erikkagean

How many hours do I have to waste just to think of him? How many nights do I have to sacrifice, with little to no sleep just to be with him in my thoughts? How many storyline do I have to write in my head and wish them to blossom into reality? How many times do I have to pretend that I am not affected with his presence whenever he is around? How many times do I have to be shy with my…

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I stared but I can’t seem to recognize things

I think but I can’t seem to know what was I thinking

I eat but I don’t seem to know what was I eating

I feel but I can’t seem to name a feeling

I tried to do things but was just confused

My heart was broken and bruised

Pain emptied it, kicked out all the brightness

Throbbing jolts of ache, leave me surprisingly senseless

All I know was I’m hurting

But…

Her eyes were open with the good sight Still open with the bad sight Kept open even with the worst sight

Her nose smelled good aroma Inhaled bad aroma Endured the worst aroma

Her ears listened the good side Received the bad side Kept listening even with the worst side

Her hands touched smooth surfaces Felt the bad surfaces  Rubbed even with the worst surfaces 

Her tongue tasted the best food Chewed on the…

Her eyes were open with the good sight Still open with the bad sight Kept open even with the worst sight

Her nose smelled good aroma Inhaled bad aroma Endured the worst aroma

Her ears listened the good side Received the bad side Kept listening even with the worst side

Her hands touched smooth surfaces Felt the bad surfaces  Rubbed even with the worst surfaces 

Her tongue tasted the best food Chewed on the…

At this altitude of a mountain I search for you in the bulging greenery I longed for a spot of you next to me Witnessing the top’s serenity Even on this high The bird is flying alone and lonely I wonder if it is what you sent Or was it a wishful thinking? In the silence, I hear my thoughts I clearly hear my heart speaking and grieving I miss your love I miss you…miss you here with me Back then…

From afar, I saw a man so familiar The way his muscles are seated on his skin Gave me a very particular feeling I knew it was him I dared not to look intently I only saw him on my peripherals I knew it was him He sort of looked at me But I pretended not to see And I regretted I did Because I want our eyes to meet Now Im only playing the memory in repeat Trying to edit the scene Where I looked at…

Im watching leaves,obedient to the speed of air While interval flash of lightning added a touch of classic for a moment Heavy rain pouring that it almost reached its way to my heart Moisture on my window Blurred scene Gloomy sky, sad sad thunder Tuned in to a melodramatic, romantic piece Do you know how I feel? I have this deep feeling of the unknown I am a hugged by mixture of peace and relaxed…

I close my eyes I see darkness, pure black I shivered to the crisp of longing in the skin of my arms and legs I feel that something is rising, elevating I am almost breathless that my heart is occupied by pain Im lost in the injustice but has no armors to defy it Im summoned in the glow of sadness It’s shimmering in the rear and center of my eyes Then I succumb to tears It was warm on it path It…

I want to scratch a space within me Create a whole and leave this misery Day and night been walking within my own path, lighted by my guardians All attempts of being righteous Never tried to stray All for them I had to say I envy those who lived freely By freely, I meant those who took courage Of doing what they want and or love Im stuck in mediocrity Im enclosed with fears as it’s strongest…

The agony of deciding

Contemplating of taking off, Away from all I see as red flags Took a little step forward, Persuaded by blurbs Retrieved my foot back. Persuaded by critics Took another step forward with added determination. Weighing breathed stories Evaluating it’s side Actually holding both sides Positive and Negative ‘And’ is not even a place Need to come up with a decision But this place, I painted my colors…

Yellow lights on green leaves I stare at it long but I cant perceive The dominant emotion I’ve received From the consequence of life itself, I grieve I’m mad, I’m guilty, I understand because I should understand I am aware but then I get mad again, angrier this time, To myself, and to whom shall I in this land? Walls around me The other wall has been strengthened by authority The other by pride…

Sweats dripping down from the head coursing thru enlarged veins Facial muscles got entangled Pain is dominantly evident  Hands clasp tightly to grabs A cry for anticipation One more cry for plea Screeching while silently praying The doctor’s request for one last push Squeals, heads raised, Veins got engaged almost looking like roots And then black out, Silence She’s waiting … A sign… A cry… She’s…

If only she knew she was loved If only she saw how the flowers bloom for her If only she felt the weigh of emotions channeling through the space she created If only she could look pass through those eyes, how she was cherished If only her ears were strong enough to listen for the truth which she thinks the otherwise If only her mind did not gave flip sides to little efforts If only her heart is…

One of the hardest thing in this world is not to be able to name and tell what exactly I am feeling.   Like now , I am listening to a song and it had triggered my heart to feel something… something sad I can not explain, what and why thus.A memory is trying to flashback in my mind but I was not able to retrieve all of it. Silhouette scenes accommodated with a heavy feeling. On the other day, I…

As we start on our journey Little pieces of anxiety Starts to gather in one corner And we went on anyway Little by little, we began to feel hardships Self motivation almost doesn’t give a lift One corner is weighing heavy already But we went on, again, anyway Crawling to the tiniest spark left Wishing it could be stolen by a thief Grasping through the edges One corner is a ton grief Despair is…

I was reminded by a young lad who seems so eager to express his admiration at a very young age towards a girl, who, I believe gave his world a twirl. That excitement coursing in his body.The fidget of ‘how’s‘ and ‘what to do’s?‘ Steaming strong emotions (to which nahiya ako). That even at an early stage, love plays a major role in our happiness. Be it puppy, playful or true love—it should be…