“First off, nothing is on fire. Yet.”
“Put it back, put it back, PUT IT BACK!”
“Nope! Nope nope nope.”
“This is not as bad as it looks, but it’s as horrible as it sounds.”
“Get me down! Please!”
“In the time it will take to explain this, the situation will get twice as bad.”
“Did you forget the… oh no. Oh no…”
“How are you so calm?!”
“No! You lead off with everything is fine, and then tell me the bad news!”
“Just don’t move, and don’t scream, but there’s a… thing on you.”
“I followed the sounds of increasingly loud screaming, what’s happening?”
“Don’t. Just don’t. I know what you’re gonna say!”
“Help. Help, help help help.“
“The problem is right THERE. Can we get along for five minutes please!?”
“Are you help? Please tell me you’re help.”
“How did I let this get so bad? I’m so dead!”
“There is no calm! Don’t tell me to be calm!”
“Everything is fine, it’s fine- nope I retract that statement.”
“I left for exactly two minutes and this escalated how!?”
“Help first, shame lecture later.”
“There was a gross misunderstanding when I said “I got this”, just so you’re aware.”
“Are you the void? Because I need to scream.”
“OW! No, stop, don’t do that!”
“Will you stop? You’re going to make it worse!”
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