Everydxyblvck

The most heartbreaking thing is to witness someone slowly lose themselves because they cared too much for the wrong person.

I miss you more than I thought I would. I'm over the worst part of pain. I've suffered through the pain and the sleepless nights and the dreading sinking feeling in my heart. You hurt me and you didn't care but still when someone mentions your name I feel my eyes light up and my ears perk up. I still think about seeing you again and for some reason still have hope that you'll care about me and that you always did. I'm trying to move on and heal and I have some good days where I leave you behind but on the days I don't I think of all the excuses of why you couldn't care about me the way you should've and find the hope of you returning finding its way back into my heart. But deep down I know you're not coming back. I know our story has ended but the memories will always stay with me.

Its been a year since I've seen or talked to you. There's been other people trying to get my attention, to gain my interest. But they don't laugh like you do, they don't have one dimple when they smile. They don't have your intense eyes and they don't have your voice. I tried to make myself forget but my heart keeps telling me it's you, that you're the one for me. If that was true then why did you leave? Why didn't you care to check how I was doing? There's only one answer to both these questions. You either didn't care at all or you didn't care like I think you did. You didn't care the way I wanted you to care about me. If you had my heart would'nt feel like a piece is missing.

Sometimes it just feels like you took a piece of me when you left. I don't know when but I got attached. I'd tried so hard to keep my distance , to be cold but that didn't stop me from falling. You were special, you had your flaws but you were still a good person. I knew that even after trying to convince myself that you were awful. I tried to hate you and at one point I felt so much anger and hatred but as soon as you came and asked how I was doing, I'd already forgotten what I was angry about in the first place. You're going to be someone that's hard to forget but slowly and surely I'll do it. Maybe one day I won't feel my heart sink whenever someone mentions your name.

A letter to my second mother,

“ I can't wait for you forever, I have to let you go.”

I think forgiving someone who hurt you is hard. Sometimes we judge people too quickly and on one instance. People can change, we all have our good and bad days. Sometimes holding on to anger or not forgiving someone shows who we really are and shows that we have things we need to work on. That's not to say your feelings aren't valid you are allowed to feel hurt and if you need space, take it. Others have emotions too, don't let one bad day define their character. They have good in them too. Have a soft heart and let the hatred in your heart go.

I looked at my friend, she wringed her hands together repeatedly as she sat opposite me with a look of sadness evident in her eyes.

I looked at you. I watched as you shook your head and carried on in conversation and laughed at something they'd said. Then you looked at me, with a flicker of emotion in your eyes and your smile vanished. Maybe it was my fault, maybe it was me who ruined it after all.

People will try to come back into your life because you let them. Don't let someone take advantage of your emotions, your kindness and forgiveness. If they're not changing or are not considerate of how you feel then leave or keep as much distance as you can. If you don't, you'll end up watering a flower that died a long time ago.

You do deserve better. You're settling because you think it won't get better, that right now, it's the best you can get. But you're worthy of much more than you think. I hope one day you realise you're worthy of what you dream about and wish for. That a heart that big deserves the whole world and more.

I thought if I ignored my pain long enough it would disappear. But you can't run away when you carry a heavy heart. You feel the pain everytime there's too much silence or when you overthink for too long. Sometimes the pain never goes away but we get better with dealing with it, better at acknowledging that we'll get through this hardship if we hold on for just a little longer.

I hated giving my all to people and not getting the same back. I guess they just didn't care as much as I thought they did.

I look back and think of how far I've come. I went throught the darkest of days with just myself. My hearts been through pain only God saw. I remember begging God to heal me and he did. He showed me that I didn't need anyone, I didn't need to beg someone to see my worth, to seek validation when the strength came through me. I battled through all the struggles by myself and now I know I can get through anything alone.