Journal Of A Law Student.

An Article from Neena Susan Thomas

“Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interview…ed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

If u have compassion reblog this post. ‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD. So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.

Need motivation?

To get an education. 

To earn a degree. There are barely any jobs that offer positions to people without a degree, or are on the path of obtaining one.

To prove people wrong. That science teacher that said you’ll never make it in the medical field? Make him eat his words. 

To prove yourself wrong. Every student has doubts on whether or not they can be good enough in the classroom. Prove yourself wrong, and always be better than you were yesterday. 

This is a privilege. Regardless of how much you believe that you HAVE to do this, to some extend you don’t. Realize that you have the privilege of an education even being an option for you.

Take advantage of what you’re capable of. Don’t waste a perfectly intelligent mind. 

More money. That degree can do wonderful things to your bank account in the future. 

It’s interesting. Studying can get pretty boring, but there are always those topics that spark your curiosity and motivate you to learn more.

It’s attractive. Not everyone cares for someone who is academically gifted, but a partner who is eager to learn makes me eager to take my pants off.

It’s useful. That random fact that you read in a random textbook can stick with you and really end up helping you out one day.

It’s fun to know useless shit sometimes.

To make your parents proud. This is one of the main reasons I study. My parents have always been aware of my capabilities and have pushed me to be academically better every year. They know I have big dreams, and I just want to achieve them so they can know that their child made it.

To make myself proud. This goes along with number four. Knowing that you accomplished something, however small or big the thing may be, is a huge self-esteem booster.

To be independent. There’s nothing quite like knowing that you don’t need someone else’s job, degree, intelligence, or presence to make you successful.

To pursue your passion. 

To gain knowledge. Whether its in your field, or a completely different one, being knowledgeable is just downright fun.

People will look up to you. Your siblings, your best friends, and your classmates may see you consistently studying, and it could motivate them to do the same. 

To make a name for yourself. “Oh yeah, (insert name here), I know them. Aren’t they like really successful now?”

To become your own role model.

To be able to pay off your student loans.

Because the long nights and excessive coffee will all be worth it. Even if it doesn’t seem like it now. 

To exercise your brain. Your brain is just like a muscle, and like the body it needs to be exercised. 

To improve your hippocampus. Your hippocamus is responsible for memory, and if you study your memorization will become significantly better.

To not waste time doing useless stuff. 

Because stationary is amazing. I could spend a whole paycheck on just pens.

Because notes are actually all so pretty. 

To be productive. I used to spend a lot of time on social media, and although I still do, the amount of time I spend studying and getting stuff done has definitely increased.

So classes will be easier. 

So tests will be easier.

To impress your professors. Get those letters of recommendation! 

So the anxiety of getting a bad grade is sufficiently decreased. I constantly worry about my grades, but studying has helped me not worry so much.

Because coffee exists. 

There is no other atmosphere quite like the inside of a library. 

So you won’t have to retake a class. Failing a prerequisite for your major really sucks, so maybe try not failing the first time around. This also saves you a lot of money because you won’t have to pay for the class again. 

Finals week won’t suck as bad. You’ll be used to studying so when finals week comes around it wont nearly be as stressful as for those students who are now opening a textbook. 

You won’t go to as many college parties. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for socializing and having fun, but a lot can go wrong at a college party very quickly. And there’s no better way to prevent that, than just not going to the party cause you’re reading your economics textbook. 

You’ll get used to FOMO. Fear of Missing Out. Every teenagers nightmare. Eventually, you’ll get used to the feeling. 

You’ll be getting the most out of your college experience. You’re paying for these classes. Might as well try your best to pass. 

You’ll get used to not getting enough sleep. So, if you decide to go to grad school you’ll have that department covered. 

There’s really good study music out there. 

I guarantee there will be at least 5 places on campus, or around you that are perfect for studying, and you’ll want to go there everyday. 

You’ll become a pro at writing essays, or lab reports.

You’ll learn fairly quickly that study groups rarely work. 

You’ll make a lot of friends that are just as passionate about studying as you are. And you will cherish them. 

Beauty and Brains. Don’t you want to fit that description? 

Thousands of students before you have done it, so you can too. 

You can run a studyblr. Aren’t they the cutest? 

You get really good at time management. 

Sleep becomes 5x more satisfactory after a night of studying.

wait until after syllabus week to buy your textbooks. they might not be required. it’ll save you money 

prioritize your classes by number of credit hours. more credit hours = bigger impact on your GPA. sometimes there’s not enough study time to go around  

if you wanna dress up for class, dress up for class. if you wanna pull up in the sweatshirt you wore yesterday, that’s okay too 

locate your classes before they start, so you don’t get lost on the first day. check and see if your college has an app of some sort with a campus map! 

old exams are more valuable than life itself  

set your class schedule as your home screen until you’ve got it down 

Chegg.com. you’re welcome 

carry a sweatshirt. it may be 100 degrees outside but chances are it’s 30 degrees in your lecture hall  

keep your syllabi  

write things down!! planner, phone, laptop, etc.  

sit in the front. go up and introduce yourself to your professor after the first day, say you’re looking forward to the class. build a relationship! Professors do not round grades for students they don’t at least recognize 

bring your chargers with you everywhere 

sometimes it’s easier to wake up early and study for an exam than stay up late the night before  

shower shoes. have you ever heard of toe fungus 

the dorms are bad BUT you will get through it (and make friends while doing it) 

there’s no such thing as a condom that doesn’t fit    

every time you skip class it costs you money. go to class. (unless you are dying or have no other time to finish something for another class)

your mental health is important. college can be overwhelming. know your limits. seek help if you need it. 

sometimes if you go to your professor’s office hours and ask questions a day or two before an exam they will steer you towards information that will be covered 

find your study space. the library is your friend  

parking is a bitch and a half 

it’s okay to miss your parents. call them. (they miss you too) 

talk to your advisor!!! let them advise you!!!

don’t study yourself into the ground. after college you’re a real life adult - enjoy college while it lasts. go out, make friends, if you drink, do so responsibly. uber exists for this very reason 

keep an eye on your drink at all times 

don’t feel pressured to go out and drink because college. it’s not for everybody  

on a related note: pedialyte is your friend  

don’t be afraid to drop a class that doesn’t fit you, but talk to your advisor first 

chances are you’re paying a lot of money to be where you are. party if you wanna, but do not let it interfere with your grades.  

you’re gonna get a lot of free stuff. take advantage 

if you can handle it with your class load, get a job. it’s a good way to make friends. 

it’s okay to change your major. really! 

first semester is easier if you get involved with something!!   

there will be weeks when you have nothing due, and then there will be weeks when you have 5 exams 14 assignments and 2 papers due all at once. take advantage of down time. work ahead!! make life easier for your future self  

carry a water bottle  

exercise will not only help avoid the freshman 15 but also make you feel better  

it’s okay if you’re not best friends with your roommate 

communicate if they are doing something that annoys you  

keep your dorm clean. the only thing worse than a tiny space is a messy one 

Keep any contracts you sign, even if they’re no big deal.

Sleep. Please. A real amount.

Dry shampoo will be your friend

Keep a shower cap. They come in handy

Set a day to clean. School is stressful, and sometimes your room will suffer. A clean space will not only keep things organized, but it’ll actually help your mental health.

Eat mostly real and healthy food. Pizza and junk food is great and all, but it’ll eventually start making you sick. You don’t have time to be sick, and being sick sucks.

Set a day aside to relax. You’ll thank me.

Do something outside your major. It’ll help with burn out. There will be times that you’ll be annoyed with everyone in department. It helps to have a second home.

Start early. If you need to, set the due date in your calendar like a day or two early to avoid doing it last second.

Network network network!!!

Be kind to people.

Be kind to yourself.

Try to get out of your comfort zone! Try new things (as long as they are safe)! That’s what college is about.

Try not to be arrogant. We’re all in the same boat.

It’s ok to graduate late. Do what’s best for you!

Drink water!!!!

28.12.2018 | studying for my exams (6)

Made extra exercises on chapter 4 (Linear Algebra)

Plan for tomorrow: Finish chapter 5 & maybe chapter 6

Here’s an easy resolution: This stuff is all free as long as you have access to a computer, and the skills you learn will be invaluable in your career, and/or life in general. 

1. Become awesome at Excel.

Chandoo is one of many gracious Excel experts who wants to share their knowledge with the world. Excel excellence is one of those skills that will improve your chances of getting a good job instantly, and it will continue to prove invaluable over the course of your career. What are you waiting for?

2. Learn how to code.

littleanimalgifs.tumblr.com

Perhaps no other skill you can learn for free online has as much potential to lead to a lucrative career. Want to build a site for your startup? Want to build the next big app? Want to get hired at a place like BuzzFeed? You should learn to code. There are a lot of places that offer free or cheap online coding tutorials, but I recommend Code Academy for their breadth and innovative program. If you want to try a more traditional route, Harvard offers its excellent Introduction to Computer Science course online for free.

3. Make a dynamic website.

You could use a pre-existing template or blogging service, or you could learn Ruby on Rails and probably change your life forever. Here’s an extremely helpful long list of free Ruby learning tools that includes everything from Rails for Zombies to Learn Ruby The Hard Way. Go! Ruby! Some basic programming experience, like one of the courses above, might be helpful (but not necessarily required if you’re patient with yourself).

4. Learn to make a mobile game.

If you’re not interested in coding anything other than fun game apps, you could trythis course from the University of Reading. It promises to teach you how to build a game in Java, even if you don’t have programming experience! If you want to make a truly great game, you might want to read/listen up on Game Theory first.

5. Start reading faster.

Spreeder is a free online program that will improve your reading skill and comprehension no matter how old you are. With enough practice, you could learn to double, triple, or even quadruple the speed at which you read passages currently, which is basically like adding years to your life.

6. Learn a language!

With Duolingo, you can learn Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian, or English (from any of the above or more). There’s a mobile app and a website, and the extensive courses are completely free.

Full disclosure: BuzzFeed and other websites are in a partnership with DuoLingo, but they did not pay or ask for this placement.

7. Pickle your own vegetables.

Tired of your farmer’s market haul going bad before you use it all? Or do you just love tangy pickled veggies? You too can pickle like a pro thanks to SkillShare and Travis Grillo.

8. Improve your public speaking skills.

You can take the University of Washington’s Intro to Public Speaking for free online. Once you learn a few tricks of the trade, you’ll be able to go into situations like being asked to present at a company meeting or giving a presentation in class without nearly as much fear and loathing.

9. Get a basic handle of statistics.

UC Berkeley put a stats intro class on iTunes. Once you know how to understand the numbers yourself, you’ll never read a biased “news” article the same way again — 100% of authors of this post agree!

10. Understand basic psychology.

Knowing the basics of psych will bring context to your understanding of yourself, the dynamics of your family and friendships, what’s really going on with your coworkers, and the woes and wonders of society in general. Yale University has its Intro to Psychology lectures online for free.

11. Make your own music.

Step one: Learn how to play guitar: Justin Guitar is a fine and free place to start learning chords and the basic skills you’ll need to be able to play guitar — from there, it’s up to you, but once you know the basics, just looking up tabs for your favorite songs and learning them on your own is how many young guitar players get their start (plus it’s an excellent party trick).

Step two: A delightful free voice lesson from Berklee College Of Music.

Step three: Have you always thought you had an inner TSwift? Berklee College of Music offers an Introduction to Songwriting course completely for free online. The course is six weeks long, and by the end of the lesson you’ll have at least one completed song.

Step four: Lifehacker’s basics of music production will help you put it all together once you have the skills down! You’ll be recording your own music, ready to share with your valentine or the entire world, in no time!

12. Learn to negotiate.

Let Stanford’s Stan Christensen explain how to negotiate in business and your personal life, managing relationships for your personal gain and not letting yourself be steamrolled. There are a lot of football metaphors and it’s great.

13. Stop hating math.

If you struggled with math throughout school and now have trouble applying it in real-world situations when it crops up, try Saylor.org’s Real World Math course. It will reteach you basic math skills as they apply IRL. Very helpful!

14. Start drawing!

All kids draw — so why do we become so afraid of it as adults? Everyone should feel comfortable with a sketchbook and pencil, and sketching is a wonderful way to express your creativity. DrawSpace is a great place to start. (I also highly recommend the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain if you can drop a few dollars for a used copy.)

15. Make your own animated GIF.

BuzzFeed’s own Katie Notopoulos has a great, simple guide to making an animated GIF without Photoshop. This is all you need to be the king or queen of Tumblr or your favorite email chains.

16. Appreciate jazz.

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Have you never really “gotten” jazz? If you want to be able to participate in conversations at fancy parties and/or just add some context to your appreciation of all music, try this free online course from UT Austin.

17. Write well.

Macalester College’s lecture series is excellent. If you’re more interested in journalism, try Wikiversity’s course selection.

18. Get better at using Photoshop.

Another invaluable skill that will get you places in your career, learning Photoshop can be as fun as watching the hilarious videos on You Suck At Photoshop or as serious as this extensive Udemy training course (focused on photo retouching).

19. Take decent pictures.

Lifehacker’s basics of photography might be a good place to start. Learn how your camera works, the basic of composition, and editing images in post-production. If you finish that and you’re not sure what to do next, here’s a short course on displaying and sharing your digital photographs.

20. Learn to knit.

Instructables has a great course by a woman who is herself an online-taught knitter. You’ll be making baby hats and cute scarves before this winter’s over!

21. Get started with investing in stocks.

If you are lucky enough to have a regular income, you should start learning about savings and investment now. Investopedia has a ton of online resources, including this free stocks basics course. Invest away!

22. Clean your house in a short amount of time.

Unf$#k Your Habitat has a great emergency cleaning guide for when your mother-in-law springs a surprise visit on you. While you’re over there, the entire blog is good for getting organized and clean in the long term, not just in “emergencies.” You’ll be happier for it.

23. Start practicing yoga.

Most cities have free community classes (try just searching Google or inquiring at your local yoga studio), or if you’re more comfortable trying yoga at home, YogaGlohas a great 15-day trial and Yome is a compendium of 100% free yoga videos. If you’re already familiar with basic yoga positions but you need an easy way to practice at home, I recommend YogaTailor’s free trial as well.

24. Tie your shoelaces more efficiently.

So here is just a random collection of tips, in no particular order, on how to survive a full day of studying (surviving? not sure if i’m still alive…) remeber these tips work for me but everybody is different. so try some of these but don’t feel pressured to apply all of them onto your routine. you know what’s best for you. so here we go:

1. write yourself a to-do list. otherwise you will loose the overview and have no idea what you actually have to study.

2. start with the topics you are the worst at. do not start with the first slide of the power point lecture exept the fact that you literally have no idea what you are doing here (and that’s not ideal, of course).

3. remeber that you can always restart your day. we all have bad days (literally every second day is a bad day for me, *help*) but that doesn’t mean you can’t start new. when i plan my day i just plan the mornings (so the time before lunch) bc i never know, how i will feel. and after my big lunch break i write a list for the second part of the day. that way i make sure that at least one part of the day is productive (does this even make sense?)

4. eat enough! normally i’m the person who always eats and never says no to chocolate or food in general but sometimes even i am forgetting that i’m hungry. when you are too focused on your studies this easily could happen so just make sure you always have enough food at home. bc when you stop studying at 10 pm and are incredibly hungry you will need food. and not having food after a long day of studying sucks. believe me.

5. reward yourself. it’s sometimes rlly difficult to motivate yourself to study (especially if you have to memorize a huge bunch of unimportant stuff like me atm). without my chill-time at the end of the day i wouldn’t be able to study for weeks (ok, I just studied for one week but it felt so long!). 

6. change spots. i get crazy after a few hrs in my dorm room. so i either go outside and sit by the river or go to the library or get on the nerves of one of my friends.

7. friends. classmates. whatever. try out study groups. sometimes it can be rlly useful. like study for yourself a couple of hrs than change your study spot and meet some ppl (yes social interaction is important as well, even if you hate people). it can be really motivating to ask each other questions or simply sit next to each other. i’m actually doing this a lot with @andidjkasv atm. and it’s so useful bc whenever i’m feeling unmotivated or down she’s sitting next to me, giving me the dead-into-eye look and than i’m so scared i go back to my studies.

8. know when to stop and take a break. believe me or not but breaks are as important as studying (in the right balance of course, not like me atm, i’m writing this just to escape chemistry *help*). i can barely concentrate after 1.5 to 2 hrs so taking breaks can help you a lot. and remember to stop after you studied for like 8 hrs. for me that’s the maximum that’s possible. after that i am just too tired to do a single thing (exept breathing maybe).

9. do the best that’s possible and accept what’s impossible for you. maybe i’m stupid (yes ok, i am stupid, i know) but sometimes acceptance is the only thing that is left for you (why am i so melodramatic? finals suck). study as much as possible but it is ok to say enough is enough. go into the exams with the knowldege that you did everything that was possible for you. there will always be someone more intelligent than you or the day you wrote the exam simply was one of these shitty days when nothing works out. give your best and than forget it (so not the stuff you studied but all your insecurities). you can’t change it anymore and beating yourself up on it doesn’t help anyone.

10. try to enjoy it. just a little bit. i don’t know about you but i like the stuff i’m studying (in general). i made the decision to study chemistry and that was just bc i enjoyed it during highschool. so it is easier to motivate myself to actually do sth for chimstry because it was my own decision. and some of the things i’m learning are actually pretty cool. every once in a while remind yourself that studying can be wonderful and there is nothing more rewarding than finally grasping a complicated concept.

- do more things that make you forget about your phone

- do not compare yourself to other people: trust that you are progressing in your own way

- keep your heart soft, remember that there are genuinely kind people & good things in the world

- finish what you start

- be consistent, and do not be swayed by temporary moods or criticisms from people who don’t matter.

- smile more often

- be okay with being bad at something

- do not blame yourself for people who make you feel unworthy. find new people to talk to and don’t isolate yourself even if you feel awkward or unlovable. don’t convince yourself that you’re better off alone.

- go outside more often and find beauty in small things

- read more books

- be the kindest person you can be

- be so busy you have no time to be bored or dwell on the past

- learn to be patient. don’t rely on instant gratification, wait for the sense of accomplishment after completing a daily goal or achieving a long-term goal

- see bad days as a chance to start again

1. Don’t schedule classes before 9:30

2. use study resources

3. GO TO CLASS

4. always bring headphones

5. find a coffee shop

6. always carry a snack

7. print out lecture slides

8. steal bananas and fruit from the dining halls

9. bring a water bottle everywhere

10. sit near the front of your classes

11. find a study parter (emphasis on only one other person!!!)

12. never forget a phone charger

13. learn the bus system

14. say yes to anything you’re passionate about

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

dailies

make your bed. (no, really.)

set your top 3 to-dos for the day.

do your top 3 to-dos for the day. (heh)

stretch.

unpack your bag when you get home.

prepare your things for the next day before sleeping.

skincare. (your basic cleanse and moisturize)

sweep the floor of your bedroom.

talk to your plants. (if you have plants)

update your financial report/expense tracker.

take a good photo.

meditate.

hug at least three people. (seriously.)

weeklies

polish your school shoes.

mop your bedroom floor.

dare i say, laundry. (don’t put it off!)

exfoliate.

take a leisure walk.

review your past week and plan your next week accordingly. (a part of your routine may not be working–try something new)

make a piece of art. (a sketch, a collage, a quote in pretty lettering, a god-awful poem..)

sanitize your gadgets. (whip out the wet tissue and wipe away at your phone, your laptop, your mouse, your earphones–just don’t forget to IMMEDIATELY follow that up with a dry cloth to prevent fogging and short circuits)

watch a TED Talk.

make a new playlist.

monthlies

wash your bag.

wash your shoes.

change the sheets of your bed and your pillows.

clip your nails. (honestly)

wax/shave. (if you want. i just really like how fresh my skin feels after i torture it with razors and wax strips)

wipe your shelves/the tops of your furniture clean. (try to avoid dusting. it just scatters the dirt everywhere. use a damp cloth instead)

see if there’s anything in your storage that you don’t need/want anymore and give stuff away or sell them.

review your month and plan the next one accordingly. (just like your weeks. remember to refer to your Life Goal/Year’s Goals page)

finish reading at least one book. (and review it!)

discover new songs.

1. your class notes don’t have to be as aesthetically pleasing as the pictures you see on here. in fact, they shouldn’t be. more often than not, the pictures you see with calligraphed titles and color coded diagrams are revisions.

2. although mildliners and muji pens are nice, you don’t need them to get good grades or to be a successful studyblr. some of my cutest notes were made with crayola colored pencils.

3. if you don’t have much time for your homework, don’t waste it all by revising your notes to make them more fit for studyblr. Remember that tumblr is a hobby, and it shouldn’t come before your school work.

4. just because you don’t get all A+’s every semester of your life does not mean you aren’t a real studyblr. nobody on here is that perfect.

5. if you are that perfect, people who aren’t doing as well in there classes aren’t less of a studyblr blogger (or a person) than you are.

6. if tumblr is distracting you from getting work done to the point that you aren’t turning in your work on time, delete your blog. focus on yourself.

7. your blog is what you make of it. do you just want to post your adorable notes? do it!! are you just here to reblog stuff? that’s great!! personally, i hardly post my notes since i don’t have time to make them perfect, i just make posts that hopefully help others. you don’t have to post your notes, advice, and everything else that studyblrs typically post in order to be successful.

8. be yourself on here. this community is by far the most accepting community i’ve ever seen. you don’t need to act like someone who loves reading when you really hate books in order for people to like you. 

9. your first few posts probably won’t get many notes. that’s normal. it doesn’t mean you won’t ever get a lot of notes.

10. speaking of notes, masterposts and advice typically get more notes (likes + reblogs) than aesthetic pictures of your class notes. i don’t know why, it just happens. if you want to put yourself out there more, try making a masterpost!

11. make an introduction post. it’s a great way for people to get to know you! (IF YOU DO PLS TAG ME IN IT I WANT TO MEET YOU!!)

12. this is supposed to be fun- don’t stress yourself out over followers and notes. if you accidentally forget to post any oc in a couple of weeks, the world won’t end.

13. reach out to people on here. you’ll never annoy them, i promise, and it’s a great way to make friends!

14. use the resources on here. i’ve seen many study groups made for ap exams throughout my time on here, and it’s very useful.

15. be nice to everyone on here. our community works so well because we hardly have any drama. (or maybe i’m just oblivious…)

16. remember that the huge studyblrs on here with hundreds of thousands of followers are also just high school or college students who have to study and sometimes fail like you do. don’t let them intimidate you, they’re just normal people, so don’t be afraid to reach out to them!

i don’t want to make it sound like there are any rules to this community, i just want it to be a fun, safe place for everyone, especially the newbies.

if you’re new to tumblr (or old!) and you’re looking for a friend, someone to get advice from, or even just a first follower, message me!! 

 @owenabbott​ 

Apply to a  job, wait (1) day, then call.  Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application. 

 When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly,  tell them your first and last name.  

Describe your experiences  as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years]  costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.  

Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say  things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.”  “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”

When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say  YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now). 

Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.

When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the fuck up. Make yourself sound good as hell, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy. 

If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)

Questions for after the interview:

1.  Does this position offer upward mobility?

2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)

 Then, shake their hand,  Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the fuck out of it. 

AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows  that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices. 

DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone.  In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate. 

__________

 The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com  and Simplyhired.

Data Entry:

http://citystaffing.com/job/data-entry-specialistsmailroom-clerk/?utm_source=Indeed&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Indeed

https://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/chicago-il/data-entry-clerks-needed/43517752?codes=IND

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/data-entry-specialists-job/chicago-transit-authority/jepfivkhjk?cid=udsowkxtausyzitcfeecaeuzoxkltmbl

https://jobs-theprivatebank.icims.com/jobs/3435/temporary—data-entry/job?mode=job&iis=SimplyHired&iisn=SimplyHired&utm_source=simplyhired&utm_medium=jobclick&mobile=false&width=792&height=500&bga=true&needsRedirect=false&jan1offset=-360&jun1offset=-300

 Front Desk:

http://localjobs.joblur.com/jobapplication2/?jobid=99957&subaffid=300006&JobType=Food%20/%20Bev%20/%20Hosp&ix=1&c1=99957

https://jobs.ajg.com/job/-/-/109/1256110?apstr=%26src%3DJB-10280

https://pepper.hiretouch.com/job-search/job-details?jobID=32066&job=receptionist

http://accesscommunityhealth.hodesiq.com/jobs/default.aspx?JobID=5203566 (this one is close to the place you rented.)

http://ihg.taleo.net/careersection/all/jobdetail.ftl?job=R113601&lang=en&media_id=24863&src=Indeed&src=JB-10920

https://covalentcareers.com/employer/listing/86450f8517588197c9b04f5068ed4300/detail/?apply=1&ref=indeed&v=30&utm_source=indeed&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=indeed_optical

http://www.careerbuilder.com/jobseeker/jobs/jobdetails.aspx?APath=2.21.0.0.0&job_did=JHN0KY6823WBWZX21VM&showNewJDP=yes&IPath=JRKV0F

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/front-desk-receptionist-customer-service-sales-job/rosin-optical-co-inc/qaeoquzgdi?cid=ivdnhijkmxchdanahwfoupazcwisfnxt

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/receptionist-front-desk-job/all-us-jobs/fonj7wmldf?cid=trhyvmfcsgjltxkjxkemyinsjveewfjp

Other jobs you don’t need a degree for that aren’t retail:

Dental hygenist ( yeah, seriously, who knew!) They also make about 40,000 a year)

Stenographer-Court Reporter

Surveyer ( you need a certificate for this, but its something you can get while working a temporary job and doing this on the side. Also, they make like $55,000 a year sooooooo) https://sjobs.brassring.com/TGWEbHost/jobdetails.aspx?jobId=1406428&PartnerId=16023&SiteId=5118&codes=IND

Real Estate Broker

Purchasing agents, except wholesale, retail, and farm products ( basically you arrange to buy large things) they make like 60K

Claims adjuster 

Loan Officer

Subway driver (trains) they make like 60K,

A Small Guide to Journaling by Eintsein