Uh oh, I’m falling in love

Oh no, I’m falling in love again

Oh, I’m falling in love

— Taylor Swift, “Labyrinth”

Once you met Jenna it had seemed like you’d known her forever. That’s what happens when you meet someone and immediately click. You weren’t sure exactly why she chose you to be her next friend victim but you weren’t going to complain. She knew where you worked now and  where you lived. Some nights she’d be waiting outside when you got off, and you’d end up grabbing dinner together, followed by a slow walk through the park or curling up inside your apartment with some ancient horror movie. You’d hide under the blanket during the worst scenes, face tucked into her shoulder while she laughed. Sometimes you were genuinely afraid, other times you just wanted an excuse to be that close, to hear her little laugh and feel her pat your head in mock reassurance. 

Talking to Jenna more and becoming fast friends bled into other parts of your life. Mariah was suddenly chattier when she picked up her son, and your friendship with her had deepened too. You’d gone from texting a few times a week to almost every other day - sometimes about her son, sometimes about the random things you were reading or watching.. Her son loved to bring up his Aunt Jenna and more than once he’d pass along a random ‘hi’ from her.

There were a few days you didn’t see Jenna: interviews, meetings with cast members and directors, whatever her world demanded. You didn’t keep track - your world was busy enough. Pre-Requisite classes were chewing you up and if you wanted to apply to a nursing program in the fall you had to keep up. Your photographic memory was a blessing and a curse. It made memorizing terms like vector, colony morphology and R-naught possible, but it didn’t make them any less exhausting. On the days you weren’t at the daycare school you were buried in notes and living off coffee and index cards.

It wasn’t Jenna who invited you to her family’s backyard picnic that second weekend in February, it was Mariah. She had texted you the night before and you had completely missed it due to being distracted by your classes and their notes. You woke up Saturday and promptly responded you’d love to come and asked her what to bring. She told you to bring just yourself. You weren’t one to show up empty handed so instead you put together a craft box knowing there’d be kids there. Sure the adults were great and all but you felt in your ELEMENT with those kids!

You show up in overall shorts with a bright blue t-shirt, flip flops and sunglasses knocking on the door of the address she’d sent. There was shouting inside, the thumping of feet and then Jenna opened the door out of breath, her nephew clinging to her waist.

“HI!”

And just like that, your breath was gone. She was flushed from running, hair loose around her face, her eyes warm with humor as they locked on you. Barefoot in a t-shirt and jean shorts - one of your favorite Jenna looks.  A simple greeting and yet the floor tilted under you, that slow certain drop in your stomach whispering you were already halfway gone for her. 

Uh oh.

“Hey!” You lift up your picnic basket and give it a little shake. “I brought the arts and crafts!”

That snapped her nephew out of his shyness and he’s out the door and at your side instantly, taking the basket and trying to run back inside with it. It was comical. Him trying to run with the basket that was far too heavy and wide for him.

“Hold oooon!” You laughed, catching it before he toppled, helping him carry it inside.

That’s how you’re introduced to a majority of Jenna’s family by setting up a craft table for all of them outside while Jenna’s father is grilling. You take your time laying out the plastic table cloth and going underneath the table to tape it down. You were NOT about to ruin her family’s furniture. Jenna’s stuck to your side like a spaghetti noodle sticks to the wall when it’s fully cooked. There’s teasing and laughter while you’re underneath the table and it gives you enough time to take a beat and gather your thoughts.

Through the chatter you caught Jenna’s low voice paired with a  whine and a stomp of her foot. You’re not sure what she’s whining about and you cover your mouth to keep from laughing at her. You peek out as she’s caught in a conversation with her mom and Aliyah. Her face is red, rubbing her neck as they exchange amused looks. You didn’t know what they were teasing her about but you knew enough to come to her rescue.

“Alrighty! Let’s get our craft on!” You announced. “We are going to make our own mini Picnic baskets! I brought 12 of them? I think that’s enough for everyone? Maybe?”

The family gathered around. You set tiny baskets in front of everyone, lingering when you reached Jenna’s. You placed hers down gently, your fingertips brushing the back of her neck in passing. If she reacted you missed it, too busy leaning past her to grab the big basket of supplies.

“We have washable paint, markers, glitter glue, regular glue, stickers, feathers, gems…”

“Oh my god you’re Mary Poppin’s.” Jenna mutters.

You ignore that quip from Jenna and continue to pull out more crafts from your basket. It truly did seem endless. By the time you’re done the table looked like a rainbow exploded. Sitting next to her youngest nephew, you helped him glue tiny jewels to his basket handle.

“Wait! I want to keep this blue rock, can I keep this?”  Jenna asks as she holds it out to you.

You glanced up. “Hmm? Oh! That’s actually a galaxy opal! I’m not sure how that got in there…” You trail off as you take it from her trying to remember how it got in there. “Oh right! Men in Black. There was this Men in Black marathon at the theater. They were selling all these gemstones and this one I thought was absolutely gorgeous. I nicknamed it Orion’s belt because it—” You stopped, noticing her watching you intently, her expression softening in a way you couldn't quite name. ”Anyway. I was going to make it into a ring one one day. Or a necklace. But you can have it!”

You closed your fingers around the stone, holding it between you.

“My wish,” You say softly even if no one was listening, you just wanted her to hear it, “is that you find joy in tiny things. That you never lose this, and that it brings you good health, happiness and maybe…even love.” You winked on the last word, then opened your hand. When she reached for it her fingers hesitated against yours just long enough for the air between you two to shift, warm and aware - before she curled her hand around the stone. And for a moment she didn’t look away.

Oh no.

You knew that look. You had been giving her that same look for a couple weeks now when you thought she wasn’t looking. Of course you’d been flirting with her but you weren’t sure if she was flirting back. The lingering touches, the not quite that long stares or the soft goodbyes paired with a hug that lasted just a bit too long. 

“Hey, Aunt Jenna, can you pass me the glitter glue?” one of her nephews called, breaking the spell.

She blinked a few times and slid the bottle towards him without taking her eyes off of you until the very last second. You move back over to her youngest nephew, flipping that switch back on to sunny and happy teacher mode, pretending not to notice the way your pulse was still tripping over itself.

The table was a happy chaos - glitter tubes falling off the edges splashing the concrete with pink and blue glitter amongst groans from Jenna’s father. There were stickers sticking to elbows, someone cheered happily over a perfectly glued on ribbon. Jenna’s laugh blended into the noise, easy and warm and you steal one more glance at her noticing how she wasn’t letting go of the stone.You tell yourself it’s just a rock but you didn't believe it.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur of food, chatter, kids running in and out of the house, adults swapping stories while you try to sweep up the glitter. It was of no use and now Jenna’s parents had a broom that had glitter all in it. You apologize profusely and offer to buy them a new one but they basically wave your words off and shoo you off to go inside the house where you find Jenna at the sink, washing the day's dishes.

The kitchen smells faintly of dish soap and grilled corn. Sun light cut through the half open blinds, dust drifting lazily in the beams. Jenna’s back was to you, her hair falling forward as she scrubbed a plate, bare feet shifting slightly on the tile floor. The opal was sitting beside the sink, catching the light like it had its own little pulse matching your own. You try to sneak up on her but she lifts her head from her attention off the plate and turns partially to you as you move to stand next to her.

“You missed a spot.” You tease and hold out your hand to rinse the plate. “I see a dishwasher? Why are we not using it?” 

“We have one? What? Really?” She responds by mocking you with a sarcastic tone and gives you a small hip bump. “It’s full so the rest is up to us! You came in at the end. There’s only a few plates and silverware left.” She handed you the plate without looking away and it was so…quiet. The kind of quiet that hums in your bones. Her eyes dropped to your hands as you rinsed the plate and she said almost absentmindedly. “You’re good with them. My family. Normally people are overwhelmed and just take in the chaos you jumped right in and created your own.”

You shrugged and set the now clean plate on the rack next to the sink. “I love chaos. As you know I grew up as an only child and so the quiet is all I’ve ever known. I’ve always wanted to be surrounded by a family where a million things are happening at once so I can flutter between them and join in wherever I want. It’s never boring. There's always fun. Your family is exactly the kind I dreamed about as a kid. You’re very lucky.”

“We do take strays in.” She said, tossing the silverware into the clean side of the sink.

Your eyes caught on the faucet: the sprayer type, attached to a hose. With a couple presses of the button the stream shifted into a spray.

“Ooooohhh!” You gasp out, grinning like you’d just discovered fire.Sure you had one at home, but this one felt…better. “Yes!” You turned it on full blast starting to rinse the silverware with ridiculous enthusiasm. 

You glanced over expecting her to be laughing at you. Instead she was watching you again, that same look. That one that made the air feel thicker, warmer. She turned towards you fully, water droplets clinging to her fingers, the scene of soap and summer caught in the space between you. For a heartbeat neither of you moved. That tilt of the world came again, slow and certain.

She leaned in and kissed you. Gentle at first, testing like she wasn’t sure if you’d pull back. You didn’t. You felt the faint intake of her breath against your lips before she kissed you again this time with more certainty. It took only half a second before you were kissing her back, tasting the soft curve of her bottom lip before the realization slammed into you - Jenna was kissing you. She had initiated this. She wanted more than the texts, calls, Facetimes, hangouts and dinners.

Oh.

The thought hit you so hard you forgot you were holding the sprayer. It slipped from your fingers clattering into the sink and sending a spray of water everywhere. The kiss is broken as you both jump back startled. Quickly you turn the faucet off and take the clean silverware from the sink tossing it on to the drying mat.

“Done! We’re done!”

You look down at your outfit, your front just drenched in water and then finally look at Jenna who is standing there looking shocked. Her hair is completely soaked, water dripping down her face to her shirt. The sight alone paired with the fact that she just kissed you is enough to make you start laughing, leaning against the sink at how absurd you both looked. 

“Oh my God!” She starts out, pushing her wet hair from her face. There was a small crack in her fake indignation and then she was laughing with you, both of you dripping and ridiculous.

You grab a dish towel, holding it out for her. “Sorry!”

She took it, fingers brushing yours. “I’m not.”

“Guess that’s one way to cool things off!” You joke, fanning the front of your overalls against your shirt.

“Cool things off?” She arched an eyebrow. “Pretty sure you just made it worse.” She set the towel down. “Hey, would it be weird if I came with you for a bit? I just…it’s loud here and I don’t really want to be around everyone right now.”

You nodded without asking why. “Yeah! Let’s go. Should we French exit? Leave my Mary Poppin’s basket?” You had cleaned up the entire craft before eating - besides the glitter that you saved for the very end.

“Yes, French exit! My parents LOVE when we do that.” She grabs the opal from the counter and grabs your hand leading you towards the living room so you can grab your purse.

You’re not sure if she’s being serious or not about the French Exiting being a thing but if Jenna needed an escape you were more than happy to oblige her. You follow her out, the cool evening air meeting your damp clothes. Neither of you spoke as you walked to your car, and for once the silence didn’t feel empty. It felt…full. Like whatever had shifted between you was still hanging there, fragile and real, waiting for one of you to name it.

~~~~

That kitchen kiss, brief and dripping from your water mishap, left the door ajar for the one that followed. Unhurried, unbroken and entirely uninterrupted. No wonder Jenna wanted to leave her parents house. Back at your apartment, you pulled out a bottle of wine you’d been saving, letting some random TV show play low in the background while you talked. By the time the bottle was empty you were both just tipsy enough for things to become a little hazy.

The first brush of your lips against hers was cautious again, testing but then her body pressed fully into yours, her hand sliding into your hair while the other pressed into your back. You tasted her bottom lip, then her mouth your knee sleeping between her legs as her quiet, breathless sound made your chest feel unsteady.

Uh oh.

The warmth in your body wasn’t just from the wine. Somewhere between the taste of it on her lips and the warmth of her hand on your skin you forget to be afraid and by the time you remembered you were already far gone. Hours later you found yourself lying there, both of your still damp clothes draped across the arm of the couch and your heartbeat still trying to catch up.

By the time Valentine’s day rolled around you had stopped pretending you didn’t want to see her or that you weren’t looking forward to any shenanigans you could get up to with her. That week alone you’d gone out on what you’d considered 2 ‘official dates’ one for her one for you. Nothing was done any differently than the nights before - dinner with a walk or a dinner with some show on but it always ended the same. Glued. You were glued to her. She was glued to you. 

You had ZERO expectations for Valentine’s day and you told her that. You just wanted to see her. Deep down you were too afraid to make a big deal of it. The last relationship you had with your efforts with holidays such as Valentine’s Day were so disappointing. It was maddening to you how much effort you put in your last relationship to only accept at the time that the girl you were with only gave you crumbs. You deserved better but it took you a long time to accept that you did. Hence why now even if you knew you deserved better, and you think you’ve found better - you were still afraid to go fully YOU on this very first holiday with her.

The morning of Valentine’s day and before you headed into classes Jenna had shown up early and let herself in. She had slipped out of her tennis shoes and into bed with you to wake you up slowly with brushes of fingertips in your hair and tiny kisses on your face as you groaned in protest at the time. The day was already jam packed with classes that you both agreed that when your latest class got out at 7 it’d be too late to get ready for a fancy date so you’d just meet up at your apartment and stay in. Staying in tended to be her preferred way of doing things, less chances of running into anyone or being recognized which had only happened once during your planned dinner date.

She managed to get you out of bed in time to answer your door to someone delivering flowers to you. You closed the door to show her the arrangement. They were half wilted, only a few standing straight up, the rest were hanging over the edge of the vase. Most people would throw them away but the crestfallen look on Jenna’s face made you jump into action wanting to fix it.

“It’s okay! I can fix these right up! I loooove them!”

You had them in the sink before she could protest, trimming the stems, coaxing life back with lukewarm water and a teaspoon of sugar just like your grandma had taught you.

“You’re ridiculous” She said, watching you fuss over them.

“No! I’m resourceful and stubborn.” You shot back tucking them back into the vase but this time they could stand on their own. “Big difference.” You stick your tongue out at her when she doesn’t respond but you catch the way she smiled - small, like she was tucking the moment away for later.

Oh no, you thought and not for the first time.

The rest of the day went by too fast for your body to keep up with your mind. Hours went by without you responding to Jenna, locked into schooling and wanting to remain on the top of your class. She was such an entertaining distraction though that it killed you ignoring your phone. 

When you finally walked back into your apartment she was already there, sprawled out on your couch with a blanket over her lap and a bag of take out containers on the coffee table. You had placed the order when you got into your car knowing it’d arrive right before you got there. You walk in with 2 dozen red roses and a box of candy she said she hadn’t had in years. You almost bought the sappiest card about falling in love again but held back feeling that it was too intimate even if she’d already seen all of you. 

You set the roses on the coffee table, blocking the view of the TV and pulling the candy out of your purse and holding it out front of her like some grand reveal. You give her your cheesiest grin as her eyes lit up. She gave you the kind of smile that made you forget every rational reason you had for keeping your guard up. 

“You remembered.” She said almost to herself as she took the box from your hands.

“I pay attention.” You say it softer than meaning to as you sit down next to her and pull her onto your lap. You sigh wistfully, letting the stress of the day release from your body just by having her in your arms as you hide your face in her shirt. She grabs the blanket and pulls it around you both but makes sure you’re completely covered before she rubs your back soothingly. She rests her head against yours and all you can think about is how this is how you’d like to come home every night when you’ve had a rough day. Her in your arms, food on the table and her touch outlining and releasing each knot of tension in your body.

Oh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It started with a note. 

An innocent little note tucked underneath your cold half empty coffee cup on the corner of your desk. Normally by the middle of the morning you would have dumped it and cleaned it but that day you hadn’t. You had been too busy chasing around kids and making sure Billy didn’t try and pour glitter glue on his skin so he could be called Edward. Yes, that Edward. And yes, it had already happened three times before.

He’d make his skin sparkle with the clear glitter glue and chase the kids around yelling he was a vampire. You’re still not sure why his parents showed him that movie but he was obsessed and there just happened to be a girl named Bella in your class as well. They were two peas in a pod and she was more than willing to distract you so he could sneak off and accomplish his goal. Those two children were the reason why all the glue was locked up in your desk and why you barely had time for your delicious coffee which was why it was still on your desk.

Back to the note.

“Not sure if you take song requests from adults but if you do I’d like to see the kids dance it out to the Hokey Pokey. Just sayin! -J”

Who the hell was J? You were perplexed at the note and you read it over and over trying to make sense of it. You go through the mental images of the day before and it clicks. End of the day dancing outside waiting for the parents to pick up their kids. Someone must have seen it. But were they a creeper? What if they were a creeper??

The next day you dance it out but inside the classroom with the blinds shut just in case it was some creeper. You choose the Hokey Pokey not because of what the note said but because the kids wanted to do it. With yells of RIGHT FOOT IN and giggles and screaming when you put the wrong side in on purpose. 

The next note you find in one of your students back packs.

“You did it! Saw the dancing shadows and backs of heads when I came to help pick up my nephew. You made 7 kids and one adult smile today. Guess which one I was. -J”

This was weird right? Why was this person, J, suddenly leaving random notes on your desk and in a kids backpack and why didn’t you notice them doing it? You had to pay more attention the next day. Later on the mystery would have been solved quicker if you had just paid attention to whose backpack that note came from but alas, you hardly notice obvious things. A few more notes in random spots, a few more dance requests and you’re collecting a small pile of notes on your dresser at home next to the notecards you had made to go along with your pre-requisite classes to become a nurse. It seemed unfair you didn’t know who this person was or what they wanted. It wasn’t that you didn’t want the notes you just were starting to dislike the way you looked forward to them. Like you always do. Like you always have when someone sees you. It's hard not to get hopeful and hope is exhausting.

It takes a couple of weeks before you’re back to dancing outside, spinning one of your favorites around before setting him down as a woman calls out their name.

“Aunt Jenna!”

He stumbles and almost falls and you pick him up until he’s steady. When he’s finally stable enough he runs straight into the arms of one of the most beautiful, somewhat familiar looking women you have ever seen in your life. You don’t know what you were expecting J to look like but it wasn’t that. Not someone who looked like she belonged on a magazine cover or a movie trailer or someone just slightly out of reach. Her brown hair was pulled up into a messy bun with a hint of make up over her features drawing out her brown eyes. She looked cool. The definition of cool in torn up jeans with black boots, white shirt with black jacket tying it all together. If anything you felt like she’d be a part of a crowd you’d never be invited into or even glanced at from. 

While her arms were around her nephew her eyes were on yours and even then you could read her like a book. She smiled with those perfectly straight white teeth like she already knew. Like the whole note thing was never about the Hokey Pokey it was just her way of saying: I saw you. I wanted to keep seeing you.

J was her and you were hooked.

You stood there, your eyes wide and your jaw agape for just a bit too long because she greeted her nephew with a small laugh and took his hand before turning her back on you. They walked over to Mariah whose attention was on her son and her sister. Duh. Duh you. 

You wave to Mariah and flip the switch to go back into daycare teacher mode to dance it off to the chicken dance. You felt like an idiot because you had become friends with Mariah months before and she had mentioned that she had a sister in the film industry but you never pressed or asked questions because you figured maybe it was just commercials but the woman you just saw, Her aura ALONE screamed movie star. You weren’t about to google nothing.

There wasn’t a note at the end of the day that day. Instead your phone went off at around 8 PM.

(4425551234): Hey! It’s J. Or Jenna Ortega. Hope it’s not weird I got your number from Mariah.I thought I’d bring my note writing skills to the 21st century and send it via text. My nephew loves you and word of mouth from adultier adults in my life is that you’re a good person. I find myself lacking good people and you look like one. 

So hi.

The first official text you got from your J-MO didn’t sound flirtatious at all even if later on she’d swear up and down she was flirting right from the start. You didn’t take it as such, instead you felt a little bad for her. How secluded was this chick? Then again, you knew the feeling. It’s easy to feel surrounded and still unseen. Easier still to start mistaking attention for affection. You text back within 5 minutes.

You: Is this where I report unsolicited dance request critiques? If so I’d like to formally file a complaint. My moves and music are kid taught and parentally approved and the Hokey Pokey is for toddlers. :P

(4425551234): Hmm, I’ll take it under advisement and promise to research and get back to you with a list of kid taught and parentally approved dances. I guess Pop, Lock and drop it wouldn’t be a good thing to teach the children at the end of the day? ;)

Somewhere between glitter glue and Jenna Ortega, your life got interesting.

It started with a note and then a text and suddenly you were smiling at your phone like you’d found a hidden treasure, wondering how someone could make you forget how to breathe with just a few words and winky face. Little did you know a couple years from now she’d tear your world apart and piece it back together delicately. 

~~~~~

While there weren't any more notes lining the top of your dresser there were texts filling up your inbox daily. You had fallen into a nice little groove with Jenna, only texting her during your breaks, lunches and after work. She hadn’t come to pick up her nephew again and you weren’t sure if it was because she was shy or if you flirting had her tongue tied (or fingers tied) but you were absolutely dying to see her again.

You called her out about it one night after she said she was going to bed and sent a gazillion chicken gifs.You weren’t aware she had gone on Instagram live or that she even had an Instagram. Just that she never responded, even in the morning.

The day was quiet. No texts and you were afraid you had scared her off. Were you too much?  You could be too much. You always worried you were too chatty, too clingy, too eager to make something matter. You were overtly hyper and excited with new people because it distracted you from how quiet it had gotten inside. 

Especially with anyone who had even shown you an ounce of interest in getting to know you as a person and Jenna had shown so much interest. You thought you had chemistry with her but how can you read chemistry if you hadn’t even met face to face? Anyone could be witty and charming via text but it was different when you took yourself out of those little boxes. Now you felt bad for pressuring her.

You walked out of the daycare school after the last child had left and pulled your phone out one more time to see if she had texted and sighed loudly realizing she hadn’t.

“I sure hope I’m not the reason for that forlorn sounding sigh.”

You trip on the curb, sliding down and landing not so gracefully on your ass. You’d like to say it was falling that made the wind get knocked out of you but really it was finally seeing her that did it. She was leaning against your car holding a couple capri suns and looking once again like she just stepped off of a movie set but this movie set had her dressed like she was going incognito. Nike hoodie and sweatpants with adidas shoes. Hair down with barely any make up again but it knocked the wind right out of you. No, just kidding - it was the falling on the curb that knocked the wind out of you right?

“You’re not. I’m sighing because the store substituted my capri suns for koolaid jammers. I bet it’s because you took the last damn box isn’t it?”

You respond slowly, getting up from the curb and taking in her presence.

“I am not a chicken.”

Oh maybe she did take offense to you calling her out.

“Quack Qauck.”

“That’s the sound a duck makes, how are you a teacher here?” Her serious look cracks and she laughs, holding out a capri sun for you to take. You take it from her and go sit back down on the curb patting the spot next to you. She narrows her eyes at you before coming to sit right next to you.

“Technically I am not the teacher - I am a teacher’s aide and I am just making sure you know what other animals sound like. A duck is loud with their presence. They quack and quack and chase you around when you have something they want. Or maybe that’s geese? Anyways, you reminded me of a chicken. So, I called you a chicken. Gobble Gobble!”

“That’s a turk—” She pauses and then scowls playfully at you catching your trick. She bumps her shoulder into yours lightly and puts her straw into her capri sun. “Touche. Well I am here.”

“Yes, yes you are. Thank you.”

There’s a silent shift. You both feel it. You feel it in the way that she leans against you with her shoulder, her leg pressed against the side of yours.You had learned in your texting exchanges that she had been burned so many times by people she thought were friends. She was too busy to keep up so they kept sliding through her fingers. It made you wonder why she kept texting you but you didn’t want to lose this new friendship that fast. Sometimes it was just easier to start something new then to try and get back what was lost. You were the new shiny thing and maybe just maybe if you remained patient enough this friendship could last.

“I find it strange you don’t know me at all.”

“What do you mean?” You turn to look at her confused about where she was leading you to.

“I mean, we’ve been texting yes and flirting, I think?”

You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until she says it outloud.

“Maybe. Gotta remain somewhat mysterious don’t I?” 

You joke with her but you know she’s curious. You weren’t even sure half the time if you were flirting or just being friendly. Did you even have the emotional capability to woo another woman after how the last relationship ended? You barely knew this girl and defining what you were doing was something you didn’t want to do. 

“I guess. I just am wary. It’s how I’ve grown up so quickly. There are snakes even in the shortest grass but..Mariah vouched for you and she doesn’t vouch for anyone. I can take my nephew’s words in as well because he says he wants to marry you but he says that every year about each teacher he gets.”

“He’s so funny.” You shake your head because in class he was one of the quiet ones but was the first one to help if you needed anything done. He was shy at first but now he could dance just as energetically as you could and get the other kids involved as well. “I am not a snake, at least I don’t think I am. To be a snake I’d have to want something from you and right now I just really like talking to you. You’re funny and witty. When I feel like I need a break from studying some nights I know there’s a text waiting to distract me. I appreciate that more than you know.”

It was your turn to bump her shoulder gently and you give her a smile as she stares into your eyes with a perplexed look on her face. She was trying to read you and you shrug, staring just as hard back, refusing to blink. She blinks first and then laughs, resting her head on your shoulder.

“So, now you’ve met me. Does it feel any different?”

“Yes, now I have met the secluded Jenna Ortega.” You pause before continuing, not sure how to phrase what you know she needs to hear. “It does feel different. Only because I know you were afraid to meet me and I didn’t understand why. I’m not scary. I’m boring if anything. I don’t bite…yet.” Damn it you just couldn’t keep it serious!

She snorts and hides her face in your shoulder with a groan. You shiver at the contact. It had been way too long since anyone had been this close to you and with her, she seemed to just fit.

“You’re just as awful in person.”

“You forgot an adjective in that sentence. Just as awfully awesome in person! Which fun fact is also an alliteration.”

She doesn’t move her face from your shoulder and you reach your hand up cautiously at first to run your fingers through her hair to get her to relax more. 

“Busy day?” You whisper in between your fingers getting tangled in her hair.

“Extremely. There’s this new project I want to star in but the content is so heavy and so different from anything I’ve done before. Like the movie deals with something that actually is happening all across the US right now. I’ve spent all day reading the premise  and a few scenes they’ve release for me to audition with and I want to do the part so badly but even reading it, it just makes me sad. I am meeting with the director soon.” She lifts her face, leaving her chin on your shoulder and you can barely make the outline of her face. “I think that’s why I like talking to you. You’re so…bright.”

Your fingers freeze after her last word and you stare at the pavement. You weren’t used to compliments that stuck. People said nice things all the time about your energy, your smile but this was different. She said it like she meant it. Like she needed it. 

It made you wonder just how long it had been since someone looked at you and didn’t just see noise. You had battles you’d been through yourself, you just refused to let them make you bitter. It was a choice but there were some things that some people couldn’t bounce back easily from and you were lucky you hadn’t gone through that - yet. 

“Hmm. Well, I’d honestly like to continue talking to you and texting and even meeting up even when it’s not so stormy in your life. If that would be okay?”

“I’d love that.” She whispers and you wonder if she knew just how much of a part of your day she had become. How that day not hearing from her made you feel like you’d lost a piece of yourself you didn’t even know you had found. It was quick, so fast how attached you had gotten to this stranger, this stunning woman. You told yourself not to get attached and now it was slapping you in the face just how attached you already were.

She shifts next to you and gets up off of the curb holding her hand out. Instantly you put your hand in hers as she helps you up. 

“Soooo, I’ve been sitting out here since Mariah picked up my nephew and would like to request a ride home.”

“You’ve been WHAT? Jenna! They’ve been gone for hours! Why didn’t you just come inside?”

“Nah, the blinds were opened, I enjoyed stalking you and besides, you were worth the wait.”

“Are you flirting with me Miss.Ortega?”

“Maybe. Gotta remain somewhat mysterious don’t I?” She uses your earlier words against you with a wink as you unlock your car doors.

You don’t take her home, instead you both go out to eat chatting about her family and her past jobs and how you DID see her in one thing. Iron Man. You were giddy with glee over it and she rolled her eyes at you so many times. After dinner you went back to your apartment where you both stayed out on the balcony on your porch swing underneath a blanket drinking more capri suns and lazily talking about a future where you were a nurse and she was a famous movie director. 

The sun came up before either of you noticed. You were still swaying, still tangled up in the blanket and limbs and all the things you weren’t ready to ask. She was curled into your side, one hand loosely wrapped around your hair, breathing even and safe.You felt like this was the most relaxed she had felt in a long time and didn’t want to break it and you thought, not for the first time…

Maybe the notes weren’t the beginning.

Maybe this was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~