rare opportunity to ask for exactly what you want. 

“Get up” you say back passively. Your eyes reflecting a mischievous smile. You both get off the bed. “Lay down for me” 

Hannibal listens, he lays down, arms folding under his head to prop it up. He intends to watch you. 

You strip, slowly pulling your arms out of your dress, pulling it lower and lower off your body. Exposing your undergarments. The low lighting makes you more confident. You crawl onto the bed, and over Hannibal. Straddling his body and grinding your hips over his. You feel all of him underneath you. 

Hannibal groans under you. If you knew teasing him would be this entertaining you would’ve indulged earlier. 

You lean down, pressing soft kisses into his neck as you grind against him. Your arousal building in your core. Hannibal felt it too, his one hand gripping the bedframe as the other reached for the back of your head, holding you where you are. 

“I need you” you plead with a desperate soft voice. Hannibal nods through a light moan. You reach down, undoing his belt and reaching into his pants, pulling him out and stroking him softly. You push your panties to the side with your other hand as you position him at your entrance, slowly lowering onto him, taking in every inch. You let out a moan, your body adjusting to his size. Hannibal shuffles down the bed to lay down flat, his hands migrating to your hips, guiding you up and down, his grip intensifying as you move.  

“Fuck you’re so sweet” he says through breaths. 

“Keep moving just like that, good girl” he continued. 

He twitches inside you, hitting the perfect spot over and over. Pleasure builds in you. The sounds of skin to skin fills the room. But all you hear is the symphony of noise coming from beneath you. The man you need, who you crave is exactly where you want him. 

Hannibal moves a hand to the back of your neck, gripping just enough coax another moan from your mouth. Your head falls back, you relax into him, body sinking down as your momentum slows, energy fading. Hannibal flips you over in a swift motion. His strong frame pining you under him now. He takes a moment to undress himself and then you before reinserting himself and picking up the pace. 

Your hands crossed over his neck, desperate to stay close to him as he fucks you harder into his mattress. 

As both of you get closer and closer to releasing  you stare into his eyes, mascara running down your face, brows furrowed. 

As his pace slows his sounds die down until all you can hear is panting and praise on top of you. Your release feeling like serenity and pure pleasure, your legs feel numb, every part of you satisfied. The heat of the moment cools as Hannibal kisses you one last time. Heat radiating from both of your bodies, hearts beating as fast as they can to keep up.

Hannibal lays next to you, offering reassurance and allowing you to lay close to him. You bury your head in his chest, listening to his heartbeat. 

He strokes your hair, kissing your forehead. 

Music still plays in the next room over, the distant sounds play in your mind as your eyes close. 

You don’t want to be his lover forever. There’s still so much to learn about the man next to you. 

“What are we becoming?” You ask still close to his chest. Hannibal doesn’t answer. He just strokes your hair another time. 

You’re not sure if he ever will.

You’re not secure, you know this isn’t going to last forever. 

I’m not in love. You persuade yourself as you drift off into sleep, a tear falling down your face.