⊹ ࣪ ˖Spoon ˖ ࣪ ⊹

imagine how awkward that would be for damian once he got to gotham. like. that's the equivalent of coming home from college and finding out your literature professor has been adopted by your father and is now your sibling. IMAGINE THAT FROM DAMIAN'S PERSPECTIVE.

bruce: damian, i want you to meet jason, my son. he's been through a lot, but he's still a part of the family and i want you to get to know him as your new brother.

damian:

jason, awkwardly refusing to make eye contact:

damian: ...mr todd?

bruce:

bruce: what.

LIKE. JASON IS THE EQUIVILENT OF DAMIAN'S PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER (middle school for americans) AND DAMIAN IS JUST. RANDOMLY TOLD THIS IS HIS NEW BIG BROTHER. THAT WOULD BE INSANE FOR HIM.

~

jason: so uh, obviously this is interesting...

damian: you gave me detention two months ago.

jason: *snorts* uh. yeah...

damian: you had a dunce hat.

jason: wELL I'D NEVER TAUGHT ANYONE ANYTHING BEFORE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO D-

~

tim: so what was the league like? i mean, you must have trained a lot since you pretty much didn't need any training from bruce before coming on patrols. what was it like?

damian:

jason behind tim, making cut-throat gestures frantically:

damian: ...

tim: *waiting expectantly*

damian: i got put in time out for disagreeing with my sensei's opinion on jam flavours once.

jason: *abruptly ducks away, putting both palms over his mouth to avoid laughing*

tim:

damian: i had never tasted jam, at the time.

~

*at the breakfast table*

jason: yo dami, pass me the juice.

damian: *not paying attention*

jason:

jason: OI. JUICE OR YOU WONT GET A GOLD STAR ON YOUR CHART.

damain, instinctively, snapping upwards: -YES SENSEI SORRY SENSEI-

damain:

jason:

damian:

damian: *grumpily hands over the juice* i hate when you do that.

Jason: do you think like- because he doesn't like him,

Damian: to be fair he didn't like father either, that's not what it was about.

Jason: yeah but like- he respected B at least a little bit. he thinks Tim's a bitch.

Damian: Tim is a bitch,

Dick: wait sorry i've been muted for this mission- what are we talking about?

Damian: grandfather has started referring to Drake as 'the detective' which was the title he previously called father by. we're trying to psychologically analyse it.

Dick: ...wait so does he not like B anymore? what does he want with Tim?

Jason: that's what we're trying to figure out! do we know exactly when the name-switch took place?

Damian: one evening he was referring to him as Drake, the next morning it was 'the detective' it was literally overnight.

Dick: so what happened that night?

Jason: nothing!

Damian: is it possible that he's finally succumbing to his age and his mind has deteriorated to the point that he thinks Tim is father?

Jason: he did accidentially call me the name of one of the camels last week.

Dick: ...how often do you talk to Ra's Al Ghul?

Jason: it's basically charity work, he's old and frail Dickie

Dick: ...not touching that.

Damian: we could ask mother?

Jason: Talia also hates Tim, so i don't know how she'll feel about-

*ping*

Tim: hey.

Dick: -Timmy! how you doing, buddy?

Tim: *instantly sounding suspicious* ...ok what.

Damian: brothers can't be nice anymore, what has this world come to.

Tim: you dickheads? no, you can't. what are you fishing for here.

Jason: what'd ya' do ta' Ra's?

*a beat*

Tim: Ra's...? haven't done shit to Ra's, i haven't even seen him since Bruce was missing in the timeline.

Dick: why does he call you the detective then? that used to be B's nickname.

Damian: he only gives nicknames to people he thinks are worthy of distinguishing from other randoms. that's why he never bothers remembering a nickname for Grayson.

Dick: oi-

Tim, suddenly: OOOOOOOH. -wait. that's what made me worthy? he thinks i'm distinguishable because of this rather than when i almost killed his entire army?

Jason: what did you do?

Tim: ok so i didn't- i haven't seen him. but i do occasionally play against him in Words With Friends. and i absolutely destroyed him in a match like, last week. he didn't even last an hour.

*12 long seconds of silence*

Damian: *starts laughing quietly*

Dick: you surpassed B in Ra's head through fucking Words With Friends-?

Jason: -i can't believe i thought you'd done something cool for once.

Tim: w- fuck you, Hood! i beat the Demon's Head in a mind game! i was fucking smug!

Damian, laughter tapering: you beat an old, senile, frail foreigner who learnt english as an 8th language, in a literacy based online game. Drake.

Tim: ok fuck you guys you aren't happy with anything i do this is so fucked-

Dick: Words With Friends-

Tim: FUCK YOU. I'M DISTINGUISHABLE.