it is hideous because it is beautiful

hiiiii i'm ray. i'll write a more formal rules page later don't be gross and we're good! minors dni please. i don't really use icons and use minimal formatting, but i don't really care how my partners format. as long as it's readable.

! this list is subject to change and grow. (๑>؂•̀๑)

*a few of my muses are unlisted, if we've written them together before, feel free to request them even if they aren't here.

oberon vortigern fate series.

hino eiji kamen rider. also @unwanting but i'll do stuff here if i don't feel like logging out. lol

nakamura sawa. flowers of evil.

amakura mayu. fatal frame/project zero

nagasaki soyo bang dream.

9s nier automata.

kaname madoka puella magi madoka magica.

ryuugu rena higurashi: when they cry.

kusunoki muu milgram.

kumon kaito kamen rider.

brother nier nier replicant.

sugiura fumiya judge eyes.

hinasaki miu fatal frame/project zero.

igarashi sakuko silent hill.

arisu ryohei alice in borderland.

sonozaki wakana kamen rider.

kiba yuji kamen rider.

there’s a distance between them, too far to reach across. a stretch of cold, stale air. a mockery of unity. on the opposite side of the dawn-bathed office, eiji lingers purposelessly. something despicable in him flits its gaze to the door. it is a momentary impulse. all of his belongings fit into his pockets. he hates to leave traces of himself, that doesn’t stop it from happening, however. shotaro bears all the wounds of his presence, raw and inflamed before him. it’s in the glistening of his eyes, the set of his jaw, the rumble of his voice. 

the bitterness of it strikes through him, and he is nothing if not deserving. he accepts it with tenderly outstretched arms, pulls it deep into himself in a thorny and bloodied embrace. 

“ … you’re right. ”  he says, with an accompanying nod. it’s spoken with terrible gentleness. numbingly soft. a feather light, fuzzed razor’s edge. even so, it is cruel. he knows he’s been cruel. eiji smiles, faraway like always, unwhole, hiding the sorrow burning just beneath his teeth. you’re right. i didn’t want to know. i wanted to continue this façade of “helping” each other forever. there’s an itch to soothe him, apologies crowding his throat, but they dissolve quietly. it would be meaningless. empty platitudes. another act of mindless, depthless cruelty. 

“ you’re right, ” he repeats, meeting him head on with eyes like clouded water. murky and bottomless. “ i didn’t. ” 

an even crueler impulse comes, and he shamelessly acts, stepping carefully across the room, raising his hands to cradle shotaro’s cheeks with a hesitance that is more for show than anything else. the morning light from the window streaming across his face is now obscured, consumed in eiji’s shadow. dim under his fingers, under his muted expression. an ever-patient smile. “ can you forgive me? ” hushed, like a secret between the two of them, as if something would shatter if it were any louder. perhaps it already had, and they were merely tiptoeing around the surrounding splintered pieces of it. 

from where eiji sits sprawled listlessly on the ground, shotaro’s head blocks the sun from his eyes, eclipsing it from view. it’s almost kind of him, even if unintentional. then again, the sunlight in his eyes wouldn’t be a problem in the first place if he weren’t looking up to speak to him. he wants to, though. he’s something interesting on a usually boring day. an irregularity among the sterile monotony. that’s why he’s out here rather than within the cruelly pristine walls of his home. as such, he takes the words in stride, smiling up at him, unperturbed, boyish.

 “ i hear things like that a lot. ”  

adults, peers, strangers. everyone finds him ridiculous. he always answers with the sheepish laughter and meek disposition that is expected of him, even when he doesn’t feel ashamed at all, even when everything lately is starting to feel too confining. some days he feels as if he were a crane crammed into a canary’s cage, limbs stuffed beneath him and unable to reach towards anything at all. his private school uniform is as stifling as always, despite how loose and ill-fittingly it hangs on his gangly body. the filthy scrape of concrete below threatens to fray and dirty the expensive material. he only leans back haphazardly on the too-smooth heels of his hands at the thought. as he is now, this is as unruly as he can be. silent and ineffective messes of rebellion.  “ that i’m too idealistic. but is that really such a bad thing? ”

here from under shotaro’s shadow, the sky stretches invitingly. mockingly. he yearns pitifully for its vastness. its endlessness. eiji’s gaze drops from the beckoning haze of clouds, from shotaro’s analytical stare. his voice comes hushed and tender, as if something precious was cradled its cadence. “ i don’t think it’s wrong to dream. ”

its voice pierces the droning haze, through bone and membrane, distinctive and tangible. like being woken from a dream. blink. the sun rays that envelop the world are vivid against her skin. from dawn till dusk, it shines all the same, unchanging. she envies it. blink. a phantom sensation of bloodstained ruffles and lace lingers mercilessly. madoka can never seem to hide the despair gnawing like beetles through her heart. " eh - ah, um ... "

ah. she rubs frantically at her stinging eyes, dampening the pristine sleeve of her uniform, curling her fingers into a fist that feels futile. the hour has changed. a bell tolls uncaringly in the distance. lately, i feel as if i've been cleaved to ribbons. it feels like there's something i'm missing. she doesn't spit the words out. there is no one she can say them to. the air somehow feels bottomless. a hollow stream of a melody she cannot decipher whistling through her clothes.

she's perched comfortably in a desk that is not her own, which is exactly what makes it all the more fun, legs swinging leisurely like a puppy's tail. the jovial late afternoon sun smiles vibrantly into the classroom windows, filling the mostly otherwise empty space. there's no show rehearsal today, but emu still finds herself at kamiyama after hours. it's not as if she needed any more reason than to see everyone, after all. her face is alight with contentment, humming a steady melody into the quiet air.