u n d e n i a b l e

“oh shit.” oh shit, they did have plans. listen, as seriously as everest took his gaming schedule, when you were as monumentally important as he was, sometimes things slipped through the cracks. this is why he needed a secretary. he had too many people to take down all over the world and he had to make stupid drinks to provide for his true calling. what a joke. “michaela can kiss my ass because i’m not doing shit for her anymore i work on a give and take basis i did her a solid last time and now she owes me if anything she should cover for my shifts.” it probably wasn’t the best idea to be trash talking his fellow co-workers on the job, but everest was, as they say, dramatic. besides, he happened to know for a fact that no one else really liked michaela. starbucks politics, he had the inside scoop. “oh, you don’t want to be hanging around this starbucks forever? trust me, trust me, neither do i...” and then he leaned back to squint at the small clock near the counter. ah. ten minutes. “ten minutes though. and adorable?” he raised his eyebrow at harry, and then made a significant show of dry heaving. “gross. gag me with a pitchfork. but i’m glad that’s over with even if you did have to be adorable.”

everest: if you're still loling

EVEREST: how are you gonna make me id like to see you try dyl

“yeah, and then, and then, she was like ‘can you cover my shift for tuesday?’ and i was like uhhhh, i don’t fucking know, because you called out sick last week and i had to cover for you and then mandy saw you fucking sucking some old man’s face by home depot so no i don’t think i can cover for you!” he whisper-shouted to harry over the starbucks counter, multi-tasking like a pro, whipping up a frappuchino while he went off with his daily work drama. “the nerve. besides maybe i have plans. i do shit. i have shit i need to do.” he didn’t. and he knew that. and he knew harry knew that. but that was not the point. “anyway. got any news on the via freeze out?”

he raised his eyebrows at her in a greeting, small nod of his head as he swallowed his lips and skirted in as she made a space for him. and truly, truly...he had been planning to be civil. but that really wasn’t the everest way. his way was, uh, well—incredibly blunt. “look. you don’t like me, i don’t like you, but we gotta get this shit over and done with so we might as well just get it all out on the table so we don’t have to sit here playing nice for two hours while we iron this out.” was that harsh? by his standards, no. it was just the truth. “unless you’d rather fake around. but i’d rather not. it’s mentally exhausting.”

he snorted. gross, indeed. “i fucking agree—freaking. my bad. just saying, it is gross.” then again, he knew he wasn’t exactly a normal teenager with normal views on romance. “snacks are always a solid. i’ve been craving those like, keebler elf m&m cookies for three consecutive days now. which isn’t important. or the reason i’m here. just here to see harry.” he held up a finger, suddenly, like the thought just smacked him in the face which it had. “wait, so like, what window was broken? who’s got the secret romantic life? spill the tea, if you will.” everest lived by one ( several ) rule. he wasn’t going to sit around and make the tea himself, but if someone else was brewing...he’d give the pot a little tip. “or did the fuck up and hit the wrong window? cause then that’s just stupid and shitty planning about all else which i just...can’t get behind.” he puffed out his cheeks. “freak. crap. amendments to my statement.”

EVERS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Udj-o2m39NA

oh my god. was this real life? had he just been subjected to a coffee pun on this, the day of the lord, february 25, 2018? “man i can’t believe you’d just go and break a pinky swear like that,” he said, shaking his head, heavy in mock sadness. but the man seemed so genuinely amused by his own joke that he didn’t have the heart to rain on his parade. that, and his mama had raised him right. mostly. she clearly went wrong somewhere but not in the ‘good manners to adults’ department. “it wasn’t the worst pun i’ve ever heard so i’ll let it slide. everybody gets one.”

EVERS: sleep statistic your ass

EVERS: for you at least, a mere mortal

why did he even care about grades anymore? it’s not like they mattered, right, like he wasn’t working to some sort of goal anymore so theoretically he should be able to decide this project wasn’t worth the headache and chuck it out like loaf ends. but here he was, not willing to really let go of his grade point average, knocking on addy’s door and shuffling uncomfortably on the patio because he was awkward and terrible and didn’t want to be here. assigned partners. what a joke. he was sure mr. franklin had assigned them together on purpose because last week everest had gone to great lengths to debate him about andrew jackson and his contributions to american history. this was his comeuppance. 

EVERS: good luck i sleep like a war vet and have cat like reflexes.

EVERS: better?

EVERS: no plan no pants

everest: breadsticks

Everest: is this like, a big gathering? or will i be able to eat a suitable amount of bread sticks.

“modesty is a wasted attribute. be proud of your pto status.” god, all this unsolicited advice, as amazing and solid as it was, was truly exhausting him. “thank you. i’ve just about reached my quota for social interactions and if i go over it eats into next week...which would be great for next week but would suck for this week.”