“Cause It’s Chill Having You Here.”

𐂂 Heeseung ≕ He won't even let you turn on the car. He's already bracing for dear life and you've done nothing. He's teaching you how to hold the wheel, what all the stuff in the car means, and how driving is dangerous, blah blah blah. After thirty minutes you complain that you both have gone nowhere and you go to turn on the car and he lets out a little gasp, fear covered on his face. You laugh at his expression but most importantly you're just really annoyed. He keeps telling you to wait before stepping on the gas, and after another ten minutes of him struggling to let you drive, you give up. Learning to drive with Lee Heesueng is harder than it seems.

𓊿 Jay ≕ He's surprisingly calm. Maybe a little too clam. He directs you with the sweetest voice on what to do next. You peek over to see his face and it's so relaxed that you're worried. Most of the driving is silent with him talking every now and then. When you're finally done and stop the car, he lets out an exaggerated breath. You ask him why he was so calm. "I didn't want to die," he'd respond back. But you felt at ease driving and at one point it was fun even if you were a bit paranoid. It's a yes on letting Park Jay teach you to drive!

ꈊ  Jake ≕ He might be a little too excited. The minute you too get in the car he's so giddy and giggly. He's teaching you what to do, and after every little thing, he's laughing like a child. You drive around the block and he's complimenting you on everything, your turns, your speed, your breaking. By the time you're done, he had a little score sheet on his phone made. He gave you a hundred even though it was your first time driving a car. "You're all grown up now. Look at you driving." he'd beam. Sim Jake teaching you to drive might be a little too easy, but he's cute about it so it's a yes!

𖠪 Sunghoon ≕ Bless his heart, he is so afraid. But at least he lets you drive the car -- he's bracing for dear life, but at least you're driving. He's trying to help you out, it comes out in a panic voice which makes you panic and you end up stepping on the breaks so hard that you both catapult out of the seat. He'd apologize each time, but it was getting a bit irritating. He lets you drive only a few more feet before he's panicking again, telling you to stop. "let me drive," He'd say. You're so annoyed that you don't try to protest. Park Sunghoon is a no-go on teaching you to drive.

𓄊 Sunoo ≕ It's calm at first, but then you do one thing wrong, and he's yelling at you. "How did you not see that stop sign?" He'd shout. And of course, you'd shout back. Sooner or later you both are getting into an argument. Another mistake and he's going off on you again. "If you get your license then this world is in trouble," he's ruthless. It lasts another five minutes until you're done with his nagging. Kim Sunoo does not hold back when teaching you to drive.

𓃠 Jungwon ≕ He's forgotten that he is supposed to be teaching you how to drive and instead he's cracking jokes and having a hearty conversation with you, which then you of course forget that you're even driving. It's going good until you both are in a burst of deep laughter and you press on the gas instead of the break and almost crash into a tree. it's silent for a while and the two of you look at each other and laugh again. Yang Jungwon teaching you to drive isn't really teaching at all.

Jake was privileged. And he had been for however long you knew him. You remembered his top-tier birthday parties, even that one time they set up a carnival in his backyard equipped with actual rides, the times you both had sleepovers and their personal chef made you meals you've never even heard of, the different cars jake would pull up to your house or school in, and the little times you could ever remember paying for yourself when he was with you. Still to this day, you wondered how you became one of his closest friends, or how you even still were. He was constantly busy, with keeping up with his many friends, hosting his many parties, and to add on to his already impressive resume, keeping up with the many requirements of being student body president. Even with all his events, he still managed to find spaces to spend time with you, whether it was a call at 2 in the morning or a quick drop-by your place, you would at least hear from Jake every single day.

There were plenty of times that you could have easily spent all day with him, but you never liked being around his other friends, the ones that also wore expensive clothing and marveled at what normal people did. You would find yourself giggling every now and then when you remembered teaching Jake at 12 how to iron his clothes or wash the dishes by hand, or how to hold a broom properly. He was clumsy and a bit shy, but cute. Those were one of the first moments you thought of Jake as more than just Jake. He was Jake with a pretty smile, Jake with nice hair, Jake with sparkly eyes and smooth hands -- the first time you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about him constantly.

And since then, you've never stopped. There were occasions when you were too nervous to be around him, feeling like your heart would pound so loudly he would hear, that your cheeks would flush and he'd noticed. At that age, you weren't sure what was going on. It was scary, to think of a boy the way you were supposed to think of a girl. As hard as you tried, those thoughts never went away. You remembered wishing you could slow dance with him at the 6th-grade winter dance, hold his hand as you both walked to class, send him love notes in between lectures; do the things you saw the other middle schoolers doing. There were nights when you would cry yourself to sleep knowing nothing would ever happen, cause nothing ever could. You marveled at the time you had cut Jake off completely, hoping that whatever you felt would just go away. But it never did. And after two months of Jake not hearing from you, the summer before 8th-grade, he strolled up to your house as casually as ever, grabbing onto your arm without explanation and taking you to eat. He never asked why you stopped talking to him, and it didn't matter, since not even those two months stopped you both from talking your heads off like old times.

After that, there were things you just didn't do with him like you use to. Like sleeping without a shirt since you got insecure about him seeing the same skin he's seen before, making sure the door was open while he was in your bedroom just in case he did something cute and you needed a reason to leave just for a second, not letting Jake get to close or sneak attack you like he liked to do. And it only got worse as puberty started hitting you like a truck. You grew exceedingly taller in a matter of months, hair grew from places you didn't know hair could grow, Your voice cracked with every sentence you spoke, you kept waking up feeling the uncomfortable bulge in your underwear, and how weird it felt when you peed sometimes.

And you blamed puberty for one of the most embarrassing moments of them all. You both were at his place, not really talking much since Jake had lost his soccer game and moped around. You weren't much of a sports person, but you liked when he invited you, except, this was the one game you missed. And the only game they didn't win that entire season. He blamed you for losing, especially since you missed it to hang out with someone else. You both got into a mini argument. One, cause he was mad you didn't go and two, cause you wouldn't tell him who you were with. By then, you started to experiment with different guys. It was nothing big, just fro-yo and a casual stroll through the park, not even a kiss. And as much as you liked Jake, you still never took his bullshit. After a couple of curse words flew from his mouth, you grab your bag to leave, but Jake stopped you. He grabbed onto your wrist, but you pulled back with force. He attempted to grab you again, but you dodged each one. After a while it was a goose game, you ran around his room that could've been its own gym, but after a while, you grew tired. Of course, with Jake being a soccer player, he still had plenty of energy.

In a matter of seconds, he knocked you onto the floor rolling you over on your back and pinning your arms to the side. You and he had wrestled plenty of times, some of those times were not fully clothed, but at that moment, you saw Jake in a different light.

His hair was cascaded over his eyes, his cheekbones glistened from his prior sweat at the game, his lips were barely parted, taking a few quick breaths. You remember he said something, but you never remembered what it was. All you could think about was how close his face was, the light scent of mint as he spoke, the way his lips were a slight red, not like the light pink they usually were. You remembered he stopped talking and took a minute to stare back at you. For just a moment, just a quick moment, you thought he might actually kiss you. But instead, he leaped off when he felt something hard touch his skin. You remember he shouted dude, covering his eyes. You ran to his bathroom so embarrassed. It took you an hour to leave out. Jake insisted that it was okay, things like that happened, but you made him swear he would never bring it up again. And he didn't.

But you felt that he subtly liked to tease you. It started with air-poking at your crotch, but by high school, he was bold enough to actually poke it. Then you knew it was your imagination, but sudden awkward gazes happened between the two of you, more often than not. There were occasions where it felt like Jake sat closer to you than usual, where he placed his hand on the small of your back or thighs, which you would push away out of nerves. There was once a few months back while Jake was taking you home, he stopped you from getting out, and pulled you closer, in a joking manner is what you assumed it was, but the way he peered into your eyes, struck a chord in your heart.

That's why you were pretty sure he knew you were gay, and he teased you cause he knew. But you never did come around to telling him. There were multiple occasions when you almost did, but you were scared of his reaction, you were scared he'd stop being your friend. You were sure he wouldn't, but there was always that what-if. But he had to know. There was that one time he saw a message from a guy you talk to for a short period. He teased you about it, but you swore it was nothing like that and he went along with it. But you knew he knew. He never did say anything, and you were more comfortable with that than letting him in on the truth.

Hours before, you face-timed Jake. Since this would be your first house party, you wanted his opinion on your outfit.

"Ok listen, I bought this at Good Will and still haven't worn it out. I think it gives me rich kid vibes," Jake just laughed off your comment as you stepped into the frame.

You decided on a light green knitted vest over a white t-shirt, paired with grey jeans and black Birkenstocks. Jake took a moment. You could only see half of his face but you knew he was frowning the way his eyebrows furrowed. "lose the t-shirt." You whine in protest. "I have some hot people coming to this thing, you're going to want to look good." So, of course, you lost the t-shirt. Stepping back in frame Jake gave a dramatic expression.

"Woah Hercules, put away the guns!" You flash him the bird.

"Is it ok or should I wear something else?"

"It would be fine if we were going to one of your choir concerts, but this is a house party," You rolled your eyes. "Then why didn't you say that in the first place?"

"Cause I didn't feel like it," he giggled before continuing. "Just throw on a graphic tee and switch your shoes for sneakers. That'll do." And again, you did. Jake teased you a few more times before you eventually hung up.

When you did pull up to his house, you observed the dozens of cars already pulled up. You waited at the last minute to show, hoping that it would somewhat be empty, but it was the complete opposite. You walked up closer and stopped, suddenly debating all prior choices. The music was so loud, you could hear the base from where you stood. People were coming in and out, some were guiding their drunk friends and others were on their way to find privacy. You held the grip on your tote tighter. In a sudden moment, you missed your bed, the one that didn't require social interactions or peer pressure. You took a deep breath and walked in. It was stuffed with bodies. Bodies dancing, smoking, drinking, partying. You stepped out of the way of a girl that stumbled past. The lights were low but you could still see the foggy haze that filled the house. You walked to where Jake said he'd be, and there he was.

You watched him laugh, and it was like it happened in slow motion. His hair was let loose for once, some waves falling in front of his eyes. He was laid out on the couch, the same way he always was when you guys did nothing but watch movies all day. He took a look at you and smiled wider. Your heart thumped a little. You'd think after 6 years, your crush on him would've faded, but if anything it grew deeper. You remembered when the wishing for hand-holding turned to wishing he'd kiss you. By the time high school started, you couldn't stop the wet dreams from playing. You couldn't stop yourself from staring at Jake in his indecent areas, especially when he was playing soccer. You try to avoid it by talking to other guys, but you never let them in. The most affection you showed them was a hug; once you let a guy kiss your cheek. but that was it. You still had this terrible hope that Jake would wake up one day and realize he was in love with you just as much as you were in love with him.

He did one of those weird bro-hugs he's never done with you, probably cause you complained to him how dumb it was. You wanted to roll your eyes, but you understood he was with his other friends. The ones that were the exact opposite of you, and to be quite honest, Jake too. He introduced you to each of them, the ones you tried to avoid at every cost.

They were all pretty much how you expected them to be: tall, cute, good hair. One in particular caught your eye since he had a sense of style you'd never expect from one of his rich friends; Jay was his name if you weren't mistaken. His two friends Ni-Ki and Heeseung towered over your small frame, Sunghoon and Sunoo kept to themselves on one end of the couch, and Jungwon seemed extremely friendly, widening his arms as if asking for a hug.

Jake hit his arms. "Here." Jake handed you a cup. "Before you shake your head, it's just water." They say you're supposed to pour your own drink at parties, but you trusted Jake with your life, and this was no different. You grabbed it but didn't drink.

You spent a few awkward minutes mingling with his friends who had nothing important to say until a specific song came on. Girls around you started to scream, rushing themselves to the self-made dance floor. Jake's friends whisked themselves away dragging him with them.

Then you were alone. And that's how you ended up by the wall, watching as girls danced, moving their hips in circular motions, swaying their arms in the air. A few of them attempted to dance against Jake, but he managed to find a way out each time. You felt a sharp pain strike your chest. Jake has had girlfriends before, and you've met every single one of them since middle school, all of which you told Jake weren't his type, not because you liked him, but because you knew they were gold diggers. You wondered if he'd lost his virginity yet, since he teased you quite a lot about how you were still one. You knew he'd at least had his first kiss when you caught him making out with the captain of the girl's soccer team, and you remembered going home and crying. But that was back in middle school, and now you were seniors in high school, both 18 and about to be in college. Which you couldn't wait for. Jake would be off at some ivy league, probably his dad's alumni, and you'd pray you were at least a few hours out from home, maybe community college or a small university.

You didn't know you were staring at Jake until he made abrupt eye contact with you. You look away, shyly, as if you hadn't known Jake since forever. But here it felt weird, different. He was in a space you weren't familiar with, in a space that made you feel like an outcast, which you didn't mind being, but in the public's eye, it felt daunting. In your room, you didn't care cause you simply didn't have to. Here, you felt more exposed than ever. It was no lie that you and Jake were complete opposites. He was rich, you weren't. He was the typical popular kid who was captain and president, you were tech in your production of The Little Mermaid, lead soloist in the choir. You both couldn't have been more polar. You didn't even know if Jake's friends knew you existed. You both had your own identities at school. Sure, you had few classes together, and occasionally walked the hallways in conversation, but it was nothing more than you would do with an acquaintance from math class. Even at his games, he would give you a quick wave, and after that, it was like he forgot you were there. You knew it wasn't out of malice, so you didn't want to burden him with your feelings, but it didn't feel good.

You wanted to leave, but Jake promised you he'd pay for your lunch for three straight weeks if you stayed at least 4 hours. He already always did pay, but you knew he would purposely forget his wallet, and you'd be the one paying. But by the second hour, your social battery was running out. You went from the wall to the couch, switching anytime it seemed like someone was going to try and strike up a conversation with you. You watched Jake who moved around the house casually talking to every person, refilling his drink, and moving back on the dance floor. There was once he nudged his head in your direction, as if asking you to accompany him, but you shook your head harshly, looking away as to ignore the problem.

Then came hour three, and by then you thought you'd die before hour four, boredom and the smell of sweat clogging your brain. You'd lost track of Jake and couldn't find him. Paying for three weeks of lunch didn't seem so bad anymore. You crowd-surfed to see if you could make contact with him, but no luck. You wondered if you could just leave and he wouldn't notice, lying to him and saying you stayed the actual four hours. But after thirty minutes, you notice how the house starts to clear of bodies, the air wasn't so clogged, and eventually, the lights came on. By the time hour four struck, Jake was saying bye to his little gang of friends, before closing the door.

Now it was just you and him.

"Should we check the bedrooms for stragglers?" You joked, Jake gave a sleepy smile.

"Everyone knows not to go upstairs smarty pants," Jake sat beside you on the couch. "Just like they know to leave by three," you checked your phone and by surprise, it was three on the dot. You nod your head impressed, "wow, so this was the infamous Sim party."

Jake nods again, sleepiness rolling over him. "I can't believe this is your first time coming."

"This isn't really my forte."

"Did you enjoy yourself at least?" Jake looked at you for an answer. You wondered whether to lie or tell the truth, but Jake could tell when you weren't being honest.

"I stood in the corner to avoid social interactions, so.." Jake laughed at your comment.

"Oh wow," he took a minute, daydreaming up at the ceiling before turning to you abruptly.

"This is the perfect time to show you," He leaped up from his spot on the couch and grabbed your hand, pulling you up the stairs, past the first hallway, and down the second where his room was located.

"I've already seen your signed ball Jake," You thought he might've been so drunk he forgot he already had shown you.

He shook his head, "no not that, just come on," And he dragged you through the rest of his house that felt like trying to find your way out of a maze.

By the time you had made it to his destination, Jake pushed open a door connected to the ceiling and climbed the steps attached. He reached for your hand. "Jake, I'm not going in you fucking attic,"

He just laughed again, "It's not that. Give me your hand." You gave Jake a glaring look, but of course, you put your hand in his. It was dark for only a second, but by the time you got to the last five steps, you could see the night sky peeking out. When Jake made it all the way up, he grabbed ahold of your hands and hoisted you the rest of the way. That's when you found yourself on the top of Jake's roof, looking out over the rest of the house. The night sky was empty, you were up so high that you could see above the large oak tree sitting in the front lawn. The sound of crickets and a cool night breeze serenaded you into finally being able to relax. You were no longer in the trapped hold of society, but in the grasp of Jake and his company, and that made you feel more at home than anything.

Jake, still holding your hand, guided you to sit down beside him. You both situated yourself against a window, the window that was above Jake's bed. "You finally found a way up here," you said, as you still admired the view.

"Yep, just took 18 years," You both remembered the different techniques you both tried to do to get up to that stupid window that was at the height of his room. But nothing worked.

You both laugh along together. You tried to control your aching heart when Jake laid his head in your lap, sighing out of relief.

You both stayed like that for a while. You couldn't explain this feeling, but it was enough to make you emotional. At that moment, you had two things you wanted the most, peace and Jake, something you never got at once. You felt like you could do anything up here. There was a sense of relief that you'd never felt before, and after a few more minutes, you felt a tear slip from your eye.

You were sure Jake was sleeping from the slow breaths he took, but after a while, the tears started to fall, and you couldn't stop them. You weren't even sure why you were crying, maybe it was hysteria from being up so late, maybe it was from all of the people in one setting that you'd hadn't had to experience before. But when you look down at Jake's soft face, at his freckles against his nose, his perfectly aligned eyebrows, his beautiful sharp eyes, you knew it was because of him. Your best friend, whom you've loved forever, was now lying in your lap, and you felt guilty for keeping such a big secret from him. You felt guilty for all the years you felt so much love for him, the type of love that was not reciprocated back, at least not in the way you wanted it to be. And now more than ever you wanted to scream your truth louder than your voice would let you.

But all that came out was a sniffle.

"If I open my eyes and you're crying, I'm going to punch you in the face," You watch through your blurry vision and saw his eyes sparkle open. And when he made eye contact you wept softly.

You squeezed your eyes shut and weren't sure what Jake was doing, but the sudden coldness on your lap led you to believe he had lifted himself off.

You try to gain control of yourself, but it was like something was pushing out, even if you didn't want it to.

You felt Jake grab ahold of your wrist and pull them away from your eyes which you knew were swollen.

"Hey, what's going on?" Jake's voice was slightly above whispered, and it crept up your back with a shiver.

You shook your head. "Nothing, I don't know why I'm crying."

A moment passes. A few more tears fall out and you wipe them away. Jake didn't say anything, just watched as you did, his eyes dipped in worry, but he knew to give you time.

You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. The silence drags on and now you're not sure what to do.

"I want to," you stop talking to take a few deep breaths when you hear how shaky it sounded.

You have trouble speaking like your voice wouldn't let you, and you felt like crying again at how weak you were being. But you didn't have time to be frustrated when Jake grabbed at your hands and intertwined them, something he's never done, but it felt nice for his warm hands to come in contact with your cold ones.

"You don't have to speak if you're not ready," You look up from your lap to Jake's face, which you realize is scarcely close. You look into his dark brown eyes, and it only took that one look to know that he knew, he was just waiting for you to tell him. You keep staring at his eyes. Gosh, how they mesmerized you. The way they glimmered in the slight moonlight, the way they made you feel so safe. You watched his eyes flutter, the curve of his eyelashes, his small pores that never seemed to catch acne.

Then you noticed Jake's eyes avert from yours down. You had to be dreaming, there was no way he was looking at your lips. But he looked back at your eyes, his pupils wide and shaking as if asking for permission. And out of response, you part your lips slightly. If Jake was teasing you, you would never forgive him. You could hear your heart pulsing in your ears, you clutched onto Jake's hands tighter.

And you couldn't even believe it when his lips touched yours. It was a nice feeling. Jake's lips are as soft as they had always looked, smooth in texture and so gentle in touch. You don't even grasp the fact that your eyes are still open until you feel yourself drift into a trance you'd never been in before, and you closed them softly.

And it's over before you can even marinate in it. You're left with a cold wet sensation, and it burns your insides. You looked each other in the eyes once more, before chasing his lips and finding them pressed harder than the last time.

You kiss him mindlessly, like everything you were feeling up to this moment didn't matter. You were kissing Jake, the Jake that you had loved since forever; and he was kissing you back with just as much force, letting loose of your hands to move them across your thighs.

You were clumsy with your own, trying to find spaces to touch his skin, but the revelation that you were doing this in the first place was still something you were processing. His hands keep on trailing up and down your legs, and you decided to just do the same. It was weird that the desire you've always had but refused to indulge in was now your reality. Minutes before he was only your friend, and now you weren't sure what that word meant anymore. You had memorized the outline of Jake's lips, the color, the width, how his bottom lip was always thicker than the top. But now you got to taste them.

You had come to full terms with being gay and what that meant and what that felt like -- but with Jake -- it was something much more. Jake was like a distant star you'd reach out and pretend to touch with one squinted eye, knowing that it was impossible to actually grasp. But here you were kissing him and it still hadn't fully reached your brain in a way that you could connect.

Jake was the first one to break away, catching his breath from the prior fit he had with your lips. He looked down at his hand that had found comfort on top of your lap. You didn't know what to say, or if you should say anything. Maybe it was better to let the silence be the spokesperson, maybe it was better to just let it absorb the two of you until you both turned to thin dust.

"Come on." Jake didn't meet your eyes, and he didn't the entire way back to his room. When you both entered, he closed it quietly as if you two weren't the only ones home. You noticed the way his hand shook as he turned towards you.

He had a look on his face that you've never seen. Was it worry? Fright? Gloom? It scared you to see his face like this. It was even scarier that you couldn't decipher what was happening.

Jake made his way beside you on the couch. He sat in proximity that wasn't far, but closer than you were able to handle. His knees slightly touched yours, and you swallowed down the blush creeping its way up.

There was another moment of silence -- it made the air clammy -- as if you were back at the party. You can't help but fiddle with the fabric of your tote, pretending to marvel at its rough edges and colorful print. But you didn't want to be stupid, you knew Jake was watching you as he fiddled similarly with his shirt.

You've never felt like this ever around Jake; like you wanted to crawl into a small hole and wake up ten years later. Just the subtle touch of Jake's skin made you overthink that you were coming on too strong, or maybe that you were secretly asking for something more and that's not what you wanted him to think.

You were even more worried that Jake might've kissed you out of pity, out of empathy. He saw you cry, not like he ever has before, and at that moment, he felt that it was the right thing to do. And it hurts to think it, but you wanted to bring yourself down before he had the chance to. You wouldn't let it falter your demeanor, you would just laugh at it and ask not to speak about it ever again, and he'd most likely agree. Then you could go back to living in secret.

"I really liked kissing you," Jake's voice is as casual as ever, a bit shaky on the word 'kiss', but nonetheless, it caused you to quietly panic, waking you from your ironic thoughts. Your turn to him in a frown -- out of habit -- meeting his big brown ones that sparkled under the fluorescent lights, full of an innocence -- or maybe vulnerability -- that you've never seen him express.

"Really?" You felt so stupid for that being the only word you could think of.

"Yeah.." Jake smiled boyishly, He opened his mouth again to speak. You watched as he contemplated his words, which come tumbling out of his mouth. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to do it again."

His words were like a punch to past you that yearned for him, it was a soccer ball to the head for the thoughts you've just had seconds ago. It was like the times you'd cried for him, hurt for him, longed for him; were for nothing. Cause here he was, asking if it were okay to kiss you again. If you weren't so frozen by the initial shock, you'd grab his face and twist his tongue with your own.

But all you could do was sit in silence, lips slightly parted in surprise.

Jake sighed, "Sorry, forget what I said, I don't know what I was thinking."

"No!" You practically scream. Jake looks up with uncertainty. "Yes, yes is what I meant. I would really like to kiss you again too."

Jake's eyes lit up, like that one time in second grade when his parents surprised him at school with a box of cupcakes for the entire class.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." It comes out in a whisper and a lot softer than you meant it to be. A little shiver played up your spine, and as much as you wanted to gaze into his chocolatey brown eyes, you couldn't stop staring down at your sweaty palms.

You're aware in that moment that you'd be kissing Jake Sim. Sure it's happened before, not even an hour ago, but it still was hard for your brain to fully come to terms with. His lips would be on yours, your lips would be on his. And it wasn't a dream you'd wake up from in a few minutes, this was real. This was the real thing.

"Hey," was the last thing he said before lunging forward and catching your mouth with his own. You twist your head milliseconds before, only just missing his nose, avoiding the awkward noise bump you'd rather not have. You feel his lips part slightly with enough room for you to slip in your tongue. Jake scoots closer, closing the gap. He pressed his body closer to yours, causing you to lean back into the couch. He was slightly above you. He set his hands upon your hips and squeezed gently, kind of like he did when he teased you during a sex scene when you both watched movies, but obviously, this was different. You do the same, gliding your hands up his hips, feeling like you were stuck in a void for continuously copying his every move. But this wasn't Jake's first rodeo, not if you remembered correctly the way he grabbed a hold of the soccer captain's waist, tugging and groping. This was your first kiss, something else you had to recognize on top of kissing you're forever crush.

His hands moved up against the dark brown cotton of your t-shirt, roaming over your chest. When they graze over a particular part, something in you changed. It's like a nerve in your body was spiking to its highest height, it was strange, yet endearing. You inhaled sharply at the newfound sensation, and Jake pulled away out of fear.

"It's okay," You spoke softly. "That felt...nice." Jake smiled sheepishly, placing his hands back and moving them closer to where your body had reacted the most. This time, his lips moved slow on yours, paying more focus on the finger that began to circle your nipple, it was as light as ever, but it still caused your breath to get stuck in your throat. It tingled through you, both up to your head and down to your groin, slightly terrifying you, but it was too good for you to want it to end.

You can feel your bud growing harder under his finger. "I guess you're really sensitive here." Jake nervously giggled, His finger rubbing harder. You can only nod, biting your lip to stop an unwanted groan from escaping. It was crazy how much of a simple thing was making you nauseatingly lightheaded.

Jake pressed his lips hard on yours, desperately. You feel him grab at the tote still on your arm and move it down, placing it on the floor. This kiss was more intense, impatient, and he used his teeth to suck in your bottom lip, causing him to giggle, and you would've too if you weren't so far gone. Your hormones must have crept in and automatically taken over every thought and action you made. Your thoughts were shrewd with the incapacity of him and his body. You huff in desperation when he moved his hand down to your stomach and curled around the hem of your shirt.

"I want you so bad," And you practically melt at the sound of his voice in your ears. It was low and seductive, something you haven't really heard before.

"I too," You choke on your words and hurry to rephrase. "I mean me too, like I want you too." You giggle out of nerves, but they catch in your throat when Jake doesn't hesitate to kiss you again.

He grabs a tight hold onto your waist, pulling you up from the couch. You shuffle over your feet, almost falling once, as he guided you to his bed.

It was hard to take in everything at once. That Jake wanted you as much as you did, how you both were about to share a vulnerable moment. But you pushed that all to the back of your head, the only thing important is that you were about to bask in the glow of him.

You scoot onto the bed until you find a comfortable position with your back against his headboard.

And Jake waste no time. "This should come off now I think." He mumbled into the side of your mouth tugging on the end of your thrift shop find. You help him pull off your shirt, throwing it into the wind. You want your lips on his again to avoid his gaze on your chest, but Jake purposely leans back admiring your skin. The same skin he's seen before, but now that you both were in a different setting, it felt like a big secret coming undone.

"Umm," you can't control the hunch that began to form in your shoulder, shy under his stare. You gestured at his own shirt, hoping you wouldn't be the only one getting naked.

"Oh, right," his hands fly down to his Nirvana graphic tee and pulled aggressively. He got his head stuck, and pleaded shyly for help after a few seconds, in which you untangle his eager arms. His hair was now disheveled across his head, the shirt joining yours wherever it was.

You sit there silently, watching his naked torso take a long deep breath, the veins that coursed his body drawing literal saliva from your mouth. You watch Jake bend at the waist. You think it's to come in contact with your lips, but you weren't prepared at all when his wet lips come in contact with your nipple, sucking harshly. It was like his finger but on steroids. Your back immediately arches to feel more of him on your skin. "Oh geez," You cringe at your awful word choices. You groan softly. It was the first time a vulgar sound had left your mouth, and you felt yourself blush. But you couldn't help it. You groan even louder when he lifts off and lets out a hot breath over your wet skin.

Your hands fly up to his hair, combing gently at first, but each time he sucked a little harder, you squeezed, tangling your fingers in his soft locks.

You felt so good that you couldn't help but want him to feel good too. In a surprise turn of events, you sneak a hand up to his back and down his waist, stroking at his sides until you can find the courage to reach your hands under and undo his jeans. It was difficult to pull his fly down when you had such shaky hands, but they managed to come down after a few tries.

Jake gasped when you reached your hand in and began to feel along the bulge in his underwear. You've never seen anyone's dick in person, and you were frightened to even think that Jake would be your first in that too.

He can't seem to handle the pleasure you were sending his way when his lips hum over the top of your chest, moaning softly.

You watch as his face screws in ecstasy. His forehead was starting to collect sweat, his lips were wet and slightly swollen from sucking, the sounds coming from his mouth were enough to get you moaning as well.

After a while, Jake fiddled with the buttons on your jeans until their off and thrown into the atmosphere. He hovered over you and kiss you for the umpteenth time. But Jake was bolder than you, carelessly and as casually as ever taking ahold of your cock and holding a firm grasp.

You whimper helplessly, pressing your head back against the headboard with a muffled thump. "Jake," you moan under your breath, staring up at the ceiling. And he must've taken that as an invitation to place his mouth back on your overly aroused nipple. You wanted to know what Jake looked like sucking on your nipple. His eyelashes were probably fanning over his perfect cheekbones, his tongue a hot pink as it licked over your bud. You remembered this in a dream once, the one that you woke up to in a ball of sweat in the middle of the night, dying at the fact that it wasn't real. But now it was, and you weren't sure that you were able to handle it much longer.

"Jake," you repeated a little louder, unsteadily when Jake stroked his hand faster against you. Your teeth bite into your bottom lip as you try and hold back louder whimpers, but his mouth and hand worked too hard to keep you quiet. Sweat starts to build all over your body, the pleasure grazing your skin -- and soon you feel a pool forming at the tip of your cock. "Jake, Jake," you're voice is more urgent this time, worried that the moment would be over before it really gets good. You push on his chest. He stopped immediately, worry crossing over his face. "I'm getting -- really close and I don't want to be yet." your eyes flicked nervously to the side.

Jake chuckled, "right, you just feel really good." You didn't realize how hard your heart was beating until he spoke. You playfully hit him on the shoulder as he takes his hand out from your boxers, causing you to groan from that alone.

"So, how do you want to do this?" You asked. "I didn't -- bring anything with me."

"Not to fear," Jake leaned over your body to reach into his nightside table with his free hand, pulling out a condom and a bottle of lube.

Your heart faltered a little, imagining that you're not the first person to see him vulnerable, knowing that someone has been in his bed, sharing his pleasure equally.

"My dad drops off condoms almost every month. He must think I'm a freak," Jake chuckled.

"So this isn't --" You trail off having a hard time finishing your sentence, but after a while Jake gets it.

"Don't let my nightstand fool you," he took a deep breath. "This is my first time."

"Like -- with a guy?"

"Like with anyone." Jake gleamed down at you. Out of habit, you roll your eyes, but you couldn't stop your excitement at the fact that you would be his first.

"You get to be my first." And there was the tingle again, one in your stomach and the other in the groin. He bent down and started sucking the skin on your neck, causing you to melt. "And you have no idea how long I've wanted this." A whimper escaped your mouth on accident.

"Do you want me to top? I'm fine if you want to, I don't think I have much of a preference."

"I want you on top," You squeak out. He giggled at your shyness before swooping back in for a kiss, and you both quickly fall into a rhythm. Jake reached down and tapped his fingers against your hip and when he lifted them, he carefully gripped the edge of your waistband and dragged your boxers down. You lifted your hips to facilitate his request, following quickly after to take off his own.

You kissed for a while. Jake moved you down so that your head was laying comfortably on his silk pillows that smelt like him. You don't remember when you spread your legs open, but all you could remember was the heat of Jake between your thighs, grinding sheepishly. It was so overwhelming to feel his dick hard against your own, to feel the smooth skin of his ass as you groped it, the pleasure of just rocking your bodies together enough to get you over the edge.

Eventually Jake reached for the half-empty bottle of lube laying beside his leg, and you tried not to stay fixated on why it was half-empty.

He snapped open the bottle and squeezed some out on his fingers, leaning down to kiss you once more. He grabbed ahold of your hip with his clean hand to steady your moving body. He roamed with his lubed-up hand on your ass. After a while, you realized he's trying to search but has a hard time feeling where the texture of your skin changes. You move your hand down to help him navigate, and moaned at his cold fingers when they found your opening. He circled your entrance carefully, and in response, you wrapped your arms around his neck.

Jake met your gaze as if asking for permission, and you nodded in response.

He pushed in slightly, and it felt like rockets going off. You scrunched your entire face, holding onto your breath until finally letting out an exasperated exhale as his finger moved in and out. After a while, the pressure died down, and you wanted more. "Can you -- add one more?" And Jake obeyed, pressing in until your body allowed the intrusion.

You felt yourself stretching at the width of his fingers, feeling them touch a base you never knew was there. Yeah, maybe you've experimented before down there, but it was nothing like this. Jake's fingers were rough, probably from all the times he's played goalie and rolled around on the turf field, yet he moved with such cautiousness that it was killing you. There was something that Jake barely grazed, and it caused you to tighten around him, your hands went from being around his neck to squeezing his shoulder blades. "Shit." and it's the only thing you can repeat over and over again.

You can feel Jake's breath as he panted over your ear, and you whisper for him to go harder, not be so gentle. and he does. In seconds, you're overtaken with pleasure, your arms drop from his body to grip the pillow behind your head. Jake was touching something -- what you presumed to be your prostate -- but you never expected it would feel this good. You've watched as much porn as the next person, but god, the real thing was an entirely different beast.

You felt Jake straddle over your right leg and grind slowly. You could feel the wetness coming from his tip which only made you go crazier. Your whimpers and groans grew louder by the second until your body seized up and arched off the bed. Jake bent down to kiss at your neck again, and things felt like too much. He continued to stretch out your walls, adding another finger in between the gaps he was continuously rubbing against that spot that drove you insane. He thrusted into your prostate like it was a punching bag. After a while, you can't handle it anymore and stopped his wrist with as much strength as you could muster.

"Okay, that's enough," You manage to pant out. Jake hummed sweetly in your ear and gently removed his fingers. He pulled back to look at your sweaty face, only just realizing the wetness that scarfed your face.

He kissed away your stained cheeks softly before reaching over and grabbing the condom, ripping it with his teeth, and you watch in awe. For someone who's never done this before, Jake seemed to be an expert, groaning softly while it rolled down his length with lube following after. You couldn't name the number of times you had pictured this happening, Jake over top of you, getting ready like this, but now wasn't time to fall back into dreamland, there would be plenty of time for that when Jake wasn't getting ready to take your virginity.

Jake leaned back over you and kissed you just as gently as he did the first time. He laced your fingers into his and squeezed gently. He fully pressed his body on top of yours, you could feel the outline of his abs and the dip of skin where his belly button was. His body was so hot that you felt yourself beginning to sweat immediately.

"Do you want -- like a pillow maybe?" Jake's voice quivered as he asked, and you can't help but giggle with nerves.

"Sure," and Jake grabbed with his free hand a pillow from the side and you awkwardly angle your legs until he can push it directly under your hips.

He pressed another kiss down against your lips. "And you're sure? Your not second-guessing right?" Jake breathed out. He's never been this nervous about anything, not even when he had to make the winning goal during the championship game. But here he was -- his voice shaking, his eyes pouting a bit, his lips parted in caution.

"I'm not," you exclaimed. "Are -- are you?"

"No, no, I really want this, but I just want to make sure you really want this too." You scanned Jake's eyes before letting loose of his hand to pull down his head and place a quick kiss. "I can't even explain to you how much I want this."

"I'm still having a hard time believing that this is actually real." You both giggle at your comment.

"Me too," Was the last thing he said as he pushed forward into another kiss, wrapping your legs around his waist.

You kiss for a while, feeling Jake's member casually swiping over your bottom area until Jake removed his lips to watch what he was doing. You can see his hands shaking over the top of his cock, the one you did realize was so veiny and long. You take a deep breath as he approached your entrance and guided himself gently.

You were tight, even with the harsh thrust of Jake's finger, it was nothing compared to the real thing. It doesn't hurt like you were intending it to, just a little odd.

And Jake move exceedingly slow, as if to tease you. You placed your hands on the small of his back and pressed him closer to you, his hand falling beside your hips and grinding you up gently. There were times that he would move but stop in sporadic occurrences, causing you to whimper for him to keep going.

So he does, pulling out halfway before sinking back in, both of you matching rhythm to the sound of your moans. Jake began an ongoing back and forth, leaving delicate kisses on your neck, sometimes sucking at the nape that caused you to clench your nails against his skin.

He sped up as the sound of your moans grew louder. And it's weird how you can't seem to stop them from escaping your mouth, and you hope that Jake doesn't hear the weird throat ones that come out unsuspectingly.

You gasp when Jake's fist closed around the base of your erection and pumped fast. His hips drew in strong thrusts, some so strong that you weren't even able to make a sound.

Jake hovered his lips over yours as he finds his pacing and seems stuck in his pleasure, just as you were.

It went as smoothly as it could. There were a few times Jake slipped out, but he was quick to guide himself back again. You started thrusting up in pleasure, causing the rhythm to become jagged, but you stopped for a second to match it again.

You desperately push your lips onto Jake's -- maybe a little too hard when you hear him wince as your teeth collide with his -- but you giggled it off through moans. After that, the rhythm just stays uneven, but you don't mind. The sound of his skin slapping against yours causes you to blush when you think back to all the videos you had watched, wondering how such a sound could happen, and yet here you were making it. You were such Jake's sensitive skin was a dark red from the slamming and slapping with every thrust, and you wonder in awe how such a thought could create a low groan from the back of your throat.

But it wasn't until Jake angled his hips closer towards your pelvis that you felt a surge of pleasure travel straight to your tip.

And it caused you to scream. And not stop until you felt your seed coat your stomach and his chest. You feel yourself squeeze tightly against his cock, and you watch as his eyes gloss over with pleasure, a single tear escaping his eye as he collapsed on top of you, pushing in desperately as he reached his climax.

You no longer had the strength to keep your legs wrapped around his waist, having them fall clumsily against his side. He thrust in gently, riding out his aftershocks, still gripping with his left hand tightly on your hip.

You feel him pull out and lift his head, a dazed smile spreading across his face.

"Hey," Jake muttered out. You both can't contain your laughter after what just happened and the fact that it even did.

He ran his fingers through your sweaty hair. You leaned into his soft touch with a smile of your own.

"Hi," You nervously repeat back. Jake slumped back down on you, kissing your cheeks wetly before nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

After a while, when your heart and his calms their pounding beats, You watch as Jake rolled down the soaked condom. He tied it together and threw it in a nearby bin. When he turned back towards you, you meet his eyes only for a second before he smirks at the mess on your stomach.

"We did that." He breathes out moments later. You hit him on the shoulder, a little embarrassed after recent events. Jake playfully laughed and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you in. It wasn't long before his breath evened out and he fell to sleep, but even with the time of night it was, you didn't want to miss the face of Jake sleeping now that you were so close to him.

Your mind couldn't stop replaying the encounter with Jake that you had imagined happening over and over again. You wanted to punch middle school you that cried every night, you wanted to shush recent you that thought it was impossible for Jake to love you back.

Because now, more than ever, you felt so loved. And that was all that mattered.