red on my ledger

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

      𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴  𝚆𝙰𝚂  𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚀𝚄𝙸𝚃𝙴  𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴  𝙶𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙶𝙽𝙴𝙳  𝙰  𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙽𝙴𝚁  𝙰𝙽𝙳  𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝙰  𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽  𝙱𝙴  𝙰  ‘ 𝙶𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚃𝙾  𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆  𝚈𝙾𝚄 ’  𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙺𝚂𝙷𝙾𝙿  𝙰𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴  𝙶𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙸𝙻𝙻𝚄𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽  𝙾𝙵  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙿𝙰𝙸𝚁  𝙾𝙵  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼  𝙱𝙴𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝙰  𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙳  𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙴.  having  barely  become  used  to  the  conveniences  of  the  modern  day,  assuming  the  role  of  partner  to  a  trained  assassin  and  master  of  espionage,  was  quite  the  step  and  display  of  confidence  in  him  from  fury.  though  steve  appreciated  the  fact  that  fury  clearly  thought  that  he  was  ready  for  a  mission  alongside  romanoff,  what  hadn’t  occurred  was  the  chance  to  assume  an  understanding  of  likes  and  dislikes,  knowing  each  other  enough  to  answer  a  question  with  confidence,  or  even  a  moment  to  assimilate  himself  into  the  role  he  was  now  expected  to  play.  he  didn’t  blame  natasha  for  being  frustrated  with  the  situation  that  she  was  in  –  she  was  a  practiced  professional  in  these  situations,  but  steve?  he  was  still  reminding  himself  that  the  telephone  no  longer  had  an  operator.  still,  rings  had  been  given  to  them  for  the  mission,  a  curated  wardrobe,  passports  and  driving  licences,  and  a  car  assigned  to  them  under  their  new  names.  it  was  a  lot,  but  steve  would  make  sure  he’d  step  up  to  the  plate  and  serve  a  home  run  one  way  or  another.

      rubbing  at  the  back  of  his  neck  with  his  free  hand,  steve  placed  his  bag  down  on  the  floor  quietly  –  sharing  a  room  was  expected  of  them  considering  they  were  meant  to  be  married,  though  steve  wasn’t  the  kind  of  fella  to  get  into  bed  with  a  woman  even  if  it  was  for  a  mission.  still,  he  offered  an  apologetic  smile  of  his  own,  understanding  that  none  of  this  was  exactly  to  her  taste.  “ 𝙸’𝙻𝙻  𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙲𝙷. ”  was  his  response,  stepping  toward  the  window  to  draw  the  blinds  in  case  anyone  happened  to  be  keeping  an  eye  on  them.  brows  raised  as  he  turned  back  toward  her,  arms  crossing  over  his  chest  as  he  usually  did  when  he  was  in  a  situation  that  he  was  uncomfortable  with.  “ 𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻,  𝙸  𝙵𝙸𝙶𝚄𝚁𝙴  𝚆𝙴  𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳  𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴  𝙰𝚂  𝙼𝙰𝙽𝚈  𝙰𝙳𝚅𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚂  𝙰𝚂  𝚆𝙴  𝙲𝙰𝙽  𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴.  𝙸  𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆  𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃  𝙸  𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳𝙽’𝚃  𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴  𝙱𝙴𝙴𝙽  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃  𝙿𝙸𝙲𝙺  𝙵𝙾𝚁  𝙰  𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙽𝙴𝚁  𝙱𝚄𝚃  𝙸’𝙼  𝙽𝙾𝚃  𝙿𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙸𝙽’  𝙾𝙽  𝙻𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚈𝙾𝚄  𝙳𝙾𝚆𝙽  ‘𝙲𝙰𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝙸  𝙳𝙾𝙽’𝚃  𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆  𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃  𝚃𝚈𝙿𝙴  𝙾𝙵  𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙴  𝚈𝙾𝚄  𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴  𝙾𝚁  𝙷𝙾𝚆  𝚈𝙾𝚄  𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙲𝙾𝙵𝙵𝙴𝙴. ”  he  gives  her  a  lopsided  smile  as  a  peace  offering.  “ 𝙸  𝙲𝙰𝙽  𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙺  𝙾𝙽  𝙼𝚈  𝙵𝙴𝙴𝚃  𝙱𝚄𝚃  𝙸𝚃'𝙻𝙻  𝙱𝙴  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚁  𝙳𝙴𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙻𝚂  𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈’𝙻𝙻  𝚂𝙴𝙴  𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙷. ”

She already had the packet of their new information memorized. Natasha was smart and a quick thinker. Sure she had read all about the infamous Captain America, but he was very different in person. Steve Rogers was a person she barely knew. She would’ve been better matched with Stark or Barton on a mission like this, but her and Stark would bicker and the last time Fury placed Romanoff and Barton together on a mission, arrow heads were left in the wall of some dingy motel at the back of town. They can fake it all they want, if they didn’t know each other, someone was going to pick up on it. Natasha wouldn’t have minded if Steve joined her in bed, but she also remembered how his mind still believed it was 70 years previous, whereas Natasha had grown and changed through the times. Maybe that could be something they could bond over? 

Peggy nodded. She could tell that there was something more behind the woman’s words, but they weren’t close enough for Peggy to ask. Instead she smiled back at her. “Of course. I’ve been called a fair share of things I don’t particularly cared for too. It won’t happen again.”

She was trying to get a bead on the redhead, something that was proving infuriatingly difficult. But she was quite entertaining and the first person that Peggy found herself enjoying the conversation. “Isn’t that so often the case?” she chuckled. “I’ll look forward to meeting everyone. It’ll be a treat simply to have another in the room at all. What can yout ell me about the team? If you don’t mind my asking.”

Natasha always kept her words close to her heart, never fearing that her words may just be empty to some and full to others. Laughing weakly she tried to muster a faint smile but her lips just stayed in a flat line. “As long as you don’t do it again, we will have no problems. Not that I can see us having many problems, Carter.” Peggy had already fallen into the line of being referred to by her last name, a tell-tale sign that Nat cared. 

There was always a whisper of his name, almost a kin to a calling. The title of the winter soldier had flicked a switch in her mind, like she knew something more than her mind was allowing her to remember. It wasn’t until they were face to face on the bridge that she recalled his name. James. It never clicked in her head when Steve referred to him as Bucky that they knew the same person, but sure enough, they had all crossed each others paths. Rounding a corner she found him, alone in a room, sitting with his thoughts. His stature, almost like the painting in her mind came back to life. 

How was it that Natasha would always get paired with the ones she didn’t know? She barely knew Steve, yet they were shoved together in tight rooms, on odd missions by Fury, all because they had the same goal. Take down the bad guy and stand for good. A foreign concept for the widow still, but she was most certainly trying. A sweet smile as the couple walked into the inn hand in hand, pretending to be in love, married for all intents and purposes. But Natasha knew that behind the working hard American man facade, Steve still didn’t understand the entire modern world, or trust the Black Widow.