EPIPHANIES/DARLING

If there was something Melanie wasn't good with, it was reacting out of impulsiveness. She was a woman who pondered, analyzed every situation, every pros and cons, from A to Z. It had always been her thing, Audrey's thing, to know how to act when unexpected happened, when Melanie couldn't control the situations they were stuck quickly.

Even though she had been under a lot of pressure, she had regretted her decision almost instantly. Who on Earth could sacrifice so much ? After the train started, motors raged, leaving behind the man who shouldn't live or run any survival train. But Wilford wasn't the only person they had left behind their railways. 99% of the remaining population, and that included Melanie's family. Which wasn't vey big, she'd admit that but also dear to her.

The head engineer wished she would have more time to process the incident. Because even when he mind was with her daughter and parents, she needed to control everything that was happening in parallel. She had semi-answers to everything, seeing how she had thought about it for nights, with Ben mostly, and Jinju. Just hints of a 'what if Wilford didn't board ?'. No real answers had come out of their talks, but Melanie had packed a few tools, a few books, recordings just in case. Nothing too far in the idea. But now that she did it, she needed to think more, she would cry about her own pain later.

It's been an hour now. Nothing was settled, but she was overly exhausted. Bennett had convinced her to remove all accesses before further notice. Before they knew how to handle the current situation. No one could enter the engine by now, and figure out Joseph was nowhere to be seen. No one, not even Javi.

But the truth was... she was pushing back the moment she would have to confront her wife, and explain to her she had taken the worst decision of her life. Tears kept flowing down her face without she could even notice them anymore. She had never experienced that kind of pain in her life. Her heart was broken, literally.

All of a sudden, a button flashed red on the monitors. Someone was trying to get into the engine. Melanie switched to the cameras from the laptop : Audrey. "No... No... I can't do this..." She took her head i her hands, and suffocated a sob. Bennett patted her shoulders, "I can't tell her it's not the right moment if you want," he suggested but Melanie shook her head. She pushed herself upon the desk and frowned, "Thanks".

Audrey felt like she had been waiting an eternity – the audacity was what raced through her mind, her access revoked? It didn’t allow her to ponder for too long because Melanie was coming out. The woman looked pale – fragile even. Brows furrowed and when Melanie closed the distance her arms automatically went around her, though she may as well have been hugging a robot. Audrey searched the woman’s face and could now see clearly the tears as she attempted to hide her gaze.

When Melanie spoke, the words didn’t make any sense. “What ? What do you mean?” Though Audrey knew she didn’t have to ask who. No. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true. Their daughter was here, Melanie had promised everything would be ok. It felt as if Melanie had slid a knife into her stomach. “Sorry? You are sorry?” She hissed, her own tears spilling. “You were supposed to be leaving an hour from now. What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Audrey lurched forward grabbing onto Melanie’s shoulders and shaking her. “STOP THE TRAIN. STOP THE FUCKING TRAIN RIGHT NOW.” She screamed at her, trying to breach the door to the engine. Ben was not far and he was stepping in-between them, taking the blunt of Audrey’s screams. “Get out of my fucking way Ben. Allie is outside.” Fists flew at him, square in the chest and she was punching him. He stepped forward, pushing her back, overpowering her, taking on her anger. A sob flew from her mouth.

“You promised. You promised she would be ok.” She tried pushing past him again to get at Melanie and he firmly held her in place. “Audrey stop it, we didn’t have a choice.” The anger continued but her strength was waning, energy being used by the terror she was feeling. “Fuck you.” She spat. “If you don’t stop the train, I’m getting off of it.” She threatened, all sense leaving her.

Ben steadied her, holding onto her shoulders so she wouldn’t try to hurt Melanie or herself. “You can’t, the train is sealed, you cannot get off and no-one can get on. Audrey I am sorry. Truly, but Melanie had to make the decision. We ran out of time.” Audrey felt her legs give from beneath her and her body sliding down the wall of the train, sobs wracking from her. “You promised. You promised. You promised.” Their little girl was out there, she was going to die and Melanie didn’t care, Melanie let it happen.

"Henry..." Melanie frowned, tilted her head, "Gentlemen do not seem to grasp the idea of a mascarade ball apparently..." People weren't supposed to divulge their identity that night, even if some of them of acquaintances had recognised each other. Finally, almost reluctantly she dropped his hands, readjusted the mask upon her nose. "I dare to say my eyes will be the only things you will know about me tonight Sir Henry." Did she sound rude ? Perhaps, even if it weren't her intentions in the first place, but he was already trying to lead her outside, his hands on hers... nothing had frightened her, but... he was right, they had never met and Melanie was sure she had encountered a bunch of gentlemen from the society already - at least the ones who were fairly interested in her.

Finally she took his hand out of a sudden, "Nice to meet you Henry." She didn't let go, stepped one foot closer, and plunged her emerald eyes in his hazel ones. His look was... different. Gentle. Soft. Warm, again. "So, tell me, you do not like a good party ? Or you just do not have talent for dancing ?" She added with a sly smile, took her hand back and stood by his side - he wasn't very tall compared to her. Almost the same height, but she was wearing heels. She was cheating. He wasn't towering her, their eyes met once at the same time.

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

The woman felt proud of that hint of sarcasm in her tone of voice and lips lifted at the corners before displaying a set of delicate white teeth. “Ah, yes, I must have been so taken away with your beauty that I forgot myself. Perhaps you could make an exception and forget my identity entirely.” There was a spark in those brown eyes, the only other thing visible behind the mask. “I bet I am not the first one to make such a mistake either.” He spoke quietly with a mischievous lilt; his voice perfectly tenor, perhaps even alto if one really knew their vocal registers.

“I pray, it is all I am wishing to see, I am a gentleman, but I cannot deny, if you do not think it forward of me, that your lips too, are quite beautiful.” It was spoken with genuine observation, and his actions did not take on any sinister leer on the contrary.

“I have a wonderful talent for dancing, but I am afraid that I would much rather talk to you.” With a curved pointer finger he lifted it to his mask briefly to stroke the black feathers, then turned slightly so that she could observe the tailcoat with had an equal amount of feathers going down the back. They were inky black, but cast a pearlescent shine as they caught the light. He wore heeled shoes too, with black buckles and feathers on either side. “I will forgive you for not recognizing such fashion. I am a messenger of Odin, I represent both thought and memory. Here…” Henry took her hand gently and placed it against the side of the mask to allow her to feel the Raven feathers. “Just so you know I am what I say.”

Their brief spell was interrupted and quite unlady-like (which appeased Henry even more) she swore. It was perfectly obvious however, that he had no need to pretend, however would exhort his attempts to make it perhaps more obvious to the bystander who looked to be coming over. A small exchange and Henry had placed his hand on the woman’s palm as she spoke, a nod that indicated that the woman had been spoken for (as misogynistic as that sounded to Audrey). “Yes, I do believe that we have promised one another a dance and a walk out into the garden. I will however, be sure to observe you should we finish earlier than anticipated.”

The man glared at Henry from under his mask, and she could almost see his jaw clench in anger. “Well, that’s settled, shall we?”

About a month, since Melanie had landed back in London. She had crossed the country for her education, provided by the one and only Mr Joseph Wilford. The man had been childless his whole life, until he met the genius gaze of Melanie Cavill. Her parents died, and then quickly the rich British had taken an interest in the ten years old girl who was staring back at him with both sadness and intelligence.

It was that night of the season, Spring had allowed all new young girls to debut as women in front of the Queen. Melanie was way too old to be considered 'young' or even the diamond of the season. Althought, Lady Whistledown had mentioned her quite a few times she was back in her illicit and gossipy papers about the ton.

Melanie was rocking a feathery golden dress, bosom covered but her shape was lovely shown. A piece of masque over her eyes tied from behind to cover her features. And to finish her signature, a tight bun in the back of her head. Some would recognize her, some wouldn't. But many did.

“This isn’t a night for truth," Melanie retorted to a gentleman she couldn't remember his name from. He was tall, handsome, and they certainly met before, but she wasn't sure she wanted to meet someone tonight for a marriage. Even though, she knew that was where it would lead her eventually if she dared to say it out loud. Kate Bridgerton was there as well, with her husband Anthony, they had become close due to their common ages. Kate had been easy to sympathize with. She wasn't like any duchess.

Deception – it felt delicious to deceive those who were overtly pretentious amongst the swish spring debutantes; though their gossip was usually titillating, Audrey couldn’t help but feel rather bored. It wasn’t too hard to recall last season, the women were of very similar looks and complexions, still obnoxious as ever, and so  she therefore had difficulty finding any who stood out (though of course many were beautiful to anybody’s standards) There was one woman however that had caught her hazel coloured eyes as she had cradled her amber liquid. Magnificently mysterious behind the gold masque, she hadn’t seen her before today and with each breath the woman took, the dress looked to becoming tighter and tighter around her until her breasts seemed fit to bust.

The woman (dressed as Sir Henry Ellis of Essex) a young cousin who travelled from overseas had followed the woman’s movements, she found it amusing, watching the men politely introduce themselves, no doubt for all intents purpose to stare at the cream coloured chest spilling from beneath the bone corset. Henry placed a thumb against his chin, stroking the false stubble before lifting a plump lip. Behind the black mask, hazel eyes never left the woman who had now been dancing with a comrade of Sir Ellis, and he was quite certain the woman could do better. Henry had almost been banking on the woman to fall into him and, as he grabbed her delicate wrists he looked at her with a smile, fingers soothing a line down her forearms to rest at the top of her gloves.

@voiceofengineering​

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

A hum of contentment buzzed past her lips as Melanie said her goodbye, though it left a tingle that didn’t dissipate and likely wouldn’t dissipate until the next time she saw her. Audrey liked to believe that she was brave; that there weren’t many things that she couldn’t do but…knocking on this woman’s door was seemingly not one of them.

‘I want to see you again.’ She reminded herself of what Melanie had said several nights ago, but the contemplation that had frozen her at the door of it being to soon kept creeping into her mind. What if she was just being nice? She was sure though that she had given the woman enough ammunition to end any kind of relationship should she have wished, especially with her past. The intention wasn’t to scare her off, in fact, there wasn’t much of an intention in the first place, telling her about her life; but there was a conscious realisation that this woman’s life had been plastered up for all to see, the relationship was already unbalanced and so eventually her intention was to try and move onto equal footing – at least in the way of information about oneself went. Today would be a good indicator – if she could just cross the threshold and knock on the door, if there was a chance that there was something there between them…no pressure.

Biting on her lower lip she swayed on either foot, eyes looking either side of the corridor – ‘come on Audrey! Just knock!’ Truthfully, she felt embarrassed about herself, that she was very much a part of the problem that had caused the woman to suffer as a child; she wasn’t sure how she could get past that and so, was she being selfish by being here? Putting it upon herself to drag up a relationship she wasn’t sure the other actually wanted? ‘you think far too much, and I dislike you.’ She said to herself, brows fixing into a frown.

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 - 𝚅𝙾𝙸𝙲𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙴𝙽𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶

{𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃.} @voiceofengineering​

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, Audrey thought to herself as her cheek moved to rest against her knee. The woman was jumpy, despite what had occurred between them less than five hours ago. 

  Melanie had fallen asleep first, and as Audrey had watched her for a short while, she must have dozed off too, because the next thing that was happening was a rustling of bedsheets and a scream piercing the quiet din of the room. Audrey had bolted upright, her heart in overdrive as she tried to locate the source of the sound, though when she realised it was coming from the woman beside her she had gently placed a hand against her shoulder to jostle her awake. The woman looked horrified afterwards, such a vulnerable situation to be in she understood, though Audrey hadn’t minded in the slightest and had tried to reassure her. 

Of course, Melanie had wanted to take of straight after, she wouldn’t hold it against her, but of course, Audrey would insist on taking it slow - she didn’t have to rush off. “Why don’t you have a coffee first, it’s early. I make a really strong one.” Audrey shoved the covers from her naked body, not bothering much to cover herself up and stretched slightly, a small yawn escaping her mouth - Melanie had seen enough of her last night and she felt incredibly 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃. “I didn’t mean to pry - I guess I’m just ...” Curious wasn’t the right word, she didn’t want to be curious about someone’s pain, but perhaps she sought to understand this woman more than she liked to admit. Audrey didn’t finish her sentence and finally placed a short emerald coloured robe around herself. “I’ll be right back.” 

     In the short space it took to make two cups of coffee and relieve herself she had a bet that Melanie had either bolted already or was mid-way getting dressed. “Coffee - “ she said without giving her a chance to leave and she swung it under the woman’s nose to tease her with it’s scent. Now without her glitter and feathers she looked very different, if not, more natural. 

@voiceofengineering​

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

A hum of contentment buzzed past her lips as Melanie said her goodbye, though it left a tingle that didn’t dissipate and likely wouldn’t dissipate until the next time she saw her. Audrey liked to believe that she was brave; that there weren’t many things that she couldn’t do but…knocking on this woman’s door was seemingly not one of them.

‘I want to see you again.’ She reminded herself of what Melanie had said several nights ago, but the contemplation that had frozen her at the door of it being to soon kept creeping into her mind. What if she was just being nice? She was sure though that she had given the woman enough ammunition to end any kind of relationship should she have wished, especially with her past. The intention wasn’t to scare her off, in fact, there wasn’t much of an intention in the first place, telling her about her life; but there was a conscious realisation that this woman’s life had been plastered up for all to see, the relationship was already unbalanced and so eventually her intention was to try and move onto equal footing – at least in the way of information about oneself went. Today would be a good indicator – if she could just cross the threshold and knock on the door, if there was a chance that there was something there between them…no pressure.

Biting on her lower lip she swayed on either foot, eyes looking either side of the corridor – ‘come on Audrey! Just knock!’ Truthfully, she felt embarrassed about herself, that she was very much a part of the problem that had caused the woman to suffer as a child; she wasn’t sure how she could get past that and so, was she being selfish by being here? Putting it upon herself to drag up a relationship she wasn’t sure the other actually wanted? ‘you think far too much, and I dislike you.’ She said to herself, brows fixing into a frown.

Audrey should have realised the impact of hearing her own words, and had she been reflecting privately, she would have also realised how cowardly she felt in both herself and within the role that was complicit in plucking children from their homes and murdering them. 

There had been many sleepless nights and as the games drew closer, she would wake up retching in anticipation, wishing that there had been a different fate, that her mother hadn’t been so ‘fortunate’ in her bid to survive; what kind of freedom did she have now whilst her mother knew nothing in her rose covered grave? 

“I wouldn’t say my intervention is significant in their fate, I think their fate had already been decided for them before they were even an idea to their parents. Audrey needed to watch herself, she felt the morbidity creeping up her throat and spilling from her mouth. “Yes, though it was by punishment that my family was taken here to the capitol and lavished upon. My mother grew up wild and free in District 12, though before that they were able to move between districts; I have limited knowledge but this I do know.” 

A small huff and her lips turned upwards, bashful. “Yes, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane for 364 days of the year. It’s a good place to forget, to pretend that the world outside isn’t terrifying.” 

But she wondered when the but was coming in, and she felt her smile drop, a small flush of embarrassment. “Oh. Yes, of course I guess it is a little early and - right now i’m going to pretend not to be offended by your comment.” She folded her arms and looked at the woman with perplexity - sure, she knew what kind of vibe she gave to people, but she wasn’t one to let it go as quickly as she had done with Melanie. 

No one could blame Melanie for being so wary - it took her fourteen years of her life until now, to perceive people’s full intentions since she had been a victor. Capitol pulled strings from victors, and it had been the exact same for Melanie, especially in her younger years. Melanie remained careful with everyone, besides maybe Joseph Wilford, that guy who had pretended to adopt her, take care of her and give her a purpose out of the District for Capitol ressources.

She had felt manipulated, spied, adored, that Audrey’s confession wasn’t the first one she had heard. Melanie was a freak, people liked freaks. Almost an animal from a district that people liked to play with. Deep down, the woman’s words resounded truly genuine to her ears - unless it was actually something she wanted to hear ? Was she blinded by her own needs ? Having a real attention from Audrey… Melanie would be willing to sacrifice a lot.

Melanie had never heard anything about… what Audrey described from District 12. Whatever happened before the war, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Should she care ? Perhaps.

“You’re good…” Melanie’s lips formed a smile, a bratty one. “You’re very good, but I don’t trust you. I mean, I can’t trust you, at least not right now.” Even though Audrey’s lips felt genuine, it would be against everything Melanie’s beliefs to give her trust away to a one nightstand, as perfect as it had been. “No need to be offended…” Her eyes trailed on Audrey’s features, whom was looking back at her with intensity, “You’re very desirable, Audrey. I want to believe you, so I will give you a second date.” She bit the inside of her own jaw, knowing that it was sounding how so arrogant, but Melanie just wanted to protect herself. “And for the record, the world outside is not terrifying. It’s the people who are terrible.”

She was ‘good’ what did that mean? It assumed that she had some other agenda here besides from whatever interaction they previously had and this troubled her a little. It may have been clear on her face that her words confused her, mostly because she felt as if she was wearing her feelings on her sleeve, which left her feeling vulnerable. “I – no, I’m not offended. I understand I just – I hope you realise that I had no expectations from you Mel.” Audrey was picking at the crusts now, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “I think it is important to be wary, it’s survival right? That’s how you survived all those years ago – but I do want to assure you that I expect nothing from you.” She said honestly before meeting the woman’s gaze. Audrey had a whole speech planned, but Melanie saved her from this and her statement hit her in her lower stomach. Clearing her throat she swallowed down the mixture of desire and what felt like embarrassment and felt her eyes lower briefly. Audrey felt like she wanted to cry as her eyes began to burn.  

Everything was wrong with this world and yes, Melanie was right, it was the people who made it so and she was complicit to that too. Audrey was so lost in her own thoughts that she startled a little when she felt the chase kiss against the corner of her lips and her dark lashes fluttered before looking back up at her, her hazel orbs were watery but she managed a smile; it was genuine however. “Thank-you. This is the first time that I have heard such honestly. People are so quick to cover up the truth and their feelings that don’t fit Panem’s agenda for the sake of fear or pride.” Audrey was no longer hungry, so she wrapped the piece of toast up for later; she hated wasting food when she knew how many mouths went hungry.