Sunshine and whiskey.

*does one push-up* *fergie voice* my body stay vicious i be up in the gym just working on my fitness he’s my witness

person about to invent hummus: man fuck these chickpeas *beats the shit out of them*

Im gonna invent powdered toes

honestly I don’t know what this means but I feel like you should go to jail

let’s pour one out for all the janitors who clean and never get enough appreciation

Don’t they gotta clean up what we pour out

fuck stop it everyone the post is cancelled everyone please stop fuck what have I done

i just walked past 2 construction dudes and one of em just said “i don’t think they’re right-handed or left-handed. they’re just dogs.”

Why did she use shadow clone jitsu like it was nothing

Her chakra levels…..

au where everything is the same except sirius black is played by jonathan van ness from queer eye

I am HERE for this.

a 7 year old that i have met 2 times just came out of her room and sat next to me on the couch and without saying hello she said “if you didn’t want to die, then why were you born?” and her mom said “PLEASE, Mackenzie. go upstairs” and she crossed her legs and said “no, mom. i want to hear what she has to say” ???

Her mom also told me that she “does this all the time”

alright so who wants to fall in love with me

this is unbelievable I have to do everything myself

Hangry

*SLAMS FIST ON TABLE* ow