Let the season of singleness be the season to be more intimate with Him.
My heart today is very much calmer than these past few weeks. I have struggled with my emotions. And to be honest, I was devoured by it. God had a lot of words for me but I didn’t pay any attention. I didn’t want to listen to Him even the Bible already spoke to me clearly. I even ignored my mentor’s advice because I was so convinced that what I was feeling then made more sense than his counsel did. Disrespectful. Immature. Yeah, I am.
There was this woman in our church that captured my attention. I found qualities after qualities in her that suit my standards in finding a spouse: Christian, prayerful, humorous, witty, and adventurous. She’s the one, I thought. Perhaps this was the right time to awaken love and pursue her. My emotions on that time were active and aggressive. I always want to be with her and took every opportunity to build friendship as soon as possible. Somehow, I knew it was too early for me to open up and felt there was something wrong. Indeed, not a manly thing. But, I was blinded by my emotions and affection for her.
But God knows better than to tolerate me.
I was slapped on my face many times. He tells me “Stop, son. Do not rush. Allow me to do things my way. Let me first prune and prepare the both of you. Your nights should be mine. More than knowing her, know me.” So I yielded, no matter how hard it is for me to obey but one thing is for sure I know it is for my good.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying she’s not the one. If God would tell me to pursue her, I will. It’s just that, the go signal from God hasn’t arrived yet. I am not, in any way, closing the door for her. But right now, it became clear to me that my desire for her needs to be aligned to God’s desire for her. And I will not go ahead of God. This love must only be awaken if God says the time has come.
Knowing Him More Than Knowing Her
Getting to know someone is not a sin. It is not wrong. But if we are already consumed in knowing her and are forgetting our relationship with God, then there’s a problem. If you are more excited to talk to her than to talk to God, you are in deep trouble. Also, if you are more consistent to get to know her than reading God’s word and know its meaning then it will be tragedy for you and for her as well.
Let’s not bite and fall into the scheme of the enemy which is: people are more interesting and appealing than God. And that women or men are more valuable and treasurable than Him. That will never be the case. Not even close. She may be worth pursuing but God’s worth is beyond comparison. He deserves every adoration and pursuit in this lifetime.
Men, something is wrong if we just want to be alone with her all the time, especially if we are not in the courtship stage. Let us check our motives. Is knowing Him more important for us than knowing her? Are we just using God and our relationship with him to put up a façade that we are godly enough to be the one for her? Are we just showing and shoving our Christian side to gain advantage? How about when we’re alone? Do we still have the same passion and love for Jesus?
Women, just a tip. How can a man be serious in knowing you and pursuing you if he is not serious in knowing God? How can a man pursue a woman in a right way if he is not sincere pursuing the will of God for him? How can a man be the best partner for his future spouse if he is tired and bored in his relationship with God? Pause for a while. Think. Don’t read the next lines. If you are finished, pray for wisdom. Discern.
When our affection for someone begins to consume us, instead of waiting and preparing ourselves to be the right partner, we will become focused on just winning that person over whatever it takes. So instead of building a good and strong friendship, we create confusion, vagueness and obscurity. Emotion does that. And in the hype of things, we, then, become too quick to open up and pour out our emotions to the woman recklessly. Still, emotion does that.
Just because she has this quality in our list doesn’t mean we will stop controlling ourselves and our emotion towards her. That’s not pleasing to the eyes of our Lord. Love can wait. Desire is always there but if we rush things because we have this desire, trouble will be its consequence.
Our emotion for someone may lead us to unfix our eyes on Him. It may distract and destruct us from focusing on Jesus alone. And that’s the reason why the writer of the book of Proverbs said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (4:23) and Jeremiah warned us that “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure; who can understand it?” (17:9). Like what happened to Samson. Instead of knowing and following the will and purpose of God for him, he chose to follow his heart, give in to his desires and pursued the woman that he wants. And we know what happened in the end of his life: Samson died without his eyes seeing the beauty he pursued.
Stop Chasing Her and Begin Pursuing Him
There is a time for everything; a time to wait and a time to pursue. A time to stop and a time to go. Let us not waste our singleness finding and looking for someone. But let us maximize this season in seeing and tasting how good God is in our lives.
Instead of chasing her, continue to gaze upon God and His beauty. He will not let us fall though we stumble for the LORD holds us by the hand (Psalm 37:24). He will guard the feet of his faithful ones” (1 Samuel 2:9) and make straight our paths as we trust in the LORD will all our heart, and lean not on our own understanding, acknowledging him in all of our ways (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Don’t waste the friendship God authored between the two of you just because you felt a desire to level-up the relationship. Continue to subject your emotions under God’s will, take them captive, and make them obedient to God and His timing. Keep in step with the Spirit by always praying and meditating His words. If you are not ready let God train you to be the man for her. Pray a lot. Don’t be consumed by your emotion because it may destroy the friendship.
Just like any other season, singleness is meant for us to enjoy our relationship with God. So by the time God unveils the woman He intends for you, as He permits, your heart will be drawn all the more to Him as you experience yet another promise land from the One who makes all things beautiful in His time. Surely, God will show you His go signal, then, that is the time to chase her and pursue her.
As we mature in our walk with God and as we go deeper in our relationship with Him, we can confidently say in whatever season, whatever comes our way, “Lord, I’m contented with Your love and You’re all I need!”
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