— higher, further, faster baby.

A documentary just told me that “There are more hauntings out there” and, as we all know, everything you hear on the internet has to be true. This, and the slow approach of September (and I guess October as well), leads me to ask you all this most important of questions: Do we know if there’s a haunted house in town? And if there’s more, do we know which one is the most haunted? Is it Miss Moody’s old house or what do you think? Am looking for both guesses, answers and brave investigators to help me check out any and all claims. I believe we can get to the bottom of this.

Additionally, please do not ask me why I’m up at this hour watching horror documentaries. Thank you.

That doesn’t surprise me, I’ve always gotten a creepy vibe from Miss Moody’s old house. If you need someone to Buzzfeed Unsolved this with you, I’m down.

I spent the day attempting to cross number eighteen off my summer bucket list, “Make an entire dinner from scratch”, and, well, unfortunately, it was a total disaster. So, I’m thinking about joining a summer cooking class, and I guess I was wondering if anyone would like to join me? Either that, or if any of you have any culinary skills and are willing to teach me a thing or two, I’d be incredibly grateful, and I’ll gladly repay you in a performance at any sort of party or gathering you’d like me to attend. 

If I possessed any cooking abilities, I would share but sadly all I know how to make are ramen noodles. I’d be down for taking a class though. 

Scraping plates ain’t glamorous work by any means, but scrubbing the caked on grub’s a good arm workout and the pay’s worth it. They’re not stingy at the Roadhouse and I’ve been putting that $9/hr to good use.

And when I say, “good use,” I mean I’ve been tuckin’ some away for the prom tux fund and blowin’ the rest on quesaritos, my Frat Boi Physicals subscription, and bottom-shelf whiskey. Hit me up if you’re down to go shot for shot up at the Ridge in the very near future.

What exactly is a quesarito? ‘Cause I’m intrigued and hungry as fuck. 

I’m back home from juvie, so if any hotties want to welcome me home in style, hit me up. But like, only if you’re hot as fuck, cause juvie has literally no hot chicks, and no conjugal visits as I sadly found out.

Anyways, what’s good? Any sick parties coming up? 

Poor Puckerman. No hot girls, no conjugal visits. How’d you even survive in there?  

I’ve been spending my mornings working for the WMHS office, doing filing, tutoring summer school students and that type of thing, and I recently walked into the teachers lounge to take my lunch break and two of them were making out. So while I clean out my eyes with bleach, someone please tell me something to fill my brain up with anything but that.

You can’t drop a bomb like that and not give names. Who was it? Was it the Spanish teacher and the counselor? 

My father heard about Grindr from one of the new trainees at the firm and decided to make an account because— and to be clear, these are his words— he’s getting old and wants to stay hip with the kids.

I don’t think he realizes what he’s signed up for, or how gut-wrenchingly terrifying it is for a son to stumble on his father’s profile. Nevertheless, this is certainly the last time I’m interning for my father.

Oh shit, he really has no idea. Has he found out the truth yet or is he still clueless? 

My mom just told me that I’m no longer grounded, which is news to me, seeing as I wasn’t aware that I was grounded in the first place. I’m assuming my parents each told the other to give me that lecture, and… neither did. Also goes to show just how much they pay attention to my daily life, seeing as I’ve been out every night this week. Anyway, to celebrate me now once again being a free man, I guess, who’s down for a pool party this Saturday? 

Lucky you. I can’t go five minutes without someone checking up on me, it’s not like I’m gonna go get myself into trouble by sitting in my room. 

Summer gives me more time to dance, but it also makes me miss cheer. But boy am I happy to not hear the unholy screeching from the Glee club for another month or so. 

We’ll be sure to sing extra louder for you come school time. 

How exactly does one go about stopping the cycle of staying up till like 3am and then sleeping past noon? Asking for a friend.

On a clearly entirely unrelated note, what’s going on this weekend? Looking for a good reason to stay up till 3am.

You wanna stop the cycle of staying up ‘till 3am, yet you want a reason to stay up ‘till then? Make up your mind, dude. 

guess who’s back, back again..