he'd never considered the act of swimming as anything more than a childish activity, a skill learned early in life that would never be properly required. he never cared for the sport, always bothered with other full body exercises— it was just one of many concepts that he simply had no reason to bother with.

gen has never been afraid of drowning, because he's made sure to never be found in a situation where he couldn't swim. but now, staring at the profundity that was soshiro hoshina, he can't remember how to catch his breath.

he was, in a word: overwhelming. suffocatingly so, intense in every aspect of himself.

gen has never had a fear of drowning but he imagines it must feel something similar to this— terrifying helpless in the face of an extensive vastness, unable to move against the currents that push you down. soshiro keeps him pinned, pressed against dampening sheets and a wall of muscle, pressed so entirely within him that gen couldn't tell where one ended and another began. 

it was too much; it had already been too much before the bastard started opening his mouth to spew such sentimental bullshit. gen had expected taunts / jeers /  ridicule and mockery because soshiro knew what those cruel words did to him, how they left him. instead of degrading comments, soshiro had begun to whisper confessions of love and devotion. the shock had been so much that he nearly shoved him out.

but soshiro is cruel / crueler than what most would ever believe, because he simply presses himself closer and shoves his cock deeper and makes sure gen has no choice but to face his emotions head on. there is no option for running away. the bastard even has the nerve to—— stop. he remains completely still inside him. 

❛ stooop, don't— don't be mean, soshiro. don't stop, don't press so much— why'd you stoooop? ❜ the words are whined out, sounding more like cries than anything else. the accompanying tears that start to flow do little to help the cause, overstimulated and frustrated and desperate for a release that would've been just within reach if soshiro hadn't been so heartless. gen can't even roll his hips to chase any friction between them, soshiro had left no space for anything between them. it would've been comforting, if it wasn't for that foreign emotion on soshiro’s face.

it was far too soft. the way he spoke his name / the way his thumbs swiped away the tears / the way soshiro was looking at him as if gen was more man than monster— as if he had never been a monster at all. it was too soft, it was too raw; never before in their fooling around had gen felt so exposed, as if his very core had been splintered apart for soshiro to examine. every hushed confession was just another weight onto a slumped heart, every quiet kiss placed on heated skin was just another sob forced out of his throat. 

it was terrifying. the human heart / soshiro’s heart was too terrifying of an ocean, and gen was drowning. how desperate he was to run away, to escape and return to the normality of dry land— to when they were nothing more than rivals who fooled around when left alone in the quiet of an empty training hall. before the emotions started to seep past tolerance and annoyance / before defending one another on the battlefield of that kaiju fight / before gen had woken up to seeing soshiro there, every day, waiting for his full recovery. 

trembling hands reach up, as if that alone would be enough to stop soshiro from dragging gen deeper into unknown waters. it earns him kisses along every finger, each one searing off the flesh from bone.

i love yous are whispered between the cracks. gen feels like he could vomit.

❛ i don't— i can't— i can't give you what you want. i don't know— i don't know how! ❜ how could anyone ever love an abandoned mutt like him? how could gen ever properly reciprocate, when he doesn't even know the meaning of the word? it was just too much / there was just too much that he didn't know—— it was terrifying. he felt his heart beating against the confines of his chest, desperate to break out of its ribbed cage to flee from the scene. ❛ i can't, i— ❜ i'm too afraid dies on his tongue. a single shred of pride pierces through the fog of desire to keep from looking like a complete and utter fool; although, naked and pressed beneath soshiro, with tears and drool and precum staining his marked body, perhaps that ship has already sailed. 

but soshiro is just as stubborn as gen could be / unrelenting in his cruel onslaught despite gen's broken begs for mercy. true to the title of his rival, soshiro meets every defiance with a stability that leaves gen disarmed; you're only saying that because the sex is good / i've loved ya for years. we're nothing more than rivals / we've been more than rivals for a while. i don't know how to love you / we can learn as we grow. i'm terrified, soshiro / so am i, gen.

❛ ya will never be rid of me, gen. accept it— accept me. ❜

it sounded like a prayer / like the begging of a man who has nothing left to lose after giving everything away. it was overwhelming— suffocatingly so, intense in every way he knew soshiro could be. it was terrifying the way the ocean was, a sharp descend into the unfamiliar with no way of knowing what was to come. it was unrelenting / it was heartless / it was—

constant. ever constant, always present the way soshiro had been ever since their first meeting. it was a show of devotion to all aspects that built the weapon that was narumi gen, it was a sign of determination that spoke to the genuineness of his words. it was a declaration / a promise to remain and to return, no matter what. he will never be rid of him. soshiro will never go away— gen could trust in that to be true. he wouldn't be abandoned again.

❛ you're so annoying. you're so fucking annoying, soshiro. ❜ the lustful haze has long been shattered in the face of fearful panic, clear minded enough to scowl despite the tears still streaking. ❛ you couldn't have done this after? you just had to confess all that sappy shit now, with your dick fully in me? ❜ there was no heat / no bite. there was nothing but false bravado and an almost fond cadence to the words. eyes shift to look away for a second before he's properly looking at soshiro again, face shifting through various shades of red at the embarrassment of it all.

he really couldn't stand this guy.