the space between seconds

three.

two.

one.

"How can you stop loving someone," he asked.

I still look at you sometimes and think this can't actually be real. What have I ever done to earn someone like you? I don't understand what you see when you look at me. When I look at you, I see someone who could have any girl in the world, but somehow you want me. It doesn't make sense; I'm not good enough. But every time I look over and see you there, I believe a little more that maybe I am enough.

I knew making someone my whole world was like building a house and then lighting it on fire, but that's what I did. And I keep stomping out fire in one room or the other without putting it out completely. So now I'm asking for some water. Be enough or be nothing, because in between is what kills. Put the fire out or tell me to get out of the house. I don't care which one, I would just like to live.

On days when nice words fall off your lips, I wonder if you mean any of them. I missed you. I like seeing your smile. I don't know what I'd do without you. They're just words. Exactly the words I want to hear. You know that. Can you see the change in my eyes when you laugh and say just kidding?

I wish you knew that you make me smile just by existing.

“Do you love him?” she asks. “Yes,” I say, without hesitating. “How do you know?” “The way I look at him.” I see her face start to fall. “How’s that?” “The way I used to look at you.”

do you think I'm funny? do you think I'm cute? do you like taking to me? do you look forward to seeing me? do you care about my life? do you wonder if I'm doing okay? do you ever miss me?

If I could know the answer to any question about my future, I don't think I'd ask about you. I mean, I'd ask about you, but not if we'll ever be together. I'd ask if you ever know. I'd ask if I ever tell you that I love you. Either we'll be together or we won't, but I need to know if this will be my secret forever.

I don't think you realize how much a moment in your presence means to me.

It's unnerving at first, realizing you're happy. It's been so long, you're not sure how to act. Life always seems to be a give and take; you struggle and suffer for as long as you can stand and then finally you get something good. For an hour or a day, you get to be happy before the hurt comes back. But here you are, not in the temporary, just until the other shoe drops happiness you're used to, but actually content. Actually feeling like every thing's okay. You have bad days, but you know they don't last. There's still a worry in the back of you mind that you'll lose it all, but for now you're okay.