i have never cared this much about basketball in my life but the spurs v knicks might be the best thing to happen to me. i might need to actually follow along next season holy shit
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
i have never cared this much about basketball in my life but the spurs v knicks might be the best thing to happen to me. i might need to actually follow along next season holy shit
hiii, i reeeaallly liked your "how good they're at cuddling" post and wanted to ask the same but maybe with Stardust Raphsody: Anthem crew, maybe?
I like the way you think, anon. Me personally? Pyke fan forever.
I've never written for them before, so anyone is welcome to correct me if I'm wrong or if you have a better idea. I'm all for constructive criticism.
If you are looking for more Stardust content, feel free to request it, or go check out @curvydave because I cannot recommend them enough. Especially for my fellow Pyke lovers!
No matter what, thanks for the request and hope you enjoy it!
Pyke doesn't really start cuddles. He just sort of ends up with you tucked against his side and never questions how it happened.
He's not particularly clingy, but he's almost always aware of where you are. Cuddling feels like an extension of that awareness.
His favorite position is one where he can keep an arm around you while still looking like he's doing something else.
If you're reading, watching a movie, or even working on separate things, he'll gradually pull you closer without ever making a big deal out of it.
The more tired he is, the softer he gets. Most people never see that version of him. If something has his danger sense going off, expect him to become noticeably more affectionate.
Not because he's scared, but because having a hand on you makes it easier to relax.
Sometimes he'll absentmindedly rub circles against your arm or shoulder while thinking.
Score: 9/10 (comfortable, protective, and surprisingly soft once his guard comes down, but you usually have to be the one to start)
Rett Indigo:
Rett is the kind of cuddler that makes you accidentally fall asleep.
If there's a couch available, he has already mentally assigned the two of you spots on it.
Loves having an arm around your shoulders while you're both doing your own thing.
Doesn't need cuddling to be the center of attention. Half the time he's reading, tinkering, or talking with the crew while you're curled against him.
His touch is incredibly grounding. He's the type to absentmindedly rest a hand on your knee or your back just because he likes knowing you're there.
He gets caught off guard by how much he enjoys physical affection. Every single time.
Hank somehow always ends up involved.
Score: 9.5/10 (peak "fall asleep on the couch together" energy, loses half a point only because he's occasionally too awkward to start)
Ziggy Woog:
Ziggy operates under the assumption that if you're within arm's reach, you should probably be touching.
Hand-holding inevitably evolves into leaning against each other, which evolves into cuddling.
Cannot sit still.
Will play with your fingers, trace shapes on your arm, braid your hair, fiddle with your sleeves, or generally find something to do with his hands.
Somehow ends up halfway in your lap without either of you remembering how it happened.
Loves sharing blankets because he can use them as an excuse to scoot closer.
Has absolutely no shame about the fact that he likes being near you.
If you stop touching him unexpectedly, he'll notice within seconds.
Score: 9/10 (adorable and affectionate, loses one point because occasionally you would like circulation in your limbs)
Ko Tetsutora:
Ko cuddles with the same confidence she does everything else.
There is no hesitation. If she wants you closer, she simply brings you closer.
Frequently drapes an arm around your shoulders, hooks an arm around your waist, or outright pulls you into her lap.
Very physically reassuring. She always seems to know exactly where to place a hand to make you feel safe.
Doesn't understand why anyone would want less physical affection.
If somebody interrupts, she doesn't move. They can work around her.
Being held by Ko feels a bit like being claimed by a very affectionate guard dog.
She'll absolutely use you as a pillow and expect you to do the same.
Score: 9.5/10 (warm, confident, and impossible to feel unwanted around, loses half a point because personal space becomes a distant memory)
Pixel Pop:
Pixel treats cuddling like a competitive sport.
If there is an opportunity to climb on you, she will find it.
Loves being carried, sitting on your lap, draping herself across your shoulders, or generally existing somewhere in your personal space.
Constantly moving, talking, laughing, and adjusting positions.
Every cuddle session somehow turns into a conversation about three unrelated topics and a story she forgot to tell you earlier.
Makes affection feel effortless and fun.
Has a tendency to wrap herself around you and then refuse to move because she's comfortable.
Definitely gets a little smug when other people realize how cute the two of you are together.
Score: 9/10 (pure sunshine and affection, loses one point because sometimes you are being cuddled by a tornado)
I'm biased, so I don't have the heart to score them lower. If you have scores of your own, do let me know!
Once again, thank you for the request and thank you for reading! If you have any notes about the writing, feel free to let me know, as I strive to get better, and this is my first time writing for these characters.
Feel free to leave me any requests for what you want to see next.
Kremy, Gideon, Gricko, Frost, Torbek x Reader
+ Hootsie!
Kremy Lecroux:
Kremy notices you're upset long before you realize he's paying attention.
You've been sitting with the group all evening, but you haven't really been there. Normally he'd expect at least a comment, a laugh, some reaction to whatever ridiculous thing Gricko is doing. Instead, you've barely spoken.
At first he tries ignoring it. Then he tries pretending he isn't looking.
Then he spends nearly ten minutes getting increasingly annoyed that you're making him care.
Eventually, he finds you sitting alone.
Your eyes are red.
The moment you look up at him, whatever composure you've been holding together starts cracking.
"Aw, don't do that."
His voice comes out softer than intended.
You laugh weakly, then immediately start crying harder.
Kremy looks genuinely distressed.
Not because you're crying.
Because he clearly has no idea what he's supposed to do about it.
For a few seconds he just stands there, staring at you like you've presented him with an impossible puzzle.
Then he sighs heavily and drops down beside you. His shoulder bumps yours.
Not accidentally. Not quite intentionally either. Just enough.
When you apologize, he actually rolls his eyes.
"Darlin', if I only kept company with people who had their lives together, I'd be eatin' dinner alone every night."
That earns a watery laugh.
The corner of his mouth twitches.
Satisfied.
His arm eventually settles around your shoulders, awkward at first but growing more natural as time passes. He never pushes for an explanation. Never asks you to justify why you're upset.
Instead, he keeps talking quietly about anything and everything until your breathing finally steadies.
The entire time, he stays close enough that you can feel the coolness of his scales through his clothes.
Oddly enough, it's comforting.
Gideon Coal:
Gideon notices because he always notices.
Not in an overbearing way. Not because he's watching you constantly.
But because somewhere along the way, your wellbeing became important to him.
When you disappear from camp that evening, he gives it a few minutes before following.
Just enough time to make sure you're not simply seeking a moment alone.
He finds you sitting beneath a tree.
The tears are already falling.
For a moment he simply stands there.
Then, without a word, he sits beside you.
Close. Not crowding. Just present.
The silence stretches comfortably between you.
You eventually try apologizing. For crying. For bothering him. For making things awkward.
Each apology sounds more ridiculous than the last.
Gideon listens to all of them.
Then quietly says, "Ya ain't got nothin to apologize for."
The certainty in his voice makes your chest ache.
He doesn't ask what happened.
Doesn't ask you to explain yourself.
He simply accepts your sadness as something that exists.
No judgment. No frustration. No disappointment.
A quiet acceptance.
At some point, your shoulder brushes his. Neither of you moves away.
By the time the tears finally begin to slow, you've unconsciously drifted closer.
Gideon notices. Of course he notices.
But all he does is adjust slightly so you're more comfortable.
As though staying beside you was never a question.
Gricko Grimgrin:
The first tear hasn't even fully fallen before Gricko goes into crisis mode.
"What happened?"
You try to shake your head.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"That is absolutely not a nothing face."
Within thirty seconds, he's already developed six different theories and blamed three separate people.
By the fifth minute, he's prepared to challenge someone to a duel.
You aren't even sure who.
Eventually, after determining that nobody is responsible and violence is therefore discouraged, Gricko plops down beside you.
Then immediately leans against you. Hard.
Like he's trying to physically transfer emotional support through direct contact.
You laugh despite yourself.
He points dramatically. "There! I got one!"
"A what?"
"A smile."
His expression becomes impossibly smug.
You roll your eyes. Unfortunately, he's right.
The conversation drifts after that. Sometimes serious. Sometimes completely ridiculous.
Every time you seem close to crying again, Gricko somehow manages to steer things toward something absurd enough to earn another laugh.
Not because he doesn't take your sadness seriously.
But because seeing you smile feels like a personal mission.
One he intends to accomplish through sheer stubbornness if necessary.
Morning Frost:
Frost finds you because he knows where people go when they want to be alone.
You don't hear him approach.
One moment you're sitting by yourself, staring at nothing.
The next he's settling onto the ground nearby.
Neither of you speaks, but the silence isn't uncomfortable.
In fact, it's probably the first comfortable thing you've experienced all day.
Eventually, he asks if you want company.
Not what's wrong. Not why you're upset.
Only whether you'd like him to stay.
When you nod, that's enough.
Minutes pass. Then more.
And slowly, without meaning to, the words start coming out.
Everything you've been carrying. Everything you've been trying not to think about.
Frost listens the entire time.
Not interrupting. Not offering solutions. Listening.
When you're finally finished, exhausted from the effort of it, he sits quietly for a moment.
Then reaches over and squeezes your hand.
The gesture is simple. Small.
But somehow it says more than any speech could.
You're not alone. You don't have to be.
And for someone like Frost, that's about as close to a declaration as you're ever likely to get.
Torbek:
Torbek discovers you're crying completely by accident.
The moment he does, he nearly leaves.
Not because he doesn't care.
Because he cares so much he's terrified of making things worse.
Unfortunately, you notice him before he escapes. Now he's trapped.
The panic is immediate. You can practically see it happening.
He awkwardly sits nearby, looking like a man trying to defuse a bomb.
The silence stretches.
Then Torbek cautiously offers you a piece of dried fruit.
You stare at it.
He stares back.
"...It's all Torbek had."
Against all odds, you laugh.
The relief on his face is immediate.
For the rest of the evening he continues producing increasingly random snacks from various pockets.
Nuts. More dried fruit. Something that might once have been an animal cracker.
Each offering seems completely sincere.
As though he genuinely believes enough snacks can solve emotional distress.
And honestly? The effort means more than the food.
By the end of the night, he's sitting much closer than he started.
Not close enough to assume. Close enough to stay.
Hootsie:
Hootsie has absolutely no idea why you're crying.
What she does know is that you're making sad noises.
This is unacceptable.
Before you can react, the owlbear barrels directly into your personal space and flops against you with all the grace of a collapsing building.
The impact nearly knocks you over. A startled laugh escapes you.
Hootsie immediately chirps proudly. Clearly, the problem has been solved.
When you continue crying, she simply presses closer. Then closer.
Then somehow manages to climb halfway into your lap despite weighing far too much for that to be reasonable.
At that point, you're laughing too hard to stay sad.
Hootsie remains convinced she is a genius.
And thats it! Hope you enjoyed and if you have any notes on the writing or requests for prompts please leave them with me! I love hearing from everyone!
Also lmk if Kremy sounds right, because in my head it feels just a bit OOC but that also may be because I am so used to Rich so who really knows.
Kremy, Gideon, Gricko, Frost, Torbek x Reader
+ Hootise!
Headcannons of the Krew cuddling with the reader!
Hope you all enjoy! Feel free to request anything!
Kremy Lecroux:
Always tries to make cuddling look like it was your idea, not his
Very still once settled, like heโs conserving energy (or pretending he isnโt enjoying it)
Will casually adjust your position like heโs optimizing a business deal, not affection
Heโs cold. Like, noticeably reptile-cold. You will eventually start stealing his cloak or regretting your choices
Extremely steady, doesnโt fidget, and somehow makes the whole situation feel oddly safe
Score: 7/10 (loses points for temperature, gains points for accidental emotional stability)
Gideon Coal:
Starts a little stiff, but not uncomfortableโmore like heโs unsure how to โdoโ closeness properly
Doesnโt initiate, but immediately settles once youโre leaning on him and subtly adjusts so youโre more comfortable
Over time he relaxes in small ways: less tension in his shoulders, steadier breathing, leaning in just slightly without realizing it
If you fall asleep on him, he stays very still out of care, not duty, like he doesnโt want to disturb you
Protective instinct is always there, but it comes through as calm watchfulness rather than intensity
Score: 9/10 (very grounding and gentle once he relaxes, only loses a point because heโs still a bit reserved at first)
Gricko Grimgrin:
Immediately attaches himself to you in some unpredictable angle and stays there
Talks constantly, then suddenly goes quiet mid-cuddle because he forgot what he was saying
Treats personal space like a myth invented by people who donโt cuddle enough
If you move even slightly, assumes catastrophic abandonment and clings harder
Zero spatial awareness, occasionally makes it hard to breathe or move
Extremely affectionate, very emotionally transparent, makes you feel wanted at all times
Score: 9/10 (would be 10 if he understood โnot suffocating youโ as a concept)
Moring Frost:
Positions himself behind or slightly beside you rather than directly on top of you
One arm loosely around you like a safety measure, not restriction
Rarely speaks, but always seems alert enough that you donโt have to be
Instinctively adjusts to block cold, noise, or intrusion without being asked
Not very physically โcuddlyโ in a traditional senseโmore like being guarded than hugged
Deeply grounding presence, makes you feel protected without effort
Score: 8/10 (loses some points for emotional distance, gains them for pure safety energy)
Torbek:
Starts off hesitant, hovering near you like heโs not sure heโs allowed to be there
Slowly relaxes into contact if you donโt move away, usually staying very still afterward
Tends to hold onto sleeves, edges of clothing, or sit just at the boundary of touch
Clearly overthinks the entire situation but clearly enjoys it
Nervous energy can make him a bit stiff and unsure at first
Very gentle, very earnest, and clearly values every second of closeness
Score: 7.5/10 (soft and sincere, just needs confidence updates)
Hootsie:
Treats closeness as instinct rather than conceptโif youโre safe, sheโs there
Naturally drapes herself over or beside you with heavy, grounding weight
Makes soft, content noises and adjusts her position based on comfort rather than awareness
Reacts instantly if anything feels threatening, becoming protective without hesitation
Can be a lot of weight and space if youโre not expecting a full owlbear situation
Unmatched warmth, extremely comforting presence, very protective without asking anything back
Defo making biscuts on you like a cat
Score: 9/10 (basically a living weighted blanket with instincts)
Alright and there it is! I hope you enjoyed it and if you have any notes please do let me know, I love getting feedback. And requests! So if you have any please don't be shy!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
I was wondering if you could write some headcanons about how the crew would react to Fem Reader being on their period. I would imagine Hootise, sensing you have cramps, tries to lay on top of you to make you feel better. It's doesn't work, but you appreciate the effort. You don't have to write it if you don't want to.
I actually love this because now I'm just picturing Hootsie like the animal-shaped heating pads and it's so funny
Kremy, Gideon, Gricko, Frost, Torbek (separate) x Fem! Reader
Kremy Lecroux:
Kremy notices almost immediately, but he's far too smooth to actually say anything. Rather, you start realizing you're having a strangely easy week. Routes get shorter, breaks get longer, and somehow, every annoying task becomes someone else's responsibility. He'll never admits he's doing it for her.
Kremy loves getting a rise out of you, but when you're already feeling miserable, he becomes much more selective about it. He still flirts, still jokes, but the second he notices you genuinely upset instead of playfully annoyed, he backs off. He also becomes a terrible enabler if you're irritable. One complaint about someone, and suddenly he's leaning in like she's telling the most fascinating story he's ever heard.
Picture: a hair salon lady who needs all the gossip
The funniest part is that Kremy absolutely keeps score. If you're cranky enough to threaten someone, he'll remember it. Not to use against you, just because he finds it funny.
"I threatened three people today."
"Only three?"
"Kremy."
"I'm just saying, you're losing your touch, sweetheart."
Gideon Coal:
Gideon doesnโt really make a big deal out of your period. Not because he doesnโt notice, but because in his mind it just falls into the category of โthings happening to people that you adapt to.โ
He becomes quietly, annoyingly efficient in a very grounded way. If you look even slightly drained, he just adjusts whatโs already happening around you without commentary. He takes the heavier load, walks a bit closer on rough terrain so you're on the easier path, and naturally ends up pacing the day around your energy without announcing it.
What makes it funny is that Gideon refuses to frame any of it as special treatment. If you point it out, heโll act like you're the one making it weird.
And if you're irritable? He justโฆ accepts it. Completely unbothered. Like your mildly sarcastic weather.
"You didnโt have to carry my bag."
"Itโs a bag."
"Itโs my bag."
"Still a bag."
"Thatโs notโ"
"Do you want it back or do you want to keep arguing with me about physics?"
Gricko Grimgrin:
Gricko understands in a very Gricko way: You feel awful, therefore something is wrong, therefore it is now his problem. And Hootsie's too.
He stays close: talking more than usual, offering things at random intervals, and generally making sure you don't have to stick it out in pain. If sheโs resting, he'll anchor himself nearby like thatโs where he was always meant to be.
Hootsie is fully part of this system. If you're curled up, Hootsie immediately remembers she is a living heat source and commits to it. No hesitation, no repositioning for comfort, just maximum contact like sheโs been assigned a sacred duty. An owl bear flopping onto you with all her weight might just distract you from the pain who knows
"Hootsie is helping."
"She is literally just sitting on me."
"Yes. Heating pad."
"Thatโs not howโ"
"Warm is warm. Science."
Morning Frost:
Frost notices patterns, and Reader is one of his favorite things to pay attention to (he'll never admit it). He notices when she sleeps differently, stands differently, seeks out warmth more often, or gets quieter than usual.
Rather than asking what's wrong, Frost starts quietly adjusting things around her before she can ask. A blanket appears. A chair gets pulled out. A fire gets started earlier than usual. Frost never announces any of it.
He's also a little more physically affectionate during this time. Not because he thinks Reader needs taking care of, but because he's noticed she relaxes when he's close.
"You keep staring at me."
"I'm observing."
"That's a creepy word."
"You're still smiling."
Torbek:
Torbek is aggressively supportive. You say you don't feel well, and suddenly, he has dedicated himself entirely to improving your situation. Better blanket. Better seat. Better food. Better everything.
Unlike Gideon, who quietly helps, Torbek is impossible to ignore. If you say you want to be left alone, he stations himself nearby to make sure nobody bothers you. If you want company, he's there before you finish asking.
What really gets him, though, is the idea that you go through this every month. Torbek has fought monsters, devils, and horrors beyond comprehension. The concept of enduring the same battle repeatedly and still functioning is, in his mind, incredibly impressive.
"Torbek believes in you."
"For what?"
"The blood war."
"Torbek, that's notโ"
"You always win."
alrighttt i hope you enjoyed and it was exactly what you wanted! if you have any thoughts please let me know, I'm always looking for ways to improve. Sorry if they seem a bit OOC I'm not far into the campaign.
Requests are open so feel free to ask for anything!
Gideon enters a carnival strength contest and keeps trying to impress you by escalating things way too far. The reader is equal parts concerned and entertained.
The Witchlight Carnival was crowded enough that losing someone in the sea of people would've been easy.
Unfortunately for Gideon, he had spent the last hour making sure he stayed exactly where you could see him.
You hadn't noticed at first.
Then he'd won a ring toss and somehow appeared beside you moments later.
Then he'd volunteered for a juggling act.
Then he'd beaten a carnival game that was probably designed to be unwinnable.
Now he was standing in front of a strength tester with the expression of a man about to make a very poor decision.
"Gideon."
"Hm?"
"You don't have to do this."
"I'm not."
You pointed at the giant hammer currently resting on his shoulder.
"Then what would you call this?"
"A recreational activity."
You laughed.
The sound made something in his chest do a strange little flip.
Which was unfortunate.
Because now he definitely had to win.
The attendant took his coin and stepped back.
"Whenever you're ready."
Gideon adjusted his grip on the hammer.
Then, almost unconsciously, he looked at you.
You gave him an encouraging smile.
That was a mistake.
The hammer slammed down.
The bell at the top rang immediately.
The crowd erupted into cheers.
You clapped.
Gideon felt absurdly pleased with himself.
"There," he said, walking back toward you. "Easy."
"You seem very proud of yourself."
"I am not."
"You absolutely are."
"I am merely satisfied."
You raised an eyebrow.
He tried (and failed) not to smile.
For a moment, you thought that was the end of it.
Then a group nearby started talking.
"Best score all afternoon."
"Seriously?"
"Nobody's gotten that close before."
Gideon heard every word.
You saw the exact second it happened.
The exact second his competitive streak woke up.
"Oh no."
"Oh yes."
Before you could stop him, he was already turning around.
"Gideon."
"I can hit it harder."
"You already won."
"I can win more."
"That's not how winning works."
He ignored you completely.
The second attempt was somehow even more ridiculous.
The bell rang again.
Louder.
A few people actually started gathering to watch.
You were laughing so hard your stomach hurt.
And Gideonโ
Gideon couldn't stop looking at you.
Not the crowd.
Not the machine.
Not the people cheering.
You.
Every time he glanced over, you were smiling.
Every time you smiled, he somehow found another reason to keep going.
By the third attempt, even the attendant looked concerned.
"Gideon."
"Hm?"
"If you break the game, I'm leaving."
He grinned.
"You wouldn't."
"I absolutely would."
"You'd miss me."
The confidence in his voice should have been annoying.
Instead, it made your face feel strangely warm.
"Keep talking," you said, folding your arms. "Maybe the hammer will hit you back."
His laugh was low and easy.
The kind that always seemed to slip out around you.
For a second, neither of you moved.
The carnival noise faded into the background.
Lights reflected in his eyes.
And suddenly the strength tester didn't seem nearly as important as it had a few minutes ago.
Gideon's gaze flickered to your face.
Then lingered.
Just a little longer than it probably should have.
"You know," he said quietly, "I was trying to impress you."
You blinked.
"I know."
His confidence vanished immediately.
"You did?"
"It wasn't subtle."
A horrified look crossed his face.
You burst out laughing.
"Not subtle at all."
"Oh."
"But..." You stepped a little closer. "It was kind of cute."
The tips of his ears turned red.
You weren't sure you'd ever seen Gideon lose a fight that quickly.
"Don't tell anyone I said that."
"No promises."
"You are cruel."
"And yet you spent half the afternoon showing off."
A smile tugged at his mouth.
"Maybe I had a reason."
Your heart skipped.
"Maybe."
For once, Gideon had no clever response.
Which might have been the most impressive thing he'd done all day.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!! I would've made it longer, but it's late, and I've been up since 5, so I'm going to bed. Love y'all! If you have any requests, feel free to ask, and I'll try my best!
if i get one more entitled negative comment on my fanfiction im ending it bro. because why do i know you are new to this scene just based on the fact that you think it's okay to comment on a fic i wrote on ao3 just to leave a full 150 WORDS about why you didn't like it and how i "took too long to say absoulutely nothing"
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
does anyone else find themselves grieving the past, or rather grieving who they once were?
lately i think iโve fallen into a depressive state and the center of it seems to be me constantly missing things i no longer have or can longer experience.
i miss being 12 and discovering tommyinnit for the first time while doing online school.
i miss when the obsession first started to develop and thinking that i had to stop watching because it was normal.
i miss the feeling of realizing i was my own person and i didnโt have to constantly mask myself around other people because it was quarantine and i wasnโt around other people.
i miss being constantly immersed in dsmp content all the time.
i miss finding wattpad for the first time and spending all my nights reading x reader fanfiction
i miss finding new friends upon coming back to school in seventh grade and being the cringiest person ever.
i miss crying on the phone to my friend when ranboo died in the lore or celebrating one twitter when they finally came out.
i miss literally bawling my eyes out to my friend when techno died and i remember being in a depressive state after that too.
i miss the phase of my life and even the phases after when i started to shift out of it.
i miss discovering fnaf for the first time
i miss really getting into kpop for the first time
i miss reading all the percy jackson books for the first time.
i miss my friends being close enough to me that when i was having major family issues, they always understood and were supportive.
i miss being super obsessed with hamilton in 8th grade
i miss loving greek mythology as much as i did
i miss trying to become a witch even though i couldnโt connect with it
i miss trying to shift realities even if it never worked.
i miss finding formula 1
i miss my old friends who i donโt speak to as much.
i think it was the childhood innocence or the whimsy of it all but i feel as if i canโt do anything i used to be able to do.
i just miss everything i once was
except for who it made me in some aspects. during this time i developed an addiction to maladaptive daydreaming. i begun pacing the hallway everyday and getting weird looks or in trouble with my family because of it. now i canโt live my life without doing it. i would spend hours just acting out so many scenarios in my head. all of which had me as the main character in whatever show/community i was obsessed with in the moment. i donโt know if it was a result of how alone i was or how little attention i got from my family but now i canโt stop it.
i once sat though and finished all of OHSHC and now i canโt hardly sit through any show or movie or book because i need to go daydream about being the focus of this very moment in the media.
i continue to try and try to break the habit but i donโt know how and it is rooted so deeply in my life that i canโt go without it.
even aside from the daydreaming issue, i lost so many things i once had and they still seem so close.
i have so many more friends now but none of them are as close as they once were.
i am back where i once was of feeling as if i canโt share anything because people will think of me different
i have my one friend that is almost a direct replica of me in every aspect but i still feel as if i canโt constantly rely on him to vent or obsess over things because i donโt want him to leave.
the same is true for my boyfriend, i share even less with him then i do my friend because as much as we love each other, him and i are very very different people.
i donโt know whatโs wrong with my right now. iโm sure the episode will pass and i will once again find a twisted sort of balance in my life again but i just need it to be documented somewhere of how this feels. i understand that not many will even find it let alone take the time to read it but if you did thank you for hearing me. i feel as if no one really does anymore