terrar raterino

The Crawdad!

Comes in stylish blue and red!

These guys are pretty much a quicker crab that lurk in the caverns of your world.

Crawdads are part of what I like to call the Cavern trio of Crawdads, Salamanders, and Giant Shellies. For the uninitiated, only two of the trio will spawn in your world. My preferences is these guys and the Shellies, ‘cause fuck Salamanders.

Crawdads are nothing special to write home about, except for the fact that they hurt like a bitch when they jump at you and can take a mighty hit in expert and a twice as mighty hit post-plantera. The color difference is just for looks in this case.

This time around, I get to actually talk about the drops at least. these guys can drop Depth Meters, Compasses, and the Rally! Two of these are integral for a great tool in finding out data about your world. The other is a shitty yoyo.

Fuck the Rally.

Fuck Crawdads, just because I’m legally obligated to curse out every enemy on here.

crab

look at him go

he crab walk

he small

but he a big boy

with medium hurt

the water means nothing to him

crab

he fucks up my ocean fishing

i will not be silenced for my opinion on cochineal beetles, you scoundrel

this better not be who i fucking think it is, too

COME HERE AGAIN AND YOU'LL BE THE RED HUSK, MOTHERFUCKER

You kill it for Red Husks. that’s it. No fun introduction. Stupid enemy. Beetles are LAME AND DUMB

IT DOES SO MUCH DAMAGE WHAT THE HELL

SCREW YOU BEETLE

(it has now come to my realization that alphabetically speaking, i’d have covered bats, but fuck it i’ll save em for hardmode. jellyfish get their own separate thing too.)

The Bone Serpent!

In my opinion, this is pre-hardmode’s most annoying enemy. Although I wouldn’t call them the most commonly appearing, as with most worms, the burrowing combined with lava makes some VERY nasty scenarios where you get knocked in without a chance.

This guy is pretty badass looking though. I’m a sucker for skeletons, and this guy is no different. The whole spinal body thing its rocking is really cool. Still a motherfucker though.

Each part of the body does different amounts of damage, with head highest and tail lowest. The head is absolutely the part you have to look out for though, with a terrifying 60 damage on expert. Luckily, the inverse is true for defense. Aim for the head.

Nothing to say about drops here, it has no unique drops, so don’t feel like you have to go out of your way for it.

That being said, Worm AI dictates it’ll go out of its way for you.

FUCKING EHLL

ITS COM,ING OH GOD OH FUCK

The Blood Crawler!

One of the many reasons I prefer Corruption over Crimson (even if the latter has superior items)

This fucker right here, like every other enemy in this forsaken game, is the bane of my existence. Video game spiders spook the fuck out of many of us, and I am no different. The mere presence of this entity causes me to uncontrollably piss my pants. It is scary. Help me. Fuck you.

Like every other enemy in the Crimson, the Blood Crawler is pretty painful, especially in Expert. You’re never safe too, because this guy is one of THOSE enemies. You know the ones. Wall climbing cunts. STICK TO THE LAW OF 2D PLATFORMING, YOU BASTARDS!

This is also one of those enemies without a special drop, sadly, but they do have vertebrae!

Vertebrae!

...

You know that whole 8 months of inactivity thing? Uh...don’t worry about it.

The Terraria Monster Rating Project will (hopefully) resume a regular schedule of posts every 1-2 days! To celebrate, we’re going to everyone’s favorite enemy!

The Blazing Wheel!

...wait, what do you mean this is nobody’s favorite enemy?

I’m sticking the alphabet structure still, so deal with it.

The Blazing Wheel! (again)

These fuckers show up in the dungeon and are completely indestructible! Want to hit a fucking speedy fire donut? Nope. You can’t. Fuck you. These guys hug walls and zoom along them with no care for the dungeon’s speed limit. If their zipping by happens to collide into you, you’ll take a decent sum of damage for dungeon standards (big owchies for expert) but overall, this thing is pretty mediocre for trap standards.

Don’t worry, it may be fiery, but it can’t actually catch you on fire. If it could, maybe it’d be a fucking threat!  They despawn pretty much immediately as they exit the screen like most enemies, and their haste helps.

Seriously, spikes are more threatening than these guys! Spikes! They don’t even move! The spikes aren’t on fire! This shit has no excuse! I bet they make better tires than goddamn traps!

As we exit the Bs, we start with Bees (slimes will be saved for one post, sorry baby slime) which is an odd coincidence, I guess.

This is what you’ll see when you walk into the desert for the first time. Okay, just the head actually. You’ll usually only see the head at all times, maybe a bit of the body. These guys act like worms in that they dig through the ground, but once their head pokes out, they start sniping you with sand. One weird part is that the angle they can shoot at is usually very convenient. When you’re aboveground, Antlions are almost harmless to you. Go into the caves and you get a firing squad. They really aren’t even a threat lategame, but like the rest of the desert enemies, they fuck you up as a new character. Nothing else really stands out. The mandibles they drop suck too by the way.

Look at this chad skeleton. When you fuck up Skeletron and walk into the dungeon to get slapped for loot, these guys are all over the place. They are quite literally the chad skeleton in all ways. They slap you to shit and back for THINKING you could get away with looting like a stupid gamer. If accidentally stepping on spikes for the 323rd time didn’t kill you, these guys will. Is this alphabetically the first pre-hardmode enemy and that’s why it’s the first post? Maybe. Fuck you. Fuck Angry Bones for making me lose 10 gold on my dungeon run. But there’s even more to this pile of calcium.

BOOM. CHAD ANGRY BONES. THAT’S RIGHT, THESE FUCKERS COME IN BEEFY SIZE. YOU MAY AS WELL CALL EM TYRONE AND YOU DROPPED THE DAMN SOAP. IF YOU EVEN T H I N K  ABOUT GETTING NEAR A MASAMUNE, A HORDE IMMEDIATELY SHOWS UP AND FUCKS YOU UP. BIGGEST ASSHOLE. 3/10

but i have one last thing