i’m sick of attachments

Yeah, right. 

It had been years since that conversation and it usually played in your head when you least expected it. 

The diner never closed. You usually stayed up until 5 am, working long hours with barely anyone showing up past 1. 

That’s when you could finally enjoy some time to yourself. You always thought you’d end up somewhere else. Not here, though. With dreams that never came through, or never became plans and how good can dreams be when they don’t turn into plans? 

Dreams are for fools, and you were a fool. Hawkins never offered another option. Though lately, it has offered rumors and fear. Not anything for the dreamers. 

But that didn’t matter at 1:52am as you sat down, a coffee jar in your hand, and faint music playing in the background. You moved your feet along the music. 

You did want music, another variety however. Not whatever was playing on the radio at 1:52a—53 am now. 

Minutes seemed to be hours at this boring old cafe. You’d think that after the whole disaster, your boss would’ve closed the diner and ran away like everyone else was doing. 

That was not an option it seemed. 

Times were, undoubtedly,  dark. Casualties were still hanging up in everyone’s hearts. And Hawkings offered no hope. 

The cook sang along to the song. 

You disliked this. 

All of it. 

Margaret, Maggie, your older coworker just watched him with pain. 

“You know, Charlie, you’re going to scare y/n off.” 

“Nothing scares me, Maggie, if it had, I would’ve run away a long time ago,” you joked, staring at the coffee pot. 

Maggie smirked, “are we sure nothin’ scares you? Surely a Betty like you gets scared by something.” 

Charlie shrugged. “I was scared by recent events.” 

You pursed your lips. 

“Those don’t count,” Maggie said. An older woman who made a living out of this diner, who actively encouraged you to get out of here before life got in the way. “Y/N here should be out there, living her life, falling in love, not worrying about this ridiculous shit.” 

You sighed. “What do you mean, Maggie? I have enough with the both of you, working at a stinky diner at 2 am, with greasy burgers still cooking just for fun and a coffee pot that’s getting cold , that's a dream.” 

Maggie chuckled. “And what about a boyfriend? Don’t you want any of that? I’m sure boys would like to hang out with you instead of us.” 

You snorted, “I doubt anyone would turn to look at me in these… fashionable clothes.” 

Maggie grinned. “I’ve noticed a guy, the one with the hair, he comes here often and I see that you’re always rushing to get away from him. I assume you like him.” 

You chuckled, feeling the blush building upon your cheeks as you rolled your eyes. “Yeah. Right.”

“So you do like him? He is handsome,” Maggie commented. 

“No. I actually hate him.” 

“Who?” Charlie asked. 

“Waffles with extra whipped cream guy, extra bacon.” 

“Ah,” Charlie laughed with a smirk. “Handsome one he is. Yeah you always run away.” 

“Because—he’s boring, he always orders the same thing,” you tried defending yourself. “Besides, when he’s not here with Dustin, he comes in with Robin. I’m pretty sure they’re dating,and if that weren’t enough, he is Nancy Wheeler’s ex.” 

“I don’t know who any of those people are,” Charlie commented. 

“Robin works with him at Family video, they used to work at Scoops Ahoy at the mall. She’s nice, she’s pretty. Steve…He— hangs out a lot with Dustin, he is younger, they’re all kids, Max and Mike and Lucas… Not Will anymore. He’s gone. With that girl—who—well. Nancy is dating Jonathan Byers now, which—I would’ve never thought they would back in high school.” 

Maggie laughed. “You seem to know a lot about him.” 

“I didn't say anything about him, I just randomly namedropped people. But I know nothing about King Steve Harrington. Other than he used to be friends with Carol and Tommy, and other jerks. But he stopped being friends with them. He was a jerk, at first. I did not like him, less when he was around Carol and Tommy H, they sucked.” You leaned against the counter. “And— I know he used to be the worst in French class, and chemistry… and every single subject, actually. I used to tutor him. For a bit, only. I don’t think he even remembers my name, but he was terrible, really, I helped him but boy, was he bad at it, but I discovered more about him. He wasn’t only this idiotic jock…he was misunderstood. Don’t get me wrong, he was an idiot. Treating girls like they were a notch in his belt. Trophies, let’s say. But I gathered from him that he—he was really insecure of himself, he probably thought that by dating all of them he would be worthy of something. Which— even when he was perfect in mostly everything he did from the basketball team to the swim team.” 

Maggie only crossed her arms with a smirk. 

“He dated, a lot. He  He—uh, he dislikes his parents. And he tried to look the closest to Tom Cruise, only days after Risky Business had premiered he showed up talking like him,” you nodded. “College women can smell ignorance like dog shit. He made that movie his whole personality. I know he cried with Annie. He once told me he was a lifeguard. He did not get along with Billy, no one really did, actually…. And currently, he’s helping out with the homeless at our high school. I bumped into him and he was folding clothes and he’s really bad at it. He sucks.” 

Charlie and Maggie watched you and then gave each other a knowing glance. 

“So you know nothing about him,” Maggie crossed her arms with a smirk. 

You shook your head, “no, I don’t. Nothing. I only know he’s a jerk.” 

“Uh-huh,” Maggie chuckled. “Let’s hope he visits you tomorrow so you can get to know about him. You can get his order next time.”  

“Why would I? He’s an idiot. He probably comes here just to make fun of me.” 

Maggie chuckled, “I’m pretty sure he comes in very often and I don’t think it’s because of the waffles.” 

“My waffles are the best,” Charlie defended himself, 

“They are,” you agreed, nodding your head and pointing with the coffee pot to him. “He’s got a point, besides it’s dinner and a show with Charlie’s singing.” 

Charlie frowned, “hey, I’m the best at singing.” 

“Change the station,” Maggie offered with a smirk. “Get some of your grooves going as you keep lying to yourself. But please, before he keeps singing,” 

You snorted. “Grooves,” you teased  as you changed the radio station. A groovy one. 

Madonna’s ‘Like a Virgin.’ started playing, 

“Now this is music!” You said, moving your head along. 

Maggie watched you, chuckling. “You young people scare me.” 

You moved your shoulders to her. 

“You think you can give a better show than me?” Charlie questioned.

 “Is that a challenge?” You grinned hopping to the counter as you laid down on it. You kept loving your shoulders as you sang along. “I was beat! Incomplete! I'd been had, I was sad and blue, but you make me feel, yeah you make me feel!” 

Your off key singing suddenly turned into a show as you used spoons as your microphone, and danced behind the counter, putting on a full show with exaggerated movements and dramatic theatrics. 

“Y/N stop,” Maggie said.

“Touched for the very first time!” You sang to her even louder. 

“Y/N,” Charly shook his head. 

“Like a Virgin!” 

Madonna would be proud, hadnt it been for the fact that your dancing and singing was distracting you, enough for you to ignore the small bell at the door that had rang as someone had walked in. 

Mid dancing, you turned around to continue your performance. 

“You’re so fine! Fuck!” You said before wishing Hawkins to give another earthquake and suck you in. You dropped your spoon and felt like you were dying. You ducked behind the counter. 

“Hi,” King Steve Harrington stood there awkwardly as you showed your face having watched part of your performance. Robin Buckley standing next to him with a big smirk on her face.

Dustin Henderson, right behind them. 

You ducked again. 

“Hi,” Robin spoke now, with a smirk. “That was an incredible performance,” you could tell she was trying hard not to be sarcastic and seem nice instead. 

“Hi,” you said, dying of embarrassment. “I’m so sorry you—were not supposed to see that, usually at this time no one comes in and—“You were speaking too fast, you cleared your throat and avoided Steve’s gaze. 

The whole trio looked tired. That was an understatement. They were all covered with gray circles around their eyes and they looked sad 

What they were doing here at 2 am was beyond your thoughts, you only cursed that they’d decided to join you amidst your Madonna performance. But you didn’t questioned their emotional state. Lately everyone in Hawkins was sad. 

Dustin was the first to smile. “That was cool! Wasn’t it, Steve?” 

Steve offered a smile. “Uh—“he coughed. “Yeah it was—something.” 

You’d heard about a ghost or monster of sorts killing or disappearing people. You, right now, wished you were one of the victims. 

Maggie joined in. “Hey fellas, you can take your seats and hopefully y/n here will give you all another show, how about that?” 

They went and squeezed on a single booth. 

You sank behind the counter again.

Maggie watched you. “Are you kidding me?” 

“Can you get their orders?” You begged. 

“No,” she smiled, politely. 

“There is more I know about him,” you admitted. “He’s a jerk and he was a bigger jerk back in high school,” you admitted. “He broke my heart and I dislike him so much.” 

Maggie watched you. “So you do know about him.” 

You did. More than you wanted to admit. And he knew about you, the things that you didn’t want anyone to know. 

Secrets. Which was funny, were you not both based on secrets? 

“Yes, I know he’s an idiot.” 

An idiot who used to have wine with you, an idiot that laughed on a rooftop, an idiot that laid down on the grass with you. 

“But do you like him?” 

“No, I try to always show up so he feels guilty.” 

Maggie watched them. “Go get their order. I’m busy.” 

No, you didn’t like him. Not anymore, you wouldn’t go on that lane again. 

Hawkins offered enough darkness for you to search one in yourself. 

“Busy? Busy? Doing what?” You called her out. 

She just walked away swaying her hips.. 

You breathed in, slowly. “Fine.” 

You stood up and made your way over. “Hello ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed the show, what can I get for you tonight? May I offer anyone some coffee?” 

The three of them started to unanimously tell you their orders. 

“You know fellas, I don’t have a super power so I’m gonna need you all to give them one by one.” 

Steve turned to you, “Sorry, y/n,” he apologized. 

So he remembered your name. 

You made eye contact with him for what seemed a second. Then you were reminded of who he was. A good reminder for you, it’s good to keep track of your heart. 

There had always been something in his eyes. Something you loved and hated, eyes which spoke. 

Steve had always been quiet, but his eyes had always been loud. 

“So, coffee. Who wants coffee?” You asked again. 

They all raised their hands. 

Great. 

When had Steves gang turned into a child and a girl whom you didn’t hate was not an answer you had. 

“‘Kay, I’ll be right back with coffee for and then you all can, in order, tell me what you want.” 

“Thanks y/n,” Steve said as you walked away. You filled the coffee pot and got each a cup. Except for Steve. Consciously. 

Because it was one of those days, when you had remembered what it felt like to be hurt. When you remembered how bad Steve Harrington can hurt you. 

You laughed against his chest. “Are you kidding?” 

“I haven’t slept since, that movie scared me. You should take care of yourself, you’re a babysitter sometimes.”

“I’m sure Mike Myers won’t come after me.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I can’t believe Steve the King Harrington is scared of a movie.” 

When one is most lonely is when the mind is most annoying. You were always lonely. 

Dustin watched you curiously. “Uh you forgot a cup, for Steve.” 

“Did I?” You asked. “Ah,” you took out your notepad. “So, what can I get for you?” 

Robin watched you then with a big smirk on her face. She snorted and watched Steve. 

It was with little things that you could get back at him. Slowly. 

“I’ll have—“Steve started. 

“Yeah, I know, waffles with extra whipped cream and extra bacon.” 

You did know him. He hadn’t changed his order since that one august. People don’t change. 

Or maybe they do. For the better, hopefully. 

You had, hadn’t you? 

Maybe you believe heartache to be the first spark to ignite a change in people. Perhaps when the heart is most vulnerable is when you can mold it. 

There is a chance, perhaps, that hearts don’t break, but they become weak, vulnerable, moldeable. Perhaps a heartbreak may not be literal. Or does the heart lose something when it breaks? 

Maybe. 

Maybe the heart loses and keeps trying to build back up, of new pieces, with bandaids and tape. Building from scattered parts that we find. 

But had you built it? 

Robin grinned, watching Steve get uncomfortable. 

“You’re not getting his coffee?” 

You took a deep breath, “Yeah. I’d rather get Charlie cooking first. I’ll bring it in a second.” 

Steve watched. “Actually, Can I get a milkshake, too?” Steve asked. 

You took a deep breath. “Hm-hm” 

“Strawberry, still my favorite,”  Steve awkwardly said. You glared. 

Strawberry milkshakes. He was doing it on purpose. Strawberry milkshakes was your thing. But you had to ignore it for now. 

Saying us. 

“Never have I ever—had a strawberry milkshake,” 

“That’s bullshit.”

“I swear, it’s true,” he chuckled. “It’s always chocolate, vanilla.” 

“You don’t know what you’re missing on,  Harrington.” 

Robin watched between the both of you. She nodded to herself. She knew part of the story, not all. 

How august had come in and gone so, so quickly. She didn’t know it, she’d only known about you hanging out with Steve Harrington. 

‘Why?’ 

‘He’s not that bad’

‘No, he is.’ 

He was. 

“Robin?” You turned to the girl, whom you’d been friends with, for a while. Until you graduated and before she was friends with Steve. Which, you could not understand. How a friend can betray you and be with someone who had broken your heart. 

She had said it, ‘you’re young, it’ll pass’. 

No, it wouldn’t. 

‘He’s Steve Harrington, who in their right mind falls for Steve Harrington?’ 

Maybe she’d been right for that one.

Robin and you had been close, until you weren’t. You blamed Steve. And there was a longer story behind everything. 

“Yeah, uh, I’ll have—the cheeseburger, with fries,” Robin said. “And milkshake, too” 

Dustin looked up and gave you a smile. You smiled back. Even though he’d made the conscious choice to be friends with a jerk you knew the kid had nothing to be blamed on. 

Besides, you knew him to be grieving. You’d learned he’d been friends with Eddie Munson, another old friend from high school, someone whom you’d blantantly avoided the summer with Steve happened. 

“Hey, y/n,” Eddie had called. “Are we seeing each other today?” 

You licked your lips, it was a Friday morning, and Steve had yet to call. 

“No, I can’t. I’m busy—“

“Busy?” Eddie laughed, “I thought you would join us for DnD?” 

“Can’t tonight, Munson.”

Steve didn’t call. 

Steve had, undoubtedly, taken away everything from you. There was a reason why you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. Friends. 

As if you’d ever been friends. 

“I’ll have—a burger too,” Dustin said. “Chocolate milkshake for me.” 

“Me too, cheeseburger,” Steve said. “Time for a change, right?” 

You ignored Steve’s gaze, just like he had all these years. 

You placed their orders and waited behind the counter. You could tell Steve was uneasy. Dustin and Robin only watched you while gossiping with him. 

Were they making fun of you? 

You had seen Steve show up regularly lately, you had noticed that and he always watched you and tried talking to you, you ignored him every time and let Maggie take his orders. 

It was rewarding. 

You did give him his coffee, but ran away as fast as you could before he could engage in any conversation. 

“See? What did I tell you?” You heard Steve tell Dustin and Robin. 

You sat by the counter. 

“He always asks for you, you know,” Maggie said as she was making the milkshakes, letting the blender be as loud as it could so you could talk to each other.  

You shrugged. 

“I don’t like him,” you said. “And I have a fair reason not to.” 

“Which is?” 

You took a deep breath and stared at him, when he noticed he gave you an awkward smile and a wave. 

“He’s an idiot,” you admitted to Maggie. 

“What’s the real story? I know there is a long story behind that.” 

Was it? A short summer that had gone too fast. A summer that would be remembered every now and then. 

So much for one summer. A summer that comes as a chalk drawing on the floor, easily erased with the rain. 

“I’ll see you on Monday, maybe I’ll pick you up for school.” 

“Can’t wait.” 

He never did. 

“Not really, look at him, he’s an idiot,” you said as you watched the guy drop his coffee as he saw you staring again. The cup was shattered. He had a talent for shattering things. “We spent—“you cleared your throat. “We spent a summer together. It was a secret, then we came back to school and he ignored me. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll clean up his mess. As usual.” 

You went back to him as he was already trying to clean it up. 

“I’m really—really sorry,” he was whispering. “I broke—“

“It’ll be on your receipt,” you said.

“He’s an idiot, we are sorry,” Dustin said, helping you clean. 

Steve was shaking. “I’m—sorry, uh, y/n can I—“

“I’ll get you another one,” you said as you went to the counter gathering a broom and a mop. 

Steve followed. “No, I’ll get it, I did that. I’m sorry.” 

You turned to see him and handed it to him. 

“I know what it’s like to have ugly customers,” he said, smiling awkwardly. “I’m sorry.” 

You only stared. 

“Hey, maybe—uh, next time, this could be your microphone,” he grinned, playing with the mop. “You know, like—“he swiveled the mop. “Madonna is more—“

“Oh, please don’t.” 

“No, no,” he grinned as he shook his head, letting out his hair hang loose. “Uh—I have seen you helping out.” 

“Yeah, the kitchen,” you said. 

“I’m helping too, sorting clothes and such,” he grinned.

“Uh-huh.” 

“Maybe—-uh, maybe I could uh, give you a ride home one of these days, you know, it’s not,” he cleared his throat. “It’s not safe.” 

“I’m okay.” 

He turned to his friends who only watched him disappointedly. he cleared his throat and stared at the radio, turning it up. The news were on repeat. only a reminder of these dark times. 

He cleared his throat and clumsily changed the station. Holiday by Madonna started playing. “Perfect.” 

You crossed your arms, humored. 

“More—next time try moving more uh—“he started moving his shoulders. 

“Enlighten me, please.” 

“Actually,” he handed the mop and broom back to you. “I remembered Madonna doesn’t like the mic stands so—“

You watched as he took a deep breath. 

“Madonna is more—“he cleared his throat as he failed attempting to dance as Madonna. Moving up his hands in the air, with two left feet moving around the diner as if it were come kind of horrific dancefloor. Moving his hips to the sides and jumping.

Steve Harrington was making a complete fool of himself in front of you. 

Humming and not knowing any of the lyrics to the song that was playing. 

“Celebrate!” He said as he raised his arms, with every lack of rhythm he could have. 

You were deciding how to react. You were embarrassed by him and tried not to laugh. You turned to look at Dustin and Robin who were just as embarrassed of their friend. Dustin covered his eyes and Robin was only laughing to herself and shaking her head. 

But Steve continued, he had started so he had to finish. Even Maggie and Charlie had stopped what they were doing to watch the man make a fool of himself. 

And for a moment, there was the Steve you’d met for a summer, a Steve that only you had been lucky enough to meet. 

“I’ve seen the video,” he said. “I know she moves like this.” 

You smiled then, and even chuckled. “You’re done now, you don’t have to make a fool of yourself.” 

He approached you, “I think we all need to dance in such dark times.” 

You rolled your eyes, as he only watched with a smirk as he snapped his fingers. You found yourself smiling and you didn’t like that. 

“I know you’re loving this!” 

Were you? 

It was weird how he assumed to know. Did he really? Had you not been gone from his memory? 

You turned around as Maggie placed the plates for you to hand them. He approached you as he tried engaging you to dance with him, you were quick to push him away. 

“Come on? You were dancing just fine before,” he grinned. 

“It was a private performance.” 

He chuckled. “Weren’t we once, a private performance?” 

You ignored him and took the orders to the booth. 

“Y/N,” he said. “Dance with me, please?” 

“So, here’s the three burgers with a side of fries each and your milkshakes.” 

You had decided to ignore him because you knew him, perfectly  fine. And you were not falling for his tricks again. You didn’t want it to rain again, you didn’t want to curse another month. 

“Y/N?” 

“Uh, I forgot the ketchup, sorry,” you turned around to see Steve waiting for you. 

He gave you a look. A single look. Had you not been on your senses or perfectly aware of who he was you would’ve fallen right away, down to his feet. 

Stupid eyes he had. 

“No,” you tried walking past him but he stopped you. 

“Please?” 

“No, and let me walk, please.” 

He sighed and cleared his throat. “Sorry, you’re right, you’re a better Madonna than me,” he sighed. 

“I am,”you said . “Enjoy your meal. You can clean when you’re done,” you handed back the mop and broom. 

He sighed and sat down as Robin and Dustin chuckled.

“I know,” he said. “I know.” 

You walked to Maggie who gave you a sad smile. “He’s not bad.” 

“He is.” 

There was a moment of silence, you only turned the music louder, with songs you loved from last year, or decades before. 

Maybe you were too harsh on Steve, but really, you weren’t. No, you werent and this probably was another one of his tricks, another game on you. 

You didn’t know how long it happened until they were paying. Steve had tried talking to you once or twice more but you’d only faked to miss him. 

Robin and Dustin had walked out but Steve had stayed to clean the mess he had made. 

“No, I was kidding, that’s my job you don’t have to do it,” you said.

“No, I do. I have a new philosophy, to clean up the mess I’ve made.” 

You chuckled. “That’s going to take you a long time.” 

He sighed. “So, you don’t like me.” 

“What gave it away?”

“I thought we were friends, we used to be friends in high school.” 

You snorted and looked away. “Friends? Friends?” You let out a cynical laugh. “No, we were not. I tutored you for a bit. We were not friends.” 

“And what about—“

“What about what?” 

“You know, that summer.” 

He had to be kidding right now. “Yeah. That proves we are not friends.” 

“Right. Look,  I was a jerk. And I’m—“

“Yeah. Big one.”

“I’ve changed.”

“Good.”

You walked away trying to find anything else to do, as he followed after you. 

“Please, y/n.” 

“You think just because you dance to Madonna I’ll just magically forgive you?” 

“Well.” 

“No, Steve, I don’t like you, I don’t know what you’re trying to do and I know you’ve been trying to reach out to me—“

“Yes, for a while now! I’ve even called you—“

“Years after you were a jerk, what came to your mind? Why now?” 

“I’m just sorry.” 

“Look, I’m sorry,” you chuckled. “I know, I know. It must be so hard for you for a girl not to fall at your feet but I’m sure plenty of girls are dying to have Steve Harrington talk to them.” Irony and sarcasm were stirring form each and every word. 

He sighed, “May I make it up to you?” He asked. 

“Is guilt not letting you sleep?”

He sighed, “ I know I was—probably the biggest jerk to you back in the day.” 

“Yep, you were.” 

“May I make it up? Let’s go watch a movie—“

“Oh, who paid you this time?” 

He took a step back. He knew there was absolutely no chance against you. You’d defeated Steve Harrington. 

He bit his lip, “I really have changed. And I’ll prove it.” 

“What for, Steve?” 

“I’ll prove it!” He said, before walking out. 

Maggie watched you. “You’re too harsh.” 

“No, I'm not even close to being harsh.” 

“Why, y/n? Why not give him a chance?” 

“Because—Because it’s his fault I curse an entire month.”