CK

I don’t have time for people who give bad energy, I am trying to live my life and if you are not gonna be there to support me every step of the way, you are not the good energy I need in my life. 

It’s been years, but I still feel the sensitive girl that is always hard on herself peeking and picking through til this day. It is not something to brush over the shoulders or look forward to the following week. The way others talk in a tone has put myself back in that box where all the traumatizing actions, screams and whispers of fear go back and fourth of all the mistakes I have done. It is easy to learn from a lesson, but it is tough to be constantly reminded of the pain, guilt and being uncomfortable my body gets stiff. I will remember how you say it, I will take it as is because I am not strong enough to fake a face, I wish I was stronger to not look deeper into it and not hit the spot of dissapointment. It is an awful trait to go through my days and think about you and this and them and this. This feeling has been years, I never give myself enough credit. it doesn’t feel right to be proud when mistakes is what I do, the mistakes of my stupidity rolling out of my tongue, the frustrating misunderstood personality. I take everything to heart in front of my chest proud and loud I can be defeated quickly, my weakest point, I fear I will never learn, I will never not know how to brush it off, I fear I will be that same sensitive girl picking and attacking every flaw, even though everything was just fine. I fear, she will never go away. 

It’s a far far far way down but I think I finally know what EXACTLY what I want for my perfect wedding and I’m so excited to experience that with my future partner!