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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@essbee77-blog
kimkardashian: Wearing @kkwbeauty Powder Contour in medium. Ultralight Beams yellow gold shadow and the bronze lipgloss KKWBEAUTY.COM

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things that make me happy ... ๐
money writing success lofts a great listener Fab mani's and pedi's brownies freedom my phone creativity the hair salon traveling pasta mary jane space knowin someone is all mines 3 am convos "what you wanna eat" texts
to be a queen you gotta act like one ๐

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a happy place.
The fear that you feel, is not real.
Fabolous ๐

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What would you do if you knew Keisha ? So ima introduce yawl to Keisha Keisha was 5'3, skin like coco butter, and some broken eyes I ain't gon lie Keisha was it, Keisha was lit She walked down the street and the first thing you see is Her hips. Keep looking up further and you see her lips, As she said something slick The guys couldn't resist, Keisha from around the way Keisha didn't know her dad, she just knew him as Dan "Dawn wasn't shit, Dan wasn't a man" so she heard Keisha was more mad than sad but its life And she didn't have a chance to understand Her mother was a user so you know she wasn't all the way right Keisha's mom was Dawn Dawn never thought she did any wrong She barely cooked or cleaned But she knew how to dress Keisha up in make up And show her what bed to lay on Keisha met Uncle James, Sean, and of course Uncle Burt She was only 9, she didn't ever think that what he was doin would hurt The screaming didn't work. Big hands, Big man Uncle Burt got what he wanted He whispered "get the practice while you can". If Keisha didn't play doctor with Uncle Marv then Keisha knew she would starve. And if she didn't play the singing game with Uncle Bruce, she would probably lose another tooth Keisha was just close her eyes until the nightmare was over Sweat dripping on her face as he rolled over The cries didn't stop. Neither did the bruises and blood spots Dawn just needed her medds "Be a good girl" Dawn said That played in Keisha's head every single day. Years go by and now Keisha is grown Dawn still coked out and passed out at home Keisha knew that wasn't home It was just a pit stop, rest stop In her life Keisha meets Jimmy Jimmy was a good guy All he wanted to do was take Keisha out Dinner or a movie maybe, treat her like an actual lady Somehow Keisha didn't like that Keisha's used to meet and greet, then she lay on her back And with being said Keisha left Jimmy where he was at Keisha sittin outside blowin smoke out her nose on the step Trying to gather her thoughts. That's when a guy name Pep come around Matte black benz with a crazy surround sound Pep licked his lips and asked for her name "It's Keisha, is this your benz?" Yea hop in so we can be friends, and i can show you how to bring this bread in He opened the door and as she sat dow he took a glance He looked down and reached over to put her hands down in pants he sped up and didn't stop at the light This was the night that changed Keisha's life Six shots in and Keisha is no longer froze She stepped out her 6 inches and jumped on the pole The faces were unfamiliar and a few looked funny But all Keisha could think about was the money A few more twirls on the pole and she would make her way to the floor Some nights Keisha don't even know if she's going to make it out the door That's just the risk that she just takes, no other choice right? Keisha made her way to a dance Winding her naked body and making it move on his pants He's touching and grabbing feeling nothin Keisha danced until he stopped throwin cash Didn't take too long That same night, these early guy He wanted to give Keisha a ride From what he knew her name was "Cakes" He was vey consistent and very persistent Keisha gave him a price and it was right, well just right for him Back to his place, A place Keisha never seen The place was cluttered, beers were all over It was not clean, basically She put that mind block in her head As she laid down on his bed and opened her legs He got what he wanted and yes he was satisfied Keisha didn't even dry this time She really went numb this time The time was up and it was time to go First time getting paid for the only thing she knew, well she knows Keisha made the guy take her home He didn't know it was home And Keisha didn't call it that either They pull up and he ask for her hand He takes her hand and kisses it , told her his name was dan She said I'm Keisha and this is my stop He looked into the spot he was pulling into "I know a lady that used to live here small world" he said "What was her name" Her name was simple and so was her attitude But I couldn't forget about Dawn Keisha's eyes met dans as he stared at her with confusion From the looks of it he was getting mad So if dawn is your mother, then I guess I'm Dan your dad...
have you?๐ค
you ever been so empty but full at the same time? empty of feelings and fight But full of pain, nightmares and disappointment You ever had to make an appointment with yourself just to have a good day you ever sat yourself down just to meditate or even pray pray for better days, pray for the pain to go away pray for more blue skies than rain, pray that every person that hurt you disappear, pray to keep faith and just pray to say thank you, he always have an ear he keeps his ear opens and mouth closed No judgement zone You ever tried to love someone who didn't wanna love You ever been that person who didn't wanna love Bc love always put a memory in your mind that's just not memorable but more memorable than the good ones you ever try to paint a picture of how life treated you but just keep erasing and adding different things But all those things had to be together, they had to work One thing my picture had in it was hurt, confusion and questions wondering why some shit just didn't work You ever been raised by a wolf and a lioness Two strong beast, one is the hunter she had every intention to win and be the first to finish Meanwhile you have the other, a beast that's quiet but lethal and always ready to attack and diminish Never knew how to show the love But they knew how to keep it together storm, hail in any weather its them against them you ever lose concentration and then shortly lose focus Forced to keep ya pieces hittin and keep a smile But what if you can't smile , what if the smile just won't stay on Paint it, draw it, force it But it keeps running off my face I mean yours .. You ever tried pouring your heart out But when you poured only a drop came out That's not always enough for some It may be rough but your told your tough so keep pouring even when you have nothin left to pour You ever tried to share your thoughts and you feel your blood rise Tears feel up in your eyes, trying so hard not to cry Looking up to the sky Trying to figure out how or why Meanwhile you got someone trying to empathize But in all reality they can only sympathize They only feel what you speak They may never have felt what you feel So what's real to you may not intrigue them Succeeding isn't in everyone's plans Stayin in the game sounds about right Rather give in then put up a fight I wonder a lot Sometimes my wondering stops Other times it just collects and pile Negotiating when to release them is the problem Ever wanted to feel somethin you never felt before but yet you lure in the bad vibes and endure and want more of whatever they pour in your cup How about trying to make someone understand Instead of grabbing them by the hand grab them by the lungs, take their breathe away with your vibe or grab them by the heart, show them life could be easier if you unhide your insecurities and let them rest only person who can hurt you is you , well that's only if you allow yourself to, in that isolation of yours essbee.
pretty self explanatory ๐๐ฝ
17.1.17

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that's the goal. grind harder or why bother ๐ค๐ฝ๐ฒ
not you.
I know what I want and thats not you I have no idea who I wanna wake up to , and that's not you We lack communication, motivation and initiation Time ticks, memories skipped, feelings split Went from caring to not even askin what's wrong We dont even like the same songs anymore I'm sure you feel the same I can't be the only one I don't even wanna chase no more so I don't run I used to see a future with us , I used to think this was it But now I'm on the last pages of the book and I'm on the chapter that involves "quit" traded a vibe in for a relationship the relationship then ruined my friend Being a character in this book of ours I don't even wanna read up to the end . Lights gettin dim Words gettin slim. Slim to none Where's the fun ? It's must of ran off when the relationship begun I remember when you used to feel me on my bad days Now you fill my mind with bad days Some days I hope it gets better, some days I feel like we better off with out one another I wonder what happens next Wonder what happens after we disconnect pride is there, selfishness is too One won't do what the other won't do So that leaves who to do it ?