“i don’t actually care.” she responded, forcing herself not to shrug or sound too snappy. “i understand the desire to understand, trust me but people like that —there is no logic, no answer that will satisfy you.” there was only horror to be found if one cracked open magnus mulciber. no trauma justified his actions, none. 

the look on emmeline’s face as foreign to hestia, anxiety sparking until the other spoke. she was suddenly awestruck by the magnitude of the compliment and her discomfort with the earnestness of it. “no! —” she took a deep breath and tried that again. “no sleeping draught. i hate being put under like that, magically.” she felt helpless under the influence of that potion and she couldn’t stand it. 

she wasn’t going to even attempt to make her see a remotely human side to the boy, if he had cut her up the way that hestia had suffered, she would be out for blood, all rationale put to the side, “you’re not wrong --” was all she could say, some people could not be saved and that was hard to stomach. 

memories of the cruciatus curse flowed back in milo’s mind – he hadn’t really thought about how he felt or how it affected him. he’d spent his time thinking about elodie, that this is what she had to go through and how to prevent it from happening again. “yeah, i’m fine.” milo assured. “it was a.. terrible experience overall. but i was really asking for it. and yes, i know this doesn’t excuse his actions, but it’s my fault. i provoked him, i wanted a fight.. this is all my fault and i’m sorry.” the mckinnon admitted, lowering his head down in shame. he was done being selfish, he was done fucking up all the time because of his recklessness. “i know. i had no right to make you feel guilty, to make him feel like this, to say all that.. crap.” when elodie thought him about what she’d went through, it made milo realize that most of those pureblood kids that grew up in those supremacist families had awful lives. could he really blame amycus or any of them for that matter, for turning out like this or doing the things they did? “he loves you and you love him – that’s what’s important. for someone who likes to preach about how love conquers all, i sure did try getting in the way of it. and it was incredibly selfish of me. and it won’t happen again – i swear to you. i just wanted to apologize to both of you. i really want to make things right.. and i don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

“no one asks for that --” she muttered, shaking her head, “you did push him far and that was cruel and unnecessary and why did you do it? because i deserve better? what were you saving me from, milo?” she couldn’t hide the disappointment that clung to every word. “no matter how far you pushed him -- you didn’t deserve that and i need you to believe that -- he’s going to have to live with that guilt, but you shouldn’t have too--” she would do anything to spare amycus from pain, but even she thought this was needed. when he said that he was done with the violence and he was going to genuinely try to be better -- she knew that this would ensure that. 

hestia nodded, it was completely irrational, mulciber would have done worse if hestia had stopped playing into his want to keep the duel going. she smiled at emmeline, a bit of sarcasm in the grin itself. “i appreciate the sentiment, but i know. mulciber isn’t human.” she wasn’t about to blame this one on being muggleborn, or angry, or running her mouth even.

she held still and stared at a brick in the wall while emmeline assessed her. she appreciated that there was no shock or judgement. “yeah, fun isn’t the word that first came to mind.” she laughed but stopped quickly as it began to mend a bit, sucking in a breath. “without a scar how can i prove he hurt me?” she asked quietly, meeting emmeline’s eyes. “and at least now i’ll have one on the outside to match the ones on the inside.” she smiled weakly, her attempt at humor was awful. “i feel sick, dizzy and angrier than ever.”

“wonder what drove him to that point --” she muttered, she always wondered what made people tick -- especially coming from the type of families that prioritize blood purity above all, she couldn’t imagine what it was like to grow up like that. 

she listened to emmeline, who clearly believed mulciber would get what he deserved. but it did irk hestia to think she wouldn’t be the one to put him in his place, but if it happened at all she supposed she’d be glad. 

“right, it started when i tripped over his legs, because he was laying on the ground for a nap. incredible, yeah? oh, she had no desire to tell a professor or prefect, she didn’t want to be forced back into the hospital wing, hence her stripping in an empty classroom for emmeline vance. but she didn’t want mulciber to get away with it either. she peeled her shirt away from the wound, which admittedly looked a lot worse than she thought it would. “i’m not going to scream, so just do what you need to.” she prided herself in not showing pain or fear or weakness but it was clearly doing her little good anyway.

“are you serious?” she could laugh at how absurd  that was -- at how, a measly fall, and accident could lead to the bloodied girl, it was only a testament to how unstable that boy was, “i don’t think i need to tell you that none of this is your fault? it’s a result of how volatile he is as a human being?” it was more of a statement than a question -- she didn’t think that hestia jones was the type of person who needed the pep talk, but she was going to leave that door open, if necessary. 

“would have been worse if i didn’t doge. i’m a good dueler but he’s practically inhuman, how do i fight that? and now he thinks he’s won or something.” she grit her teeth as emmeline checked the wound. “no, sadly, he doesn’t. i did graze him with the same hex but nothing this deep. and dark isn’t quite close to describing it. he wanted to hurt me, he should be expelled before he actually kills someone.” she winced but nodded. she wouldn’t care about getting naked right there in the hall but she wasn’t about to say that. “yeah, good plan.” she stood up a bit more, winced again and slumped as she followed emmeline to the classroom. she didn’t want to look weak to anyone but she couldn’t help but trust emme, so when the door shut she collapsed into a chair. “shit.”

“he will get what’s coming to him--” she muttered, without hesitation, she truly believed that he was playing with fire and it was only a matter of time, “it might not be you who dishes it, hestia -- but what goes around comes around --” quickly shutting the door behind them as she listened. 

@emmesvcnces

milo had spent the entire day roaming around the castle, searching for emmeline. he desperately needed to talk to her, to apologize, to explain – after spending some time thinking, the mckinnon finally realized just how selfish he’d been. finally, he found the girl at the library. he took a seat on her table, suddenly getting nervous and not sure where to begin or how to express himself. “emme.. hi. i– i need to talk to you. and apologize - for leaving like that and for all the things i said. it was.. it was unfair and so stupid of me, making you feel guilty.. and all the things i said about.. and to amycus – i don’t mean it, i swear. i fucked up. i really did. i just want you to be happy, i really do!” what started out as a quiet, gentle whisper had turned into a ramble. 

divination is what had her attention at this moment, eyes roaming the residual tea leaves in the cup, she was startled to say the least when mckinnon made an experience, she couldn’t help the frown that toyed at her lips as her gaze wandered over his figure -- she didn’t know what she expected to see, “are you okay?” she questioned immediately, “he told me what he did -- what he used -- are you okay? physically? mentally? emotionally?”  she needed to know that she hadn’t been the reason why he was fucked up.

amycus was once again reminded of one of the reasons why he loved emmeline so much – she never beat around the bush when it came to his dumb choices, she always said things as they were. she was angry at him because she cared, because she believed he could be better than this instead of dimissing his behaviour as something.. usual for the boy. and this was enough for him to want to pull his shit together. amycus had let things get out of control, he had been so close to losing all hope, but now he was determined to fix it. he had to. hell, he’d even get past his pride and check on mckinnon. when he felt emmeline wrap her arms around him, the carrow buried his nose in her hair, placing a kiss on top of her head. everything felt alright for a moment. how did he get so damn lucky? what had he done to deserve this girl? “i won’t fail you, not this time. and i’m not just going to make empty promises – this time i’ll fix it.”

she couldn’t help but sigh as he wrapped his arms around her -- giving in. she could feel the distance ebb away as he let her in and she held on tight. she knew that things were eventually going to work out, but she couldn’t shake that fear of him shattering -- she knew she couldn’t watch him go down the same path as rodolphus -- he wasn’t built that way. this boy, despite the rage and impulse that she could only pin on his parents- he was soft and so easy to break when pushed past a certain line -- she knew that what he had done to mckinnon was already taking a toll on him. fingers threading through the raven locks, she pressed a kiss against his throat, “i know --” she murmured, “you know i love you, right? that’s not under question anymore? because i swear to merlin -- if you question my devotion to you or this relationship, i’ll hex you myself --”

emmeline was an unexpected face but hestia really didn’t know who or what she expected. honestly, any friendly face who could manage some healing was welcome. “unexpected duel with mulciber, swear he would’ve killed me if it had gone on longer.” she was sweating now, too reminiscent of her last ordeal. “can you imagine that? a murderer at seventeen —”

“he did this to you?” frown stretching her lips as she assessed the damage, “i’m not surprised -- they’re on a path that’s just getting darker -- tell me he looks worst” looking around, it didn’t seem like the place to get this done, “come on, there’s a spare classroom around the corridor -- i don’t think you want to be stripping in public--”

the disappointment in her eyes and the crack of her voice was more than enough to break amycus’s heart. “i thought i’d prove him right.” he replied, deciding not to go into detail of what mckinnon said. “i don’t listen or answer to any of those pricks, especially rodolphus lestrange. if i did i’d be walking around with the dark mark on my wrist right now.” the carrow spoke through gritted teeth, the memory of his encounter with the guy riling him up. what a mess that day had been – in fact, what a mess the past few days have been for amycus. how did he let this happen? “am i supposed to feel good about it? to just get on with it, as if nothing happened?” emmeline’s last question made his breath stop for a second. a part of him believed that it was the right thing to do – leave, give her a chance for something better. but amycus couldn’t bring himself to do it. he could never get over emmeline vance, he could never stand the sight of her with someone else. she was his world. maybe things would have been easier if she was the one to leave, to finally give up on him for good, but it seemed like she had no such intentions. and while amycus felt like he didn’t deserve her love right now, he wanted to pull himself together.. work this shit out somehow. “no. of course not.” he spoke, his voice soft. “look, emme.. i really, really fucking love you. and if you truly do believe that there’s a way to fix things– to work this out.. then i’ll do anything.”

“that’s the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard --” if they had even a fighting chance then she couldn’t sugarcoat -- she could tread lightly, she would have to speak her mind and he would have to deal with it, “if someone gets under your skin -- you push back, you don’t give them reasons to believe what they do and i’ll sort it out with mckinnon as i should have--” she would never condone the cruelty he had shown, but evan had inspired her to have a chat with the boy and it was a necessity at this point. amycus had royally fucked up, but he had pushed him too far as well. 

she hadn’t realized how much she had needed him to say that till he had, it was a relief to hear his disdain for rodolphus’ cause, she knew his friends played a role in that and merlin, she was grateful for the group he had around him, “good--” she muttered, arms crossed over her chest as she watched him, “because people like him would want me dead in a second and i know that, that’s not you --” she murmured, a sigh escaping her lips as he finally spoke of the guilt and the regret, “no, you’re not just going to get on with it -- you’re supposed to feel sick to your stomach, just like you clearly do. memorize this feeling and understand how fucked up it was and spend the rest of your life making sure that you don’t feel this way again--” she stated fiercely. “you can’t take it back, but amycus -- you could be better. if you feel remorse the way i know you do, i can see how much this is wrecking you -- apologize. understand that he won’t forgive you and he shouldn’t have too, but you apologize anyway -- write him a bloody letter, i don’t care, but till you do -- you won’t get past this --”

she should head for the infirmary but she wouldn’t, stubborn arse she was. she’d spent the last week there and she wasn’t ready to go back just yet. it amazed her that she even needed to so soon, what and who had she become in so short a time period? the sort of girl who got into duels and punched bigots and yelled at —well, idiots. what was she trying to prove with all of it and what had she learned? “do you know a good healing spell?you know just—-for minor cuts and scrapes is all, really.” she tried to work up a grin that morphed into a wince as she hid the bleeding wound from sight until she got an answer. no use riling up someone who couldn’t help.

emmeline was in a world of her own -- between the letter from her parents, arithmancy and her volatile boyfriend, she had her hands full and she didn’t think life could throw another curve ball in her direction till she heard that voice. 

amycus was finally forced to look at the brown eyes in front of him and he knew he had to tell her. perhaps love truly was blind, because he simply didn’t understand how someone like emmeline could fall for someone like him. but she meant the world to him and while he’d hate to leave, having her be hurt was way worse. “i used the cruciatus curse on him.” amycus confessed, trying his best to make his tone devoid of any emotion. he pulled away, nervously pacing around. “and it’s not just this, there’s the bullshit with lestrange and— do i really deserve another chance? i just keep fucking up and you’re the only one who sees the good in me. the only one who believes i can be better than this. and i didn’t give a shit about being good or doing the right thing, not until i met you. you made me try, you made me believe i had a chance but.. i don’t think i do. not really. not anymore.”

“an unforgivable --” she whispered, she didn’t bother to hide the disappointment in her gaze or the way her tone cracked, “how -- why, fuck amycus -- what were you thinking? what could he have said to you that was bloody awful that, that was justified punishment?” 

amycus hated himself so much right now – for making emmeline worry, for having to avoid her, for betraying her once again. he kept his gaze on the lake that could be seen in the distance, finding it easier than having to face the girl right now. “do you really want to know? and.. does it even matter at this point? mckinnon was right all along. you do deserve better.”

merlin, she was FRUSTRATED. she had been trying to keep it together, but the most infuriating thing that had been hitting her in waves just came out of his mouth and then came the anger, “stop it--”moving toward him as she took his chin in her hand and moved his gaze to hers, “you -- mckinnon --need to STOP thinking that you know what’s best for me, neither of you can tell me what i want and need. that is my choice to make and i choose you -- i shouldn’t have to keep saying this and if it’s not sinking in, maybe i am an awful girlfriend--” 

amycus shut his eyes tightly when he recognized the voice, before trying his best to seem casual and turning around. it was hurting him, having to put emmeline through all of this – he couldn’t avoid her forever, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to have this conversation. what was he supposed to say anyway? he couldn’t fix this and amycus was convinced that when emmeline found out, she’d end things. why wouldn’t she? the girl deserved so much better – her friends had been right all along. he couldn’t look at her right now and instead, he kept his distance. “shit– i’m sorry. of course not. i just didn’t see you.”

“you didn’t see me because you didn’t want too --” she wasn’t going to hide from the truth, she could see that he was in pain and for whatever reason, she was the one person he didn’t want to be around and that was killing her. 

amycus took a few gulps out of the bottle in his hand, no longer being able to feel the burning sensation of the whisky down his throat. the party had been over for quite some time now, but he didn’t feel like going back to his dorm. he didn’t feel like seeing anyone right now, especially emmeline. what the hell was he supposed to say to her? this time, he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. instead, the carrow found himself at the terrace on the ground floor, watching the sunrise with the intention of drinking until he just couldn’t think anymore. the sudden sound of footsteps approaching made amycus groan with irritation; he’d hoped to be alone here. “fuck off.” he spat out without even bothering to turn around.

to say that she was worried was probably the understatement of the century -- she had been looking for him for the better part of the last few days, she didn’t think it was a coincidence that he was pulling the disappearing act. something was wrong and she could feel it. there was only one spot in the wee hours of the mourning that she could think the boy would end up in. 

“i’m surprised you two didn’t go along with the plan.” a hint of a smile showed up for a few moments. amycus focused on the girl in front of him and he felt.. calmer. he could see the worry in her eyes, how she was trying so hard to put all the blame on herself and make sure mckinnon seemed innocent. the carrow frowned, not pleased with emmeline putting all of this on herself, the guilt and the blame. the last thing he wanted was to make her worry, but he simply couldn’t let this go. “yes, there is– look, i’m just going to talk to him, okay? it won’t be like last time. but he can’t do shit like this and expect me to just let it go and go on with my life.” 

“i know, i should have owled him --” she muttered, but the boy had so much going on as well, and as much she needed some help, she couldn’t will herself to distract him with her nonsense. she could see it in his eyes -- she could say anything and everything to plead him out of it, but he wasn’t going to budge. 

“evan? why would we–” amycus began but stopped mid-sentence and let emmeline finish. at first he was confused about this whole thing, worried even, but as the girl finished telling him what had happened, the carrow felt nothing but anger. tightening his fist, he wanted nothing more but to swing it at mckinnon’s jaw. “he what? i swear this piece of shit keeps testing me–” amycus took a few deep breaths and flared his nostrils in frustration. he trusted emmeline, he knew she was telling the truth – nothing had happened between them, he was sure of it. and right now he was torn between acting out on his insticts, finding milo mckinnon, breaking his nose and keeping his promise to emmeline, keeping his shit together, not doing the first dumb thing that came to his mind. after all, she told him, when she could’ve kept the whole thing a secret and avoided the conflict. she trusted amycus not to do something stupid and he had to prove to her that he wouldn’t. “fuck.” he whispered under his breath. “you know what, i’m gonna go and have a word with mckinnon. yeah. we need to talk.”

“he offered to body bind you?” she joked, pleading for him to see the sliver of humour in the situation, wincing at the anger that radiated off of him, “he was just trying to be honest? i could tell something was on his mind and i asked him to talk about it --” if she needed to put the blame on herself, she would. anything to save the boy from a trip to the wing, “i all but asked for it--” she knew that it wasn’t fair -- evan’s words ringing in her ears, but she couldn’t just stand by and let it happen.