What To Do When You Donโt Know What to Do
Hereโs the thing: I donโt know what to do.
About this thing, about that thing. About big things and small things.
Actually, to be honest, even the smallest thing seems big when I donโt know what to do about it.
I donโt know what is best, what is right. I donโt know what I want to do.
Do you know what else I donโt know? I donโt know what to do about not knowing what to do.
And whenever I feel like this (which is not always, but often), I start not knowing what to do about things I did know what to do about before. Things I had already made decisionsย on, things I felt excited and sure about before, now feel wobbly and wrong. Even though I know the decisions felt right when I made them.
My brain starts questioning it all: What if I didnโt really know what to do then either, and just decided on something that wasnโt really the right thing to do after all? What if it turns out to be โwrongโ? What if I acted on impulse and didnโt think it all through properly?
Itโs like Iโm mourning all the other possible options that will never, ever happen now because I didnโt choose them.
And this uncertainty, the worry, the anxiety, the not knowing, it isnโt picky. It doesnโt just stick to the thing Iโm not sure about. It leaks. It seeps into everything else, so instead of feeling uncertain or anxious about one thing in particular, about one decision specifically, I feel anxious, uncertain, and worried full stop. I forget what started it. I just feel it.
I feel it in my chest, near my heart. In my throat. It feels like guilt, muddled with regretย with overtones of panic and an undercurrent of fear. It feels hard and cold, like a vice-like grip.
And I donโt like it. But I just donโt know what to do about it. So I do nothing. Except worry and be anxious that doing nothing is not the right thing to do. Itโs exhausting, itโs frustrating, and itโs totally and utterly unproductive.
And the only thing that makes it stop? Is to just decide and do something. To just do anything.
And the only way to know what to do? Well actually, there is no answer to that one.
Other than to not worry about worrying. To not feel anxious about feeling anxious. To accept that there is no right answer.
To breathe. To try to feel beyond the worry, to try to feel the answer rather than (over) think it.
To stop trying to second-guess every possible outcome of every possible decision. To stop trying to control and account for every accountability. It just isnโt possible.
I canโt know what will happen. I canโt know how I will feel about any of it. I canโt know whether the decision I make is any better or worse than any other decision I could have made because I am only ever going to experience the one path I do choose.
So I can only react with what I have, what I know, and how I feel, right here and right now. And I donโt need to know how to do that; I just need to do it. I just need to allow it to happen.
Back to my decisions. Well, I still donโt know what to do. I still donโt know what the โrightโ thing is.
But maybe thatโs not so much of a problem after all.
Because I do know what the wrong thing is. And thatโs to make no decision at all. Even if the decision I make is not to decide just yetโthat is still a decision. Own it.
A friend once said to me, โWhenever the time is right, it will be the right time.โ It helps me relax about my decisions.
I often wonder: Am I the only one like this? I donโt know that either, but if youโre with me:
Stop thinking it through. Stop making up what might happen. Because thatโs whatโs happening here, youโre just making it up. Just make the decision instead and enjoy the ride. Whatever it turns out to be, it doesnโt really matterโyou can change it later if you really have to.
Whatever the decision is, just make it. Whatโs the worst that can happen, really?
Just make the decision and then be glad you did. Enjoy the freedom and the relief that follows.
Enjoy the present, indecision free. Because while youโre busy worrying about what might happen tomorrow, guess what? Youโre missing out on all the great stuff happening today.
So just decide. Just relax.
Want to know the good news? The decision thing is just as leaky as the indecision thing.
Once I get going again, I know thereโll be no stopping me. Iโll breeze through decisions that floored me before. Iโll put those small things back in their place. And if it feels wrong, Iโll change it. I wonโt worry about it. Things that felt a bit wrong and weird before just wonโt matter anymore.
I wonโt know where this whole confident, decision making thing came from. Iโll just feel it.
Iโll feel it in my chest, near my heart. It will feel like contentment, embracing joy, tickled with peace and flavored with lightness. It will feel soft and warm, like molten honey trickling through my veins. It will make me smile.
And I will love it. And I will do all I can to hold on to it.
So letโs just get started. Letโs just relax. Letโs just decide. And letโs never look back.
