thank you, liar. goodbye, and... i'm sorry

So, I’d like to develop more relationships for Sayo. She’s a complex character who changes dramatically over the course of her relationships with others, and I’d like to have an outlet to explore that! If you’re interested please read more and like this post for me to dm you!

“Yes. This island brought us together, like this, so I’m sure… I’m certain that even more miracles can happen here. I promise.”

Perhaps, even more from Rokkenjima might appear on Spirale, but… who? And how would Sayo feel about it? Depending on the person, would she be alright with their arrival, or would they shatter the bliss she had found here? Despite everything, Lion wanted Sayo to be happy. The two of them… they deserved to be happy. Neither of them deserved their fate, to die miserably, so…

So, perhaps, they had been blessed.

“You’re right. We shouldn’t take such blessings for granted.”

Lion had already made a similar mistake once, out of sheer ignorance, and had learned from it in the most painful of ways. The two of them had endures more than enough pain and sorrow and tragedy for two life times. This place, this island, it had to be a turning point. They couldn’t be alone anymore, so long as they were by one another’s sides.

“Eh? Really? That’s… well, I guess that makes sense how you and I can co-exist here… sort of.” Lion tapped a finger to their chin, thinking. “So… What sort of things have been invented? Do you know what country this island is near? Maybe, it’s its own country…?”

Things only grew all the more curious.

“You.... Promise? You shouldn’t make promises that might not come true.”

Even though that’s a sore subject for her, she doesn’t seem offended or sad. Rather, she’s resolved. If she took too much faith in Lion’s words- the words of a mere human- she would be making the same mistakes. So, she responds light heartedly. 

If she can do that, then she can tell herself that things really have changed. 

“There are many, many amazing things here. For example... Music is almost entirely digital now. It’s a lot more convenient. Television is also a lot higher quality here. Oh.... There are machines that can heat up water and make coffee in under a minute! I wish I had that on Rokkenjima, ehehe...”

Talking carelessly, happily. Like a normal person. Even though the topic of conversation is relatively boring, she looks like she’s experiencing the most joy she’s ever felt. To find joy in just being normal... That speaks of a sad existence, doesn’t it?

Eto took note of it all, the way the other woman smoothed out the fabric of her skirt, the way her expression shifted, and how her eyes glanced downward. Eto wondered just who it was that her newest acquaintance was thinking of. Were they as interesting as Shannon?

“I understand.”

She reached out, giving one of Shannon’s hands a gentle touch. Takatsuki Sen, the older sister type of woman, showed through even now. It was so easy to use her, even when Shannon already knew her real name. That was fine, though. This was just one of the many perks of this island.

“Golden Land? Hmm, what’s that?”

Eto leaned in, just a little more.

“I’m sure you’re right, this place offers us so many amazing things… though, I’ve never heard of a golden land before. Do you mind explaining it to me?”

Sayo noticed it--- the way Eto gently touches her, the interest she shows in her life, her thoughtful expression.... It’s been a long time since she’s experienced such genuine emotion. She almost wants to pull back, to scream-- but she stays put. Unmoving. 

“F-Forgive me, I said something strange....”

She turns her head away from Eto, as if she was a child who had just been caught in a lie. 

Mariko hadn’t meant to startle the other like she did, so there’s a moment of an apologetic look on her face. “It’s no worries at all,” She then replies with a smile. 

She decides to take a seat right next to the other, feet that no longer have shoes on them dipped onto the clear water. “I usually come here to look at the artwork. The whole area is very relaxing, but the art….I feel like the arts here speak volume of the person who drew them. What kind of person could they be and what were their thoughts when making such masterpiece.”

If she wasn’t so insecure about her appearance, Sayo would probably have joined her in taking her shoes off. Instead, she pretends not to notice and gazes at the artwork. 

― “That’s a shame.” He’s genuinely disappointed. Stop making such a racket, though? He could ask them the same. “As far as hearing goes…” He shrugs and just points to his ears to say ‘I hear better than you’. Then he closes the cupboard again, carefully now though, and puts the knife into his jacket. He needs a belt and a case for the knife later.

He ambles over to the fridge and opens it.“I don’t care who you are but I like privacy. Stay away from my room. I stay away from yours, and you won’t even know I’m here.”

“For you, it must be.”

He doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a space with someone so clearly violent- but it’s not as if he has a landlord to complain to, so he slumps down in his seat and sighs. In the end, Sayo doesn’t value her own life enough to try and protect yourself.

“At least, we can make a deal about that.”

“Why does that not surprise me?” Lion sighed. “Well… I’m glad you’ve become more accustomed to it, at least.”

That meant Lion had even more to get used to. Wonderful.

The way that Sayo described this island, though, it sounded so lovely. Perhaps that was how she saw it, and if so, who was Lion to disagree? They had only just arrived, so, there was plenty that Lion had not yet been able to discover. Hopefully, the two of them could explore Spirale together.

“Yes,” Lion nodded with a wide smile. “I’m sure we’ll be able to meet other people and make all sorts of allies.”

“You must have been here for a while, huh? I hope that it wasn’t too difficult for you…”

Though, compared to Rokkenjima, this island was probably preferable to her. Lion could not blame her for that, either.

“You’ll have to catch me up as well. I get the feeling that we’re not even in the year 1986, are we?”

Sayo is unable to understand these parts of Lions feelings, because she’s too wrapped up in her own momentary bliss.

Unlike Sayo, Lion has something to lose. A family, a life, and a future. Sayo, who threw that away, could never understand the feelings of someone who suddenly got snatched away from the world and forced to restart from the ground up. Because, for her, a restart button is hardly enough to even begin her journey to happiness.

“Let’s promise that too. That we’ll both make plenty of friends. It wouldn’t be good if we only relied on each other.”

She won’t make that same mistake again. She won’t trap Lion too. 

“I’ve been blessed. To be taken to an entirely new world, and to be granted a friend like you... That must be a blessing, right?”

..... She can never understand.

Eto nodded quite enthusiastically in tandem, causing her wild hair to frazzle even more. It was almost comical, given the shape of her… well, nearly her everything.

“You’re exactly right! Sharing books, talking about our favorite authors… It’s really the best, isn’t it?”

“I used to have a friend who was like us– ah, but he liked manga more than literature, but… things were never boring with him.”

A pause, a softening of her smile.

“That’s why I do enjoy this place, you see. How else would you and I have met other wise?”

Eto certainly isn’t like most people, and Sayo both loves and loathes it. She’s jealous of it- Eto’s ability to be herself. 

“Mm... I used to have a friend like that as well, but it’s been quite a while since we last discussed a novel together.”

She smooths her hands over her skirt, her expression softening at the thought of Battler. It seems they’re both remembering something bittersweet.

“... I think that’s why I’m glad to be speaking with you, Eto-san.”

Because she misses him so dearly.

― Leck is equally unhappy about having to share his personal habitat with a complete stranger. A human at that, as it seems. He continues with not losing a word though, out of spite and because he has nothing to say. But he starts to have a look around the kitchen now, which is causing all kinds of audible noises.

Opening a few drawers, he stumbles over a set of kitchen knives. His expression brightens immediately over his discovery. And as he now finally speaks up, he sounds so happy, you’d think he offers Kanon a cupcake… but the message itself is of course quite a different one. “If you’re so displeased about this all, I can put you out of your misery if you like~?” He is presenting a fillet knife to go with his questionable offer.

He crosses his arms and taps his foot with an annoyed expression. Of course, there is another reason that he’s annoyed with all of this. ‘Kanon’ is someone who values privacy. And Sayo Yasuda is someone with many secrets.

Sharing a living space with anyone puts both Kanon and Sayo in a difficult position. 

“I have no intention of dying, let alone being killed by you.”

He speaks for both of them. She made a vow to live, after all. 

It took a moment for Zynnia to tear her attention from the book in her hands. “Both have their charms, but I think it’s no mystery why I prefer the former.” she said, matching Sayo’s smile with an identical one.

A kindred spirit. Even she can’t resist the excitement- she always feels this way when someone relishes in the same hobby as her. 

“Hoh-? You’re a fan of mystery, are you? Though, you don’t look like someone who enjoys tradition. I doubt you’re thrilled by boring, formulaic novels that most humans are drawn to.”

“I dislike people who lurk without saying anything.”

Unlucky, to be around Kanon when he’s in a bad mood. Whether this person had bad intentions or not, they’ll fall victim to his foul tongue. Annoying. 

It’s possible for someone’s mere presence to be loud. In this case, when it’s interrupting his solitude, the additional presence is deafening. He can’t ignore it.

How strange. This part of the library is usually empty. She enjoyed that solitude, even when dressed as Beatrice. Even so, she won’t complain or shun this stranger. She’s feeling confident today.

“Is it mystery, or is it fantasy?” A refined voice calls out. She seems pleased with herself. Although she smiles, nothing about it is polite. It’s almost challenging. “The book you’re looking for. Is it mystery or fantasy?”

Lion had never been in any predicament to doubt their family before; and yet, that funeral occurred, that particular conference happened, and… 

Things could never go back to what they once were. Lion could never return to their previously ignorant self. Perhaps they and Sayo could empathize with such facts. They were the same, but different.

So, the sudden compliment takes Lion by surprise.

“Ah…”

“Well– there’s no need to thank me… I’ve lost my composure several times recently…”

How could they not, after all they had been through? Sayo was the same– how could she not have reacted terribly in an even more horrible situation? Even so, she was more than willing to at least try and make amends for the sins she actually committed, not the ones that were out of her control…

She, despite it all, was so admirable. That was what Lion thought.

“You’re right.” A pause, a beat. Lion’s smile widened. They almost wanted to chuckle, but refrained. Sayo’s words, they reminded Lion not just of Claire, but of Will, too. Lion wished that he was here for a moment, thinking how nice it would be for all of them to get along pleasantly.

“I was just thinking the same thing… even if you and I only have one another in this place, then I’m sure everything will turn out alright.”

Ignoring isn’t the same as ignorance, you have to work at it. She read that in a book once. She had spent so long trying to ignore it- pretend it wasn’t there. She had learned how to ignore the painful loneliness she felt.

And because of that, nothing changed. Because she ignored everything, she allowed everything to get worse for her. She’s thankful that Lion didn’t ignore the sins of the Ushiromiyas, no matter how terrible it is to accept.

“That’s to be expected. This is a strange place. When you think you’ve gotten used to it, something else happens and you get flipped on your head. ... Well, I don’t mind it.”

This is her salvation- a place where nobody knows of her sin. It’s not perfect (she is still herself, and that won’t change), but it is something better. 

“A place where you can’t get bored, and where there are other people like you. Even if you hate it... You can at least be comforted by some things.” 

If they’re given a vast world like this, they can certainly become happy.

Eto cupped her hands and almost seemed to blush– why, she even giggled.

“Oh, Shannon-chan, you’re adorable! Too sweet!”

How could Eto spoil the surprise now? It would be a shame to tell Shannon the truth about her occupation. She might even stop being so formal! So, Eto supposed she would have to keep that secret for a little longer… oh, well.

“Ah, please do! Swapping books is so much fun!” Eto rarely did it, though, so perhaps that was why she was so genuinely eager to do so.

“Yes, yes! Do you mean ‘The Metamorphosis’? That’s his most famous short story! I love it so much!”

Her eyes held a certain sparkle, the kind that only came from talking and enthusing about favorite topics of discussion. Literature, and Kafka, were at the top of that metaphorical list for Eto. In fact, if Shannon would let her, Eto would easily ramble on about Kafka for hours…

She hadn’t expected to get this kind of reaction out of her--- Eto is a really lively person. She could continue this conversation forever.

“E-Eh...? Thank you...! You’re far too kind.”

She remembers when she would swap books with Battler. Being able to do so again would be a great experience. Ah... What kinds of books should she share? What would Eto like? These are the kinds of things she has to figure out.

To be grateful, to enjoy the things they had, to have hope for the future… these were all the things Sayo had been denied for circumstances she had no control over. It was the truth, yes, but it was still a difficult thing to swallow, even if Lion had heard part of it before.

The things she said, it reminded Lion of Claire more and more. Was it fair to compare the two of them like this? Sayo was who Claire truly was, and yet…

It just wasn’t that simple, was it? Not either of their situations, not Sayo herself. She was complex, she was full of feelings that Lion could not empathize with despite the desire to. All Lion could do was listen, and try to understand. No one else had done that for her, so showing her this kindness felt like the least Lion could do for her.

“I am grateful for it all, but… it still hurts me to know that you endured so much pain. I can’t easily forgive the people who hurt you, even if they are my family.”

Lion tries to smile, too, but it proves too difficult in the moment. 

There were countless factors that either of them could have come up with, but it all boiled down to their different circumstances, didn’t it? Whether they had been accepted or rejected by Ushiromiya Natsuhi, or the very fact that they had Ushiromiya blood in their veins. Either way, nothing could change what had already been done.

“I don’t think that you’re entirely blameless, but… at least you’re more willing to take responsibility for your actions.”

“That’s probably more than most of our family can say…”

The feeling of her hands tightening upon their own brings them back to a sense of relief. Sayo was here, with them, smiling. Lion tried to smile again.

“Yes, you’re right. If we could do that, well, I suppose there isn’t anything we couldn’t do.” A pause. “It’ll be fine, so long as we’re together, don’t you think?”

Lion really is an admirable person. She assumed that an Ushiromiya would forgive an Ushiromiya-- that they would stand by their family no matter what. But... That wasn’t the case. Sayo didn’t have to worry about being scorned by them.

Maybe she was projecting. Her desire to verbalize her self hate made her think that Lion would share those feelings. Instead, all she got was acceptance and tenderness. Closure.

Even if she’s the more unfortunate of the two- the ‘absolute worst outcome’ - she’s glad that they were able to meet like this. 

“I see... Thank you. Lion, you really have a clear head. If only I was able to think about them that calmly, maybe that tragedy could have been avoided.”

If the wind had blown a little bit softer that day, then the Rokkenjima massacre wouldn’t have happened. She knew that. She rolled the die of fate, and landed on all ones. She often speculates about what would have happened if the dominoes were set up differently.

“If I didn’t own up to everything, that would be unfair... I would be repeating the actions of the person who put me in this position.”

Because Kinzo couldn’t acknowledge his sin, Sayo was born. She won’t forget that.