EmXplrs

After doing every shot, and every drink handed to me, I finally got the image of him out of my head. All I could think about now was having a good time with my friends and maybe a couple of other people.

I had attempted to find Justin again to just get my mind off of things but when I saw him in the corner with some random girl I knew that it was a bad idea. I hadn’t seen Colby again since I left his room so I take it that he just stayed in his room.

I had danced with a few different people, even going back to the kitchen for more shots. Tara tried to cut me off but ultimately gave up when she realized that nothing was going to work.

Now I was outside talking to some random guy; he told me his name but I completely forgot it. He was talking about how the stars looked like they were falling down on him, he’s definitely on something.

I didn’t know how to get out of the conversation so I just sat there pretending to listen while sipping on my drink, “Do you agree?” The guy asks me and I look at him confused

“Oh yeah,” I lie not wanting him to know I completely ignored him “Really?” He says and I nod

“Definitely,” I say “Then when don’t we leave?” He says and I fury my brows in confusion

“What?” I say not knowing what the fuck I just agreed to. “You said that you also think there is something between us and that we should hook up,” He says and I almost choke on my own breath

“Oh, uh, Well,” I stall trying to think of something to say and to let him down easy. He genuinely seems like a nice guy but the last thing I want is to hook up with someone while we’re both drunk out of our minds

“I don’t think tonight is a good time,” I say softly “No, it is, trust,” He says while scooting closer to me, I try to move away but there is nowhere else to move

“We’re both clearly drunk and we wouldn’t remember who one another is in the morning so it’s probably not best,” I say while laughing to lighten the mood “There’s no better time to hook up with a stranger than when you’re drunk,” He slurs while putting a hand on my thigh

I may be drunk but I know for a fake I don’t want to hook up with this guy. “I think there are better times to hook up, and this time is not even on the list,” I say while moving my leg to get his hand off of it

“Here let me get you a new drink so we can talk about it,” He says while reaching to grab my cup but I move it away “Uh, no thanks, how about we go inside?” I say before standing up

“Only if you’ll dance with me,” He says while also standing up “Sure,” I say spurious. He tries to grab my hand while we walk but I move it away and hold my cup with both of my hands, so he ends up putting his hand on my back

When we entered the house, the smell of alcohol filled my nose and people dancing filled my vision “Over here,” He said while pushing me toward the entrance of the kitchen

“Another drink?” He asks “No,” I say looking into my now empty cup

“Let’s dance,” He says and I smile before putting my empty cup in the trash can. We both make our way to where everyone is dancing and he puts his hands on my hips in order to “guide” me

He spun me around so my back was facing his front and moved my hips from side to side, I wasn’t uncomfortable because if I was, I’d be out of here faster than the flash but something about this just didn’t feel right.

I tried to push that feeling away while moving my body more and feeling the music. His lips make their way to my neck while his hands start to roam around my body. I wouldn't lie, this guy is attractive but this just all feels so wrong. His hands feel like they’re burning my skin and his lips feel dirty.

I decided that what was happening was just something I didn’t want to happen and that I needed to get away, “Uh, I need to go do something,” I said after turning around and removing his hands from my body

“We were having fun though,” He says while trying to put his hands back on me but I step back “I wasn’t,” I say before walking away

I walk back into the kitchen, grabbing a new cup, and filling it up with the closest drink I saw. I knew that if I went back outback there would be random people making out or smoking and that was something I didn’t want to see or smell.

I walked toward the front door cause I knew no one was going to be out front. They have a little seating area at the side of the driveway so I made my way over there, and just as I thought, no one was out there.

At parties, I always tend to find myself stepping away from everyone and just needing alone time, but that used to be spent with Colby and me getting away and just talking about anything and everything.

I sat down and brought my legs up to my chest to create some heat, going to a house filled with hot breath to the outside air and wind was like a cold shock and I was definitely feeling it.

I drank a little more than half of my drink before I felt the couch next to me dip and someone sit down, I looked over for a split second to see who it was, I didn’t want to be around him but something inside me told me not to leave.

We just sat in silence, he didn’t say anything and I sure as hell wasn’t going to say anything. I down the rest of my drink knowing that if I didn’t have at least a little bit more alcohol in my system then I was going to yell at him again.

I set my now empty cup down on the table and I placed my hands on my calves while moving my hands up and down to create friction so I wasn’t so cold. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing to leave his mouth, and I was shocked.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to give in to him. “I should have never said what I did and I have beat myself up over it every day since,” He says and I shift uncomfortably

“Kenna, I truly do care about you and you’re such an important person in my life and for me to say I was just using you was something I never ever thought would leave my mouth let alone cross my mind,” He says and I scoff

“But it did,” I say with immense attitude “And I wish it never did. What you said to me was exactly everything I wanted to hear, to know that you felt the same way I did was more than I could have asked for,” He says and I bit my lower lip

“I’ll never be able to wrap my head around what I said or why I even acted that way. I have liked you since the moment I met you but I never thought we’d be anything more. So when we did eventually become more it was such an unreal experience that I didn’t know how to handle it.” he says and I try everything in me not to look at him

“When you said that you thought you were falling in love with me, I was in shock, I never thought anyone could love me beyond friendship and I didn’t think before I spoke and I fucked everything up,” He says “Yea you did,” I nod

“Seeing you in there, talking to every guy that approached you felt like hell, seeing them touch you made me want to punch them. I have never felt so many things for one person and I don’t know how to handle them all.” He says

“Not hearing your voice for a month, not feeling the warmth of your touch for a month, and not seeing you in person was my own personal hell and I hated every day that passed by. I threw so many parties in hopes you’d come but you never showed and the one time you did was when I least expected it. The second I saw you it felt like my breath had been taken away and all I wanted to do was hug you and never let go,” He says

“I think I’m falling in love with you, Kenna, and this is the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced,” He says and I finally look at him to see him looking at me. I’m silent, I don’t know what to say or how to react.

“If you don’t feel the same way anymore, it’s fine, We can both pretend this conversation never happened and you can go back in there and dance with some random guys and I’ll pretend it doesn't hurt seeing that,” He says and I genuinely feel my heart flutter

“Colby,” I managed to say “When I told you how I felt and you just said everything I didn’t want to hear felt like being stabbed in the heart and I never want to feel that again. You’re saying these things but I don’t even know if I can believe you,” I say

“Then I show you that you can believe me, I’ll do whatever you want to prove to you that I want you in more than a friends-with-benefits way. If you never want me to talk to another girl again, done. I’ll do it. If you want me to do anything you want, I’ll do it. Because I want to show you how I feel,” He says and I take a deep breath

“I might have a way you can show me,” I say and his face brightens ever so slightly “What is it?” He asks

“If you go two months without having sex with anyone, then it’ll prove that you truly care about me,” I say and he sighs “Deal,” he says quickly

“Really?” I say shocked remembering how often this man wanted to have sex “Anything it’ll take to make you forgive me then I’ll do it,” He says

“But does that include no sex with you?” He asks “Yes, I’ll do the same. I won’t hook up with anyone; not that I’d want to anyways, but just to show you that I want this to work,” I say and he smiles

“I have never poured my heart out to someone that much and it felt a little terrifying,” He says “Now you know how I felt,” I say and he nods

“In two months if I haven't had sex with anyone then will you consider being my girlfriend,” He asks “Yes, Colby Brock, if you can make it two months with no sex then I will consider being your girlfriend,” I say and he smiles

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As I walk into the party with Tara to my left, a wave of anxiety hits as soon as I realize I am actually here. In the same house as him. But not with him. I haven’t stepped foot in this house for over a month, because the last time I was here hurt me more than anything.

“You okay?” Tara asks sensing my mood change “Just nervous,” I say while playing with the ring on my finger

“I’ll be here the whole night, if we get split up just text me and we’ll meet back up,” She says softly and I smile “Thank you,”

“Now let’s go get drinks and have a good time,” Tara says before grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the kitchen. As we make our way into the kitchen our whole friend group comes into view.

I haven’t seen most of them in quite a while, after what happened I just needed time for myself and I’ve only seen Tara, Kat, Sam, Jake, and Devyn. Tara, Kat, Devyn, and I hung out last week and I explained to them why I haven’t been around and they understood.

“Kenna!,” Kat says while running to give me a hug “Wow I feel loved,” Tara jokes

“Shut up, I saw you this morning,” Kat laughs before hugging Tara “Wow, Kenna finally decided to grace up with her presence,” Sam laughs

“I just knew your guys’ lives were boring without me so I decided to come,” I laugh before giving Sam a quick hug “Actually my life has been pretty good,” Kevin jokes and I roll my eyes before he pulls me in for a hug

“We’re doing shots,” Kat says and I nod before walking over to the table where the drinks are. Kat pours four shots, one for me, Tara, Devyn, and herself. “We’re getting you fucked up tonight and you’re going to hook up with some hot random guy,” Tara says

“Hell yeah!” Kat says “To Kenna getting laid,” Devyn says while holding her shot up and we all cheers before downing them

We all made our way into the living room where the music was and where everyone was dancing, at first it started with all of us girls dancing together but the girls’ boyfriends had made their way over to them so I let them be and went into the kitchen to get another drink

“Why aren’t you dancing anymore?” I heard a voice say from behind me and my heart dropped “Because,” I said trying my best to ignore him

“Do you want to dance?” He says and I scoff “With you? No.” I say not looking at him

“Why?” He says “Because I said so,” I said before walking away

“Hey,” Crawford says while walking over toward me “Hey Crawf,” I smile

“How’ve you been?” He asks while leaning on the wall next to us “I’ve been good, How have you been?” I say softly

“I’ve been alright. Why you over here alone?” He asks “Eh, just not in the mood for this party,” I say

“You wanna go outside?” He asks and I nod, He grabs my hand and leads me through the crowds of people. We make it outside and we go sit by the pool

We don’t speak we just sit in silence and look up at the sky “What are you guys doing?” I hear someone say and I mentally curse

“We just chillin’,” Crawford says to Colby “What are you doing out here?” I ask him

“I saw you guys walk out here and needed to make sure no one was hooking up outside,” He says and I roll my eyes “Nah, we ain’t doing that,” Crawf laughs

“Good,” Colby says while making eye contact with me “Hey, Crawf, it’s a little cold out here so I’m gonna go back in,” I say with a smile

“Alright, stay safe,” He says while lifting his cup and tilting it toward me “You too, no drunk swimming,” I point at him

“Don’t worry, I’m all good,” He laughs. I get off the chair and run my hands over my dress to make sure it’s straight “You want a hoodie?” Colby asks

“No,” I say rudely while walking away “Kenna what is your problem,” Colby asks while catching up to me

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say while shutting the door in his face “There you are,” Kat says

“Hey,” I smile “We’re doing more shots, come on,” Kat says while grabbing my hand and pulling me into the kitchen

We do about four or five shots before we all make our way back to the dance floor, this time the girls’ boyfriends don’t interfere so it was just us dancing. I look to my left to see Colby talking to some girl leaning on the wall, I roll my eyes and look away.

“Hey, Kenna,” Justin says “Hey,” I smile as he dances closer to me

“You look really good,” He says and I smile “So do you,” I say and he snakes his hands around my waist

“You know, I’ve been thinking about you for a while,” He whispers in my ear “Have you?” I tease

“I always just thought you had a thing going on with Colby so I stayed away but now that I just saw him with that girl, I know that you’re available,” He says

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m available,” I smile “Good,” He says while moving a hand up to my neck and pulling me in for a kiss

I move my hands to the back of his neck and run my hands through his hair as he pulls me closer by the hand on my waist. He moves his mouth to my neck and starts leaving trails of kisses

“Okay, that’s enough, she’s drunk,” Colby says while pulling Justin away from me “So am I,” Justin says and I try to push Colby away from me

“Colby leave me alone,” I say while trying to get my arm out of his grip “Yeah, dude, leave her alone, we were having fun,” Justin says while grabbing onto my other arm with a tight grip

“She’s drunk, I’m not gonna let her get taken advantage of,” Colby says and I scoff “She wants this,” Justin says while tightening his grip on my arm and it starts to sting

“Justin, let go,” I say trying to pull my arm away but his grip gets tighter “Why aren’t you telling Colby to let you go?” He says

“Because he isn’t hurting me,” I say while trying to pull my arm away “Let her go,” Colby says to Justin

“How about you let her go and we get back to what we were doing,” Justin says “How about no,” Colby says

“Whatever man,” Justin says while letting my arm go and I let out a sigh of relief “Are you okay?” Colby asks while grabbing my arm and looking at it

“I’m fine, don’t pretend like you care,” I roll my eyes before trying to walk away from him but he steps in front of me

“You’re drunk,” He says “So is like every person here, plus I’ve barely had any drinks,” I say

“Well you’re never the type to get drunk and hook up with random people,” he says “I did it with you,” I say, and his face drops

“That was different and you know that,” He says and I laugh “Sure it was, now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find Justin again,” I say trying to walk around him but I feel arms go around my waist and suddenly I’m thrown over Colby’s shoulder

“Colby put me down,” I say as he walks toward the stairs “No,” He says as I wiggle in his grip

We make it up the stairs and to his room and he sets me down in the middle of his floor “Colby what the hell,” I yell

“Why are you so fucking pissed with me,” He says raising his voice “Are you dumb,” I say pissed off

“Colby, we hooked up, so many times, you treated me like your girlfriend, and told me I wasn’t allowed to hang out with other guys. You told me so many things that made me fall in love with you. Then when I told you, you had the nerve to get mad at me for having fucking feelings!” I yell

“I told you that I didn’t want anything serious!” He says “I know, and that’s my fault for thinking that you’d get over yourself and realize that you do deserve love but clearly I was fucking wrong,” I laugh

“You hurt me, Colby. I poured my heart out to you and you had the nerve to say I was never anything to you and you just used me to pass the time,” I say “So don’t get mad at me for not wanting to talk to a guy who made me feel like shit about myself,”

“Kenna,” He says softly “No don’t even fucking say anything,” I say while walking past him but he grabs my hand and turns me around, and pulls me in to kiss him

I push him away “Fuck you,” I say before walking out of his room and back down to the party. “You okay?” Tara asks me

“I’m perfect, you wanna do more shots?” I ask and she nods

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