Experiment 9590

Mental

Mentions of self-harm and suicide. Mentions of suicide attempts. Self-harm. Trauma and psychological breakdown. Loss of identity. Panic and dissociation. Isolation and grief.

Physical / Physiological

Drug abuse and mention of drug abuse. Medical crises and SEVERE INJURY, as well as improvised medical treatments. Please do not try these at home. Some gore and blood. Semi-graphic descriptions of suffering. Non-graphic body horror.

Tone

Strong language. Non-graphic violence.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. If you're here, you likely already know what the game is like... however, let me be clear as crystal here.

If you are having a hard time during any part of reading this story, it's okay to step away or skip a part that disturbs you. I care about you. Please take care of yourself. This is a project for fun at the end of the day, not intended to cause harm. I may not always describe things perfectly, including in some very heavy situations.

I appreciate you taking the time to read these warnings. Please use your judgement before continuing to read the blog itself.

*The camera powers on as Nicholas, Leo, Persephone, and Maverick are getting ready to continue their journey down from the little camp they'd made the previous day. Nicholas still seems to be extremely nervous, staying in the tent as long as it's up. Nicholas powers his visor on, as do the trio of humans, before they all put said visors down. Leo rolls the tent back up, compressing it as hard as he can. Maverick cleans up after making some breakfast for the four of them, which was just a simple duo of 65-gram synthetic eggs, a couple of synthetic sausages, and some synthetic fruit mix for each. More than enough energy to continue their descent, and with the added bonus of tasting quite good for where they are. It isn't like most diving down through these caves start with tons of rations.*

"Everyone's feeling fine now, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for the food, man. Nicholas is being really quiet right now, but I think he's doing alright all things considered."

"The meal is appreciated."

*Nicholas is sat, having taken a glove off, clawing at the dirt and grime on the ground. It looks like he's making a picture of something. Through his visor, it could easily be seen that he's starting to cry again. His claws were dirty, but he didn't care at this point. All he wants to do is draw.*

"Hey... Nick? Whatcha drawing?"

"..."

"Bud..."

"Sorry, I didn't hear you... what?"

"What're ya drawing?"

"Me and 855 together..."

"Aw..."

"There was a third and fourth person in our party, but I don't know what happened to them... I hope they're alright..."

"I hope so too."

*The pair sit in understanding silence together for about ten minutes, while Persephone and Leo have their own conversation, faintly picked up by the microphone on the camera. Nicholas and Maverick clearly aren't paying attention to their conversation, and are having a moment for themselves.*

"I don't know how Nicholas is going to make it through this again. He's already broken... all the work we did to get him out of his shell was for nothing because of this."

"I think he should feel a lot better with us around, but... yeah, he's gonna need a lot of support when we get back on the ship. He needs to know, for sure, we're never coming back."

"How can we reassure someone who's in that kind of mental state, Persephone?"

"Patience. I don't know much about what he went through down here, but my father, if you recall..."

"The captain..."

"Yes. He's a war veteran. I fear this is like sending him right back to the ruined battlefield he fought on. He swore he'd never go back, and he kept his promise. Nicholas swore to never come back here, hell, we tried to make sure he didn't have to, but he's the only one on the ship with any knowledge of this place. This... can't be easy for him. His promise to never come back here was for nothing."

"That's true. I remember you talking about that when you were a kid, but I didn't really pay any mind to you back then."

"You were too busy tinkering with the ship to talk to a kid."

"Seems I inspired you."

"Shut it, Julius. I've always wanted to be an engineer."

"Well, I'll take some credit."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I don't know how well Nicholas is going to re-adjust back to being on the ship. We're reopening old wounds, as you implied there."

"Again, support. He's going to need a lot of it. Mav's got the right idea, staying with him as much as he can."

*Persephone looks over to the duo. Maverick has his arm wrapped around Nicholas' shoulder, and Nicholas is quietly crying again.*

"I always thought Mav was too soft, but I guess he found his role."

"On a mission like this? Mav's not too soft; he's our only reliable medic. As much as Nicholas wants to be a reliable medic, his training is... well, it's scary. I fear he's going to do something really stupid and reckless."

"Nicholas doesn't value his own life. Someone who can't value themselves can't value other people properly either... I'm also nervous he's going to do something reckless without thinking ahead. He's not stupid, he's extremely reckless and damaged."

"He isn't stupid, you're right... and that makes his trauma all the more dangerous. Was it really the right choice to bring him with?"

*Persephone sighs and leans against a rock wall. She's struggling a bit against the gravity of the planet, since she's so used to the simulated gravity of the ship, but she still maintains her stance.*

"It was. Think about how he'd be on the ship."

"I don't think he'd be as bad as he is down here-"

"He wouldn't know if we were alive or dead. You know what he said up there, right? If one of us dies to this place, he'll kill himself. He'd think it's his fault; and not knowing, he'd be panicking to a point where I don't think he could recover. He'd give himself a heart attack! At least with us down here, he knows we're okay. He knows we'll be there for him, Leo."

"And we couldn't monitor him if he was up there... I guess you're right, 'seph. I didn't think about that."

"Of course you didn't."

"I'm just not sure exactly how he'd react if he was up there."

"Well, I just told you!"

"I'd say ask Mav, he knows Nicholas the best, but I don't want to interrupt them."

"Oh, boo. I hope Nicholas doesn't end up quite as soft as Mav is."

"Seph, they're medics. They have to know how people work. We build and fix machines, they fix people... or, at least, Mav does. I don't know about Nicholas just yet."

"Alright, alright!"

"AND! Mav's a scientist in and of himself. You gotta remember, he's not just some soft medic from la-la-land- he's one of the best medical scientists on the damn ship."

"Okay, Leo, I get it."

"I don't think you really do, you never have, but whatever. I'm not going to argue the point any further with you. You've never understood Mav like I do."

"I fucking GET IT, okay?! You'll never understand why I think he's SOFT!"

"No, I get it, but you're FUCKING WRONG!"

"Can you two please stop arguing? Nick's getting stressed out again. Drop the subject."

*Maverick turns his head, now tuned into the conversation. He's holding Nicholas' hand-paw in his left hand, stroking it with his right.*

"... I'm sorry Maverick.."

"Hey, Nick, it isn't your fault."

"You know... I... I... I'm happy... to be with you all... I'm... sorry I stress-"

"Nick, I'm happy you're here. I'd be worried sick for you, and I don't think you'd be faring much better up there."

*Persephone and Leo continue arguing for a while about the mission, but it eventually dies down when...*

"No, you're not GETTING IT, Seph, I'm trying to s-"

"No, YOU don't! I'm trying to say, Mav's going to make Nicholas even softer than he already-"

"STOP! PLEASE! I... I... don't... want you... to be mad."

"Rrr... fine. Let's drop it and get going."

"Sorry for yelling..."

"Nick, it's fine. Just hold my hand and let's go. I'm getting pissed off."

"N-not at me...?"

"Not at you. Come on. You two, let's go."

*Maverick gives Nicholas his glove back, which he puts on. Nicholas holds onto Maverick's hand as tight as he can without hurting him. He looks slightly fearful at Persephone and Leo for a moment before looking back to Maverick and calming his nerves slightly. The quartet start their descent further down into the caves. Nicholas starts to feel a little sick after some more leaps of faith and as the group starts descending further and further. 388 meters... 441 meters... 485 meters...*

"I... I'm starting to get too hot... but... I see light..."

*There was a soft white light, coming from a much larger than usual life pod.*

"I'll go first-"

"No, there might-"

"I'll go. There could be another Expie in there..."

"Nick... are you sure you want to go alone?"

"Let him go. We'll monitor the situation."

"I might recognize this place... I might have enough to trade from when I was down here...!"

"Alright. Just remember, buddy, we're back here if you need us."

"Thanks, Maverick..."

*Nicholas jumps down a couple of meters, breaking his fall with some dead foliage on the ground. He looks back up and waves to the trio of humans, who have weapons drawn, but aren't aiming them. He runs to the life pod, knocking on its glass door.*

"Who's there?! Identify yourself!"

"H... how do I..."

"Experiment ID! NOW!"

"09590-SAW-01!"

"Okay. Come in."

*The glass door opens and he's let into the life pod, looking around. He raises his visor so he can see better. It's quite dim in the pod, the light clearly dimming from use. There's a flicker to it. The hum of a built-in cooler permeates the area, and a smell that seems oddly clean fills Nicholas' nostrils. Eventually, he looks back at the Experiment nearby- a Milky-type Experiment. They're clearly smaller and shorter than he is, but look like they've been through a lot. There's a ton of weapons and other items on the walls, except for the glass door.*

"A Milky... I haven't seen one of you since... a long time ago..."

"Yes, I'm an anomaly. What do you need?"

"I'm here to trade and to cool off."

"Alright, let me put your experiment ID into this device..."

"09590-SAW-01."

"Got it. You've been here before."

"I have...? I don't... recognize this place..."

*The Milky scoffs and shrugs.*

"I've built this place up since you were here, surely. Might as well, I'm never going to get that battery."

"Yeah... it blew up..."

"... So... whatever. Guess I'm really not getting it."

"Hey, can you... tell me something?"

"Mm?"

"Who was I with when I came to you first, if I've... been here before, I think you might know?"

"You were with..."

*The Milky spends about thirty seconds checking through the device. It's clear that they had built this device themselves, out of some sort of wanting to track who came through.*

"You came through with three others. 00855-SAW-01, 23415-SAW-01, and 99395-SAW-01."

"I only recognize one of those..."

"99395 died shortly after."

"... H... how?"

*Nicholas starts to become very nervous, his tail twitching in a nervous fashion.*

"Apparently, from what I heard, heatstroke and a nasty fall. Head's probably still on a pike somewhere."

"Ack--"

"You were there!"

"I... I don't... remember that..."

"Anyways, what've you got?"

"I have a neural booster. It's used, but I refilled it with the drugs needed. I've also got some plain mind-wipe."

"Alllllright, I actually might want that."

"Both?"

"Yes."

"What do you have for me?"

"What do you want?"

"I..."

*Nicholas sees a few bottles of medication in the Milky's trade bag, his eyes widening.*

"What's in these?"

"Some low-end painkillers, stuff you'd use for losing a finger or something to kill the pain while you sew it back on."

"... Do these have... what kind?"

"Opiates."

"I'll take every bottle."

"Wow, eager-"

"Give them to me."

"You do know these are fairly addictive, right?"

"... You really don't get it, do you... I want them..."

"Is it to kill the pain in your mind?"

"Shut it and hand them over... please..."

"Fine, fine. I'll throw in another goodie you might want. You want a gun?"

"I don't... use normal guns."

"Why not-"

*Nicholas turns his head and shows off his 10 metal teeth.*

"Accident? I do know I sold you a 12-gauge and some slugs... most people don't ask for slugs."

"We'll go with that."

"You want something with a bit more firepower?"

"What do you have?"

*Meanwhile, the Milky gives Nicholas the five bottles of painkillers. Once that's done, they point to the wall, directly at what can only be called a bunch of home-made sticks of dynamite.*

"You can have a couple of sticks of dynamite. No idea when you'll find a huge threat. Just light the fuse and throw it at your target."

"Sounds good..."

"Hey, kid?"

"Not much of... a kid, but... what?"

"Be safe out there. I'd rather not hear about a dead Experiment blown up by my own dynamite. Don't get high and light off that dynamite."

"What makes you think-"

"Your response to seeing five old bottles of codeine was to immediately take them, without looking at anything else in the shop. I don't know what happened to you, but you're fucked up, kid."

"I... I..."

"Very few Experiments get that much codeine or worse and aren't some kind of addict to it."

"... I'm a medic..."

"Sorry to assume."

*Nicholas looks nervous, but doesn't crack.*

"Anything else?"

"I think that's about equal value."

"Alright... I'm going to just say... I need to get back to my friends, but... I'm... kind of scared of the info you gave me... 99395 and 23415... I need to find out what happened to them. Thanks for... telling me they existed."

"Welcome. See ya."

*Nicholas walks out of the pod as the glass door opens up once more, and it shuts behind him, almost shutting on his tail. He gives a big thumbs-up to his handlers, who are watching, waiting for him to come out. He runs towards them as they finish their brief climb down from 2 meters up.*

"Alright, we've got some more supplies! Mostly just these few sticks of dynamite."

"Give those to me, bud."

"I do need to defend myself..."

"... Alright, can you promise me you won't be dumb with them?"

*Nicholas pulls out the sticks of dynamite, and one of the old bottles of codeine falls out with it. He ignores it for the moment.*

"Each of you can have one, and I'll have one."

"Alright, dynamite! Sick, now whatever we need to destroy to get what we need, we can do it!"

"Alright, fair."

"Good call getting that stuff. What did you trade for it, anyway?"

"An old drug from down here. I kinda filled it with whatever I could find that did the same... not sure how to use it now, though...? So I gave it up."

*Nicholas, hoping that the trio were distracted enough for him to do so, picks up the codeine bottle that had fallen on the ground and stuffs it back in his bag. The four of them start slowly traversing further and further down, Nicholas clearly becoming more and more nervous. He's shaky on his feet and taking his time with every step. For quite a while, there's just more and more gravel... 604m down.*

"I think we could rest here."

"Agreed, I'm beat!"

"Nick, you want to rest?"

"Yeah... I'm gonna... turn the camera off and rest my head... I don't want the camera running out of battery."

"Alright, bud. This footage should be super useful for later, even if we don't come back."

"Haha... yeah. Thanks."

*Nicholas takes his helmet off, and lets out a big, wide yawn as he presses the button on the camera to stop it recording.*

"I'm gonna puke... I hate this place... I hate this place... I want to go home..."

*Nicholas keeps repeating that over and over and over again to himself, trying to stay focused. The blinking red light also illuminates the cave slightly, the cover of rotten garbage and loose rocks barely visible in this state. He turns on the radio built into his helmet and calls to Persephone, Leo, and Maverick.*

"There used to be a lot of Experiments down here..."

"What happened, Nick? You find something?"

"What's up?"

"Nicholas, you called?"

"I... can... see an old... life pod... it's kind of buried in garbage... the light's off..."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure... I recognize that shape..."

"Alright, we trust you."

*Nicholas pulls out a shovel he'd had on him and starts digging through the garbage. He flashes his flashlight at the trio of humans who were only slightly behind him. They soon come to his aid with their own shovels, digging 2/3 of a meter down into the garbage before eventually finding the life pod's tip. DISTANCE TO SURFACE- 291 METERS.*

"See... this is the tip of one..."

"The gravity here is so heavy... Nick, do you know how far we need to go down?"

"Approximately a kilometer."

"Oh God... I don't think we're going to make it all the way-"

"Damnit, I did it once, and I'm doing it AGAIN! With YOU guys! We can do it. You'll adapt. Like I did. Fuck."

"Where was this energy earlier-"

"He's right. The faster we get down there, the faster we can go back up, and the faster we'll be able to get back on the ship."

"That energy still isn't h-here, Persephone... I'm... sorry I yelled at you three."

"It's alright, bud."

"It's okay. Let's get down there."

"It's fine. We need to get through this together, or we all die down here."

"And now- AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!"

*Nicholas cuts himself off as he accidentally slips off the side of the trash covering the life pod. One wrong step is all it took...*

"NO! NO! NICHOLAAAAAAS!"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, SHIT..."

"WAHHHHHHHHHH! HELP MEEEEEEE!"

*Nicholas tries grabbing onto the ledge of the trash-covered life pod, but fails and starts a fairly rapid descent, about sixteen meters down. It only takes a bit under a second and a half, but it's a very fast fall. His visor blinks red, indicating something's wrong, and he's badly winded. He clearly doesn't want to get up. Garbage is piled beneath him, and beneath that, hard rocks. He radios,*

"Hhh... help... my nose is bleeding... where am I...."

"NICHOLAS ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

"Let me get some rope."

"I'll start digging down. He's not too far."

"I'm... okay... just... give me a second..."

"I'll get some bandaging and splints ready just in case you broke something. Your head feel okay?"

"My nose hurts... other than that... I'm okay..."

"Alright. We'll be down there in 5."

"Alright... can I take a nap here?"

"Not until I check you out. Then we can rest."

"Fine..."

*Maverick, Leo, and Persephone eventually, in about 5 minutes, are there, standing over the Expie. Nicholas waves up at them, closing his eyes as Maverick takes his visor off, and soon his helmet as well. Maverick does basic checks on him, cleans his nose up, and makes sure he has no other issues going on. Nicholas sneezed a bunch of blood up, and then relaxed as it got cleaned up.*

"Ew..."

"That doesn't look good."

"Looks like he just hurt his nose. Still sleepy, buddy?"

"Yeah... Oh, that feels better..."

"Nick, that wasn't a small amount of blood to sneeze out. Would you like to rest here? Better place than any..."

"We sleeping in shifts?"

"Yeah."

"Thought so."

"Sounds good to me, I'm beat. Who's staying up first?"

"I can."

"Alright."

"Sounds good. I'll take care of Nicholas a bit more before I rest."

"Got any... apple... juice?"

"Yeah, I do. We've only got a gallon or so of that, and a few gallons of water."

"Sorry..."

"It's okay, buddy. Remember, we're always here for you."

"I'm here for you guys... when we make it lower down... we're gonna have it worse... let's rest..."

*The camera powers on, Nicholas nowhere in sight... the window is, however, in full view of the camera. He is in a slight reflection of the darkened window. What could be seen from the window was nothing if not beautiful; a hazy, dim blue sky and many stars in the sky. The camera could see Nicholas tensing up hard, even in the slightly distorted reflection. His 'horns' move very slightly back. He turns the camera around, revealing that he's in mostly black armor, looking a lot thicker than usual. His helmet's to his side, a nice new radiation-resistant helmet, also in black. He murmurs to himself,*

"Welcome to hell, camera... and welcome back myself... I wonder what horrors await us..."

*Nicholas hits the '5' button on his watch, to reveal his mood to the camera. He then hits the H button to reveal it in better quality.*

MOOD -5.3. ANXIOUS.

"Figures. I don't really need that info, but my handlers... might need it."

*His tone of voice seems a bit different to his usual happy, innocent self- cynical, bitter, and anxious, but still hopeful.*

"I-I... hope we can just get the fuel and get the fuck out of here. I hate this planet..."

*Nicholas' eyes water a little as the ship gets closer to the dull, gray surface of the planet. It's clearly visible that he's about to cry.*

"I don't want my friends to die... if they die, then... then... fuck. I don't know if I'll make it without another 12-gauge... blaagh! I can't think like that! I can't! For THEM!"

*He shakes his head, but still clearly starts to visibly cry. His tone of voice grows slightly more confident.*

"Who knows what may happen. Might even find a friend... but right now, I need to help my handlers and their friends get fuel. With this suit, Persephone says I can take... 70 Gray? 80? I don't... know. I'd need to ask her. But... she's doing something for the ship."

*The ship seems very shaky, and an alarm starts to sound.*

EMERGENCY ALERT. LOW FUEL. EMERGENCY ALERT. PREPARE FOR LANDING. EMERGENCY ALERT. LOW FUEL. EMERGENCY ALERT. PREPARE FOR LANDING. EMERGENCY ALERT. LOW FUEL. PREPARE FOR LANDING. EMERGENCY ALERT. PREPARE FOR LANDING.

"Ahh! Gotta run! Taking you with me! No time to waste!"

*The camera is picked up roughly, as well as Nicholas' helmet, which he puts on very quickly. The camera is clipped to his chest, and he's running the fastest he seems to have ever run through the rest of his room and through the vast hallways of Wolf of the Stars. He swipes his bag on the way out of his room, putting it on while he bolts. He dashes by several humans, who're also running, focused on the task at hand. He notices that he's clearly somewhat faster than the fairly fit humans onboard the ship, and dodges through several running convoys of people. He looks back, trying to motivate the humans to run faster, but he doesn't seem to realize he's been running nearly 50 kilometers an hour- something most humans can't do, even now.*

"Wow... hah... humans... hah... aren't fast creatures... hah... sorry camera... for jostling you... hah..."

*The camera doesn't respond except with a blink, as it always does. It's just a camera, after all. He covers the top of the lens for a moment to put in his password into a computer, which opens a forcefield to let him into a large elevator. Seven other people do the same thing after Nicholas, and the elevator closes completely. The elevator does not move particularly quickly, and Nicholas is clearly very anxious. Most of the humans around him, from scientists to nuclear engineers, seem rather stoic in comparison. One of the nuclear engineers grabs his hand-paw gently, telling him,*

"It's going to be alright."

*Nicholas clearly finds that strange, but holds onto the strange man's hand for the duration of the elevator's descent. Deck 23... 22... 21... 20... 19... 18... 17... 16... 15... 14... 13... 12... 11... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... finally, the elevator reaches Deck 1A- the lowest deck on the ship. When the eight people, including Nicholas, step out of the elevator. The man holding his hand continues to do so, petting him briefly.*

"I'm looking for Maverick R., Julius S., and Persephone K."

"Oh, I can lead you towards them."

"Thank you, sir... say, why can't humans run like I can?"

"We're a lot bigger than you and our legs are different. You walk on your toes. I'm more impressed that you can walk with as much stability as you do. Let me take you to your handlers, Nicholas."

"Alright... thanks for the answer, sir."

*The pair slowly walk to the end of a long, black hallway, with some flashing lights on either side. Nicholas holds onto the scientist's hand, looking forward. His bioluminescence makes it a lot easier for both him and the scientist to see ahead of them.*

"I like your bioluminescence."

"O-oh! T-thanks, sir..."

*Nicholas seems to relax a little, but still remains tense with the scientist. He clearly doesn't expect to be touched by humans outside his three handlers, nor does he particularly like it, but he's getting used to it. The pair head silently through the tunnel, which begins to descend. The lights seem to disappear from view, Nicholas turning his head around one last time before the door opens in front of him. What he sees, and what the camera sees, makes Nicholas instantly cling to the scientist. The surface of Gray Planet, right below them. The scientist sighs and picks the petrified Nicholas up, clearly struggling with holding a creature so heavy as Nicholas. Not that Nicholas is heavy at just 47 kilograms, the scientist just isn't the most physically fit type of man. Nicholas' eyes are wider than anyone had ever seen prior, and he's looking around panicked as the door closes behind him and the seven men who left with him. There's a small encampment in view, though everything is slightly fuzzy with Nicholas shuddering and shaking a million times a second. He hadn't known the ship particularly well beforehand, but now he knows 1A is the deck where the exit is, if it's ever needed. Either way, Nicholas sees Maverick waving from the encampment, and seems to almost instantly calm down slightly. Each crunchy step of the scientist on the surface of Gray Planet reminds Nicholas of the start of his journey- something he'd never thought he'd remember again. Soon, the scientist makes it to the encampment, though is clearly heavily winded from carrying the trembling Experiment.*

"Here's Nicholas. I need to go join the rest of my team, but it was good to meet him finally, Leo."

"Yeah, he's a good boy. Let me guess, did he freeze up on the way down here?"

"Things take longer when you don't live on the fifth deck, Leo. But, affirmative, he froze up right before we stepped foot on the gravel."

"Expected. Anyways, go meet with your team. Maverick needs to do a final checkup on Nicholas."

"Alright. See you on the other side of the mission."

"If you... or we survive."

"No need to be so cynical, Nicholas. This will go well."

"You haven't lived through this place yet. I... hope you get back."

"Thanks."

*The scientist puts Nicholas down and leaves after acknowledging Leo. Nicholas takes a few steps toward Leo, who leads him inside the hastily thrown together tent to meet up with Maverick.*

"Be brave, Nicholas. I know this is hard for you... you're not the only one a little rattled right now."

"..."

"Alright. Go see Maverick, he's going to do his final checks on you before we go down into the caves. You're going to be very, very important to us, Nicholas. I'm glad we found you."

"Thank you... Alright..."

*Nicholas slowly walks towards Maverick, almost flinching at every step of his tactical combat boots on the gravel, rock, and rotting old garbage beneath him.*

"Hey, bud. Been waiting for you for just a couple minutes, you're not late."

"I'm sorry... I'm... I don't feel well."

"Let's give you a full checkup before we go down... from what you've told me, it's very dangerous."

"... Yeah. I'm... starting to get flashbacks."

"Poor thing... we're gonna fight through it. We'll be here by your side no matter what happens."

"And I'll be by your side too. I love you guys. I'll do anything for you all."

*Nicholas means every word of it, but he seems nervous at best. Maverick checks all his vitals with the watch and a kit of tools to validate its results.*

BLOOD PRESSURE 142/81. HEART RATE 94. HEART CONDITION NORMAL. BLOOD VOLUME 4.97L. NOURISHED. SLIGHTLY THIRSTY. NO MEDICATIONS IN SYSTEM. ENERGY LEVEL 77%. CONSCIOUSNESS LEVEL 100%. BRAIN HEALTH 99%. All systems in body functioning correctly. No infections. No injuries. No major statuses. Slight permanent hearing loss (right ear). MOOD -57. Filled with dread. Proceed with caution.

"When did you lose hearing in your right ear?"

"12 gauge."

"Got it."

"..."

"It's time to go, buddy. You checked out okay... I know this... isn't what you wanted when we picked you up."

"Another part of me died the moment we landed here. If something happens to you, Leo, or Persephone, because of me, and it kills one of you, I'm going... to end my life, by any means necessary. Just know that. I... can't live with more guilt. I'm sorry."

"It won't happen. I promise you... and if any of us are alive, we will make fucking sure you don't end your life. We love you, and we made the promise to protect you."

"I... I hope you keep those promises, M-Maverick. Please. I don't want this place to claim my life, or especially yours. You're... you're good people. I just... I... genuinely couldn't live without you three especially."

*The wind begins to flow into the tent, a rancid smell coming with it. A smell that Nicholas barely reacts to, but Maverick almost reviles at.*

"Ah, the smell of this fucking shithole... It only gets worse from here. As everything does."

"Nick... things will get better... maybe not the smell, but... I have a feeling we're gonna... be alright."

"I hope so... I really hope so. Please..."

"Want me to carry you out?"

"I just want you to hold my paw... I'm... I'm scared..."

"Alright... Persephone, Leo, it's time. Sadly, it's just us four... but we'll be alright. I've got a lot of medical supplies on me."

"I see. I've got the tools."

"And I have the rations with me, and our sleeping quarters."

"I just... have... myself... and whatever you put in my bag."

*The quartet stands over the edge of a deep, deep hole, a hole releasing a smell unheard of on Earth. Nicholas holds onto Maverick's hand, tears in his eyes.*

"I can't... believe... I'm doing this again... I hope my life isn't over."

"Nick, look at the inside of the helmet. Is that in condition to protect you anymore?"

"Of course it is!"

"Look at the right side interior of the helmet, Maverick."

*The camera can see that the riot helmet has a badly cracked visor, seemingly from a stress crack from the right, and a hole in the actual metal of the helmet that's slightly larger than a 12-gauge slug. Nicholas doesn't really want to look at it, but gives it a glance... that glance shows the work he did to destroy his own jaw.*

"I don't need to, there's a hole big enough to put my thumb into."

"Fair point. How the hell did you survive a hit like that, Nicholas..."

"It was my own 12-gauge."

"I know, how the HELL did you get out of that?"

"Wired my mouth shut and used a plate to keep it in place. Used the broken teeth hole to drink liquid food, or really small chunks I could just swallow."

"... Okay, fair enough, best not to keep pressing."

"Yeah, I could have told you that, Leo."

"S-so... why can't I use it again?"

"BECAUSE OF THE HOLE, NICHOLAS."

"The hole."

"... Fine... C-can I keep it?"

"The riot helmet stays on the ship. It's yours, but we're gonna give you more suitable armor, including some radiation armor."

"Yes, Persephone designed something that would fit on your body."

"Oh? Can I try it on?"

"Later tonight. She's got to wake up and get ready herself. She did all that armor on her time away from the engineers' desk... you had better thank her."

"... Now I'm all excited!"

"You better be. Anyways, Maverick, what say you? Anything that Nicholas needs to know?"

"Yes. Nicholas, I need you to promise me something."

"... M-Maverick, you're scaring me... what do I need to promise you?"

"Promise me that you'll never do something so self-destructive again."

"I promise I won't try to blow my brains out..."

"MEAN IT, boy."

"Ah-... I will do everything in my power to make sure I don't do anything so stupid."

"Alright. I'll keep an eye on you, buddy."

"Thanks... I'm sorry I worry you."

"It's alright. Now. Me and Leo have to go get the rest of the team ready."

"Yes. We'll have a ton of supplies for the team when we get to the surface of 'Gray Planet.' It won't be like the last time for you, Nicholas. Is that reassuring?"

"... Not really... it's... still.... HELL."

"We can help you, is all. You're helping us, let us help you."

*Nicholas gets a gentle hug from Maverick, and gives him a hug back. Nicholas lets out a little whine, shivering and trembling lightly, clearly crying slightly.*

"It's alright... Leo, I'll stay with Nicholas for a bit. Let the team know."

"Roger that."

*Nicholas waves with a tearful smile as Leo gets up to go talk to the rest of the team.*

"Bye, L-Leo... M-Maverick?"

"Yeah, what's up buddy?"

"I'm... really... really scared, Maverick. I don't wanna die..."

"I won't let you die without a fight. Leo won't let you die. None of us would let you die in vain."

"Can I carry some medical supplies?"

"You and I are the medics. I'll train you on the job... if we find another Experiment, I'll help you out, but you'll need to use your knowledge."

"Yes, sir... Can I... Can I... be useful?"

"You'll be very useful for us. You're small, light, and can take a lot more radiation than we can, according to Persephone."

"I... I... uh... alright!"

*The pair speak of the mission, in immense, grueling detail, for a while before Maverick asks a question right out of the blue.*

"... Nicholas?"

"I know about the protocol, drop everything and run if you see an Elder Thorn-"

"How were you treated by scientists on Earth?"

"I... wh... hwhwh... wh... why... would you... assk.... aaassssskkk that....???....????"

*Nicholas' mood goes from entirely game-faced and ready for action, to looking as if he was a devastated little kid. His eyes widened to the widest Maverick had ever seen them, and he started to tremble again.*

"You always talk as if you're useless, can't do anything right. You speak as if your life means less than anyone else's around you. As if you've never seen yourself as anything more than an asset to be used. I want to get to the fucking bottom of it. What in the hell happened? Do you have memory of it?!"

*Maverick's expression is one of genuine frustration- not anger at Nicholas, but it's hard to tell with his tone of voice. He seems to be pushing rather hard, for a good reason... but it's clear that Nicholas can barely handle sitting up, let alone an answer. Nicholas looks, and clearly feels, sick at the idea of all of this.*

"IiiIIIIifiiiiiii... cccc.... ccan.... can't.... aaaaan.... answe..... answer.... sorry.... sorry... mav... maver... maverick....... don't.... beeeeemmm... mmmaaaaadd.... don't....... hur... hurt..... me...."

"Hey... buddy... I understand, okay? You don't have to..."

"A sa... sa.... sacrif... ice... is all... .... I..... was trained.... to..... be....."

*Nicholas can't seem to stop choking up during his sentence, so he simply starts making canine whimpers. He grabs Maverick's arm HARD and looks at him.*

"pl... please.... don't..... hhhhhhuuuurttt.... mmmeeee...."

"I won't. I made a promise as a handler to never harm you... and I intend to keep that promise, barring extremes- ow! Claws!"

*Nicholas was holding Maverick's arm so hard that he was tearing through his clothing and some skin, but he backs off his claws when both him and the camera can see blood.*

"Sorry... I.... hhhhuuurrrttttt... yyyoouuu... liiiik...liiiiiikkkkeeee... bad.... dog...."

"No, you're not... it was an accident."

"Sorry..."

"It's okay, bud... I see now how they treated you... I hope one day you can tell me... but I see now that this is not the time."

*The pair rest for a little while, about 30 minutes, as Nicholas cries into Maverick's arm, knowing that he caused Maverick pain. He clearly feels horrible, and keeps muttering little apologies. Maverick looks down at Nicholas' pocket and notices the camera's blinking red LED and lens peeking out.*

"Hey, buddy...?"

"Yeah...?"

"Your camera's on.... Did you mean to do that?"

"I-it's on?! I... so... I'm sorry. I must have... accidentally turned it on. Want me to turn it off?"

"I don't mind either or... besides, buddy. It shows... we're not perfect. I'm sorry I hit you in such a sensitive spot."

"And I'm sorry I clawed your arm up..."

"It's alright, bud."

"I... I... it's okay... I'll be okay... I just... want you to be okay... I want you to be okay... I'm gonna be okay... but... M-Maverick... can you get me some... juice?"

"Apple, I'm assuming?"

"Yeah..."

"Want me to carry you with me this time? I... don't trust the situation, buddy. I don't want you alone."

"Okay..."

*Maverick hoists Nicholas up into his arms, even though the camera is still recording at this point.*

"Heh... I used to do this with my own son when he was scared of something... I guess I'm more scared of something happening to you than you seem to be of anything... but the hell beneath us."

"Haha... I... I like you... friend... I'll... I'll be brave down there..."

"You don't need to be. You'll be with us... you won't be alone."

"I wasn't for a lot... 855... was with me..."

"... Okay... I want to ask you something about them, bud."

*The pair are walking through the slightly dimly lit hallways- it was night time. There were no colored lights on the walls, and the lights above were as dim as could be while still supporting human vision. They were also quite yellow.*

"What do you... need to know...? I'll do my best..."

"What was your relationship like...? Was it romantic, or just for survival?"

"Well... they... were my first and only kiss. I felt almost useless to them, as... well, they had to drug me to keep me from having panic attacks. They really cared about me."

"There's my answer. Thanks, buddy."

"I hope I can feel that again with another Experiment... maybe with less, being useless to them."

"You're not useless, and I don't think you ever have been."

*Maverick gets a liter bottle of apple juice out of a refrigerated cupboard, giving it to Nicholas.*

"You sure do drink a lot of this stuff... A lot like my son when he was young."

"What happened to your son?"

"I... don't... exactly know. I had him really young; he was 4 when I left Earth. Hey, what's 36-17?"

"... 36 - 10 is 26... 26 - 6 is 20... 20 - 1 is... 19?"

"Good boy. I was 15 when I had him... too young, for sure, but his mom took him in when I was called to be sent on Wolf of the Stars."

"Why can't we go back to Earth? To see your son?"

*Nicholas takes a swig of apple juice while he waits for a response, a little wide-eyed, though this time in curiosity.*

"The portals are gone, and I think most of the scientists that got us here, outside the ones on the ship, are dead."

"D-dead...?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm so sorry..."

"I... it really isn't okay."

*Maverick chokes up for a second before regaining his composure.*

"I'll never see my son, my wife... again. None of us will ever see our families again. I miss Earth, buddy."

"I... don't know how to help... but... if it means anything, you're my favorite handler... you actually tell me about your... family? You can be sad around me..."

"I appreciate it. I guess I could say I'm like a father to ya, huh?"

"Yeah... the one I had was killed before I was even born."

"The Corporation was fucking evil."

"You guys... are a lot better. I'll never leave you guys... not that I can, but I don't want to. I... trust you."

"Thank you so much, Nick."

"You're welcome... I would rather live on the ship than anywhere else."

"Heh... I wish home was... achievable for me, bud... but, well, I guess this is home now."

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing, Maverick... whatever happened... to Earth...? You don't have to be there..."

"I miss my wife and my son more than anything, but I guess you're right, if you purely go by me being alive up here... I was chosen to be here for a reason, taking care of you."

"Well... you can't... change the past. You... just have to... live today... I wish I could keep that advice... but that's what Leo told me."

"That was smart of him to tell you, Nick. It's really, really difficult to live up to that, but you're right."

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Sure, bud... but we'll need to turn the camera off."

"Okay... b-bye, whoever's watching. I guess... you saw a lot. Night, camera..."

*Nicholas takes a big drink of apple juice before he shuts the camera off.*

"I was given this by Persephone when I got on the ship... it's a monitor for my vitals. A lot like the chip I used to have, from what they said- they..."

*The door opens, Persephone behind it. She was decked out in a fairly heavy set of armored clothing, though not as much as expected for a mission of this severity.*

"Speaking of... Persephone! How'd you guys make this?!"

"Make what? I just came in to check on you, as Maverick's preparing for the mission to Gray Planet, as you call it."

*Nicholas pulls from the box a black watch with a small amber display on it. He checks its sizing, makes sure it fits around his wrist.*

"Oh, the watch. We reverse engineered the chip that the Corporation put in your head, and made an externalized version. It will stab your wrist a little, but that won't hurt much. It will send the ship your health data."

"But... our chips... explode! They kill us! They control-"

"This won't hurt you. It purely monitors your vital signs- blood pressure, heart rate, blood volume, mood, radiation, infection status across the body, your brain's health, and many, many other signs of life. This watch is more efficient than your brain chip ever was. We have a couple of these around now, though they're not the best used on us. They aren't calibrated well for the human body."

"How come you can't c-calibrate these for you?"

"The human body doesn't have the ability to adapt to the watch as well as the Experiment body. I'm not sure how your bodies adapt so easily, but I'm not going to use you as a lab rat-fox-guy."

"Would you do it if it kept other Expies from being tested on?"

"... You're self-sacrificing again."

"Sacrifice is a key part of the self."

"Alright, that's kind of strange. Anyways, how are you holding up? Mustn't feel good to go back to that hell so soon."

"It doesn't, but I'll do anything if it keeps you all alive."

"I appreciate it."

"Thanks. I just hope we don't have to starve down there..."

"We're bringing rations and medical supplies. Our team won't be that large, but 500 of us are going down to get the fuel. There will be about 80 teams. Ours might be the best, if and only if you agree to come with us."

"Why would I be so important?"

"Your radiation resistance and strength-to-weight ratio. You can keep hold of 31.1 kilograms while weighing 47 yourself."

"But that's not that impressive-"

"As well, a small look into your DNA shows immense radiation resistance- up to 24 Gray before severe, major effects."

"But... isn't that a lot for you?"

"Between five and eight times the resistance we have, and the anti-radiation medication we use has a far lower sickness likelihood to you than to us. Radiation is expelled through urine when anti-rad is taken, and it has a far stronger diuretic effect on you. You expel the radiation within minutes, while it takes several hours to take effect for us."

"That means I'll... oh. I guess... I guess to save you, I'll do it."

"Good boy. Now, let's get the watch set-up. It knows your name already, because I punched it in. I added some of your basic data in as well. Be aware, this is going to hurt a-"

*Nicholas slowly puts on the watch, not really paying that much attention to what Persephone's saying outside of putting the watch on. Then, he lets out a loud yelp as the watch anchors itself into his arm, adjusting itself to be comfortable enough to wear.*

"- lot... Nicholas, you really need to be more patient."

"FUCK! OW! What the HELL!?"

"I was going to say, it anchors itself into your wrist. This anchor isn't permanent, it can be shut down by the host machine on the ship when you get back."

"Why... why can't you... make this for humans?"

"As I said, your body will adapt. Ours cannot."

"... fuck... are we carrying a spare for anyone we find?"

"Yeah. Two- one in case yours breaks, or both, depending on how crazy things get."

"If we find another Experiment..."

"Put this on them immediately if they don't look to be in good condition. It'll help identify what's going on."

"What if..."

"If they're in bad enough condition to need it attached, they're not in the right place to say no."

"Alright."

"Anyways, let's test it out. Show me your blood pressure and heart rate right now, please. Here's how you do it."

*Nicholas is guided through the process of showing his blood pressure and heart rate: Just 2 clicks; one on the "1" button on the side, and it shows a hologram with a click of the "H" button on the front.*

BLOOD PRESSURE: 138/84. HEART RATE: 94. HEART CONDITION: NORMAL.

"I assume that's from the pain. It'll go down."

"Yeah, I know, but still! Hmm... So if I don't want to show a hologram?"

"Don't click the H button. It won't show a hologram then. It'll instead show it on the screen. Isn't that nice?"

"Yeah... A-anyways, I think I understand this now-"

"Show me your mood level. No need for the hologram, I can see the screen. It'll show you a number between -100 and +100."

*Nicholas presses on the "5" button with a claw, but does not use the H button.*

MOOD: +23.4. CONTENT.

"Oh, good. Alright. I think you get the picture, but I can give you the manual I wrote myself for it."

"O-okay."

*He is given the manual, which he puts in the black box.*

"I'll let you be. I'll let Maverick know you're getting ready. We've got 5 days until we reach the surface of Gray Planet, without using the last of our non-emergency fuel."

"Alright... thanks Persephone."

"Welcome, Nicholas. Give me a holler if you need anything tonight; Maverick's preparing our team."

"Got any apple juice?"

"Oh, yeah! Forgot I was intending to give you this. Here."

*Nicholas receives a large bottle of apple juice, which he accepts happily! Persephone gives the bottle to him and waves before walking off, shutting the door behind her.*

"So... that... just happened? Now my wrist kinda hurts... I guess I'll get used to it."

*Nicholas puts the bottle down on the table nearest the couch and has a seat, his tail wagging side to side. He takes the camera off his chest and puts it beside the bottle, showing his happy face, which even shows a few metallic teeth. His amber eyes aren't very wide, as he had turned the lights down before Persephone got into the room. This seems to be quite comfortable for him.*

"I'm glad, even if I have to go back, that I've got friends to help out... I hope no one dies... I hope you understand where I'm coming from! I've got a big day coming... maybe even a really big week. I hope everyone makes it out okay... Otherwise I don't think I'll make it out of this without another bullet in my head. Anyway! I'm gonna go drink this, I don't wanna damage you. I guess I'll see you later?"

*The camera picks up a slightly concerned expression on Nicholas' face, his eyes half-lidded and a few teeth showing. He looks around with just a little bit of head movement, his horns, like a typical canine's ears, flicking around. He was nervous, once again. He had some papers in front of him, with some very poor paw-writing on each. The writing was so bad, it was basically not able to be read properly by the camera. He did, however, write his name fairly clearly, even in English... even if the cases were off, this was far better than most of the rest of the paper. This was something he had clearly worked quite hard on.*

"I wrote about that on this paper, just... the memory of seeing others like me, and the dread of never seeing those people again, nor people like me. I wonder if there's any other Experiments out there, still alive... very few survived the journey to get the battery... 855 didn't. I want to think there's at least a couple out there to talk to, even if they might not like me."

*He clasps his hand-paws together for a moment, before releasing them and looks at the door.*

"Maverick should be here soon, but he's only here to pick up my work. I've got some class work I've had to do, because I'm apparently well below the reading and math required for the medic job... I really don't know why I'd need to read and do a lot of math when most of my experience has to do with getting people's fingers reattached, or giving them a predetermined pill with some medicine in it. Is it really so important to be a whiz at math?"

*Nicholas seems confused, though not as much as one would expect from him. He moves the papers around and stacks them up properly. He seems to not be in a bad mood per se, but his confusion only grew as he sees his own paw-writing. Awful. He clearly is struggling to read it. Maybe his paw-eye coordination isn't very good? Or maybe he wasn't raised to be able to write? Nonetheless, he seems disappointed in himself. He hears a knock at the door.*

"Come in, Maverick..."

*Nicholas' tone of voice is a little weak.*

"Did you get the work I asked of you done?"

"Yes... I can't really read it very well, though. Can you help me figure it out?"

"Alright- oh... Alright."

*Nicholas looks deeply saddened when he sees Maverick's expression drop due to his penmanship.*

"If it's alright, Nicholas, I'm going to have you type this out from here on out. Your penmanship... isn't really readable. I can make out some numbers, and your name, but other than that, I can't make heads or tails of this. Sorry, buddy."

"I-it's... it's okay. I tried my best."

"Hey- it's alright. You just need to learn how to write. But for now, I'll have you type these out on a computer."

"What's a computer?"

"A computer is basically what I had you do those tests on when I was getting you evaluated, Nicholas."

"Oh! That thing! Okay, I can do that. But how am I gonna learn to write with these paws?"

"Very slowly and carefully, bud."

"Is my writing the worst you've ever seen?"

"... I'm gonna be honest with you, yes- but that's not because you're some kinda idiot. You've just never had to do it before, yeah?"

"I... have only ever written my experiment number down. 09590. And Leo had me write my name on a piece of paper when I chose one from the couple he gave me, to pick which I like best."

"That makes sense, given... what I see here. We can re-do these assignments on the computer later. I can just write your answers on a new piece of paper for you, if you want."

"That's... thank you, Maverick..."

*The pair spend a bit of time deciphering some of the assignment text, and having Nicholas speak what he wanted to write down.*

"Not terrible performance, buddy. Better than your initial tests."

"Thanks... b-but 40% doesn't pass!"

"Hey, Nick, don't be so hard on yourself. You're improving. You're even multiplying small numbers, buddy!"

"Yeah, but I got a lot of those wrong too..."

"Nicholas, I don't expect perfection on your first assignments. You'll get a few of these a week, but we're gonna use the computer so you can just type it out."

"I'm super slow at typing, though..."

"You'll get better!"

"A-alright."

*Maverick cleans up a couple of things, taking a few minutes to go use the restroom.*

"I need to ask him..."

*Nicholas had drawn something with the tip of his claw with some ink; a portrait of himself and another, much more beat up Experiment, one significantly taller than himself, hugging. It wasn't the best portrait, but it was clearly carefully done. He explains to the camera,*

"I drew me and 855 last night... I want him to put this somewhere safe. I don't wanna ruin it... I still hear their voice asking me if I'm okay. I still hear them talking to me when I go to bed, telling me goodnight. I still feel when... when we kissed that one time. I felt like my life meant something that day."

*Nicholas, with a single tear rolling down his cheek, smiles. This shows off the teeth he'd had replaced, but he clearly couldn't care less. He seems to be remembering more than before, even remembering happy memories.*

"I'm... realizing I might have really been in love with 855. It's... sad I never got to know their name, but I loved every moment I was with them. Even with the drugs I needed to forget what happened. Even when I was trying my best to save them from the gunshot to the head... I felt like I was useful to someone."

*The door gets knocked on again, and Nicholas' expression brightens even a little more.*

"Maverick!"

"Oh, Nicholas! I was only gone for a couple minutes, what's got you so excited?"

"I've got something to show you!"

*He gives Maverick the paper, wagging his tail and smiling almost from ear to ear.*

"Hmm... who's that you're with?"

"855! I wanted to draw something with my claw... sorry if it's not-"

"Aww... you really loved them, didn't you?"

"... love... yeah, I did. I loved them more than anything else ever."

"Well... I'm happy you remember that. You want me to keep this safe somewhere?"

"Yes!... and... I have a question."

*Nicholas' expression had become one of longing, rather than excitement.*

"Yeah?"

"Is... is it normal to... feel so much grief? Do you know how to handle it? I see 855 in my dreams... I hold them tightly. I want them to hold me tightly, but it feels cold... they're dead, obviously, but I still wish I could hold their paw. I wish they could hold me again... I wish I wasn't such an idiot that got them killed."

"You didn't get them killed, Nicholas. The guy you fought did."

"But... they died for me, they jumped in front of the bullet for me."

"They sacrificed their life for you. They loved you. I don't know how far you two went together, but I know you felt the same. It was a noble sacrifice from them... they'd want you to keep going in their stead."

"But now I... I don't know what I'm even doing."

"You're trying to heal, and you're finally in a place where you can process your thoughts and feelings."

"I just... don't know how I'm supposed to go on like this."

"You need time, and... well, alright. I need to ask you something, buddy."

"What do you need to say?"

"... Do you know if 'Gray Planet' still has nuclear fuel?"

"What?!"

"You heard me, bud..."

"... M-Maverick... I... G-give me a moment to recall.... I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Nicholas."

*Nicholas looks at Maverick tearfully, his pupils absolutely huge.*

"It... it does. S-several layers down in the caves... why?"

"Well... we need nuclear fuel. We weren't able to get much from the surface, and I felt I needed to ask."

"H... how long until you need it?"

*Nicholas looks at the clock. It reads; 23:25 02/05/2412. Maverick looks as well, sighing. The camera's blinking light can be seen on Nicholas' pupils' reflection.*

"We have about two weeks of fuel left before we go into our emergency reserves."

"Wh... h-h... we need... to go back?"

"Yeah, we do, buddy."

"Please! Don't take me there! Please! Please! PLEASE!!!!"

*Nicholas almost immediately starts to cry, begging and pleading with nearly incoherent speech.*

"Hey, hey, hey. Nicholas..."

*Maverick gives Nicholas a big, tight hug, saying into his ear,*

"You'll be safe on the ship with the crew. A few of us just need to get some of the fuel... you'll be okay. You don't have to leave the ship if you don't want to."

"... Maverick?"

"Yeah?"

"I... If you find another one of us... can you... can we... take them with us?"

"Yes, yes we can, if they're willing."

"Okay... I... thank you so much..."

"You're welcome."

"Do... do you have any juice with you? I need a drink..."

"I'll go get you some apple juice... your favorite."

*Maverick lets go finally, getting up and petting Nicholas on the head. He looks back to see Nicholas looking into the camera, but says nothing of it before walking out of the room.*

"I... I... I can't just... we now have to go back... we have to go back to hell... hell... nightmare... nightmare... for fuel... are there no other nuclear planets? I... I'll... I... FUCK. I'll never step foot on that planet... unless someone needs my help. Then, I'll fucking die for them. I'd rather that than... than anyone else have to die. That planet... those caves... a living hell. I'd come with to help but I'd be a hinderance... but if someone needs me, I'll be there in a heartbeat. I want nothing more than for these humans... to be okay. If this trip will save all our lives... I know this ship runs on nuclear fuel... I didn't know we're so low... they'll all die if we run out of fuel... and so will I. I... I... I think I can handle this now. I think... but I can't step foot there... I'll draw up a map for them, if I can remember anything..."

*Nicholas smiles just a little, tears streaming from his eyes.*

"I guess I will be very useful... I guess I'll be a good boy!"

*Nicholas' expression brightens when he hears the door knock once again.*

"I'm gonna go, I've... got some apple juice to drink and my plushie to squeeze... Thank you for seeing me... Hehehe."

*Nicholas seems to be a bit nervous, his tail twitching behind him and his two upper horns pulling down. His 'horns' were a bit more ear-like than many others, but they weren't ears. He seemed to grow more and more nervous as he thought more about the situation he was in.*

"I heard something from Leo just the other day... that we're never going home. He said we were never going home... I don't know what he means, but it... kind of scares me."

*He scratches the fluffy horn on the back of his head, potentially a little bit of self-soothing. He sits down on his old blue couch, putting the camera on the coffee table and picking up a small cup full of, presumably, apple juice.*

"I'm sorry I spend so much time venting to you, camera... but you're the only one who can fully understand why I vent...? I don't know... I'm just a little terrified of what never going home... means to these people. They never told me it was permanent...? I wish I'd known, I wish... they'd known. I... I'm scared and they can't help me because, I think they're scared too, they just don't show it as much as I do. Maybe I'm overthinking it and they're happy here, but I just want them to be happy and feel okay. I want them to feel okay. I just want it to be okay. I want to be okay. I... I'm not okay."

*Nicholas starts to break down a little, obviously panicking slightly. He clearly didn't know how to soothe himself properly. He started to spiral out of control a little, starting to speak some gibberish words that were, even if someone was in the room, almost impossible to understand. He wasn't having a panic attack, but he struggled to form basic words for a couple of minutes between light sobs. After some time, he would regain some of his composure.*

"Sorry again, I just... I just want everyone to be okay. I want myself to feel like I'm okay. Maybe if I had some of the drug 855 gave me... or if I had 855 themselves... I... I want 855 back... I want 855... It isn't fair, it's not fair, it's not fair... why did I have to be the one to survive? Why... why do I think like this? Why am I like this-"

"Nicholas?"

*There is a quiet knock on the door, which interrupts Nicholas' slow descent into panic and sorrow once more. He clearly perks up at the voice, one he recognizes as...*

"M-Maverick...? W-why..."

*The door opens, the camera able to see that it moves upward when doing so, and Maverick slowly walks up to the sorrowful canid. The camera got a better look at the man's deathly pale face, a look of gentle concern on it. His stubble had grown some in the days since the last entry in Nicholas' video diary.*

"I heard you... are you okay, buddy?"

"N... No. I'm... I'm not. I-if I'm honest with you, I want to c-cry... a lot."

"Aw... I'm sorry, Nicholas... what's wrong?"

"I heard we were never gonna make it home... isn't... isn't that really bad? Isn't..."

*Maverick lets out a sigh and sits next to Nicholas, wrapping a skinny arm around him. He rubs the Experiment's shoulder.*

"Yeah... we're never gonna get back to Earth. We're 11,000 light-years away and our portal technology is gone forever..."

*Nicholas holds onto Maverick tightly and starts to cry, before Maverick can say much more.*

"It's okay, Nicholas... We're making this place a home."

"B-but... don't... d-don't you m-miss E-Earth?"

"I do. I wish I could go back, see my mom, my dad... my little sister, my best friend..."

"W-why don't you... feel s-sorrow?"

"Nicholas... I... kind of grieved never seeing them again a couple months ago... not that it really makes it feel better. I can never communicate with the people that got me to this point in my life again."

"I... I d-don't understand how you... don't spend your days crying... and curled up. I c-couldn't handle t-that..."

"It isn't easy, buddy. They'll live and die before I ever see them again... and all of it without me even knowing."

"... I-I... c-can you help me... process what happened? I-I still can't stop thinking about 855..."

"Did you love them, Nicholas? They seem to be all you can really remember from your time on Gray Planet."

"I did... they... they died f-for me... they DIED for ME... they'd have s-survived if they never... met me..."

*Maverick can't seem to find many words to say, and so just gives Nicholas a tight hug. The camera can hear the Expie crying into the chest of this lanky man. Maverick looks up to see the camera rolling, but doesn't mention it. He doesn't seem to mind it.*

"It isn't your fault, Nicholas. They sacrificed themselves for you..."

"T-they did... i-isn't that..."

"That's love, bud. The ultimate sacrifice, for love. They loved you too, even if you two never got the chance to say as such."

"I... thank you... I'm sorry you had to... see me like this..."

"It's alright, buddy. I love you too, in a different sorta way for sure. You're my little friend. Always happy to help you."

"Thank... you. I-I guess... I-I love you too... and Leo, and Persephone..."

"They feel the same. You're a good boy, Nicholas."

"I am?"

"You are. Let's turn this camera off, I'd like to get you something to eat and help you clean your face."

"Alright... S-sorry, camera, but... I'm gonna... go hang out with Maverick n-now... B-bye..!"

*Nicholas reaches over to turn the camera off, still clearly very upset, but at least he wasn't in as much of a panic in the arms of one of his handlers.*

"Oh... you're finally asleep."

*It was Maverick. He was looking to see Nicholas for the first time in a couple of days, and he finally got that wish. Maverick slowly pets him on the head, making sure that he's still asleep with that. With each gentle caress, he felt Nicholas relax even further than before- one of the first times the dog had had a good night's sleep.*

"You're soft... I heard you crying. I'm sorry you had to go through what you've gone through..."

*Maverick leaves after about a half hour of comforting and caressing Nicholas. The camera, still rolling, captures Nicholas waking up from his slumber about seven hours later. He lets out a big, wide yawn and he looks around for a moment, before getting out of his covers. He opens his eyes finally and looks at the camera...*

"Wait, whaa... why's the camera on...?"

*Nicholas picks up the camera, a drowsy expression on his face. He brought the camera a bit close to his face, giving a funny look at it. He looks at the display, and sure enough, it's on! He turns the lights on, showing off his room once again. This time, the room had been cleaned up and everything was relatively neatly in order, except for a few books on the table nearest his couch. He had even dusted the parts of the room that had been a mess the previous time he'd shown it off. He sniffs himself and recoils slightly.*

"I'm... gonna go shower real quick, be back in a second! I stink!"

*The camera sees Nicholas running out of the room, half clothed, missing his top. He grabbed a towel as he left, looking back and waving as the door closed. He was trying to be as fast as he could be, but it still took several minutes for him to come back in the room, wet and slightly shaking. He comes in slowly, still drying himself off.*

"Ah... much better. I've apparently gotta talk to Maverick! He's cool, but I heard from Persephone before she went to bed that I need to talk to him for, maybe an assignment! I hope I can take my camera with, I want you to meet him!"

*Nicholas picks the camera up and wags his tail furiously behind him, his 'ears' flicking back. He was excited for the assignment and evaluation. His paws were shaky at best, but he held the camera up kind of obviously. He wasn't going to stop himself. He navigates the bright, white, and fairly colorful hallways of the starship for almost a quarter of a mile- it's quite a long walk, but he's used to long walks. His tail swishes on the ground. He passes a few other humans, who acknowledge him with nods, mostly. A lot of those humans were engineers. Each time he sees another human, he flinches- not out of being anxious about those specific people... he doesn't seem to know most of them anyway. He lets out a little whine after the first three humans pass and greet, even though they're friendly. His steps seem shakier than before, as his nerves rise higher and higher. As he approaches the door, he lets out yet another little whine, before knocking on it. The metal 'clank clank clank!' of the door alerts Maverick, just barely in view of the camera through a window.*

"Come in, Nicholas!"

"O-okay!"

*Nicholas opens the door slowly with the mechanical latch, twisting it and pushing in. When he sees Maverick, he wags his tail really fast! Maverick is a fairly skinny man, about a foot taller than Nicholas at 5 foot 9 inches, with very long black hair and extraordinarily pale skin. He looked very messy, as it seemed as if he had been working for hours before this meeting.*

"Hey, buddy. Hope you slept well!"

"I did... better than I have... ever? Not sure how that happened, but I hope it happens again. You said you needed me?"

"Oh, yeah. I needed to get you in here for an evaluation for your role on this starship. I can't let you record the evaluation due to security protocol, but don't worry, it'll be given back later, alright?"

"Oh... okay. I'm sorry for bringing it, I was just excited for whoever's watching to meet you!"

"It's alright, bud. Let's turn the camera off- holy crap, it's hot! How long has this thing been running?!"

"I don't know, I can't really read the stuff on screen."

"Oh... 8 hours, 29 minutes. Let's turn this off now, okay?"

"As long as it saves! I don't want to lose all that footage!"

"I'll make sure it saves."

*The camera shuts down as Nicholas is taken to a seat in the room in front of a computer. The last thing the camera sees for the moment is Maverick helping him read some of the text on the computer screen, or more accurately, helping translate it into a language Nicholas actually understood. About an hour later, the camera turns back on, as Nicholas is finished with the exam.*

"Can I show the camera my score?"

"Okay, Nicholas. I don't know if they'll like what they see, but you did in fact finish the test."

"W-well, I d-don't really think it's fair to say I did bad when I just didn't know... But... is 66% the worst you've seen?"

"It isn't good, but at least you pretty much perfected the medical part of the test... guess I know where you wanna go, huh, bud?"

"I wanna fix people, not break them! Maybe I can learn how...? Is it okay that I do that well and not much else?"

"You got 26.7% in the math portion. We need to teach you math. How else are you going to calculate doses?"

"I'm sorry... but maybe I can learn?"

"Well, me, Persephone, and Leo will be happy to help you learn. You've still got 5 months of probation to get better mentally, first, though. I'm sorry, but I don't trust you with sharp objects yet. I don't think you're stable enough, in the head."

"Oh... I-I was told that but... it h-hurts to know more people think that..."

*Nicholas starts to feel really bad, his expression falling quickly.*

"Well, it'll take time. We just had to fix your teeth two weeks ago after you blew your jaw half off with a shotgun on Gray Planet after what happened to 855. How'd you even get it to stay on?!"

"I used a wire and some metal plate to keep my mouth shut, and used my broken teeth to my advantage so I could drink thin soup."

"Well, pup... I'm glad you were able to keep everything together long enough for us to find you, even all alone. You weren't gonna live long after that, y'know?"

"I didn't want to until the ship picked me up... and I guess you guys did teach me I'm worth something other than to just be an experiment."

"I appreciate it, and we appreciate you being here. You're gonna make a great ship medic, Nicholas!"

"And that's all I'll ever want... am I really what my collar says? The best dog?"

"You really are. I hope you feel we're good to you, and feel safe here."

"I do... hey, Maverick?"

"Yeah?"

"Want to go get some ice cream together?"

"I'd love to. Come on, before the ice cream bar closes!"

*The pair run to the ice cream bar, but not before Nicholas waves to the camera a goodbye with a smile, one in good enough light that one could see that several of his back teeth on his right side are a silvery reminder of what he did, and as such are metallic implants. As the camera shuts off, he laughs and starts running after Maverick.*

"... S-sorry I'm all... messy right now... I can't sleep. Can I talk to you for a bit?"

*He asks as if the camera can answer him, but asks anyway, as a courtesy to it. He'd been practicing more social behavior, and the camera was a very good way for him to do so.*

"Thank you... I know you're just a camera, but... I feel like someone can hear me. A-anyway... I cried a lot last night. I wanted to talk to you again. I've been trying to think about anything other than 855, but I can't. So maybe I'm just... obsessed. I just want 855 back. I want them to have a good life like I've had for the last few weeks with my handlers... b-but... I can't have them back. They're the first person that ever made me feel they cared, and they died for ME... for me. Possibly, surely, I might have to keep living on. Their sacrifice for me is the only reason I'm here, so I can't let them down. I've cried all my tears for today... but I will cry for them again. Over and over... but I need to rest."

*Nicholas takes the camera with him to bed. He is wearing very little, just a pair of sleeping shorts. He puts the camera on the pillow by his head as he gets mostly under the covers and continues to talk to it. He holds his plushie under his chin and takes several minutes to say anything. When he does, his voice is lower than expected and he takes his time speaking, rather than using his usual rushed tone.*

"I sometimes wonder what outside was like on Earth... maybe it isn't like Gray Planet? I don't know... but I do know from Leo that it was really pretty. I never got to see outside on Earth; I know that full well... not that I have a lot of memory before 855. Maybe it's for the best that I don't know... I'm scared to ask Leo the question, but I really want to ask. He was 21 when he got on Wolf of the Stars, so that makes him... 38? 21 and 17 make 38, yeah. I don't know if it's too mean to ask... I've only been here a few weeks. I still can't even go to the plant grow spot yet... or hold a knife. Once I am allowed to hold one, they told me in 5 months... they told me I could start being a real medic. That's what I wanna do! I wanna help fix people, not break them."

*Nicholas puts a paw on the camera before adjusting himself and getting into a better position, still holding his plushie tightly.*

"Sorry for the short transmission... I've gotta get to sleep... I might just relax here for a while longer."

*Nicholas promptly touches the camera, but misses the button, closing his eyes before he curls up a little. The camera is still on through the rest he was getting... several whole hours of sleep. A rarity for an Experiment.*

"Hello. I've been told to maybe, just maybe, try to find some more things out about my little home... so I did. I asked Leo what day it is, and he gave me this clock to tell me! I really like Leo, he's awesome..."

*He holds up a digital clock, with the time, date, and temperature on it. The clock reads: 00:45 01/25/2412. It is 15 degrees Celsius.*

"At least I know how old my hat is now... 17 years. It's been 17 years since Wolf of the Stars saw Earth... I wonder how the people here survive, and how they have such delicacies like my apple juice? And how are the humans walking around as if there's nothing... wrong? Maybe I'm over-thinking this, but I've never heard of anyone living on a ship forever and being happy...? Maybe it's that they have each other? I remember in the caves, I had 855... they kept me sane in the caves."

*Nicholas sits down and looks into the camera, a thoughtful expression on his face, holding onto his plushie.*

"855 made my life worth living down there. Maybe Leo, Maverick, and Persephone... maybe they'll make me feel comfortable for the rest of my life..."

*Nicholas looks pretty sad into the camera, holding his plushie a lot tighter, his eyes slightly glassing over as he finally processes a little of what happened.*

"I never got to learn what 855 wanted me to call them. I just knew we loved each other, and they took very good care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. I will forever be in their debt. I'm starting to recall some of the good times, but I can't recall much else other than the drugs they gave me to help me keep calm, and the comfort they gave me. They gave me my favorite drink, well... my new favorite drink, apple juice, to keep me calm when they didn't have any of that bluish liquid in those syringes. I cried into their fur a lot, and they cried into mine. I'm... I'm so happy I got to know them. I'm so sorry they died for me. I can't stop being sorry about it, and I never will. I hope they end up in heaven... I hope they're looking on at me from the stars, proud of me for finding the battery. Proud of me for making it out alive, and getting the attention of my new home. I wonder if they can hear me now..."

*Nicholas starts to quietly cry, forgetting to turn the camera off even as he reached for it. He put an arm over his head and pressed his face into his plushie. His cries can be heard through the camera, and sound sincere, not of pain, but of sorrow.*

"855... I'm... sorry..."

*He would repeat that sentence several times, slightly hyperventilating and pulling back from his plushie. He notices the camera light blinking, shaking his head quickly and stopping his tears, though his voice is still quivering.*

"I'm sorry about that. I know it's... a lot to watch. I'm keeping it in. I don't care. You deserve, watcher, to know how I feel. A-... anyway. M-mind if I ask my handlers for some juice- wait, you're just a camera..."

*Nicholas picks up the camera after wiping his face off, holding it beneath him. He slowly moves, walking out of his room and wagging his tail slowly. His 'ears' flick back in submission as he pads into the much more brightly-lit world of one of the starship's hallways. He shows off that the hallway mostly has white walls and no windows, some LED lights filling the room with a brilliant white light. The black floor and LED lit walls give quite a bit of color for the camera to look at, even if poorly focused. He walks into another room briefly, barking quietly. A tan, brown-haired woman, who was working on her computer, stands at that attention-seeking bark. She was about a foot taller than Nicholas, from what the camera could see.*

"Nicholas? What's going on? You alright?"

"P-Persephone..? C-can you get me s-some apple juice?... I-I'm just k-kinda... sad."

"Oh, sure. Give me like 5 minutes, I gotta finish the nightly report. Alright?"

"A... alright... thank you... s-sorry t-to bother you."

*Nicholas slowly walks back to his room, shivering slightly as he closes the door.*

"P-Persephone is one of the n-night shift e-engineers. S-she's been on this ship since she was 9. 9 + 17... she's 26. She cares a lot about me, but she's not often up w-when I want to be out in the ship, usually. You should meet her sometime! A-anyway... Sorry for the short video, I need to go deal with some mental stuff. Hope you come back...! I love making these."

*Nicholas smiles a little before properly turning the camera off.*

*9590 picks up a couple of things visually, though it's unclear exactly what they are, putting them up on a low shelf before picking the camera up. The view of his face is rather funny, his nose almost poking the camera lens as it had the previous day. His paw steps are obvious- clearly not wearing the tactical combat boots he was wearing the night before. He thinks for a few moments, before moving the camera up to get a better look at his face, showing a horribly torn up 'ear'. His pupils are wide and he seems clearly excited to show the camera around. The room is too dark to really get a good look around, at least for the moment. He turns the camera around, looking at the screen on the back.*

"This is my bed- wait, can you see this? Hold on. I think it might be too dark. One second!"

*The camera gets a dark view of the Experiment's bed. It's a mattress with a cover on it and a few blankets of various colors, but it's hard to tell details until he turns more lights on in the room.*

"There! Can you see it well now? Looks like you can. So, you see, this is how I sleep. I've never had something this comfortable before in my life... not that I'd remember if I had. You think it looks comfortable? It's super comfortable. I usually don't sleep well, even when I'm there, though. Nightmares and all."

*With more detail, it looks to be about a 10-inch roll-out mattress, roughly full sized- more than big enough for a 4-foot 9-inch-tall canine. It barely has an indent in it, not that it would, given he doesn't weigh much over a hundred pounds. There're several blankets on top of it, which the Sawian gleefully shows off, including the mattress cover. No notable patterns, it seems to be a lot of spare blankets and pillows from his handlers, and as such they look quite used. Not that he minds, his tone of voice is clearly highly appreciative of everything he's given.*

"They gave me each of these blankets themselves, which I find really sweet. No one gives me much, so anything I get, I'm happy for. Why can't life be like this? Anyway..."

*Nicholas picks the camera back up and pans it across the room briefly before taking it to a window.*

"I like to look out the window at the stars. It really makes me think about what's out there... I can't recall much about Gray Planet, but I know I wasn't a huge fan of it there. I like Wolf of the Stars a lot better- oh! I never told you, the name of the ship! I live on Wolf of the Stars, a Class F-5 sub-lightspeed starship. Not sure what F-5 means right now, but I've heard it's really high tech from what I hear my handlers say. There's apparently a bunch of people on here. I don't really know how to talk to them, and I'm really not allowed to get too close to the parts that make the ship run- they say there's radiation."

*The door to Nicholas' room opens up, and he puts down the camera on the windowsill, looking out at the stars. A brief conversation occurs, just barely audible to the camera's microphone.*

"Hey, Nicholas? You in here? I got the juice you wanted."

"Yep, hi- oh, thank you... S-sorry I made a mess earlier..."

"It's alright, bud. You're sick, we got it cleaned up."

"Thank you... Did you... u-uh... get the soup?"

"Yeah, it's coming. I'll be back with it in ten minutes, alright Nicholas?"

"Alright... thank you sir!"

"You're welcome."

*The door closes and the camera can hear paw steps approaching once again, and Nicholas picks the camera back up.*

"That was my main handler. His name's Julius, but I usually hear people call him Leo, so I call him Leo. He's a good human, b-but he kind of scares me. I hope you get to see h-him someday, but I'm not sure he wants to be on camera yet. Anyway, he gave me this!"

*Nicholas turns the camera back around, putting it down again and showing himself holding what looks to be a 1 liter bottle of apple juice. Something he clearly quite enjoys.*

"I guess I should show more of my room. I bet you'd love to see!"

*Nicholas takes a big drink from the apple juice and puts it down on a table, before picking up the camera and turning it back around, slowly walking around. He shows off several parts of his room, including a pair of metal tables, a beat up, blue cloth couch, and minimal customization as of yet. There's just a small mess in there, with a few containers of food in a small trash can, which is nearly overflowing.*

"I've not taken my trash out yet, but... eh. I'll do it when I finish my meal. So... yeah! I've been wanting some stuff to put around the room, but my handlers don't trust me with much yet, given how they found me. Fair enough, I guess! I did get a cool new hat, though."

*Nicholas turns the camera around to face him once more, sits on the couch, and shows off his hat, which is a standard baseball cap from Earth, clearly also used. What Nicholas didn't know, is that that cap was sentimental to Leo, something he'd gotten on his last trip to Earth. There's an unknown sports team and the inscription "95" on each side.*

"He told me he got it in 95. Not sure when that would be, since I don't exactly know what year it is."

*He hears a knock on the door to his quarters, and looks back at the camera.*

"Nicholas!"

"Oh! My soup is here... I guess it's time for me to shut the camera off so I can eat. Thanks for listening, if you're even there. Bye!"

*Nicholas goes back up to the camera and stops the recording correctly this time, not touching his nose to the camera's lens.*

*Nicholas slowly moves his handpaw over the camera and pulls it back, not sure if it's rolling, though it is. He's in a large room with only one very dim light on. He sits back on a couch, his tail flicking side to side. He waves to the camera.*

"Uh... I assume this thing is on. Hi. I'm Experiment 9590, or, as I'd prefer you call me, Nicholas. I am a Sawian-class, sub-class Experiment. I've been thinking about doing this for a few days."

*He puts a paw on his chin and thinks for a few minutes. He has no idea how to edit a video, so it stays in the video, with his little twitches and small tail thumps and everything.*

"Sorry, I got off-track... uh... I live on a starship, but I was picked up from Gray Planet not too long ago. I don't have a good sense of time, but... I think it's been about two weeks now? I'd have to ask my handlers."

*He takes his time thinking some more, holding onto his tail with one of his arms.*

"My handlers are in another room. I don't have a lot of... a lot of my old memories. I remember Experiment 855... I remember what he did for me. I barely remember my time down on Gray Planet, so... please don't ask too many questions about that. I was in a happy haze for the second half and can't remember arriving there."

*Nicholas looks around and grabs a small plushie, an Experiment plushie, and holds it up. He wags his tail slowly from side to side, a cute smile on his face. His fangs show slightly.*

"My handlers gave me this plushie. It looks a lot like I do. They told me that my job is to recover from whatever happened down there. I don't know what happened, but they say I was in a really bad state, but I was the only one alive. They gave me this plush as a peace offering, which... well, I clearly accepted. They're nice to me here, they gave me an MP3 player and gave me some new clothes- ones that look a lot like the ones I like to wear!"

*He holds onto his plushie and his MP3 player, showing them to the camera. The MP3 player looks rather beat-up and the plushie doesn't look like it's in the best condition, but it's clearly from loving on it. He stands up, does a twirl, and shows off some of his clothes, a clean blue tank top, a pair of short shorts, and a green collar with a tag on it, reading: "Best Dog". He doesn't seem to have read it. He, seconds later, sits back down properly on the couch.*

"Some of my handlers talk to me as if I'm closer to a dog, but honestly, it's really comforting sometimes. I struggle to hold conversation with them, 'cause I get really nervous... How would I talk to them properly? I usually just write something down if I want it. Anyways... if you're watching this far... thanks. I'm gonna turn the camera off now- oh! It has a little blinking light! Good, it's on! Heheh... Well, anyway, I'll see you later!"

*Nicholas stands and goes to the camera, his nose poking and blurring the lens. He turns the camera around, briefly showing off more parts of the room, though it's very hard to tell what's what given how dark it is in the room. It does seem to be quite a mess. Maybe it's a closet? There is a window out to the stars, which shows a beautiful view in the last several frames of the transmission.*