𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐘.

wait, are they together in your mind or actually together? because if it's the former, then i need you to stop writing fanfiction and come to brunch with me tomorrow, and make it happen. it's really simple: just introduce me, i'll do the rest. i'd do it for you, if i had a hot fake mom!

i mean, they're not like together together, but like in a lot of peoples' minds and hearts, they are... i know you're not gonna' give up on this, though, so yeah, okay, whatever. make it one of those bougie spots and you've got a deal. and you better remember that hot fake mom promise, too.

damn, you're right... i'd love to call him daddy. and i do need help: from a fourty-seven year old, guatemalan, who's a spider-man variant from earth 928-b. can't you do me a solid, just this once? i'll pay for our next brunch, c'mon—

as tempting as that is because you know i love a good brunch, that's fucking nasty, dude. that's literally-but-not-literally-just-hypothetically your dad. what do you think this'll do to our literally-but-not-literally-just-hypothetically mom?

so, you met my dad... when exactly am i gonna be able to meet your faux father? for completely normal networking purposes. like, what type of brother are you? i thought out of all your siblings, i was your favorite... or at least a close second. // @eramarcello

...do you not hear yourself? if you're my sister and he's my dad, then that makes him also your dad. you know that right? seek help.

did you see the video that's gone viral of the bad bunny concert in madrid ? it kind of reminded me of you and me. it could've been you and me i if you weren't so busy. you're kind of losing sympathy points here. anyway, let's get back to what really matters. i'd be ester in this scenario. and you'd be somewhere in the backround. but still rocking that "my ex is my biggest fan" shirt. i mean, at least that's something. / @eramarcello

why are you saying that like it's my fault? am i the one who tours and gets adored globally, like? i think you need to look in the mirror, mama. benito is my best friend, dude, so like... he's basically me. in that scenario, i'm bad bunny. but i'll still wear the "my ex is my biggest fan" shirt, though.

— god, and that just started making me think about how i need to dust off my five grammys, two golden globes, and two emmy's. what about you, lil bro? have you dusted off your participation trophy, lately?

uh, first of all, i actually just won SNL's breakout player of the year award... like after four years of being around, so yeah, a participation trophy that's like "i guess you can stay". but at least papá lorne likes me. oh, and second of all? leave your door unlocked.

when can't sleep i usually get up and do the whole brain reset thing, you know... walk around, take a cold shower, smoke some weed. but sometimes, occasionally, not-all-that-often-i-swear, i like to watch those god-awful late night infomercials. i will admit i've bought some stuff off of there, but i've never used a single thing. what do you do when you can't sleep? hopefully something a lot easier on the wallet than my late night habit. [ @goldenerastarters ]

and you didn't even invite me? okay, shawn. i mean it sounds like my ideal hangout session, but whatever... but you know what, you don't even need that beauty sleep, papá. i do, so i listen to ocean sounds and meditate, but i say you're good, so keep doing what you're doing: i'm a big fan of the whole "buy useless, weird shit and see what happens" thing. what would you say is the weirdest thing you've bought?

i'm still disappointed you didn't attend the governors ball in new york a few days ago, especially since i've been in the states for a while now and i still haven't seen you. not that i was allowed to do much, but i could at least offer hotel snacks and voss mineral water while we sit on the window sill mentally singing "part of your world" from the little mermaid. only because that's basically me on a daily basis. ( @eramarcello )

why did you say we'd be singing it "mentally"? it'd be beautiful, like "heaven's choir" type stuff. or... only if you sing it out loud and i just keep it in my head, save peoples' ears, you know? if you're still around, can we hang out? that sounded like a question, but it wasn't. i'm actually just saying that it will happen. let's get into some good ol' fashioned forced-friendship-fun.