harinef at first, i wasn’t sure i wanted to appear on the cover of out magazine. i had spent a long time convinced that the first thing people thought of when they thought about out magazine was also the first thing they thought of when they thought about me. i don’t know if i was wrong, but i wasn’t uncertain. when phil asked tommy and me to shoot the cover of his first issue as editor-in-chief—the hollywood issue!—i said yes even though i was scared. standing publicly in the context of a person who gets covered by a magazine like out is an undertaking which, in the past, has caused me residual pain. it shouldn’t have (and it’s nobody’s fault), but it did. the “hollywood” context, however, appeals to me—even though i learned it from my mother’s tabloids. practically, it means getting to do what i like to do as a job. i’m trying to be grateful for all of it, not just some of it. what i have and how i have it is good, if sometimes strange to others and myself. doing what i can feels useful if i do it on my own terms. i treasure tommy and luke and phil—who, frankly, gets it. i’m certain
