LUTHOR

He didn't understand what Lex wanted from this conversation.

Was he supposed to agree? He couldn't very well deny it — the series of strange incidents plaguing Smallville were no secret, and it would surely look weirder to pretend that he wasn't as shocked by them as the other (normal, human) town residents. Indeed, the town populace had managed to adapt to life after the meteor shower, and for many years it had seemed as though that tragedy was the start and end of their fifteen minutes of fame. Why everything had decided to flip on its head now, Clark didn't know.

Maybe it was his fault.

...No, it can't be his fault.

                    ❝ So I don't like to sit back and let people get hurt. I've lived in Smallville all my life; I know the quickest shortcuts to get around. ❞ Then, in a panic, he blurted—

                    ❝ I'm not causing them! ❞

Oh, Lord, having that be Lex's conclusion might actually have been worse than anything else. It wasn't enough that Clark was not allowed to be normal, now he had to prove he wasn't a crazed radiation spreader, poisoning his neighbours and school peers with the land's plentiful Kryptonite deposits?

Maybe he was no better than his own kidnappers. Maybe he was just looking for any reason to get the truth out of Clark after all this time. And yet... it was because of those kidnappers he couldn't stop thinking about it. If there is something different about Clark, what if there were smarter people out there willing to do worse to get to him? Again, he thought about his own father. About 33.1, and the metahumans he knew were being tested on but had no proof. How could he protect Clark if this secret remained between them like this? Was it really better to remain ignorant than to understand?

"For a long time, I let it go. You see, I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to be questioning anything. I thought I had to be losing my mind, only you admitted it. That stuck with me, even when I didn't want to think about it. And then what was supposed to be a quiet few years in a small town turned into incident after incident...I couldn't help it. I collected as much information as I could about the accident...and then a few more things along the way.

Learning stuff I think.

STRANGERS / NO ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP ( crushes, rivals, acquaintances, mutual pining, people who technically have no claim over each other )

“it's none of my business... so why does it bother me?”

“who was that you left with?”

“i don't know why i expected you to wait for me.”

“they're clearly interested in you.”

“you looked happy talking to them.”

“i don't get a say in who you spend time with.”

“i keep telling myself i don't care.”

“i shouldn't be jealous. we aren't anything.”

“why am i disappointed?”

“you don't even know i like you.”

“you smiled at them the way i wish you'd smile at me.”

“forget i asked.”

“you probably don't even remember my name.”

“they're better for you than i could ever be.”

“i was going to ask you out... until i saw that.”

“do you always flirt like that?”

“guess i was too late.”

“i hate that i noticed.”

“you're impossible to ignore.”

"maybe i made this all up in my head."

FRIENDS TO SOMETHING ELSE ( close friends, mutual feelings, unresolved tension )

“since when do you keep secrets from me?”

“you've been spending a lot of time with them.”

“i miss when it was just us.”

“you don't laugh with me like that anymore.”

“did they replace me?”

“i'm not asking you to choose.”

“...would you choose them?”

“i didn't realize i could lose you before i even had you.”

“you forgot our plans.”

“you always make time for them.”

“i know we're just friends.”

“so why does this hurt?”

“you don't need me anymore.”

“i hate seeing someone else become your favorite person.”

“i wish you'd notice me first.”

“am i imagining the distance between us?”

“you've changed.”

“or maybe i just finally noticed.”

“i don't want things between us to change.”

"i think they already have."

NEW RELATIONSHIP ( still learning each other, insecurity, uncertainty )

“i know we're together, but...”

“who keeps texting you?”

“you still talk to them?”

“you never mentioned them before.”

“should i be worried?”

“i don't know where i fit into your life yet.”

“i hate feeling this insecure.”

“tell me i'm enough.”

“i don't want to be the jealous partner.”

“i just don't want to lose you.”

“you said they were just a friend.”

“can you understand why that looked bad?”

“i'm trying to trust you.”

“please don't give me a reason not to.”

“why didn't you tell me?”

“i would've understood.”

“you don't have to hide people from me.”

“just don't hide the truth.”

“talk to me.”

"don't shut me out."

ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP ( dating, married, long-term partners )

“look at me, not them.”

“i saw the way they looked at you.”

“and you let them.”

“tell me i'm overthinking.”

“you always defend them.”

“you forgot about me tonight.”

“i shouldn't have to compete with anyone.”

“have i become predictable?”

“do i still make your heart race?”

“you're pulling away.”

“don't tell me nothing's wrong.”

“something changed.”

“you used to reach for my hand.”

“now you don't even notice when i'm gone.”

“am i still the person you come home to?”

“you didn't even notice i was upset.”

“tell me we're okay.”

“i need to hear you say it.”

“choose me.”

"please."

EXES ( old feelings, unfinished business, messy reunions )

“so... you're seeing someone.”

“they seem nice.”

“i hate that they're not me.”

“i shouldn't care anymore.”

“apparently i still do.”

“did you ever love me the way you love them?”

“do they know your favorite song?”

“do you tell them the same things you told me?”

“was i really that easy to replace?”

“you moved on faster than i expected.”

“i keep comparing them to myself.”

“i always lose.”

“you look happier now.”

“i'm glad... i think.”

“do you ever miss us?”

“be honest.”

“have you forgotten me already?”

“i haven't figured out how to.”

"i wish i didn't still love you."

ONE-SIDED / UNREQUITED ( loving someone who doesn't love you back )

“you don't even know.”

“you keep talking to me about them.”

“every word feels like another knife.”

“i hope they make you happy.”

“i wish i could be happy for you.”

“i almost told you.”

“now i never will.”

“you're looking at the wrong person.”

“i've been here the whole time.”

“you just never looked.”

“they don't love you like i could.”

“it's pathetic, isn't it?”

“i'm rooting for your happiness.”

“even when it breaks mine.”

“you'll never know how much this hurts.”

“i don't want to resent them.”

“but i do.”

“i hate myself for that.”

“maybe one day i'll stop loving you.”

"today isn't that day."

POSSESSIVE / TOXIC ( intentionally unhealthy dynamics for fictional purposes )

“where were you?”

“answer me.”

“who gave you permission to leave with them?”

“you're avoiding me.”

“don't lie.”

“i know you're hiding something.”

“you're mine.”

“say i'm wrong.”

“why were they touching you?”

“don't make me ask twice.”

“you knew this would upset me.”

“maybe that was the point.”

“i don't like sharing what's mine.”

“look at me when i'm talking to you.”

“tell them to leave.”

“now.”

“you're choosing them over me.”

“remember that.”

“don't test my patience.”

"you're playing a dangerous game."

AFTER THE FIGHT ( regret, reconciliation, vulnerability )

“i'm sorry.”

“i let my jealousy speak for me.”

“i know i crossed a line.”

“can we start over?”

“i was scared.”

“not angry.”

“scared of losing you.”

“i should've trusted you.”

“instead, i pushed you away.”

“do you think we can fix this?”

“i don't want jealousy to be the thing that ruins us.”

“i should've talked to you.”

“instead, i assumed the worst.”

“tell me what you need from me.”

“i'm listening this time.”

“i never wanted to hurt you.”

“i just didn't know how to tell you i was afraid.”

“please don't give up on us.”

“can you forgive me?”

                    ❝ What's that supposed to mean? ❞

He tried to laugh again, doing his best to ignore the stubborn lump in his throat and the furrow in his brow. Complicated or not, Clark has looked Lex dead in the eye and lied more times than he cared to count, and he was fully prepared to do so again if circumstances demanded it. But what stung, what cut him deep was the idea that their friendship had been some sort of cover for ulterior motives.

Would I have been quite as persistent for your friendship if I didn't also wonder how in the hell you survived getting hit by a car going 60 miles an hour?

Was that all he was? A smalltown farm boy (and wow, he'd never considered that description an insult until now) only made interesting by the very thing that made him an oddity? A mere passing interest for the Luthors to unravel and pick apart, something to entertain him amidst Smallville's crushing mundanity?

Try as he might, he couldn't keep the bitterness from seeping into his next words.

Too earnest, too honest. Probably too much. Lex looked away, wondering if this was a mistake. He was tiptoeing around landmines and about to set one off. He'd always been so much better about setting them off than preventing an explosion.

"But you have to admit, Clark, a lot of weird things happen around here." Lex forced himself to look back at Clark, to figure out what kind of effect his words had. He could feel himself slipping. Saying the wrong thing. It's just--- how could he not be excited by oddities? Not that Clark was necessarily one of them, but there were mysteries all over Smallville. Things that didn't make sense. The caves, the metahumans that seemed to converge here for no other reason than the meteorite did something to their powers. Or perhaps the meteorite had done something to them. It was practically a scientist's dream and he was far more gifted in that pursuit than anyone gave him credit for.

He wasn't just some businessman, he was a scientist. A researcher. One of his two theses had been on interplanetary travel, on the possibility of alien life on earth, the tiny miniscule clues that all built up to an undeniable truth.

Lex was intelligent, which made everything so much more complicated. That wasn't meant to insult anyone else, of course, but it lying to them came easier. Chloe was thinking too hard and wrapping herself up in fantastical conspiracy theories. Pete was confused, seeing things that weren't there or mistaking completely mundane occurrences for something special. Lana was easiest of all—all he had to do there was let himself sink into the depths of her eyes until a blush had risen high on both their cheeks and they both suddenly found the floor very interesting.

But Lex... He'd seen the way Lex looked at him sometimes, when he thought Clark wasn't paying attention. With narrowed eyes and a tilt to his head, looking for all the world like a grandmaster evaluating a chess board; like they were caught in the midst of a game of wits Clark didn't recall signing up for, but was in too deep to withdraw from now. He wondered, on his more anxious days, if this was what it felt like to lose a tug of war: the rope slipping from your grasp millimeter by millimeter, each tiny loss some more ground sacrificed to the opponent while you stood helpless to do anything but watch.

But Lex wasn't his opponent.

They were friends. Clark was being silly, the stress of navigating a hostage situation obviously pushing him into some sort of delayed spiral.

So he attempted a laugh even as his eyes flicked to the closed laptop, wishing for a moment that his x-ray vision could show him what was on the screen instead of all the internal components that made it work. He only hoped all of his nervous energy went unnoticed, shoving his hands into his pockets so he wouldn't fidget.

It stings a little. The uncertainty. Clark had no idea how much Lex would do for him, did he? He had no idea the mountains he would move if it meant Clark was safe and happy. Just so long as he'd get a little of that light in his life when there was so little of it otherwise.

Instead of poking at the tiny hint of doubt, Lex nods. He removes himself from behind the desk, feeling like there's an unnecessary buffer between them. They didn't need that. He doesn't need a shield with Clark. He'd understand, wouldn't he?

"They were asking about you," Lex starts, watching Clark. "Of all the things I would get attacked for, you were the last thing on my mind." A pause. "Here I am getting ready to give the usual spiel. Tell them all about how my father wasn't going to give them a dime. Or even how I had no idea what scheme they thought I was part of. So you can imagine my surprise when all they seem to want to know is what a Luthor could possibly want with a smalltown farm boy. They didn't believe me when I said we were just friends. There had to be something else.

Truthfully, he'd been trying not to think too hard about it. His once-simple life in Smallville was getting more complicated by the day, and so far his only coping mechanism was shoving down all of the more unpleasant parts of being the red-blue blur and bottling it up and burying it among the cobwebs in some deep dark, abandoned corner of his mind.

Just don't think too hard about it. Easy peasy.

Trust your instincts and let yourself act on impulse, except for when that's too easy and you need to make a strategy. But don't overthink it, or else you'll freeze up and the million and one tiny fears and stressors you've been running from might finally catch up to you. Easy. Doable. He could bend metal in his bare hands, surely avoiding dwelling on a few worst case scenarios was nothing in comparison.

...But could they still be called worst case scenarios when they kept coming true?

The more the blur surfaced, the more people got curious, and the more people he cared about seemed to get caught in the crossfire. Lex could have died—could he really be trusted to hold people's lives in his hands before he'd even graduated high school?

Lex can count on one hand the times Clark hadn't been there. He'd started to rely on his younger friend to appear in the worst moments. He'd started hoping Clark would show up, maybe even hope that his hypotheses were right. And then he'd ended up in Belle Reve. He couldn't remember most of it, nor the weeks preceding, but the times he was lucid... He'd had time to think.

Clark couldn't get him out of that one, if he even should. He shouldn't even be considering such a thing, or wanting it.

(He was sick, after all, so said his father. He needed help, treatment, and that's what he was getting. It didn't matter that Lex didn't believe Lionel's honeyed words when he could think of them through the haze of medication. But why would Lionel care if his son fell apart? He was most of the reason the dangling string had unraveled.)

Clark was a kid. He was the older one. The one who should be doing the protecting, especially when it seemed Clark ended up at the center of nearly every single Smallville mishap. Both hero and bystander. If he was right, who else could follow the breadcrumbs? His father? With all his secret projects hidden in LuthorCorp labs.

Lex glanced down at the screen of his laptop despite the video having been closed out. Maybe Lionel was already on the scent. Why else would they think Lex knew anything?

"You trust me, right, Clark?" Lex asked, closing the laptop. He didn't look up, rubbing his wrist again as if just the minor movement had hurt. "You're the only one who ever has..."