Near by Sight. Far from Heart.
It's a sunny Friday afternoon. Cigarette's smoke gusting around our face while we stare at each other.
It's weird how literally close we are, like, we're just a foot away from each other. And yet, I still feel very far from you.
We'd always hang out, we're always together with our free time at work.
We talk. We chat.
It makes me happy.
But it hurts me at the same time.
'cos I know, that no matter how close we are, rather, no matter how close I am to you, I will never be even closer than what I am right now.
That, I'd always yearn for your affection towards me.
That I will never have the priceless feeling...of being able to hug you...not as a friend, but someone who feels the same way as how I feel for you.
It's weird how literally close we are, yet...i still feel very very far from you.
We were too quiet smoking the last piece of our cigarette, when you suddenly whispered my name.
We stared each other's eye for quite a while. Trying to get a hint from each other.
You smiled.
I asked "why?"
You just nodded at me and said nothing.
I...didn't get it.
Until you finally said it.
But you said something totally different from what I have in my mind—just one of the thousand underlying assumptions I have.
You said something about yourself. About your skill. About you difficulties at work.
I was bothered. I was, and still am worried. I felt sad.
I always wanted the best for you.
And I am always willing, to give and sacrifice everything, in exchange of being with you for a while. In exchange of seeing you smile. In exchange of your mere presence.
I tried to comfort you.
And I am glad that it somehow worked out.
You smiled again to me.
And then I start telling you things...things that I, that very moment, was hoping you'd understand.
Telling you to take things lightly.
That, if things were too impossible to achieve, to have, to attain...too impossible to happen...you'd have to let go of it...and that your skill isn't one of those impossible things.
You just gave me a smile again.
It's hard. It's so painful.
Because deep inside my head...I was actually pertaining to "how much I feel for you, and that I have to let go of it..."
But as I said, I can always sacrifice everything for you...in exchange of a little happiness i get, in seeing you smile.
We took the last sip of our cigarette, and gave me that priceless smile again. March 28, 2014 01:16PM - Break Time
