WORDS LIKE ENDLESS RAIN

Because yours live like shadows in my dreams.

at least it’s better than the nausea

How can I explain my lack of explanation

in the atmosphere of my upbringing, you didn’t discuss sentiments. you smothered a feeling until it died a slow, asthmatic death. i was admired for my ability to grin and bear it, my ability to hide until the moment had passed. and yet i ached for a someone to treat me as an equal, someone to challenge my reprieve, continuously berating me into answering the question, are you really ok?

they say our parents fuck us up, ha

I preach emotional intelligence but I’m as immature in love as they come. my example was the “nothing out of the ordinary” middle class, should’ve divorced long ago, kind of love. and my first love? toxic and depraved

yes yes i’m quite aware there exists a concept entitled “therapy” but nothing scares me more than knowing my deepest flaws. i’m not, on peut dire, mad about owning my imperfections

another year older but perhaps no wiser

it’s ironic that i had more depth and fantasy at 16 than now. the romanticist in me has slowly wilted, “maturing” into a skeptic and a realist. how life will do that to you

you used to say i was an idealist in love, but look at me now honey

the ultimate escape hidden in 10 milligrams of THC, a glass of cab sauv, and astrological studies. what i’d do to dive into another dimension

they say your 20s isn’t all they’re cracked up to be: lost, poor, and anxious are just a few adjectives to describe how i’ve been coping

one quarter of a century is riveting enigma to comprehend. my Aries mother was married, about to have her first child in 1991. and although i’m in a sound partnership, i’m not any more sure of my future than the next woman

i surround myself with lost, beautiful souls and play pretend. i never explicitly say i am “put together” but perhaps they assume because i would rather listen than speak

i cringe when i remember the time i bragged about being “self-aware” HA

25.

I won’t apologize for being profound

an introvert, romantic, and unwillingly stubborn

Explanations drive us deeper into an abyss that sex can’t even salvage

Constantly reaching out to grasp the potency of romance we have left in a “long-distance” relationship. Been here before.

Don’t let me mold you into something we both know you don’t want to be

I apologize

at least there is an impending change

Perhaps I will find new light in an occupation which thrills me and as such, I will find light in myself

Wishing I could share that light with you

it certainly doesn’t feel like it did last time but maybe that’s a good thing ? he’s a good man, you know

i tell myself