What To Do When You Donβt Know What to Do
Hereβs the thing: I donβt know what to do.
About this thing, about that thing. About big things and small things.
Actually, to be honest, even the smallest thing seems big when I donβt know what to do about it.
I donβt know what is best, what is right. I donβt know what I want to do.
Do you know what else I donβt know? I donβt know what to do about not knowing what to do.
And whenever I feel like this (which is not always, but often), I start not knowing what to do about things I did know what to do about before. Things I had already made decisionsΒ on, things I felt excited and sure about before, now feel wobbly and wrong. Even though I know the decisions felt right when I made them.
My brain starts questioning it all: What if I didnβt really know what to do then either, and just decided on something that wasnβt really the right thing to do after all? What if it turns out to be βwrongβ? What if I acted on impulse and didnβt think it all through properly?
Itβs like Iβm mourning all the other possible options that will never, ever happen now because I didnβt choose them.
And this uncertainty, the worry, the anxiety, the not knowing, it isnβt picky. It doesnβt just stick to the thing Iβm not sure about. It leaks. It seeps into everything else, so instead of feeling uncertain or anxious about one thing in particular, about one decision specifically, I feel anxious, uncertain, and worried full stop. I forget what started it. I just feel it.
I feel it in my chest, near my heart. In my throat. It feels like guilt, muddled with regretΒ with overtones of panic and an undercurrent of fear. It feels hard and cold, like a vice-like grip.
And I donβt like it. But I just donβt know what to do about it. So I do nothing. Except worry and be anxious that doing nothing is not the right thing to do. Itβs exhausting, itβs frustrating, and itβs totally and utterly unproductive.
And the only thing that makes it stop? Is to just decide and do something. To just do anything.
And the only way to know what to do? Well actually, there is no answer to that one.
Other than to not worry about worrying. To not feel anxious about feeling anxious. To accept that there is no right answer.
To breathe. To try to feel beyond the worry, to try to feel the answer rather than (over) think it.
To stop trying to second-guess every possible outcome of every possible decision. To stop trying to control and account for every accountability. It just isnβt possible.
I canβt know what will happen. I canβt know how I will feel about any of it. I canβt know whether the decision I make is any better or worse than any other decision I could have made because I am only ever going to experience the one path I do choose.
So I can only react with what I have, what I know, and how I feel, right here and right now. And I donβt need to know how to do that; I just need to do it. I just need to allow it to happen.
Back to my decisions. Well, I still donβt know what to do. I still donβt know what the βrightβ thing is.
But maybe thatβs not so much of a problem after all.
Because I do know what the wrong thing is. And thatβs to make no decision at all. Even if the decision I make is not to decide just yetβthat is still a decision. Own it.
A friend once said to me, βWhenever the time is right, it will be the right time.β It helps me relax about my decisions.
I often wonder: Am I the only one like this? I donβt know that either, but if youβre with me:
Stop thinking it through. Stop making up what might happen. Because thatβs whatβs happening here, youβre just making it up. Just make the decision instead and enjoy the ride. Whatever it turns out to be, it doesnβt really matterβyou can change it later if you really have to.
Whatever the decision is, just make it. Whatβs the worst that can happen, really?
Just make the decision and then be glad you did. Enjoy the freedom and the relief that follows.
Enjoy the present, indecision free. Because while youβre busy worrying about what might happen tomorrow, guess what? Youβre missing out on all the great stuff happening today.
So just decide. Just relax.
Want to know the good news? The decision thing is just as leaky as the indecision thing.
Once I get going again, I know thereβll be no stopping me. Iβll breeze through decisions that floored me before. Iβll put those small things back in their place. And if it feels wrong, Iβll change it. I wonβt worry about it. Things that felt a bit wrong and weird before just wonβt matter anymore.
I wonβt know where this whole confident, decision making thing came from. Iβll just feel it.
Iβll feel it in my chest, near my heart. It will feel like contentment, embracing joy, tickled with peace and flavored with lightness. It will feel soft and warm, like molten honey trickling through my veins. It will make me smile.
And I will love it. And I will do all I can to hold on to it.
So letβs just get started. Letβs just relax. Letβs just decide. And letβs never look back.