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@exhaustedteareader

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Auror Oliver Wood assigned to protect Spy Percy Weasley after the war
I read a fic w a similar dynamic a few months ago and this has become one of my favorite Perciver AUs.
Auror Wood assigned to protect his ex roommate (and ex almost-boyfriend) but heâs lowkey confused bc he doesnât know WHY Percy needs protection bc Percy does not want to tell him đ
Auror Briefing:
Head Auror: You need to protect Mr Weasley from Death Eaters, Death Eater sympathizers, ex-ministry workers, current ministry workers; fuck it if something breathes assume that itâs trying to kill him
Oliver Wood: *Shaking in his boots* WHAT DID HE DO?????
Percy would be the worst person to try to protect too bc he would purposely put himself if dangerous situations just to weed out Death Eaters, assassins, sympathizers, etc.
Percy x Oliver as different flavours of fic tropes
(but it's highly self-indulgent and (maybe) you have to see my vision here)
Jock bf x Nerd bf: Bonus points if there are scenes where Percy tutors Oliver, or where Oliver needs Percy's help studying. Extra bonus points if there's this scene of Percy going to an important quidditch match and wish Oliver good luck for the first time.
Stuck in detention, BUT Percy's there bc he's the one supervising, duh, he'd never be in detention (he'd be, only if it's a fair cause).
they were roommates, omg they were roommates
Childhood-kinda-friends to lovers: The families have known each other since before their children went to Hogwarts. When Percy and Oliver start going to the School together, they become closer (... eventually).
Party games in the common room, you name it: spin the bottle, truth or dare, locked in a closet, etc.
give me that RIVALS/ENEMIES to lovers, i could read it again and again
Fake dating variants:
1. Oliver needs a +1 for this quidditch event
2. Percy needs a +1 for his sibling's wedding
3. They wanted to pretend it as a bet or a joke but... the joke ended up being the feelings they'd been suppressing since Hogwarts
GETTING BACK TOGETHER. They broke up because they were messy af (back then), or because of misunderstandings, or distance. But yeah, getting back together. BONUS POINTS if they act like they don't know each other at first and then the reader starts to SEE THAT, INDEED, THEY DO KNOW EACH OTHER.
Along the same lines... Enemies to friends to lovers to exes to enemies to friends to lovers (sorry) (not sorry).
SPIES. SPIES IN THE ORDER.
"I thought I lost you" but it's Percy and Oliver finally seeing each other and hugging after YEARS of war.
Along the same lines... Bandaging each other's wounds, something they've done through so many years. Before, they were wounds from quidditch practices, stupid falls, reckless flights; now they come from hostile spells and duels that shouldn't happen in the world they were promised when they were little.
STEALING GLANCES. ACROSS THE CLASSROOM, ACROSS THE GREAT HALL, ACROSS THE QUIDDITCH PITCH
Other people assuming they were dating when they clearly are not??? Like????
Oliver teaching Percy muggle things (music, media, objects, technology)
Summers at the Burrow (insert any Sufjan Stevens song for vibes). BONUS POINTS if it's late at night and Percy's heart aches because, oh, the longing, the yearning. He's never considered himself a selfish person but he wants this so, so much, for the first time and it's so scary and awesome and new
I miss my red-head twink with glasses and family issues and his buff, golden retriever, himbo boyfriend đ
teenage girl canon events
curtain bangs
crying in bathroom stall
7th grade
listening to only one music album straight
problematic crush

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Percy Weasley swears so much and with such fluidity and creativity it would make a sailor blush.
Percy Weasley is terrified of bugs, especially cockroaches.
perciver post got popular overnight so hereâs an editâŚquotes from Five Second Rule by provocative_envy!!!!

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âLacyâ by Olivia Rodrigo is one of the most Percy Weasley songs to exist
Hear me out.
âDear angel Lacy, eyes white as daisies Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well?
Ooh, I care, I care, I care Like perfume that you wear I linger all the time Watchin', hidden in plain sight Ooh, I try, I try, I try But it takes over my life I see you everywhere The sweetest torture one could bearâ
âLacyâ represents the Weasley family.
âDid I ever tell you that Iâm not doing well?â To me, that represents Percy feeling disconnected from his family, more specifically, his siblings. It represents him feeling to much like an outsider to confide in his own family and as a result bottling up his own feelings which causes them to explode in his bouts of âpompousâ or âarrogantâ lecturing directed towards his siblings, especially in Hogwarts, because he feels too disconnected and unheard and un-acknowledged by them to actually have a genuine conversation.
âOoh, I care, I care, I careâ Percy does love his family, with his whole heart and soul, but the âimposterâ feeling within him and his general inability to properly express his feelings and his fear that expressing his feelings will make him victim to the twins ruthless âjokesâ makes it difficult for him to express or show just how much he adores his family.
âI linger all the time, watchinâ hidden in plain sightâ Again, shows how he feels like a stranger within his own family, watching from the sidelines as they have fun and laugh and play while his fear and low self esteem keeps him a mere observer in his own family. âLinger all the timeâ makes he think that this wasnât only when he was in Hogwarts and after, but also when he was a little child.
âBut it takes over my life, I see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bearâ This, in my opinion, can mean a lot of things. Percy Weasley is nothing if not obsessive. âIt takes over my lifeâ could be his fear of ridicule and failure, specifically within his family. His fear of their reaction to him, his fear of their actions, their ridicule, their hatred, their anger, their indifference; all take over his life, throwing him into a spiral of self-hate and terror that he has experienced since childhood.
âI see you everywhereâ Every year of Percyâs Hogwarts career one or more of his siblings were with him. In his first year both Bill and Charlie were there, his strong, popular, charismatic older brothers, well liked by many. He couldnât compare. He always felt like he was in their shadow, always âBill and Charlieâs brotherâ not âPercy Weasleyâ. The same during his second year. In his third year Bill left and the twins came. Now he was âthe boring brotherâ. And so on and so forth. His family was everywhere. He never had anything that he deemed was his own. Hogwarts, and the world in general, was always littered with traces of them. In my opinion, Percy notices more than he says, heâs on of those people who will see things, certain trees or flowers or nature or animals or objects in stores and think of people. In my opinion his ability to immediately be able to point out something his siblings or family would like involuntarily increased the feeling that he was insignificant compared to his family.
He may know that his family doesnât mean any genuine harm, that they just use him as the butt of the joke, just for a few laughs. And Percy wants nothing more than to see him family happy. Ergo âThe sweetest torture one could bearâ
âSmart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately I feel your compliments like bullets on skin Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?â
âSmart sexy Lacy, Iâm losing it lately, I feel you compliments like bullets on skinâ in general this whole part is entirely about Oliver, but this line to me can be that Percy finds Oliver to be legions more amazing than home âSmart sexy Lacyâ Smart Oliver, excellent Quidditch strategist, Sexy Oliver, unbelievably attractive.
âCompliments like bullets on skinâ is that Percy doesnât believe any compliments he gets, much less if they are from Oliver, because Oliver is wonderful. Heâs everything and more to Percy, so receiving a compliment from Oliver is like receiving blessings from the heavens themselves to Percy. Unrealistic and therefore untrue. Each compliment piercing painfully like a bullet because Oliver is kind and good and he wants to make people happy so itâs not true. His compliments are never true to Percy.
âWell arenât you the greatest thing to ever existâ In Percyâs mind, Oliver is the greatest thing to ever exist, Oliver is everything the world should strive to be. Kind, compassionate, hardworking, intelligent, beautiful, confident, generous. Oliver will forever be the greatest thing to exist in Percyâs eyes.
âOoh, I care, I care, I care Like ribbons in your hair My stomach's all in knots You got the one thing that I want Ooh, I try, I try, I try Try to rationalize People are people But it's like you're made of angel dustâ
âMy stomachs all in knots, you got the one thing that I wantâ Love. Care. Acceptance. Happiness. Respect. Friends. Unconditional love. Things that his family has, that Oliver has, things that has wanted and craved for and worked for, things that he thinks will forever be out of reach, things that he has but he will never see because his own self-loathing and despair clouds over them.
âOoh, I try, I try, I try, try to rationalize people are people but, itâs like youâre made of angel dustâ This part can be about either Oliver or his family, placing this line in either dynamic works. Within his family dynamic, this would represent after the war. Percy puts his family on such a high pedestal, he believes that they can do and have done no wrong because heâs blinded by his own self-hatred. He almost puts them on the level of actual saints. Within his love for Oliver, I assume Percy would see Oliver as the human incarnation of good, of light and kindness. All the while seeing himself as the human embodiment of sin, of darkness, of disease, of something unholy and unnatural and meant to be eradicated. He doesnât just adore Oliver with all his being, he actively worships him. Constantly wondering when Oliver will leave or why he hasnât left or why Oliver looks at him with such softness and such love shimmering through the beautiful chocolate brown of his eyes. âItâs like youâre made of angel dustâ
âLacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me You poison every little thing that I do Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships youâ
âLacy, oh, Lacy, itâs like youâre out to get me you poison ever little thing that I doâ His own guilt constantly plaguing and consuming him, hanging off of him like a shadow that is fused with his own, haunting every experience he has, reminding him that he is awful and stupid and he deserves to be dead. âYou poison every little thing that I doâ Everytime he gets along with his family or he expresses love to Oliver, itâs like his past poisons his new memories with taunts of his old ones. He doesnât know how to stop it. He doesnât know how to tell anyone. He lets himself be poisoned in silence.
âAnd I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for youâ towards Oliver. In school Percy was always envious of Oliver, he was loved by Percyâs siblings, was respected, was confident, was happy; and all without him. He was joy and light and spring while Percy watched from the sidelines, slowly falling in love and watching his jealousy of Oliver turn into jealousy of those who got to be around Oliver, who got to see him smile or feel his hand on their shoulder or back, who got to hold his hand, who got to hug him, who got to be pressed against the door of the broom cupboard and be kissed by him. And he hated it.
âYeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships youâ I donât think I have to explain this one.
Hot take but perhaps Percy Weasley would not have fallen so easily into the clutches of a corrupt ministry, eager for approval and recognition, if he had not spent his entire formative years being mocked and ridiculed by the people who were supposed to love him
Happy Pride to Percy Weasley and Percy Weasley only
So i have a head cannon:
Percy and Oliver started dating when they were in their 40s. Percy going through a rough divorce with two daughters (molly 14 and Lucy 6) and a pile of endless, exhausting work. Even tho he is now financially comfortable, he still exhausts himself with unneeded responsibilities. Which is probably the main reason why his wife left him. But bad habits die hard, i guess.
So how did he and Oliver meet?!. Lucy showed quidditch skills at a very young age, and who is the best when it comes to quidditch training?!. Oliver freaking wood. Percy's old dorm mate: charismatic, rich, handsome, and very cocky and annoying and hot. Percy had to deal with seeing Oliver three times a week since Lucy was four. But nonetheless, nothing happened between them, since Percy was till married, even though his marriage was falling apart.
But now that he was divorced, a single father that overworks himself on his wife's custody days so he can forget the very messy divorce he had and to pretend that everything was okay, Oliver started noticing Percy more: how he was genuinely a good father, devoted fully to his daughters to the point where he takes days off just for them. How he never speaks ill of his ex wife. How he's been very quiet and observing, rather than impatient and defensive. He stopped answering back to Oliver's silly comments, and instead gives him a small smile and a very tired eye roll. He dhows up to every practice and every game. He makes time for his older daughter, molly, and has chess games and tutor sessions with her. His clothing style also became more formal and professional, tailored suits, carefully ironed button downs and shiny shoes. Oliver assumed that Percy was dressing up to try and hide the fact that he was getting skinnier, paler, and genuinely loosing himself slowly due to stress and exhaustion. How many times did i say exhausted?!. Yeah that man is exhausted.
So one day, Lucy forgot his little cap she wears to the pitch and Oliver decoded to drop it at Percy's house. He knows the address because he once took Lucy home because Percy was busy with the divorce meetings. He decided to deliver it now because he was concerned about Percy in general. The man stopped speaking completely, except to talk to his daughter.
So he knocked on Percy's door, holding the cap in one hand, the other tucked in his pocket. Percy opened the door looking horrible, his suit was crinkled, indicating that he either slept in it, or hadn't taken it off which means he hadn't slept at all. He had dark circles under his eye, and his face was puffy and his nose was red. Was he crying?!. Oliver didn't want to be nosy so he just gave Percy the cap. And just as he was leaving, he asked the question: are you okay?!.
And Percy just...broke down. Crying, sobbing, gasping. He buried his face into his hands and cried, still standing at the doorway facing a confused Oliver. Oliver moved on his own, he led Perch to the nearest chair and closed the door behind them, then he sat down to know the full story.
Percy wasn't fine. He was drained, tired, sleepy. He was slowly loosing custody because his wife claimed he wasn't caring for their daughters because of his excessive work schedule, which was the only thing he did as a distraction. Oliver sat next to him, and wrapped his arms slowly around him. Percy melted into this comforting hug, and listened as Oliver gave solutions. Maybe Percy should take a break from work and focus on the divorce first. Once he works out a solution with his ex wife and gets his life back on track he could start work again. Percy finally calmed down, but he didn't pull away from the warm embrace. He leaned forward more to it, finally giving in to an offered comfort.
One hug led to a small kiss, and a small kiss led to Percy waking up next to Oliver. A boulder of warmth and strength. They spent the morning together, organizing papers and tiding up the house. Their relationship from then on consisted mostly around the time the girls weren't with Percy, and when they are with their dad Oliver is just coach wood. They didn't become official until the divorce finalized, and didn't come out publicly until two years later. Lucy and Molly were happy that now oli, as they call him, will live with them during their visiting days to their dad.
So yeah, i guess this is the best age and time accurate perciver head cannon. Let me know what you think about it. (You better like it, i wrote this with my eye fighting for their life with sleepiness â ď¸đď¸đđď¸).
Every time I think about perciver I turn into a rabid dog

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I feel like middle aged men perciver is severely underrated
Screaming crying throwing up foaming at the mouth thinking of perciver
I like them a normal amount