[ . . . ] to be continued

SHIVA BABY 2020, dir. Emma Seligman

cemre baysel LEYLA — bölüm 004

cemre baysel LEYLA — bölüm 004

“Listen, are you planning on donating anything to this Francesca Fudge thing? And if yes, how much? I was thinking a thousand galleons, but I don’t want to look tight…” They muse to their companion, drumming the end of their self-inking quill against the table as they consider what to write on the blank cheque in front of them, “This party still seems like a load of self-indulgent bullshit to me, but charity’s charity…”

growing up, andromeda wasn’t too familiar with toys. rather she preferred books over them, or playing with her sisters, relying only on their imagination rather than anything materialistic. besides, the thought of cygnus or druella black holding a stuffed animal or playing with her was so bizarre that she didn’t even bother trying to picture it, “ i’m planning to … do books count as toys, or do you think they’ll deny me entrance on the spot ?” she didn’t specify what kind of books. but surely, classics seemed to be appropriate for children. after all, they were called that way for a reason. meant to be read by everyone.  “ you think that’s tight ?” andromeda gulped on her drink. maybe, if james asked her the same question a few years earlier, she’d have thought the same. now, money slipped, with no black inheritance to back her up. “ i think you should donate 2000 galleons. 1000 for charity , and 1000 for me.” she jested. straight-faced as usual. “ i agree with you. the purebloods there are just going to flaunt their wealth . so does it matter ? even if it’s for a good cause . i wonder if they’d be so generous if they knew even a single galleon was going to a muggleborn child...” her eyes were set on the drink, the words almost an afterthought. “ i assume you’re not going, right ?”

it was overwhelming being the one that now had to talk to everyone, to make the connections, to promise things, to say of course regulus would owl them back for their business proposals, to talking about how yes, he didn't need a job, but he liked working in the department of mysteries, and how to subtly say no he wasn't looking for a betrothal, he also had been keeping an eye on his mother, though she never needed it. whenever she wasn't an absolute zombie at home she knew how to amp up the charm, perhaps the drinks helped and the food, but yuletide had always been a rather lonely affair for the black's and this year would be different considering his father was gone. he runs a hand through his hair searching for an exit but it's not without grabbing a glass of champagne and searching in his pockets for the tin of cigarettes. he finds himself outside, but close enough he can still hear everything inside. "don't tell my mother i still smoke," regulus smirks up at the person, shaking his head. "we all have secrets we don't tell our parents," he further says.

response to regulus black

ft. 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐀 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐒 ( @enchantmecnts ) 📍MALFOY MANOR

“ why ? am i not the most charitable person you know ?” his assumption was met with a raised brow, feigned offence pushed on her tone before a grin broke through. edgar wasn’t  entirely wrong with his assumption. she didn’t plan to attend but last time she didn’t, chaos unfolded and the papers had been talking about nothing but that horrible event for weeks. worse still, even more horrible, not a single drop of ink had been wasted on her name.  this time, she’d make sure that at least she would be mentioned somewhere. “ why are you here ? here on official curse breaking business ? i bet the malfoy manor is riddled with them . i think you should start with our dear hosts. don’t you think poor lucius looks positively cursed with misery ? ” she mused, then shifted her attention back to edgar.  “ not really. that’s why i came to you. aren’t you the source of entertainment. that’s at least everyone used to say, back then at hogwarts. ” everything, appeared to be more fun under the guise of nostalgia. “ so tell me, are you having fun ?  why don’t you entertain me ? juggle perhaps ?”

margaret qualley, 1994.

THE NOTEBOOK (2004) — directed by Nick Cassavetes

it was hard to love your own sister in private, but narcissa had gotten used to it since andromeda left the family, since their spot on the tapestry had been singed off. whenever she did go to grimmauld place it was just a reminder of everything. she didn't go there much anyway. the thought of walburga and druella black together together was a enough to give narcissa hives knowing what they did to their children if they didn't behave. sometimes, it felt like it was regulus and narcissa against the world, the children that had stayed. bellatrix was already out doing great things, but narcissa and regulus both had siblings that left the house of black. more often than not you'd find the two out in the garden either talking or not talking, but enjoying what they could before it all changed. "i wish it were different." narcissa says quietly. "i'm sorry your freedom came with such a cost." she says even quieter. she sometimes wish she could've gone with andromeda, but narcissa knew that she never would, because there was a part of her knew that she couldn't, that in some ways, their parents, despite how much she loved them or not, could not afford another loss. but she would never blame andromeda for leaving. how could she? she loved andromeda more than she loved herself, her older sister deserved to go if that's what she wanted, but narcissa would stay, because she knew that she needed to, maybe that made her the coward, but someone needed to continue the family duty, and what would happen if she didn't? "i miss only being halls away from you," narcissa says quietly with a small sad smile. "it was so much easier," than what it was now, is what she doesn't say. when andromeda says that she trusts her she doesn't know what else to think, narcissa wasn't a liar, they might have held many secrets but being a liar wasn't one of them so she doesn't say much of anything else. "i'll always keep your secrets andie," she says again, wringing her hand again, there wasn't much that she wouldn't do for andie, and she wished she knew how to convey that to her sister to get her to trust her. if it meant keeping secrets from everyone she would do it, she had already done it before, this wouldn't be different. narcissa could play the part, if it meant keeping andie in her life. when it comes to her engagement she knows that she should clam up, but narcissa didn't, even though for a brief moment she wanted to divulge everything with andie, she knew that she couldn't, but she also knew it wasn't the worst thing to happen to her. perhaps andromeda would never understand why she agreed, or why people went through with it, but she was a strong hold when it came to this because she chose it, in the end. then, she asks, do you think you could love him? do you think he'll love you? narcissa looks at their sister for a moment, and tries to prepare an answer, they hadn't been asked so directly before it had taken them aback. "i think i could," narcissa eventually says. narcissa had only really been in love once, it ended poorly but it was always going to end poorly. "what does it matter though?" she asks eventually, ignoring the second part of the question, because they didn't know the answer and didn't want the weight of it. narcissa didn't need people to love her, they were happy with the life they had lived, they had their dragons. narcissa was content. when they move onto the next point, narcissa does a quick muffliato, raising their wand quickly and looking at her sister with worried eyes. "are you okay?" she asks quietly, even with the muffliato. "we could go outside if its easier." she says looking at the back doors. narcissa was just desperate for any kind of serious moment with her sister when they would let her. "just let me know," they say, placing a soft hand on andromeda's shoulder.

andromeda wonders if anyone remembers, or would remember that narcissa and andromeda black were once sisters. she feels the piercing stares, and she can almost catch every whisper with her hand. opening it, and stare at the emptiness left in it. not being able to shake off that invisible viscidity.  her mouth opens but then closes immediately again. she wishes that she could deny it, and allow her one little more lie. only seconds ago, she made a promise, and she didn’t want to break it again. disappoint narcissa with another lie. it was easy to think that andromeda was the strong one. the one who left without ever looking back. but that was only half the truth. andromeda had looked back so many times. not for their broken home. not for luxuries or reputation. no, she’d only ever dared to look back for her sisters .although Bellatrix hardly seemed to be there anymore — waiting for someone like her. narcissa, however, it seemed that she wasn’t granted such luxury. turning her back on this mess andromeda has left them with. andromeda had always thought that narcissa was the one who could only look forward. face the back of the sister who’s left. face the damage that came with it.  “ do you think it could be different ? ” she bites her lips, preventing herself from giving voice to an answer she doesn’t want to hear. she shakes her head, lips twitching that she even allowed herself to ask something that absurd. “ sometimes, i don’t know if it was worth it.” she admits.  “ do you think they’d accept me back ? ” andromeda had always been on narcissa’s side. there had never been a day when she wasn’t part of her sister’s life. she left for many reasons. but she also left her sister for another person. ted had known life without her, it wouldn’t be as cruel if she disappeared, right ? ( a foolish thought ) yet, she knew she couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore. not when he was so entangled in every vein of her heart.  the words sting. “ i miss seeing you in the garden.” and only another happy memory could mask  the pain that threatens to break her brave facade. “ it’s not going to be easy anymore, is it ?” the world has ended too many times for her to believe in such a thing.  “ thank you.” lids heavy with guilt pressing her eyes down, fall on her sister’s hand. in a moment of reckless trust, she takes their hand, squeezing it with the reassurance of change. letting it go, the warmth lingers too brief to make up for any time they’ve lost. she curls her fingers to fist, foolishly believing that it’d persevere a little longer. relief barely comes with narcissa’s answer. but at least they don’t hate it. at least, it’s not bad enough. their choices do not need to align to create an understanding. it was never blood that created it, but love. and she loves her sister enough that she’d always understand her. “ it matters because your opinion matters. you’re not just a pawn , controlled by a name.” the name they shared. “ you deserve to be loved. especially by the person you’re supposed to marry.  the sudden spell comes with a surprise and the weight of realisation. her confidence falters, when she’s reminded that a secret is not meant to be spoken aloud. andromeda swallows, her voice barely above a whisper. “ i’m fine but i haven’t been entirely honest with you about the reason why i left.” she hopes the next words will come easier, but as she stumbles over her thoughts, the urge to flee grips her. “ lets go outside.” perhaps the cold air will steady her. perhaps a vast open space would made her realize how small her problems were. that she doesn’t matter all that much. but when they step outside, she only shivers, and her heart hammers violently against her chest. “ there’s someone i want you to know about. but i want you to meet him before i tell you more .” doubt presses against her throat, and she wishes that she’d kept her mouth shut. speaking of it will only put them at risk. “ actually.” she hesitates and crumbles ,“ it doesn’t matter. we should go back inside. it’s cold…”

lucius  can't  help  but  walk  slowly  down  the  quiet  cobblestone  street  of  diagon  alley,  his  mind  preoccupied  with  the  events  of  the  past  few  weeks.  his  engagement  to  narcissa  still  feels  like  a  weight  he  has  yet  to  fully  embrace,  though  it’s  a  match  made  for  status,  no  question.  but  today,  as  he  passes  a  familiar  shop,  he  notices  someone  he  hasn’t  seen  in  a  long  while.  andromeda  black  stands  by  the  window  of  a  madam  malkin's,  but  there’s  something  different  about  her.  lucius  pauses,  then,  almost  unconsciously,  approaches  her  with  a  calm,  measured  step,  the  distance  between  them  shrinking  slowly. ❝  andromeda,  ❞  he  says  her  name  softly,  though  it’s  no  less  deliberate  than  his  usual  cool  tone.  he  glances  at  her  briefly  before  focusing  on  the  shop  before  them,  as  if  unsure  where  to  start.  it's  then  that  he  realizes  he  isn't  sure  where  narcissa  stands  with  andromeda,  and  whether  this  could  be  seen  as  a  conflict  of  interest  for  their  betrothal.  then  again,  andromeda  is  also  a  colleague  of  rosie's.  maybe  entering  the  boutique  was  a  mistake  after  all. 

her gaze lingered embarrassingly long on the pale pink dress robe, her eyes indulging in the only luxury she could still afford: staring. it had been a long time since she had bought anything more expensive than the worn clothes she owned now. and sometimes, when she caught herself wishing for more, she felt ashamed that something as trivial as material desires could remind her of where she truly came from, of the blood coursing through her veins, demanding such luxuries. when her name was spoken by a familiar voice, she turned around. frozen in shock, for a split second. the way she always reacted, when she thought someone recognized her.  “ lucius.” she greeted him with a cold expression, the one she reserved for most of her encounters with prominent purebloods. it was a shield, a way to prepare herself for whatever accusations would inevitably be thrown at her.  yet, lucius did none of that, and she was surprised at the momentarily silence between them. “ i didn’t know lucius malfoy was the type to sneak up on people. ” she remarked, raising a brow, suspicious hanging on every word , wondering why he had approached her in the first place. “ i suppose i’m meant to congratulate you on the betrothal to my sister. ” the word sat bitterly on her tongue, but andromeda could only swallow that taste.  “ how do you feel about it ?” she was curious. only for the sake of her sister. “ you’re lucky, you know . narcissa is the best thing that could’ve happened to you . i hope you realize that.” her gaze drifted back to the robe, as if trying to redirect her frustration elsewhere. “ is there any way to convince you to break off that betrothal ? ”