Sarah, 29. "I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm drowning in fear." Biromantic/asexual, she/they, permanently exhausted being of books and pain. DND nerd. Neurodivergent and chronically ill. "chronic illness blogging" is my tag for mental and physical illness posts. Ask me to tag anything.
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I was kinda hoping to skip a dedicated begpost this month but such is life.
(and if you don't know me, hi I'm reyah and I'm a disabled queer in florida and I make art over on β€Ώpatreonβ€Ύ when the spoons allow)
For June, I still have $400 in bills to clear before I'm pushing the rock back up the same hill in August. More than half of that is for medical care -- prescriptions are coming back around to need renewal, and I need to see my doctor for updates on medication changes.
Urgently, however, I need to come up with $40 to renew my car's registration which is now officially expired.
direct donations are incredibly appreciated, but only if you can, only if youβre willing <3
Just gonna project *real* hard onto Occtis for a minute here:
Occtis Tachonis died a virgin, one who had never been especially invested in the things he could or couldn't feel while he was still alive.
Now, though... it seems unfair that a functionally dead person should still be able to feel pain, but really have to work at feeling other things.
At least petting Pin is as pleasant and soothing as ever... as far as pleasure goes, it doesn't need to be the mind-blowing life-changing thing the others assure him it can be: something as nice as soft fur, or the tune of Lady Aranessa's thumb piano.
It's hard to feel present among the world when nothing feels like anything, unless it's something bad. But also... perhaps that's the way of dead things, and he shouldn't expect anything better. Dame Gaya was afraid, after all, when she pled with her lord not to leave her alone in the dark.
And yet... for all that, he does still wish he could feel like the rest of them do.
(Feel free to do anything you want with this, I was thinking thoughts about it at work but couldn't word it very well.)
Occtis often seems a little disconnected from the world. It actually reminds me a bit of how some mental health problems show up, depression is often said to dull the senses, to make the world feel less real. It makes me wonder if the opposite would also hold true, if your senses were dulled, what mental process goes with it?
I think you also see this in how he reaches out. He WANTS to experience things, he wants to find out what's different about his life now. He particularly reaches out for human contact, even when that contact feels different or disquieting. You see this with his interactions with Thaisha, somewhat with Julien, and very much with Thimble.
I just think so much of sensation and connection to the world are tied up together that he almost NEEDS a person to help him make that connection now, to feel some things through them, even if he can't feel them as directly.
I am going to be fascinated watching how Alex develops this.
I don't think it's unreasonable for our public officials to be expected to prove they're alive and not in a coma to be able to retain their office.
If someone were, as a random example, say hospitalized for over two weeks with no explanation, I think that should automatically trigger a special election to replace them.
If you're still able to do your job, then prove it. And if you're not, then you're actively obstructing democracy by not stepping down.
Which is to say, that if a public official were to pass away or into a coma, and their handlers choose to obfuscate that fact, this should be seen as intentionally obstructing democracy.
And there should be, you know, consequences for the people who would do such a thing.
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hard fucking month. having a pet die is expensive, grief is expensive, being low mobility is expensive. i just paid my rent fine, but i don't have much left now for groceries. also my big-ass ankle surgery is finally scheduled for the first week of august so i'm trying to get my place set up now for being on cast & crutches for 6+ weeks. anything helps β₯οΈ
begging people to start paying attention to prison organizing and listening directly to incarcerated activists who are talking about these things instead of just basing your knowledge of the US prison system off of true crime podcasts or brooklyn 99 or whatever.
Marshall Project, Prison Journalism Project, and Scalawag Magazine all have a lot of really good coverage of US prison news and share a lot of writing from incarcerated journalists. Prison Radio has a bunch of important commentaries from incarcerated journalists.
there are a ton of books to prisoners programs and inside/outside organizing collectives and just so much out there if you look for it.
The GI Rights Hotline is a non-profit run by civilians that offers free, confidential counseling and resources for anyone trying to leave the US military, whether by conscientious objection, going AWOL, or any other means. Their toll-free number isΒ 1-877-447-4487Β
The Center on Conscience and WarΒ is a non-profit run by civilians collects resources for people who might be targets of the US militaryβs predatory recruitment process, including this list of alternatives to enlistment, organized by state, that offer the same benefits that the branches of the military (claim to) offer, such as experience, travel, money for college, etc - without killing people in the name of western imperialism. If you want to register as an official conscientious objector or otherwise avoid combat in any way, their toll-free number isΒ 1-800-379-2679
War is a racket. Donβt throw your life away for a government that doesnβt care about you. If you know anyone whoβs considering enlisting or whoβs already enlisted and considering getting out, please talk to them and share these resources
On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."
As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.
As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.
May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.
people take "drug seeking is a nonsense framework" to mean that like, no one ever lies to get drugs in medical contexts which is just categorically untrue but the question they don't bother to ask themselves is "why do people feel the need to lie to get drugs?" which leads into the further question of "why would someone abuse stimulants/opioids/etc" which is like. i feel like kinda the major question one should ask no. why do people do drugs. what reasons might someone have to lie. why do we exist in a system in which people feel the only way to make decisions with their own body is to lie to medical professionals.
drug seeking is a nonsense framework not because people don't ever lie to get drugs for recreational use or whatever but because people shouldn't have to go through medical hoops to get drugs period. regardless of if for recreational use or otherwise.
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the bad thing about having unhealthy habits due to mental illness, is when you DO do something healthy style you can't brag about about it because then people will then know you've been doing it yucky style all along. Like you can't brag you changed your sheets or brushed your teeth because then ppl will be like oh did you not brush your teeth regularly before? Thats yucky disgusting! So you just gotta keep it to yourself. And be proud alone, I suppose.
There are 5 tabby boys looking for indoor-only homes. They are currently about (estimated) 11 weeks and in ringworm treatment. *They will not be going to homes until the vet says they are clear from ringworm.* They've been started on vaccines and flea and tick preventatives. Tested negative for FeLV and FIV.
They're friendly and playful!
We have people willing to drive them to people around multiple cities* and we're willing to meet part way if you're not too far out from most of these places. *Oklahoma (Norman, OKC, Ardmore), Texas (Dallas, Austin, Houston), Massachusetts (Boston) If you live along the path between OKC and Boston, we might have someone able to transport, but that's something we'll have to work out.
If you're interested and have questions about specific kittens, please dm me or send me an ask! Same goes for if you don't want one, but are willing to transport to other places should the need arise.
Some notes so far:
Green boy looks like he's an accountant who hates his job, but he's very sweet! Yes, he always looks like that. (top left, right)
Yellow boy is friendly and adventurous. He's quick to investigate new things rather than running away. (top left, left)
Pink boy is a little more cautious. He doesn't seem to be as brave as his brothers when encountering new things, but he likes to sit in people's laps and purr. (top right)
Orange boy is the runt and the most visibly affected by ringworm. He doesn't let that stop him from wrestling his siblings or meowing for attention. (bottom left)
Blue boy has one potential home lined up, but in case: he is the biggest and the bravest. He will already demand attention and ask to be petted or picked up and held. (bottom right, somewhere in the swarm)
Dick Bayford, Botswana's attorney general, removed anti-gay language that courts struck down years ago. (Photo courtesy of the Sunday Standa
Local LGBTIQ+ organisation LEGABIBO welcomed the governmentβs move, describing it as βa necessary and long-overdue step toward restoring dignity and aligning our legal framework with constitutional values of equality and human rights.β
The group said the change sends βa clear message that LGBTIQ+ persons are not criminals, and that their lives and relationships deserve protection, not punishment.β
LEGABIBO noted that the colonial-era provisions had long cast a shadow over the lives of LGBTIQ+ people in the country.
Following up on the PolySeekers ficlet- what sort of piercings and jewelry does Thaisha give them? What sort of other marks do the other three leave on each other to mark them as theirs? Occtis seemed to think his knight could use a choker or collar... π
Extra spice! π
He is definately having Thoughts about His Knight that he can't quite figure out how to put into words, or even if he should. Even in the middle of an orgy intimate ongoing four-person sexual relationship he's still very much got the "letting someone with a crush on him walk out the door" energy. Like sure they're being nicer to him and fucking him on the regular but doesn't mean they like him, right?
[cut for length, turned out a little light on spice but hope you enjoy]
As for marking each other, it's Thaisha who goes first. She's not the oldest, but she does have the most confidence and experience in navigating relationships. And piercings.
She mentions something to Vaelus first. She's not shy about the multi-purpose of such things. She likes the decoration of it, she likes using something unique and trackable, and she likes the idea of placing a little claim. Not a claim to any form of exclusivity exactly, but a claim none-the-less.
Vaelus is immediately entranced by the idea. Everything about her, every mark on her body, is to a dead goddess who cursed her children in ways she's only just now starting to understand. Something that could help ground her to this mortal world to balance her calls to her.
It's a few days later that she approaches Thaisha in return, offering her four small thin pieces of metal, each one a semi-circle, no bigger than the tip of her pinkie, and asking if they would work.
It does not escape Thaisha's notice that the metal is such that even she has not worked with before. And that the veil that covers her friend's face is just the littlest bit smaller than it was the day before.
It takes her the better part of a week to properly shape them into simple rings, and she suggests waiting until the next town, but Vaelus is eager, and says she'd rather do it in the woods, under the light of Ilumi's Blanket, so she can always look up and remember the moment.
Julien and Occtis curl up one on each side of her, fingers sliding over her skin as Thaisha knelt between her legs, her hands steady as a drumbeat as the needle slides through her clitoral hood. The small ring follows after it, a touch of magic fusing it together smoothly, and another nudging the healing just a bit. Not too much, or the ring would be rejected, just enough that she can lean down to soothe sore skin with her tongue.
Julien demands his that same night to match hers, although the actual process turns out to be quite different. He squirms so much just from being cleaned up that Thaisha laughingly threatens to pin him down. With his cock her hand she couldn't possibly miss his reaction to that, and then idle threat becomes reality, Occits holding him in his arms, Vaelus pinning down his legs, and Thaisha kneeling at his side, needle in her hand again.
Occtis doesn't quite know what makes his knight pull and shout so as the needle presses in. He understands pain, but surely Julien has endured much more without being restrained. He doesn't mention it though, just holds him closer and tries not to think why it's so easy to get hard like this, and why he wishes it was his hands doing the hurting. He's pretty sure he doesn't want to actually hurt his knight? But then why does it feel like this to hold him while he cries out in pain?
It doesn't seem to bother Thaisha or Vaelus the same way, they tucked him between them when they were done, Thaisha soothing him like she does sometimes when their bickering tips over into sex, when she's mean to him in ways Occtis can only watch and try so hard not to think about later.
He clings to her so tightly after.
It's a few days later when it's his turn, the ring placed higher, right at the bottom of his scar, with most of the ring unseen, just a little sparkle in his skin. It doesn't hurt much at all, but he likes how each of them reach for it, finger brushing over the metal, warming it in a way that travels under his skin.
----------
Occtis was allowed to do Thaisha's. She said he had the steady hands for it, with a look in her eye that even he knew meant good-trouble.
She took him on her lap, not putting her cock inside him, now wouldn't be a good time to try that for the first time, but he could feel right there as he took one breast in his hand and carefully pushed the needle through the nipple under her guidance.
No one had asked about the ring in her other nipple, that he was aware of. Occtis wondered if anyone else knew its mate was still with Halandil Fang. He wondered what it meant, if anything, that their ring was in a similar place.
He did know that sometimes, late at night, he'd reach down and touch it, and the connection to Vaelus and Thaisha was of great comfort.
------
It was in the middle of the night, during the changing of the watch. Neither Vaelus nor Occtis truly slept, so they would let their mortal companions rest while each of them would watch half the night. They'd gotten into the habit of spending a few moments with each other as they swapped, a quieter company that more often than not was mostly soft aimlessly touches. Occtis loved running his fingers over the scars that ran most of her body, and some nights she would tell him the stories of how she got them, in soft, soothing tones, a bedtime story for a beloved undead boy.
"You could add to their number," she offered one night in the same quiet voice. "It might be nice."
It was hard to school his face to horror rather than interest.
"Oh don't tell me you've never thought of it?" She teased lightly, her eyes staring out into the night.
"I, uh...." There was no world in which Occtis could frame an appropriate response to that in any time frame that was under an hour. ".... Have you?"
"Thought about it? Yes. Done it?" She sighed, pulling him closer, although her gaze never waivered. Occtis liked that she didn't look at him. "No, never. It would have been sacralige, you see, to marr one of Her carefully crafted works of art."
She handed over a knife. "Such a blessing it would be, to given a first time, from someone like you."
It was small, and not particularly deep. But Thaisha promised him it would scar. It ran a few inches on the inside of her thigh, right where Occtis liked to liked to rest his head. Even when it healed, he could feel it against his his cheek when he settled in. It was one of the first places that that he felt was his, like he belonged... like he was allowed to be there.
____
Of course when Julien found out, he had pouted for days before Occtis figured out what he wanted. There were some days he wished his knight was better with words. He had taken some more time this time, just him and Julien in a tent one night, and had carved four deep lines on his hip and watched the blood run down his leg. Right where his hand would grip when he fucked him. Right where he could touch him through his clothes without drawing much attention. Right where Thaisha would grab him when she took him to bed, a line that was just Occtis would be between them, part of them.
"I'll give you one more for each of my family you kill," he whispered that night in his knights ear, a dark promise as he held him close and stroked him to completion. He hoped it wasn't his imagination that Julien's cries were louder than normal.
______
Julien had refused when Vaelus had offered the same to him, pointing out that they all now how each other's marks... other than his. He was content, he said, to leave such marks as he could with his mouth and his teeth, ones that would fade within a week, or the first time one had to be healed after battle.
He was not like the others, he pointed out, when Thaisha had cornered him later. He appreciated what they had give him, but could not return the favor. He was not a druid beholden only to the Old Path, not an elf moving on from a dead goddess, not a young noble who was estranged from his family.
He was a Davinos. And as much as his family thought otherwise of him, while he lived that meant something, while there a single member of House Royce alive that meant something, and he would not leave such a mark on another. His lady may have given Thaisha leave to his body, and she may have extended it to the others, but the return was not necessarily true.
___
That night Occtis waited until Julien was asleep before pulling out a thin strip of leather from his bag. His fingers were gentle as they brushed the curly hair out of the way and wrapped it around his knight's neck, measuring it out carefully, marking and cutting it. He didn't have access to the proper hardware right now, and the leather was thin, and he doubted this would even be allowed. But he could lay it across the pale, vulnerable skin for a few moments, and in the morning he would knot it around his own wrist, and remember.
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Ok this is a longshot but: is anyone in the Pittsburgh, PA area that would be willing to accept a tiny sidequest?
I was at Anthrocon helping to vend this weekend, and one of my fav downtime activities was chilling at the university library. but I happened to leave my little art journal there >_____<
I only noticed when I was already on the plane back home to Oregon. I would be happy to pay someone for the shipping + additional $50 for the trouble to mail it back to me ;v;
I hope I'm online when it happens. I want to see a sudden flood of crab rave memes right after refreshing my dash, and in the middle of it all, the Castiel news meme. That's how I want to learn of it; not through anything solemn or serious, but via overwhelming silly celebration.
Everything about this is ill-advised @enragedtiefling - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook