Eternal Bliss

He’s in my head like poison. I’m being attacked from the inside out. 

“You will never be strong enough to succeed.”

“You have failed again.”

“Why do you even try?”

“You will never break this cycle.”

These words, regardless of their truth, are debilitating. I don’t know how to love myself. It’s been so long since I’ve been comfortable in my own skin. I want to peel my layers away and become someone else. Envy eats at me everyday. It tells me what I have and what I am is not enough. How dare He make me so selfish? You have given me breath in my lungs, heartbeats in my chest, hairs on my head, legs that take me places, foods in my belly... Everything I could possibly need. And yet, His voice tells me to hate this shell I live in. 

To punish it.

To dump my money into it.

To hide it.

To starve it.

To fill it. 

To numb it.

It’s exhausting. His voice. 

But I can’t. Stop. Hearing. It. 

I am not strong enough.

Maybe this is a lifelong struggle that You have destined for me, and if that’s the case, I will gladly continue to suffer.

But if not, if I can somehow break free,