Sarah, 29. "I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm drowning in fear." Biromantic/asexual, she/they, permanently exhausted being of books and pain. DND nerd. Neurodivergent and chronically ill. "chronic illness blogging" is my tag for mental and physical illness posts. Ask me to tag anything.
All this time I have thought Gwyn did not have an antigravity module. But today when I had a horrendously upset stomach, she wqs able to lay on me (as above) without pressure making the nausea worse. I am astonished. Perhaps it was a late acquisition, or just glitchy. I am furthermore astounded that she somehow managed to put her elbow collection away (she must have a few hundred elbows in that little body usually al pointing outwards). So considerate of her, today!
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Self care kind of got co-opted by like, Lush marketing, but the thing is that actually self care is an extreme uphill battle. You need good sleep good food and gentle exercise calibrated for your specific physiology. How many days a week do I get all 3 of these? Hahahahahahahha
all human beings have certain needs and disabilities/illnesses often make those needs much harder to meet. crucially, this does not mean that the needs cease existing.
A papercraft memorial portrait of Cinder, a wonderfully sweet cat. Her most beloved pose was loafing with her legs tucked up underneath her, so that was the requested pose for the piece. I hope I did her cuteness justice!
thing is, for a lot of these paintings it wasn’t “after” lily elbe’s transition. there was no after to it. the one op posted was painted in 1928. this was 2 years before lily legally changed her name and began undergoing revolutionary gender affirming procedures. unfortunately she died due to complications of an experimental uterine transplant in 1931.
up until that point, during the day lily continued to dress in masculine clothing and even attended galleries showing gottlieb’s paintings of her. which was kind of iconic. she got to stand in a room full of people who were marveling her beauty, not knowing she was right next to them. it must have been such a cute little secret for them as a couple.
here’s gerda and lilly together
not to mention that for most people there is no real “after” to a transition. especially for these trans historical figures who had to balance identity and safety at all times.
i think having a wife paint these portraits must have felt really amazing for lily. to be able to see herself through the eyes of someone who loved her. i’m very much seconding op on the getting teary eyed.
here are some of my favorite gottleib lily paintings
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hi yeah i know ive been on this medication for 8 years but i need-- yeah. yeah 3 more months please. I'll call you in 3 months to beg for 3 more months, thanks. Bye. Love you.
Its weird how you get more disabled over time. Like, most people i know with a disability actually have like eight disabilities and a lot of them slowed up later as a result of compensating for the earlier ones. This brought to you by me filling out a demographics form and wondering when i got to the point of checking that many damn boxes
“You get used to it” true but misleading because someday your back problems are gonna inexplicably cause stomach problems. And then you get used to the stomach problems but your thumbs start hurting because you had to do so much work on your phone lying in weird positions while waiting for the stomach problems to go away. And there are way more distractions on your phone too so while you always had adhd this just makes it more annoying/prevalent-
Anyway hi disabled people with one million conditions i love you and i hope youre having a good day with minimal pain/inconvenience
My spouse and I just had one of those “wait your brain works HOW?” exchanges, and now I am BURNING TO KNOW HOW IT WORKS FOR OTHER PEOPLE:
Fellow speakers of this feral bastard language (English), rb and tell me in the tags: what is the delineation for you, if any, between evening and night?
I love asking people how their parents met. You always get an interesting reply. My best friend’s parents met on the relatively new internet in 1999. My other friend’s parents met at Burger King when one was the manager and the other was a regular customer. My parents met at the beach because they were neighbors in their rental houses, mom was on a church trip and dad was getting blackout drunk every night with his friends next door.
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I saw this when running newpipe. But wait, it gets deeper. I clicked on the details buttons and it said as of today, we have 83 days left until Google rolls out this new requirement for apps inside and outside of the google play store. If any developer disagrees with their new terms and fees, they will be blocked!
I'll share some of the info below:
Looks like they're trying to nuke the remaining privacy and freedoms we have left on the internet.
What to do?
-Get your developer friends to not comply to their new guides
- Sign the open letter on the site and take action by checking out the full resources list on their website as well!
To summarize, this is all daunting especially when you feel all alone with unfair and inhumane regulations comming out faster than improvements but we got this working together!
Share the link with your friends, family and anyone who will listen!
Your phone is about to stop being yours. In September 2026, Google will block every Android app whose developer hasn't registered with them.
a small thing i learned from my sister dying is that i really would rather the people i love be a burden than be whatever the hell else they'd be if they weren't. yes even if it's messy and not always fair and hard completely inconvenient for everyone involved. even if it's weird. even if i'm rolling my eyes a bit inside sometimes. i just want you to bother me. please always bother me
like "it's rotten work" "not to me not if it's you" actually sometimes it's still rotten work. even if it's you. and i'd still do it a million times over
Fellow white people did you know there's this cool youtube hack where you go out of your way to watch videos made by Black people. And suddenly your video recommendations will have loads of cool new channels. And then you realise youtube was literally hiding videos made by Black people from you because they assumed you wouldn't be interested
More cake please! Your CR4 character kinks post was so good, I’m especially interested in Azune being into role play. Especially with his fellow schemers <3
It just makes sense to me, there's an old joke about Autism and the kink community being a Venn diagram because ideally things are discussed in detail ahead of time and there's nice comfortable well understood scripts and expectations. And Azune is the most Autistic-coded character I've seen in a while.
I'm glad you like the Character Kinks, it's a fun one to revisit and expand on, thank you stars!
What type of roleplay would our Schemers be into?
Let's talk about Murray and Azune tonight.
We always refer to these two as a secret third thing rather than platonic or romantic, so let's expand on that. Non-sexual roleplay is a pretty solid 'third thing' I think.
It starts one evening, they've both had some wine and are back at her place, she's sitting on the couch and he's in his normal spot on the floor on a few pillows, being just a little too large for most of her furniture.
"I miss it sometimes," he admits, staring at the constantly shifting colors on the wall as the sunset hits a rainbow of gems in the window. "I always knew what to do there, you know? I was little but... they let me be useful. When I was cutting potatoes I could see in my minds eye the hungry men who's bellies they would fill. When i was rolling bandages, I knew Doc could help people more quickly. Even doing laundry and mending.... I knew without a doubt that it was *useful*."
"You are just too pure for this world, sunshine." Murray shook her head, fingers going to her friends hair and undoing the thick braid. "What about the Arcane Marshels? You do a lot of good with them..."
"I know, I know. But it's... It's just not the same." He sighed and shifted without thinking so she wouldn't have to lean to touch his hair. "There's something about that direct connection... About it being.... Personal. "
"I guess I can see that." Murray didn't continue right away, finishing letting his hair down and working her fingers through it. "Is that why you like bringing over dinner, sweetie?" She asked thoughtfully. "Or why your face lights up a bit when we're out together and I ask you to reach something down? Or you always insist on carrying the bags all the way here, even when it's out of your way?" Murray picked up a comb and started to run it through the hair in front of her as pieces of Azune started to slot into place in her mind, like so many numbers in an equation she's figuring out how to balance.
Azune would have ducked his head, but he didn't want to make her reach further for her task. Slowly he drew one leg up and put a knee under his chin. "I like you, Murray," he finally replied, softly. He liked that she waited when it was just the two of them, to let him find the right words for her. "It feels good to help you."
There was something in his words that felt more like a confession than a simple statement. "I'm glad I can... help... " His mind skittered around Thjazi's face, and an uncomfortable rock garden of emotions that brought with it. "... I'm glad I can help all sorts of people there. But helping you feels.... different. You're my friend, Murray."
There was something in the way he said the word friend, like it was something sacred, something both deeper and more fragile than when most used the word.
"Would you try something for me, sweetheart?" Murray asked quietly, each word chosen carefully. Hypothesis's were good, but they needed to be tested properly.
"Of course."
Murray made a mental note that at some point in time she should deal with how that unhesitating, unconditional reply made something deep in her stomach feel warm. A future point in time. Not now.
"Go ahead and close your eyes for me, okay?" She kept up the gentle, soothing hands in his hair as he did so. "Okay. So. I'm gonna ask you a few questions, pumpkin. I want you to think a bit before you answer, okay? No rush, no wrong answers." She waited until he nodded before continuing. "Now here's the tricky part, but I really do think you can do it... I want you to answer only taking into consideration what you want."
She felt as much as saw the tension return to his shoulders.
"I... I'll do my best, Murray. For you." His voice was soft and small and uncertain and part of her wanted to take it all back, to turn around and walk a different road with him tonight. But she had started this, and she would finish it.
"That's my good boy... I know it's hard. You take your time, honey. I've got you. First question... How would you feel about helping me out a bit more around here?"
"I always like helping you, Murray." His voice was still quiet, but he seemed confident in that.
"Because you're such a dumpling for me, aren't you." Murray's fingers dug into his scalp a bit as she thought. "What if we had some time where... I was more tellin' you than askin'?"
"That sounds fine, Murray?" He wasn't quite sure where she was going with this.
"Oh, take another minute to think there, will ya? Remember you're supposed to answer based only on how you feel about it." It was easy enough to put a little firmness in her voice like she would with her students when they were starting to mess around at the end of a long summer day.
Dutifully Azune took a breath to think properly. A little shiver ran through him as he did so. "I've thought about it. Murray," he said after a moment, "I think... I would like that."
"Good boy...." The praise was instinctive and quick and it was impossible to miss the little shudder that ran through him or the teeth that bit into a lip. "I'm going to ask what sort of things you might like doing.... remember to focus, to blot out everyone else, we're just looking at you now.... I know you like to bring me food, would you like to try helping me cook? Grading papers? Cleaning up a bit?" She did her best to keep her voice soothing and low as she spoke, one hand curling a bit in his hair, a familiar gesture, the other reaching to just lightly brush fingertips down his jaw, an unfamiliar one.
Azune started to nod, and then stopped, not wanting to move away from her hands even a little. It's been so long since anyone... but he had to focus, she asked him to focus, for her. He could do this for her. "I would like all of this, Murray," he managed to whisper, not sure why his voice was shaking so badly.
"Of course you would, buttercup, maybe you missed your true calling hooking up with the Arcane Marshals, you would have made a lovely little housewife or maid..... " Oh there's some more reactions happening there that Murray is also putting on the stack of 'to think about later'.
"What about something a little more personal? I could always use a good foot rub after a long day, maybe a pretty boy to draw a bath for me....."
The sound that came out of her boy was nothing short of thrilling, somewhere been a sob and a choke, and when she shifted and used the hand at his jaw, stroking his beard, to slide under his chin and tilt his face her way, she could see tears running down his face from still-closed eyes.
"Oh, baby boy, I'm sorry, i know this is hard for you....." Perhaps she had pushed a bit too far.
Azune quickly shook his head. "I can do it, Murray, please... " His hands were fists in his lap, his spine very lightly arched so he could give her his face without moving from where he was put.
"I know you can. You'd do just 'bout anythin' I came asking, wouldn't you?" She found her fingers slowly moving down to his throat, feeling lightly where he swallowed. "It's okay if it's too much, sweetheart... that's why we're talkin' about it first."
"Please let me be yours.... " His words were coming out breathless and quicky all of a sudden, as though he feared not being able to get them all out. "Even if it's just once in a while, please Murray, yes, I want it all, just let me be yours I'll do it all I'll be so good for you...." his voice was desperate, and the tears on his face started to fall faster.
"Okay, okay... that's good, we can do that, okay sugar? It'll be nice for both of us, I think... slow breaths now, you did so good, I'm so proud of you...." She didn't know what demons he was facing in his head just to talk to her, only that she's never seen him more terrified. But he was willing to face what ever it was for her. "Come here, I've got you sweet pea...."
Slowly Azune managed to turn, following her hands and her legs moved apart to make room for him to rest with a head in her lap, his arms loosely circling her. "You won't have to worry about a thing, I promise. I can get you something to wear... a ring or a bracelet maybe, so you know when we're doin' that, alright?" She offered, thinking through how to make things as clear for him as possible.
With him pressed like that a fully body shiver was even more noticeable. She could tell he wanted to say something, and just ran hands through his hair and gave him some time.
Didn’t anticipate one of the bonuses of going to a drag show in a smaller more conservative town would be getting to see a bro who clearly wandered into the wrong part of the bar by mistake experience what looked to be a transcendent awakening upon seeing his first drag show.
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