Acedia.

i released it. go back to the mountains, tell them of mercy, when you’re able, slide some in the hand of a ripple

have it come back to me; tell them i know sin, am all lust, fire, envy, tell the wasp to cut her stinger off 

“I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.”

“But you will.”

You feel unlovable, because the people who needed to love you were incapable of loving you.

You feel like you are at fault for everything, because the people who were supposed to have your back instead blamed things on you–even when it wasn’t your responsibility.

You feel unworthy, because the people who were supposed to value you instead treated you like a second thought and refused to give you what you needed.

You doubt yourself constantly, because the people whose support you needed consistently gaslighted or disregarded your thoughts and feelings.

You feel as if you are not enough, because no matter what you said or did, the people in your life you looked up to continued to neglect or abuse you.

You feel undeserving of good things, because it was the only way to make sense of a family/environment where you were never acknowledged and treated poorly.

You feel all of this, because you were abused and/or neglected. 

And all these feelings seem like concrete fact, because it’s all you have ever known. You did not get the love and care you deserved. But you don’t feel that, because you have been brain-washed otherwise. You took responsibility for their inadequacies and faults. 

Their failures have never been yours–no matter how much they kick and scream otherwise. It was always, always theirs. And never yours.