☹

Asexuality gets so little representation in media, and much of what is depicted shows ace folks who are repulsed/averse to sex, those who don’t want to have it.  While those folks certainly make up a segment of the ace spectrum, for that to be the only way ace people are depicted falls flat of demonstrating the complexity and heterogeneity of the community.  Asexuality is defined as experiencing sexual attraction never, very rarely, or only under certain conditions, and the way it is expressed is different in every person.  Because it was on my mind, I thought I might make a working list of thing that ace people can think, do, and be that would add to a more dynamic and three-dimensional representation.   Other Ace Folks, please feel free to add on!

Having a dirty mind/sense of humor and being the first person to take a conversation to the gutter

Scientific curiosity about sex and sexuality (i.e. watching p*rn for research, listening to allo people describe their experiences, reading erotica, etc.)

Getting physically aroused, but not wanting to have sex, and being annoyed and grumpy because of it.

Being in a relationship with an allo person and having sex with them as an act of service and expression of love

Enjoying sex as an activity, you know… like playing tennis or watching a movie

Referring to having sex as “playing tennis”

Forgetting that sex is a thing for months at a time

Being the CHILLEST partner if someone’s nervous about their performance. (”No srsly, I don’t care. This was for you anyway.”)

(For the graces out there) The “HolY ShIT” when you actually experience sexual attraction.

Being romantically or aesthetically attracted to someone and going “wait… is this sexual attraction? No…wait! No. Still no.” 

When the emotional connection kicks in and you’re demi

Having a higher “body count” than allo friends because you were just making sure

Being the wisest about relationships/having the most realtionship experience in a friend group

Being popular/friendly/outgoing

Wearing revealing clothing

Having a lot of self-confidence

Having healthy, fulfilling satisfying romantic relationships

Being happily, healthily single

Recognizing you love someone because “playing tennis” doesn’t sound so bad with them

Being oblivious to a partner’s attempts at seduction (”oh so THAT’S why you were kissing my neck??”)

Needing to prepare for physical intimacy days in advance

Wanting to have biological children

Not wanting to have biological children

Being polyamorous/in a polyamorous relationship

Belonging to another LGBTQ+ identity

Compromising on sex

Not compromising on sex