TW: Vampy things and Dark Thoughts. NO MINORS PLZ

I'm so fucking tired. I just want to be happy.

Ive been 125-135 for almost 9 months now, but I was 110-120 for the last 2 years before that due to being held against my will for the last 5 years (escaped now) and developed some health issues, so I've been trying to tone up at the weight I'm at now so I can be smaller but not literally dying lmao. I'm pretty good at f4$ting, and I walk/workout a shit ton.

My HW is 295 and that was back in 2016, I've been anywhere from 110-140 for the past 6-7 years, but been mostly maintaining or bouncing between 125-135 as of lately.

I desperately hate how my thighs look without at least fishnets on, and I'm going to a swim party shortly.. anxiety building up being in a bikini and shorts.

Been maintaining 131 for awhile now, both frustrating and easing. Just been trying to replace the fat with muscle, I don't want to be skinny f4t anymore

A few things. I have never worn a bikini and my bf recently bought me one which I hate on my body but he likes, so I want to look my best in that. I drink a lot of water to sway the hunger thoughts, I use my walking pad a lot as well. I also know how badly I felt being almost 300lbs at my highest and how poorly people treated me... And I never want to experience that again.

You are so sweet 🥺 and thank you! I don't see what you see but thank you 🥺🖤 message me sometime! I think you are absolutely so sweet

Bcking all the time now, excuse how gross my legs look in the last pic I'm trying to tone them up but I noticed my legs be gaping when laying on my side now 🥺😭 it's been SO LONG SINCE THEYVE DONE THAT

I hate how wide I look from the front :( and I hate how BIG my upper arm looks in the last pic. Sigh, I just need to do better..

I just want to be small and pretty

Pics 3&4 - 134 bf has been tuning into my cravings and I give in bc I love him but I miss seeing 131

Cw: 131.8-132.6