yo tony, where'd you get that fresh pepperoni

you’re really cute and its ruining my life because i think about kissing you all the time

if leonardo di caprio can wait 23 years for his oscar then y’all can wait for the damn light to turn green for more than 0.1 seconds before beeping at me tyvm 

it sucks being the ugly quiet rude sarcastic emotionally unstable friend with the attention span of a goldfish

I Want to Die but I Also Do Not Want to Die: a short autobiography 

friend: you look stressed me: haha yeah it’s the stress

I love lowkey vulgar girls that curse a little too much. I’m talking about myself

if my husband doesn’t cry when he sees me on our wedding day I will softly kick him in the shin until he sheds a tear 

I’m a Big Fan of watching people grow and become healthier and happier versions of themselves

listen…i literally dream of being a woman with a skin care routine, that smells good always and eats vegetables but i am a swamp demon and i’m doing what i can with that