I need a do-nothing princess who is disturbingly obsessed with food.
As giving and caring a feeder could be, I'd still be relegated to some background presence. Only as good as the food I bring. Only as good as the chores and caretaking I offer.
Each passing day is a success by keeping her in bed. Any ambition snuffed out by a steady snack and meal regimen. Laziness becomes a trait, an identity. You don't "get" to eat in bed all day long. It's who you are. It's what you do.
I want that liberating feeling that every single action I take is turning someone into a blob. I want to strip away all the social grace. She HAS to have food in reach at all times. She HAS to be a bit unpresentable.
Erode her sensibility. There's no guilt to how bad these habits are, because any outside voice has long been silenced and removed. It's not bad that you are overstuffed and still hanging your mouth open when I hand feed you. Who's going to say it's wrong? Who's going to stop you? Who's going to stop me?
It'll all settle once your body eventually makes the decisions for you. It isn't a choice to stay indoors when the thought of lumbering across the house is unthinkable. Any whimsical ideas of going out into the world disappears. Why fantasize about the impossible?
All that's left is to keep eating and growing. The obscene reality that you haven't had a weight plateau in months and years isn't a problem. It's normal to feel your body take up more space in more inconvenient ways. Thighs too heavy for your legs to move. A belly that pins you down. Heavy arms and a heaving chest that dominates your field of vision. Even a neck and face so thickened by fat that you begin to forget what you used to look like.
You'll be a fixture of your room, of your bed. Blindly feeling for the sack of food left by your side. Casually aware that you used to have a name, maybe some sort of a life. Rules and behaviors that let you fit in with others. All foreign to your rotted sense of self as you struggle to finish eating another pastry. Laboring and painfully trying to choke more food down. There's nothing human about it, it's purely blob behavior.
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