Okay I’ve actually decided to go through with deleting tumblr forever or at least indefinitely. I get how tiring it is to hear about suicide from someone constantly and I don’t want to make people read that shit anymore. THANKS to everyone who tried to convince me life was worth living or I was pretty or your efforts were valiant. Unfortunately None of you will ever get the satisfaction of knowing if I killed myself or not. If you’re wondering what I will do now that I won’t be crying online all day, probably just crying not online. I can’t talk to anyone irl about this and people just don’t wanna hear it and I respect that because if I wasn’t suicidal I’d be very confused and frustrated to hear someone talking about being that way.
Im sorry if i was rude to you, accused you of lying/trying to manipulate me into sending you nudes etc, even though a good 9/10 were, there were some genuine people I reacted to almost violently because it was just too uncomfortable to approach. I don’t know if I’m going to get help or not but if I stay on tumblr I won’t kill myself, I will just become an even more hollow version of what I already am. I see cracks of truth and life on some days like yesterday before shit went off the rails and as selfish and stupid as it is I kind of want to try to keep those cracks. This account has always been an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with my crippling guilt, insecurity and social awkwardness in the real world and I just can’t keep it up anymore. I hope if nothing else this account reminds you that however delusional and fucked in the head you think your perception of reality is, you’re probably not doing that bad.
